An Illusion of Trust (Sequel to The Brevity of Roses) (23 page)

Adam looks to me for permission and I nod. "I'll go see Jennie." I'm one step toward the doors to the dining room before Eduardo stops me.

"She's at home today," he says. "Her back again."

"Oh. I'll get the ice cream, then." Eduardo goes back to food prep while I get Adam in the booster and Mia Grace in the highchair kept in the kitchen for our visits. "Who's out front?"

"Our part-time girl, and I'm out there and in here, wherever I'm needed most."

Alberto, who's Eduardo's youngest brother by twenty years, speaks up. "Connie would be happy to fill-in for Jennie."

"I'm working on that, Al." Eduardo gives me a quick glance, but I know enough not to say anything. Jennie says Alberto's wife is too bossy. I've only met her a few times, but she didn't seem any bossier than Jennie. In my opinion, fear that her sister-in-law will do the job
too
well is the real reason Jennie doesn't want her to work here. Poor Eduardo is caught in the middle.

"Jennie needs to see that specialist," I tell him.

Eduardo smiles sadly. "I'm working on that too."

"Finish up, Adam." I spoon one last bite of ice cream into Mia Grace's mouth and wet a cloth to clean their hands and faces and the table. "Let's go see Granny now."

"Hey," Eduardo says, "tell that husband of yours he'd better not come to town again and forget to stop by and say hello."

"When did he do that?"

"Last Thursday afternoon. I was driving back from Blue Point when he turned off Friar onto the highway and flew right past me. Jennie said he didn't come in here."

"You must have been seeing things, Eduardo. Jalal was downtown in Coelho all Thursday afternoon trying to find out if there's anything we can do about the increase in coyote activity."

"Oh. Well then … I guess I saw someone else with a car like his."

"I guess so."

As I expected, Jennie's not in bed. She's doing laundry. "Shouldn't you be lying down?" I ask her.

"Hel-eck no. I'd lose my mind. Come give your Granny a kiss, Adam."

Because I'd warned him about Jennie's back he holds back, looking up at me.

"Oh Renee, you've scared him."

"It's okay," I tell him, "but Granny can't lift you today, so she's going to sit down and then you can kiss her."

Jennie sighs, but she walks to the couch and eases herself down. "It really only bothers me when I stand too long," she says as she gathers Adam and Mia Grace to her.

"I'm making you an appointment with that Dr. Shepherd in L.A. You need surgery."

"I don't want surgery, and besides he's way too expensive."

"Don't be ridiculous, Jalal's money can be used for good, finally."

"What's that mean?"

"Adam, don't jump on the couch beside Granny."

"He's all right. Answer my question. How has Jalal been spending money badly?"

I shake my head, wishing I hadn't started this. "He's not. Forget it. I don't know why I said that." She says nothing, but the look she gives me says this conversation isn't over until she says it is. "Really, Jennie. I don't know
how
he spends his money. But I know he can easily pay to get rid of your pain, so I'm making an appointment for a consultation."

"Is this something you don't want to talk about in front of the kids?"

"Geez. It's nothing. I told you, I don't even know why I said anything."

"Maybe it was a subconscious thing."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Jennie, I have nothing to do with Jalal's finances. I don't know what he does with his money unless it directly involves me or the kids. I don't even know how much money he has. Okay?"

Jennie smiles. "So that's the problem."

I just stare at her.

"Why do you never say
our
money? It's always
Jalal's
money."

"Because it
is
his money."

Jennie says nothing, but she's chastising me all the same.

"We have a joint account, of course. I can spend as much as I need."

"And yet," she says, "you resent that arrangement."

"Oh my god, Jennie, of course I don't resent him." Him?

She leans forward and pats my hand. "It's hard giving up control, honey. Believe me, I know. That's what kept me from marrying Eduardo for so long. But you've been married three years. Why is this bothering you so much now?"

I shrug because I don't understand it myself. I really have no idea why I brought up the subject. I've always been frustrated that Jalal manages our finances, even though he's the logical choice, but I've never resented him for it. How can I resent him for anything? I have everything I need, plus a whole lot more crap than I even want.

Jennie's gasp snaps me to attention. Adam fell against her. I snatch him off the couch and set him on his feet. Jennie grabs the remote and clicks the TV on to Nick Jr., preventing a meltdown. In seconds, he's sitting on the floor engrossed in a
Max and Ruby
episode.

"You're going to make them afraid of me," she says.

"Then get the surgery, so they don't have to be careful."

She shakes her head. A moment later she says, "Make the appointment."

After the tense beginning, I had a good visit with Jennie. I'm excited to get home and tell Jalal to call in whatever favors necessary to get her in to see that spinal surgeon soon, but first, because Aza's out of town, I have to swing by the high school to pick up Kristen.

She starts talking before she even buckles her seat belt. "Will you please talk to Mom about buying me a car? I
need
one. I'm sick of asking to borrow hers, which I don't even like. It's so not cool. I mean, it's such an obvious mom car—or
grandmother
car. How much does a Jeep like this cost? Would you mind if I got a pink one too? Should I ask Uncle J to talk to her now, or wait to see what she says to you?"

"Hello, Kristen. Breathe much?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry." She laughs and turns around to say hello to the kids. "Anyway, will you talk to Mom?"

"Yes. And if I can't convince her of this dire need, your uncle will."

It takes me a second to register what I'm seeing when we pull up to the house. Diane is walking to her car. My foot taps the brake pedal before I realize I'm not going to stop and acknowledge her presence.

"What's
she
doing here?" Kristen says, echoing my thought. "She knows Mom won't be back until Friday."

I pull into the garage, wondering at what point on our way up the drive Kristen noticed Diane. Did she see her walking away from the front door—and Jalal closing it behind her?

Kristen bolts from the car and heads back out toward Diane. "Mom's still in Houston," she says.

I don't listen any further. I'm trying to figure out what to say to Jalal.

A minute later, Kristen comes back into the garage and helps me get the kids in the house. "You want me to take them upstairs with me to have a snack or something?"

I search her eyes. Is this an innocent question or does she know Diane was in our house—alone with Jalal? "Sure. Thanks."

She takes Mia Grace from me and says, "Diane said she just wanted to talk to Uncle J about doing another lecture. In case you wondered."

In case I want to see if Jalal's story matches Diane's, she means. Unfortunately, Kristen is no fool when it comes to deception. "I'll let you know when to bring the kids down," I tell her. She takes them up her back steps and I enter our kitchen. As if they called out to me, my eyes go directly to the two empty wine glasses on the counter. My hand shakes as I pick them up and search for Diane's vamp red lipstick print. It's not there, and when I sniff the scent of the shiraz we finished off last night, I concede that these glasses are not evidence.

I've just set down the glasses when Jalal enters from the hall. With a glance, his smile fades. "Where are the kids?"

"Having a snack with Kristen."

"I missed you," he says and kisses me.

"Well, at least you had company to distract you."

"Diane was here for about ten minutes."

"Why?"

"She wants me to speak to another of her classes."

"Are you going to?"

He reaches into the fridge and pulls out a bottle of Pellegrino, pours two glasses, and then hands one to me. "Probably not. What do you want for dinner?"

"I don't care."

"Pizza. In or out?"

"The kids have been gone all day, they'd probably rather stay home."

He smiles. "The kids? Or did Mama wear herself out waiting tables?"

"Oh. That's what I wanted to tell you. Jennie stayed home today in pain. We said hello to Eduardo and then went to their house for the rest of the time. She's agreed to see the specialist, so you need to pull strings and get her an appointment."

"I will get started on that first thing in the morning. Can I get the kids now?"

I nod, but he's already heading toward the door.

In four hours, the kids will wake, and a new day will begin. Jalal is dead to the world. We used to share the curse of insomnia. Now only I lie here tortured by dark thoughts. On the worst nights, with exhaustion picking at the seams of sanity, I imagine myself erased from the picture. Then, reasons my despair, Jalal could move up to Seattle with the kids and they would merge into the Vaziri community, nourished and loved. I'm no longer needed. I've fulfilled my purpose.

I roll to my side and study his profile in the moonlight. I don't belong in his world. Meredith is not the ghost here, I am. Jalal knows that. He's moving away from me, even if he's not yet conscious of it. He will succumb, if not to Diane, then to another woman like her—a woman worthy to share his life. I hold my palm above his face, his breath warming it. He murmurs, a sigh. He senses my presence. Am I in his dream?

As if in answer, another sigh drifts from the monitor. Adam? Mia Grace? My angels. The silk beneath my cheek grows damp. Please. Please. Please what?

J
alal pours another cup of tea. "Are you going to Bahía today?"

"No," I say, "I told you Mia Grace has a well-baby checkup after lunch."

He nods. "I expect Hank's lunch meeting will drag on for a while, so I think we will drive on over to the school and take Jason and Ryan out for an early dinner."

"And Hank wants you at this meeting, why?"

"To evaluate the investment potential."

"These people … what's the company name?"

He takes a drink of his tea, and then looks at his watch. "Mondo-something. Or Montro …"

"They just tell you about it over lunch? Don't they have … I don't know, spreadsheets or flow charts or a PowerPoint presentation?"

"Well … yes, of course they do. Hank's already seen all that." Jalal stands abruptly, carries his cup to the sink and dumps the rest of his tea. "He thinks we might get more candid information discussing it in a casual setting, though."

"It's worth the price of a lunch."

"Exactly." He looks at his watch again, and then walks over to the playroom to kiss the kids goodbye. "Be good for Mama." He comes back to me and pulls me up from my chair to kiss me. "If they need to go to bed before I get back, call me so I can say goodnight to them."

"Say hello to Ryan and Jason for me."

"Certainly."

As soon as he leaves the kitchen, I reach for my phone to call Judith. Before I can dial, the door opens again.

"I forgot to tell you," he says, "Hank wants to keep this from Judith until he decides whether to invest." I open my mouth to ask why, but he cuts me off. "I have no idea why. He said not to ask."

"Okay."

He shuts the door and I lay my phone back on the table. This much I know about Jalal, he's not a good liar. He would have researched everything he could about this company the second Hank mentioned it to him, so there's no way he wouldn't know the company name. Bottom line? He's not going to San Luis Obispo to check on an investment deal for Hank. So what's this trip really about? A secret trip—and maybe not the first one. Maybe I was too quick to dismiss Eduardo's sighting of Jalal in Bahía.

The kids are still quiet, so I sit down with another cup of coffee to think. A second later Aza raps on the back door and then enters. "You were out in the garden already this morning?"

"Yes. Weeding never ends." She takes a mug from the cupboard.

"There's coffee or Jalal left some tea, I think." She checks the teapot, but then fills her cup with coffee and sits down at the table with me.

"Is Paul here?"

She shakes her head. "He left before Kristen got up."

I smile. "Why don't you two get married so you can quit pretending you're hiding something from Kristen?"

"That's what Paul says, but I'm worried we're moving too fast."

"You've been together for almost a year."

"I knew Sam for two years before we married."

"Are you worried Paul's keeping a secret like Sam did?"

"No." Aza stares into her cup for a moment, and then looks up at me. "I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

"You're not stupid. It's smart to think it through. Jalal and I jumped right in the deep end. So, I guess you're busy with Diane today?"

"No. She's not even in town."

I could swear my heart sped up before my brain registered Aza's words. "Where is she?"

"She's visiting a friend somewhere over on the coast."

"She didn't say who? Or where?"

"Actually, she sounded deliberately vague, so I didn't press her for details. Maybe it was no one. She does that sometimes, goes off by herself."

But that's just it,
is
she by herself? Deliberately vague. Like Jalal. What might I find if I drove to the Bahía house today?

Aza carries her cup to the sink, rinses it, and puts it in the dishwasher. "I'm free, if you want to go to the zoo or something."

Her voice dropped to a whisper on the word zoo, but apparently
Sesame Street
can't drown out the magic word. Adam jumps to his feet and runs into the kitchen crying, "Zoo, zoo, zoo."

"Well," I say, "I guess our morning plans are set."

The air is chilly this morning, so as soon as we visit the elephants, the monkeys, and the tigers, Aza and I take the kids to the dinosaur dig where we can sit in the sun while they hunt for bones. Only two other children are here, so it's easy to keep an eye on Adam, and Mia Grace is content squishing her chubby fingers in the sand in front of our bench. We might be able to talk without being interrupted every ten seconds.