An Act of Love (20 page)

“Hey, guys!”

Owen asked, “How was New York?”

“Awesome. Except, Dad, we saw some homeless people? Sleeping on grates, you know? One guy was about my age. I gave him a dollar, but Whit says not to, they just buy booze or drugs.”

“Did you like Whit’s parents?” Linda inquired.

“Oh, man, you’ve got to meet them! They are like Mr. and Mrs. Albert Einstein. Their house is like a museum. They have more books than we do.”

Owen searched for something, anything, to keep things seeming normal until they got to the hospital. He and Linda had agreed not to discuss Emily’s accusation with him beforehand. “Did you see Alison?”

“Yeah. Twice. Her place is
extreme
. Ultramodern, like a space station. She and Whit and I and a bunch of their friends went to dinner at the Paramount. I brought you some postcards. It is such a cool place. New York is the best. So, how’s Emily?”

Cautiously, Linda said, “Well … better, I think. I guess we’ll find out in a moment, won’t we?”

Today the counseling
room seemed too small. Dr. Travis had to bring in another chair. Bruce, smelling of sunshine and fresh air, dressed in baggy sweatpants, a rugby shirt, and his J. Crew anorak, his feet enormous in sneakers, seemed to overwhelm the room with his masculinity.

Emily came in after everyone else was settled. Her face was blank in that hateful way all adolescents had of barricading themselves from adults.

“Hey, Emily,” Bruce said, easily, naturally.

Emily didn’t reply, but sank sullenly onto her chair.

Owen watched his son carefully. Bruce was relaxed and good-natured. Innocent. If he weren’t, wouldn’t he be just a little nervous?

Dr. Travis began. “Thank you for coming in, Bruce. We need your help. We’re getting to the root of Emily’s problem, and … I’ll let Emily speak.”

Emily’s eyes were dry, but as she spoke her face flushed. She looked across the room at her stepbrother with anger in her eyes. “I told them. I told Mom. I told Owen. What you did.”

Bruce had thrown himself down carelessly on his chair, bum on the edge, long legs sticking out in front, arms crossed over his chest. At Emily’s words he looked puzzled. He glanced inquiringly at Owen, at Linda. “What I did?”

“I knew you would do this!” Emily growled. She turned to Linda, face creasing. “Mom, I knew he would do this. He is such a liar.”

“Do what?” Bruce asked. He looked genuinely puzzled.

Owen said, “Emily says you raped her.”

Bruce’s head jerked back. “What? No way!” He looked at Emily. “Hey, Emily. Come on.”

“It’s true!”
Emily said vehemently. “You know it’s true. When Mom and Owen were at the writers’ conference. You came into my bedroom the first night, and you
raped
me the second night in my bed, and you
raped
me the third night in the barn.”

Bruce looked at his father. “Dad, why is she saying this stuff?”

Before Owen could speak, Emily shouted, “Because it’s true! Because you scared me and you raped me and you hurt me and I thought I could forget it but I can’t, I never
will!”

Bruce looked puzzled, then certain. “This is because of Jorge,” he said.

Emily cried, “You
shit
!
No
!”

“What about Jorge?” Owen asked.

Bruce shrugged. “You know. What Alison said.
Everyone
knows. Emily went apeshit at Jorge. Then she tried to off herself. Figure it out. If anyone raped her, he did.”

“No!” Emily said.

“That’s why you beat Jorge up?”

“Well, yeah. Because”—Bruce shrugged, looking abashed—“I mean, I heard that he’d frightened her, and I wanted him to leave her alone.”

“That’s not true!” Emily protested. “You’re lying about everything.”

“Hey, Emily, they can ask anybody at school. Casey and Merrit saw you screaming at Jorge.” Bruce looked at Owen. “Ask them. Ask Casey Mestapapoulos and Merrit Frobisher.”

“Mom, Owen, he’s lying,” Emily cried. “I mean, part of it is true. That night Jorge tried to kiss me, he just put his arms around me, and I don’t know why, I freaked. I mean, I’ve had a crush on Jorge, and I still really like him; I don’t know what happened, I
thought
I wanted him to kiss me, but when he put his arms around me I got all scared, it was like he was going to rape me like Bruce did, and I started hitting him and telling him no.” Tears spilled down her face. “It was so embarrassing. He must think I’m a retard. He’ll never talk to me again, I know it. I hate myself, I just want to die.”

“You want to die because of what happened with Jorge?” Owen asked sharply.

“No!” Emily lifted her head and confronted them all, Dr. Travis, Owen, Bruce, Linda, with her reddened, blotchy, anguished face. “I wanted to die because of what Bruce did to me. It ruins everything, it ruins Mom and Owen, it ruins the farm for me, it ruins Hedden, it ruins everything I do, everywhere I turn.
I’ve lost everything!
Don’t you see? Now when a guy I really like tries to kiss me, it only makes me scared, it makes me want to puke, all I can think of is Bruce and how he held me down, how he raped me!”

Now Bruce was as angry as Emily. “What is your
problem
? I didn’t
rape
you, and you know it. I don’t know why you’re saying this stuff, but it sure as hell just isn’t true.”

They stared at each other, enraged.

“Take your time, Emily,” Dr. Travis said.

Emily took a deep, cleansing breath. She looked directly at Bruce. “I tried to
die
. I
thought that would be the easiest for us all. But I didn’t die, and I’m not going to try again. You raped me, Bruce, and I’m not going to lie anymore. I’m telling everyone, Mom, and Owen, and I’m going to tell Zodiac and Cordelia, and
everyone
at Hedden will know …”

“You fucking psycho, don’t you dare.”

Emily’s head whipped back at the sudden venom in Bruce’s voice. Owen and Linda and even Dr. Travis recoiled in surprise.

“Bruce,” Owen said warningly.

“You just want to ruin everything for me, don’t you, you stupid bitch.”

“Bruce,”
Owen said again.

“Bruce, your language is not acceptable,” Linda told him.

Bruce glared at his stepmother. “My
language
is not
acceptable
? Emily’s trying to ruin my fucking life and you’re all worried about my
language
?” He turned to look at his father and now his calm had disappeared. His face was red, sudden tears glimmered in his eyes, and his jaw contorted as he tried to keep from crying.

A slight shadow of satisfaction crossed Emily’s face as she watched Bruce’s agitation. Bruce saw it.

“Look at her!” he said to his father. “Now she’s happy. She’s fucking with my
life
and now she’s happy.”

Emily cried, “I am
not fucking with your life
. I just want
my own life—
”

Bruce interrupted her. “You’ve always been jealous of me. Now you want to take everything away from me.” He turned to Owen. “Don’t you see, Dad? She’s just a conniving bitch. She wants to keep me from getting into Westhurst. She wants to stop Alison from liking me. She wants to stop
everyone
from liking me. Christ, Alison will freak out if she hears this shit!”

“Bruce, Bruce,” Linda said, as if calling to him across a sudden void. “Honey, why are you saying this? Why would Emily want to hurt you?”

Bruce looked at his stepmother, anguish in his eyes. “I don’t know! Maybe she’s pissed off because I never hang out with her anymore. You know, like on the farm, this summer, I think Emily and her friends …” He looked away, suddenly embarrassed.

“Had crushes on you guys?” Linda suggested.

“
Yeah
. And you know, we weren’t interested. I mean they’re all so young. Like they wanted us all to go on a picnic at the hilltop. And we wouldn’t. But we weren’t cruel
or anything. We just ignored them …”

“You are such an asshole,” Emily said.

Bruce glared at Emily. “You have always been on my case, ever since you moved to the farm. You hate it that it’s
my
farm, that you don’t have any place that’s yours. You’re like some kind of spook, following me everywhere, wanting anything that’s mine.”

“You are so sick,” Emily spat.

“Yeah, well, I went to Hedden first. Where did you go?
You
had to go to Hedden, too,
didn’t you
? I mean, did you seriously even consider going anywhere else? No. And now you can’t stand it that my friends are higher-classed than yours …”

“Oh, please,” Emily snarled.

“And I’m more popular than you, my grades are better … you just can’t stand it! You want to do some damage to me. Admit it! You want people to think you’re better than I am.”

“Oh, you’re clever, Bruce, you’re really clever,” Emily retorted. “Turning it around, making people think I’m crazy, but it won’t work, because I’m
not
crazy. They’ve tested me. I’m not nuts. I’m
angry
. And I’m a fucking survivor. You probably wished I was dead, but I’m not. I’m not going to die and I’m not going to lie any more about what you did.”

“You stupid bitch,” Bruce growled, shaking his head in disgust.

“Stop this,” Linda ordered.

Then they all were silent. Bruce’s leg jiggled frenetically. Emily tore at her thumb.

Linda looked at Dr. Travis. “What now?”

Dr. Travis cleared her throat. “Now we take a break. Give ourselves time. Emily has come a long way today. She has overcome great difficulties and accomplished a major task by confronting her rapist.”

“I didn’t rape the stupid b—”

“Bruce.” Owen’s voice was iron.

Dr. Travis continued. “This took an immense amount of strength and courage. But that doesn’t mean Emily’s through with her work yet. She’s got to confront all the emotions engendered by such a violent act. She’s got to deal with her rage and her sorrow and her sense of betrayal. She’s got to talk through her feelings. Her strong sense of
guilt.”

Owen pounced. “Wait a minute. If Bruce raped her, why does
she
feel guilt?”

Dr. Travis answered, “As I’ve said before, it’s common for rape victims to feel guilty. To feel that they caused the rape somehow. Brought it on by, perhaps, their physical attractiveness …”

“Yeah, right,” Bruce snorted.

Owen shot a look at his son.

“By her own fantasies of romance. By being weak. Just by being
there
. It’s not rational, but I assure you, it is common. Now Emily has to learn where she can find her power, power to return to the world, power to deal with men, especially power to love. To love herself, to love her family. An enormous task is before her.
Enormous
. Later perhaps she’ll be able to take part in sessions with you and one day even Bruce, but not yet. And frankly, Bruce is going to need some counseling, and the sooner he faces this, the better.”

Owen said, “In spite of everything Bruce has said, you believe Emily.”

Dr. Travis looked at him levelly. “Yes.”

“I’m out of here,” Bruce said, rising. “I don’t need to sit and listen to this shit.”

“Yes, I think it would be best if you left now,” Dr. Travis coolly agreed. “Our time is almost up.”

Owen rose. “I’ll drive you back to Hedden.” Looking at Linda, he said, “Then I’ll come back here.” A thought struck him. “Dr. Travis, again I have to remind you that I am adamant that this … this
accusation
doesn’t leave this room. If my son’s reputation is ruined, I’ll take legal action.”

“Mr. McFarland, I can assure you as I have before, no one discusses our patients outside of this ward.”

Owen looked at Emily. “And what about you, Emily? What are you saying, what will you say, to your friends?”

Emily’s face contracted into a sneer. “That’s all you care about, isn’t it, your precious son’s precious reputation. You don’t care that he raped me. You don’t care at all!” She began to cry again.

Owen held out his hands, palms up. “Emily, I do care a great deal about you. I’m terribly upset about this. I want to help you as much as I can. But at the moment I’m not sure what I can do to help. In the meantime …”

“Oh, go on,” Emily spat. “I won’t tell anyone at Hedden. I promise.” Then she cut her eyes at Bruce.
“Not yet.”

Owen looked at his wife. “I’ll drive Bruce to Hedden, then come back here, okay?”

Linda asked Dr. Travis, “Is there anything else we can do here today?”

“I don’t think so. Emily needs to rest, and to spend some time with the group in therapy. Let’s keep in touch by phone. Oh, and Linda, we have Family Group every Wednesday evening. Could you come?”

Before anyone could reply, Emily said, “I don’t want Owen to come.”

Owen and Linda looked at each other.

Linda said, “Emily, honey …”

“Forget it. I don’t want either of you to come.”

Linda said, “Emily. Look … I’ll come.” She glanced at Owen whose face was like thunder. “I’ll come alone.”

“I’m taking Bruce back to Hedden.” Owen put his hand on his son’s shoulder and ushered him out of the room. To Linda, he said, “I’ll meet you out front when I return.”