An Improper Situation (Sanborn-Malloy Historical Romance Series, Book One) (19 page)

When she returned to earth, her body calming for the second time, he was holding her in his strong arms, her head pillowed on his expansive chest. She felt him kiss the top of her head gently as she drifted in to blackness
.

Her eyes still closed, Charlotte stretched her hand out to touch Reed as she had done more than once in the night. He was gone. Hearing the children outside, playing in the yard, she stretched and smiled and felt . . . tender . . . all over. Except her toes. She wiggled them. Nope, not sore. She listened for Reed’s voice.

Creeping downstairs, feeling a little embarrassed, a little awkward, especially when she saw her green satin shoes lined up neatly in the front hall, she started to heat water for a bath. Still no Reed. Ten minutes later, she sank into a hot bath with relief. But Charlotte didn’t linger too long.

Washing away the traces of their night diminished none of the memory burned into her brain.
It had been a wonderful night.
She looked at her naked reflection in her grandmother’s mirror.
And I don’t regret it for a moment. I am an unrepentant sinner.
Her body looked different to her this morning as she considered it through Reed’s eyes—a thing of beauty and pleasure.

“
I don’t believe he finds Mrs. Belgrave so,” she told her reflection.

She dressed with care in her best day frock and made her way down the stairs once again. Her office, empty. Parlor, empty. She proceeded to the dining room and the kitchen in turn, both empty. Then she went outside, only to learn from Lily that Reed had come downstairs full chisel and pulled foot for the stables. That was nearly an hour earlier.

He’d gone straight to town.
To
Helen Belgrave
, her mind concluded. Charlotte felt a slight sickness in her stomach. He’d gone straight from her bed to his fiancée without even a good-bye. Had he taken his possessions already? She turned hurriedly toward the house.

“
Aunt Charlotte,” Lily’s voice stopped her, “wasn’t his friend beautiful?”

She nodded and tried to smile normally. Then Thomas piped up, borrowing Lily’s word from the night before,
“A pincess.”

“
That’s
princess
, Thomas, with an ‘r.’ Have you had your breakfast?” Charlotte asked, wondering if her voice sounded as strained as she felt.

They had, so she was free to run upstairs and check his room. Astoundingly, his belongings were still there. So he
was
coming back.

She cursed herself for being a silly romantic, but couldn’t deny she was relieved that he had not just ridden out of her life for good. Though it wouldn’t be any less than she deserved if he had. She had behaved outrageously, like an adventuress from one of Denver’s infamous brothels.

Charlotte stood a moment at the top of the stairs.
What to do? How to pass the time until he returned?
While she made tea, she cut a thick slice of bread and buttered it absently.

Let me love you,
he’d said. Perhaps he’d meant more than the physical act. Perhaps he hadn’t. Reed had wanted her beyond reason, past the ability to stop. He didn’t feel that way about Helen Belgrave or he would have spent the night with her.

But it was hard to hold on to that belief as she sat in the dining room listening to the clock ticking, trying to quell the uneasy feelings inside her—the guilt mixed with happiness mixed with wonder mixed with sadness.

So much for no regret,
she thought. And then there was the nagging fear that what they’d done would have long-reaching effects; she hadn’t even considered contraception, but then, it seemed, neither had he.

And thus she waited, stirring her now cold tea, unable to think about working, unable to stop thinking about their night together. Her ears strained at every noise, waiting to hear the sound of his horse’s hooves. And finally, it came.

She heard Reed greet the children and she got to her feet. She heard him on the back steps and then coming along the passageway, and she sat down again. Then he halted at her study, obviously looking for her, and, finally, he appeared at the dining room doorway.

“
Hello,” he said, sounding normal, yet he stood there hesitantly and said nothing else. For her part, Charlotte found she’d lost her voice at the sight of him.

“
May I come in?”

She must have nodded for he came in the room slowly and sat across from her.

“Reed.”

“
Charlotte.”

They both spoke at once. He smiled at her. She blushed at their first prolonged eye contact, and her skin seemed to prickle in every spot that he’d touched or kissed. She set down her spoon.

“I know that you have a life far from my homestead,” she began slowly, “a life to which you must return. I knew you would, sooner or later. Return to your life, that is.” She knew she was beginning to babble and stopped herself, trying hard to focus on the important issue at hand.

She’d reached a decision. She’d had all morning to consider and to reconsider as she’d sat waiting for Reed. Perhaps her choice had been determined by the fear she’d felt at the dance when she thought someone had come by train to take Thomas and Lily away.

Perhaps she’d made her choice even sooner but had been too scared to admit it. In any case, Charlotte knew that, with some alteration to her life, she could become an adequate mother figure.

“
I’ve decided to go whole hog and keep the children. Thomas and Lily may stay with me. Your duty is done as executor of my cousin’s will. You can go.” It came out all in a rush and sounded imperious even to her own ears, but once said, she took a steadying sip of lukewarm tea.

Reed stared at her.
“Do you honestly want the children or are you just saying that to get rid of me?”

What an odd question, she thought. Why would
she
want to get rid of
him
? Then she realized he was smiling. She took a deep breath and relaxed.

“
I have come to love my cousin’s children and I will give them a good home.” As it turned out, her love had come as easily as breathing—both for Thomas and Lily . . . and for Reed.

“
I’m glad you feel that way, Charlotte.” However, he didn’t sound as she’d thought he would. This meant the end of his business here. He could return to Boston, knowing he’d fulfilled his commitment to Ann Connors. “I believe you and the children are good for each other. If you raise them to be anything like yourself, then you’ll be doing just fine.”

She nodded, accepting the compliment and acknowledging that she would enjoy having a purpose to living, other than her writing. But inside, her heart ached a little, knowing nothing would be the same when it was just the three of them. She
could
live without Reed Malloy—clearly, she would have to. And the sooner she started, the better.

“
I went to town this morning. I didn’t want to wake you,” Reed continued, his voice lowering.

Even so, she looked nervously over her shoulder, fearing that Lily or Thomas might hear him.

“I went to see John . . . and Helen.”

Charlotte abruptly pushed her chair away from the table, knocking over what was left of her tea as she did.
It was all too civilized.
First, discussing the children as if they were livestock instead of people. And now, chatting about his fiancée when he had just deflowered Charlotte and given her the most incredible night of her life. She wasn’t worldly by half to handle this. 

“
I’ll get a towel,” she pronounced over her shoulder as she dashed out of the room.

“
Charlotte,” he called out after her, but she was practically running. The tea stain be damned, she thought, and kept on going, down the hall and out the back door. She didn’t slow her pace until she was out of the yard and heading across the adjoining field of wildflowers.

It struck her that she’d done exactly what Reed had told her to do—shed her wallflower façade and experience a little more out of life. But at what cost?

She heard him call her name again and knew he was coming after her. She also knew it was useless. She didn’t want to face what she had done last night . . . willingly . . . more than once. And she didn’t want Reed to tell her whatever he’d discussed with his fiancée that morning.

He was close behind her now, and with the sun on her face and her lungs gasping, she simply stopped and stood completely still except for the rising and falling of her chest.

“Charlotte,” he said. She didn’t turn completely, but she could tell he was out of breath, too, by the way he was bent over with his hands on his knees. She wanted to touch him and say, “You’re it, Mr. Malloy.” But this was no game.

When he reached out to touch her, she let him. But as soon as Reed’s fingers closed on her arm, she felt her body react. A simple touch and she wanted to kiss him. She jerked her arm free.

“What? Do I have to hear about your morning trot into town to be with Helen Belgrave? I hope you took your fiancée to Mrs. Cassidy’s. It’s the best breakfast in town. And I hope she choked on her eggs.”

“
She’s gone.”

“
I thought I could handle one night with you and the good Lord knows what you think of me now! What kind of woman does what I did, knowing there is no future for us? Or maybe that’s normal for some women of your acquaintance and you expected it. But it’s not normal for me, and it’s certainly not customary for me to meet a man’s fiancée and then let him in my bed, but I—”

“
I said she’s gone.” His voice was quiet, but this time she heard him. She stopped mid-sentence with her mouth open. His words made no sense.

“
What do you mean ‘gone’? Mrs. Belgrave has gone? Your fiancée comes all the way across the country, filled with worry for you—”

“
I thought you wanted her to choke on her eggs.”

Was he finding amusement in all this?

“You sent her away after one night! And you didn’t even spend the night with her. If you were my fiancé, I would not put up with it. Not with your flirting with idiot girls in the country, nor dancing with them, not to mention kissing and bedding them. And as for your going off for weeks and then sending me packing, why if I was your fiancée—”

“
If
you
were my fiancée, you would not have to worry about my going off for weeks or dallying with other women. Because I would be right beside you, like this.” He took her in his arms and pulled her close.

“
And I would not be kissing anyone but you, like this.” With his hand on her chin, he tilted her head slightly, taking her mouth under his with a firm pressure, before tugging on her lower lip with his teeth.

Unable to stop the moan that escaped her, Charlotte responded without even considering the matter. She had no conscience, no morals, no shame, she thought. Then Reed’s gentle laugh invaded her senses, and she pushed him away, wearing an indignant expression on her face and gasping for the air that her lungs needed.

“Oh, beautiful Charlotte, I’m not laughing at you,” he promised. “I’m simply delighted . . . and deeply honored that I was the one to discover what’s underneath the aloofness you project to the world.” He reached for her again.

“
You are such a warm, vivacious woman who flares up at my touch and inflames my own passions. All I want to do now is lay you down on the grass, pull your dress up around your waist, spread your silken thighs and—”

“
Stop, Reed, please.” She was beet red from her toes to the roots of her hair. “What about Mrs. Belgrave?” Charlotte hated to bring her up again, especially since the woman’s name was as ice water on a blazing fire. Reed shrugged and dropped his from her arm.

“
Helen and I will talk more later. And besides, she’s not my fiancée.”

Charlotte’s mouth was open again. The infernal man had her head spinning.

“Not your fiancée?”

“
Not really.”

“
How is someone
not really
your fiancée?”

“
No formal engagement was ever made,” he admitted. “I’ve never asked for her hand. I tried to explain to you last night, first at the dance and then on your porch. She and I had an understanding.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“
At least, I thought we did, though it is becoming increasingly less understandable by the moment. I told her last night at the hotel that she shouldn’t have come and that our arrangement was over.”

She blinked up at him.
Last night
. Charlotte made a mental note that she had not gone to bed with a betrothed man, even though she hadn’t known that at the time.

“
This morning, we talked,” he said hesitantly and Charlotte couldn’t believe that conversation transpired without heartbreak and hullabaloo. “In the end, I put her on the train to St. Louis; Helen has a sister there whom she intends to visit on the way home.”