An Accidental Mother (11 page)

We're getting into the pool, and Michael asks Elizabeth, “Have you ever heard of the
Titanic?”

Elizabeth tells him no
.

Michael says, “It was this big cruise ship that hit an
icebox,
and all the rich people who were on the top of the boat got into the life rafts and survived, but all the poor people sunk!”

Elizabeth asks, “And then what happened to them?”

Michael thinks about this for a few seconds. “Well, they drowned.”

“You mean they died?”

“Yeah,” Michael replies
.

“Oh.”

And the conversation is unexpectedly over, and they are on to the next one
.

Somewhere along the line I created a game of playing “beauty shop” with Elizabeth in order to keep her attention
long enough to comb out and style her long hair. When I pretend to be “Rebecca,” the beauty-shop owner, I find that Elizabeth is much more patient about letting me comb out her tangles. Elizabeth adores playing pretend, so it seems that each time I ask if we can fix her hair, she says, “Kate, will you play Rebecca?” I oblige her, and Elizabeth pretends she is Sleeping Beauty. I talk to her as though she is a real client, asking her what's new and how her week has been, and I pretend to write down future appointments with an imaginary pencil on my bathroom countertop. One afternoon we all climb into the car to run errands, and Elizabeth is telling Daddy about her trip to “Rebecca's beauty shop.”

Suddenly Michael pipes up, “Kate, you look a lot like Rebecca.”

This morning, as eight-year-old Michael stood before the bathroom mirror making faces, I reminded him for what felt like the thousandth time that he was supposed to be brushing his teeth. We had only five minutes before we had to leave to make it to the bus stop on time, and we still had to put on his shoes, pick out a snack, gather his homework, and prepare his backpack. I remained calm, but I asked myself, Why is this so difficult? Why can't he just do what he knows he's supposed to do? And if he can't, why can't I be more understanding? After all, who wouldn't rather
make faces in the mirror than have to brush one's teeth?

And then it hit me. Having an eight-year-old is like having an insubordinate employee. We've all had experiences either as a manager or a coworker in dealing with a fellow employee who consistently fails to adequately perform the requirements of the job.

These are the traits I would use to describe a bad employee:

Is easily distracted; can't focus on the job

Has to be told repeatedly what to do

Is argumentative

Is frequently tardy

Fails to complete assigned tasks on time

Does the job only halfway

Attempts to justify poor performance with excuses or laying blame on others

Is more concerned about what everyone else is doing (or getting) than what he or she is supposed to be doing (or getting)

I ponder the following questions: Is this normal for an eight-year old? Is it only a stage, or is he suffering from an attention deficit? If it's only a stage, is it gender specific, or will I have to prepare for the same behavior from his six-year-old sister when she turns eight? I also wonder whether a lack of consistency or effective communication on my part is exacerbating such problems. Could I be creating a future
bad employee
?