An Elderberry Fall (16 page)

“Yes, Nadine, I do; at least I did.”

Nadine shook her head. She reached over and tapped me on the hand. She raised her voice. “You are young, but don't be a damn fool!”

“I'm not a fool,” I responded. “I am in school now. I will be teaching students real soon. I'm not a fool.”

“I didn't mean you couldn't read or write. You need to take care of yourself. I know Simon will continue to be Simon.”

“Nadine, I don't understand what is wrong with Simon. Is he seeing someone else?”

“He is a man, isn't he? He ain't no different than most men. You just got here about six months ago. Do you really think he was sitting in a corner waiting for you?”

“No, but he is a good man. He has never hurt me. He is probably the best man I've ever seen.”

“Even the best men can go astray. Everybody needs a little loving. Simon is like my ole man. When he sees something that looks tasteful, he will pursue it. That is how we first got together.”

I listened with ears as big as an elephant; the word
together
bothered me.

“I was minding my own business at the bar where your Ms. Pearl
works, when Simon came over to me. He approached me with a very wide smile, one that covered his entire face. Simon grabbed my hand, and told me he needed company, wanted someone to talk to; so I sat down.”

“I thought you were happy with your ole man. Why would you be in a night spot without him?”

“You asked me a question, and now you don't want me to answer.”

“Nadine, I just want the truth.”

“Okay, he asked me to have a drink with 'em, and I did. A woman came by and rolled a cold eye at me. I just knew she was his woman, but he denied it, said I had seen something different. And yes, I was with Jessie, but he was off on another one of his trips.” She peered over at me. “You know a woman needs company too.”

“He is my husband, Nadine!”

“I didn't know about you. I didn't think he had anybody. I saw one woman come out of his place the entire year he lived alone, before you came.”

“What woman? What did she look like?”

“Listen to me, Carrie. You appear to be a naïve, country girl type.”

“I am not naïve.”

“You need to know that whatever he does in the dark will come to light. Just wait and see.”

“Have you seen him in the last week?”

“No, I have not.”

I couldn't help feeling Nadine had been naïve too. The seriousness in her eyes indicated she had been fooled once. I knew she wouldn't be fooled the second time around.

“I ain't seen nobody across the street. You ain't been there neither.”

“I thought maybe Simon had been home. I'm in school.”

“So I take it, the little boy taking your books is in school with you. You are a bold girl, Carrie.”

“Nadine, that man is a friend. Simon is whom I love.”

“Most women don't realize men are like us. They need attention and someone to tell their secrets to. Maybe you are more like Simon than you think.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I think sooner or later, you are going to get tired of being the good little girl at home waiting for her husband to make it big in the Colored League. You will start to live yo' own life. That's why I'm sort of glad my ole man left. He wanted me to live in seclusion and wait for him to return home, after he'd been chasing coat tails all day long. A friend told me he is always at the station waiting for some pretty girl he can charm.”

I shook my head. “Why do you have to turn things around?”

“Did I hit a nerve, Carrie?”

“You just seem so detached from what I was trying to ask you.”

Nadine cleared her throat, “Simon is a man. If he had a woman in the house before you came, it wouldn't change nothing. All I'm sayin' is, you should not be no fool. How hard is that to understand? You a grown woman with a child; now act like it.”

I walked out feeling more confused than when I came.

I
tossed and turned all night waiting for Simon to show up. I kept watching for the door knob to turn, anticipating him walking through the front door. Robert could sense my tension. He whimpered one time before rolling back over, closing his eyes and falling back to sleep. I silently waited as the stars came out and danced across the sky, and the moon ascended in the heavens shining bright through my bedroom window, and although I must have fallen to sleep, I still remembered when the sun came out and lightened up the sky. About two a.m., I woke up, and went into the kitchen. I searched the cupboard for the wine Simon had brought home, given to him by an old lady from our hometown. Elsberry wine was not my favorite, but anything to help me sleep. It was the nastiest-tasting drink I'd ever tasted, yet when I finished the last half of the glass, my eyes had begun to hang heavy and off to sleep I went.

I waited to hear from my husband all weekend long, but there were no signs of him. I didn't receive a letter either. So, I packed my clothes and got ready to return to school. I forced myself to only think about making my grades and doing my little job cleaning and washing, which allowed me to stay in the rooming house for free. Simon was not around, but everything in the house was paid
for. I tried to dismiss my thoughts about my husband, and focus on something else, but him missing from home, yet seen around by others, had my nerves rattled and my mind perplexed.

The weeks flew by.

Robert seemed to be very comfortable with the Halls. Simon was his father, but Robert would never know him if he was always off chasing dreams. Now I was doing the same thing.

One morning, I got Robert dressed for his trip downstairs, dressing him in the baby-blue sleeper Momma had knitted. He was so cute, almost like the doll baby Momma made me as a child. I didn't want to go back to school without telling Simon about my new life as a student. I never was a good liar, and always felt bad when I stayed after school with Simon and let him kiss me and rub me, but never on my private parts. It was disgraceful for a girl to lie, but for Simon, I'd do anything. Now, I wasn't sure how he would handle it, or how he would feel about it all, but I had to come clean. I didn't want any secrets between us, although from the mouths of the neighborhood, he was holding them from me.

When we got down to Mrs. Hall's apartment, she was cooking for her husband. He was smiling from ear to ear and staring at her like a dog in heat. As much as they stuck out in the neighborhood, they had a different relationship than many couples. It was as if the forbidden fruit was more tasty. He loved her and whatever she desired, he honored. On the stove were beans and cornbread. And no matter how it tasted, he would say it was the best in town. Everybody knew white women couldn't cook. Mrs. Hall was nice, though, down to the core. She forced me to look at color from a new perspective. Before meeting Mrs. Hall and her starry blue eyes, I felt any white person around was a monster, except for Mrs. Gaines, whom I often wondered about.

“You ready to get back to school so soon?”

“Yes, ma'am. The holiday will be coming quickly and I will be home for a few weeks.”

“Well, we will take good care of our little boy. Having Robert has been a joy for us. He keeps us young and he is such a smart child. Do you know he is trying to walk?”

“No, ma'am, he didn't do anything for me.”

“Did you put him down on the floor?”

“No, I was so glad to be home with Robert, I let him wrap his tiny legs around my waist and I toted him around the house the entire time. You think he will walk for me now?”

“You've got to be patient with him. He will do it when he thinks no one is looking.”

“He's a typical man. They do more when no one is looking.”

It was that moment I thought about my husband. He had not been around for weeks, yet everybody had seen him. It had me thinking.

Before I left, we tried to get Robert to walk, but all he did was sit on the floor, then get on his knees and crawl toward Mr. Hall. When Mr. Hall reached down to pick him up, a smile spread across his little face. They were good to my boy. Just seeing the smile on his face eased the fears I had about leaving him behind.

“It is about time for you to get going.”

“I guess I will get to the station.”

“Wipe that look off your face. You know, you will be home in no time.”

“I feel so guilty.”

“Now, don't start that again. Everybody want to do better for themselves. You've got a little boy to raise.”

As always, Robert and Mrs. Hall stood in the doorway and watched me until I was out of sight. I walked through the neighborhood
past the corner store and then two blocks over right past the nightclub where Ms. Pearl worked. I wanted to look in. However, it was too early for the all-night-ramblers.

I didn't stop at Adam Murphy's as I had in the past. I didn't want to lead him on. He liked me and I had a certain feeling about him. With Simon's absence, I could envision our relationship growing to a level that was not good for me.

The train was virtually empty in the colored section. There were only a few people riding on Monday morning. The short trip to Petersburg was soothing. I had learned how to close my eyes and take a nap, like the others on board.

“Petersburg!” the conductor yelled.

I had with me a bag of clean clothes and I had made some biscuits to keep in my room in case I got hungry. I had lost a few pounds since I had been going to school. At night, after washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen in the boarding house, I would be hungry. A buttered biscuit would have been a perfect supplement for the late-night studying.

I looked for Jessie, Nadine's man, when I stepped off the train. He was there, but staring at the distant sun. He waved at me and walked my way. I stood there waiting to hear from him as if he meant something to me.

“Good morning! Where is your friend?”

“He goes to another school.”

“Oh, so is he your friend?” He chuckled.

“No, we are fellow students and the time you saw him, he was helping me orient myself to the school.”

“Wonder if Simon knows about him.”

“I hope they will be friends.”

“Do Simon know the other fellow is escorting you around Petersburg?”

“We are only friends. There is nothing for him to know.”

With each comment, I was getting more nervous. Jessie had me rattled.

“I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I have not done anything wrong.”

“Yet,” he interjected.

“I am a married woman, Jessie.”

“I know that.”

“Look, I really need to go.”

“I'm here if you need a real man.”

I gazed at him, and glanced away. He was a bold man without any reservations. When he looked at me, his eyes took a trip from my face to my feet. It was an inappropriate stare, much like the one from Mr. Camm. I didn't like it, even though he wore his porter's uniform well.

After I got unpacked and settled at the boarding house, the lady of the house knocked on my door.

“Carrie, can I come in?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

She entered the room for the first time since I'd moved in. She glanced around the room, and then complimented me. “You keep your room so neat. Is that your roommates' stuff over there?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

I didn't know why she was visiting me, and I wondered what I had done. She sat down at the desk in the room.

“You had a visitor while you were gone.”

I didn't say anything. I couldn't figure out why I would have a visitor at the boarding house; only a few people knew I was in Petersburg.

“Who was it?”

“It was a fellow.”

Adam didn't tell me he was coming to town,
I thought.

“Did he leave a message?”

“No, but he is back. He is downstairs waiting to see you.”

“Okay.”

“Now this time I will let you receive this visitor, but you must tell him you only can receive visitors on Saturday and Sunday evenings. The rest of the time is for studying. Y'all colored girls have got to be the best to teach. We don't need the interruptions of our studies started by any young men.”

“I am sorry.”

“Don't be,” she replied, standing. “Just make sure it is clear to your visitor. You can see him for a few minutes. You can even go out with him, as long as you are back before eight o'clock this evening.”

“I will. Thank you.”

She walked over to me, and tapped my shoulder. “You are on your way up, and distractions are everywhere.”

“Yes, ma'am,” I said and walked out behind her. We went downstairs to the parlor. When she opened the door, my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

“Hi, Carrie!” he said, and stood up. The dimness of the room revealed a silhouette that had been missing for weeks.