An Indecent Longing (17 page)

Was it weird that that was one of the things she liked about him?

Probably.

Definitely.

Nodding, she looked at Ben, who flashed her a smile. “Then let’s go. It’s late and we could all use some sleep.”

He turned and headed for the door, and when she glanced at Ian again, he nodded, indicating she follow Ben. Leaving Ian to watch her back.

She felt safe. Taken care of. And she was headed back to their home.

Which you ran from earlier tonight.

Yeah, probably best not to think about that now or that panic attack she’d managed to stave off earlier would make a return.

Ben and Ian hustled her through the lobby, to the raised eyebrows of the night guard. She didn’t care what he thought of her, didn’t care if he judged her. But she did worry that he might call her father.

So she made sure to smile as she passed and made sure her smile included him in her sly secret.

Ian walked with them to Ben’s car and made sure Ben had started the car and pulled away from the curb before he moved toward his.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, hoping she wasn’t making a horrible mistake.

Ben was beginning to believe this was the worst mistake he’d ever made.

What had made him think that bringing her back to their place was a good idea?

And even if it was, what the fuck were they going to do with her now?

Of course, his dick wanted her back in bed. Either his or Ian’s, didn’t matter.

His head… Well, he’d started to think maybe pushing Ian into bed with Dorrie hadn’t been one of his better ideas.

Then again…he couldn’t wait to get her back in bed. Which probably wouldn’t happen tonight. This morning. Whatever.

They could all do with a few hours of sleep to clear their heads.

But, damn. He couldn’t help but think about how much better he’d sleep if he was wrapped around her.

Dorrie spent most of the drive back to their place staring out the side window, her face scrunched in a frown. After he parked in the garage, he hustled her back into the house, hearing Ian’s garage door open just as they reached the house.

“You want something to drink?”

She shook her head. “I think…I’m really tired. I think I’d just like to get some sleep.”

“No problem. Come on, I’ll show you.”

“I hate kicking you out of your bed.”

Then don’t
almost slipped out of his mouth but he managed to rein it in. “It’s not a problem.”

“What’s not a problem?”

Ian strode through the door, his attention immediately zoning in on Dorrie.

“I told her I’ll take her up to my bed.”

Ian looked like he wanted to argue but his jaw clenched and he nodded. “It’s been a long day. We can all do with some downtime.”

Since Ben was watching her so closely, he thought for sure he saw disappointment flash across her face. Which made him have to force back a grin.

Apparently she didn’t want to sleep alone. Nice to know. But he wouldn’t push her. Not tonight. Especially not with the fatigue he saw in her eyes.

So he took her back upstairs, past Ian’s room, and up the second flight to his floor.

His suite was completely open except for the bathroom at the back. Everyone had their own demons. Ben’s happened to be walls, something only Ian knew and understood.

“If you need anything, you know where to find Ian, and I’ll be in the living room.”

Ben put her bags on the floor by his bed then waited for her to nod before he turned and headed for the stairs.

“Ben.”

He turned at her voice.

“Thank you.”

Before he could say anything, she leaned in and kissed him. No tongue but enough heat to sear his guts. When she pulled back seconds later, he had to rein in his response to grab her, lay her out on his bed, and crawl on top of her.

So he smiled and backed toward the door. “No problem.”

He left before he decided to stay.

“She okay?”

Ian’s gruff voice came from the office so Ben adjusted course and headed for the room off the kitchen they’d designated for work.

Ian sat at his desk, sprawled back in his chair, one hand in his hair.

His cousin looked beat. Ben knew Ian wouldn’t be able to sleep unless Ben agreed to keep watch. And since he’d just had a huge jolt of adrenaline…

“She’s fine. You look like shit. Why don’t you go get some sleep? I’ll take the first shift. Give me some time to do some research.”

Ian nodded, amazingly not giving Ben a hassle. Which meant he must have been exhausted.

“They were definitely after her, weren’t they?”

Ben sank into his office chair across from Ian. “Yeah, no doubt in my mind.”

“It’s gotta have something to do with Antonoff.”

Ian sounded disgusted and resigned. A dangerous combination. But he wasn’t wrong.

“And if we start poking around that bear, this is gonna get scary fast.”

Ian’s gaze turned hard and bitter. “I’m not afraid of Antonoff.”

Ben refrained from rolling his eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying and you know it. But think about it. We start nosing around in his business, we’re gonna be the ones in need of protection. And Dorrie’s going to be caught in the middle.”

And not in a good way, Ben wanted to add. But he wasn’t stupid enough to say it out loud.

“So what do you suggest?” Ian shook his head. “Because, yeah, I’m probably not the best one to make decisions about this.”

Well, damn. Look at that. Ian being rational about anything to do with Antonoff. Amazing.

“I suggest we talk to Blank, fill him in on what’s going on.”

“And have him run back to Antonoff?”

“We can’t control what he does but he is her personal bodyguard. He’s gonna be pissed off if we don’t fill him in.”

“I don’t give a shit about that. I just want—”

Ian stopped, as if aware he was about to confess something he didn’t want to reveal. But Ben was sick of waiting until Ian was damn good and ready to talk. Hell, for the year since Ian had left the service, Ben had walked on eggshells around Ian, worried about what might set him off.

His cousin had been so tightly wound for so long, Ben had begun to think it might be Ian’s new normal. And that didn’t sit well with Ben.

“What do you want?” Ben prompted. “Jesus, Ian. Just say something, for chrissake. I’m sick of fucking trying to read your mind.”

Ian’s brows rose. “What the hell are you—”

“Don’t. Just don’t. Just say whatever the hell it is you’re thinking. Don’t make me try to read your mind. I’m not gonna judge you. You should know that. Don’t fucking cut me out because you think I can’t handle it. Just…give me a chance, for fuck’s sake.”

When Ian just sat there staring at him, Ben shook his head and sighed. “Ian—”

“How long have you been holding that in?”

Was Ian actually smiling? Ben glared at him. “For about the past six months.”

Ian nodded. “Guess I deserved it.”

Ben wanted to breathe a huge sigh of relief. “Yeah, you did. So what are we going to do about Dorrie?”

Good question.

And one Ian didn’t have an answer to. At least, not one that would satisfy everyone.

If Ian had his way, he’d lock her in their home until he and Ben figured out what the hell was going on. But even he knew that wouldn’t work.

He’d admired the woman he’d met at that fund-raiser six months ago because he’d seen her strength. She had a backbone, wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, and had a tender heart she wasn’t afraid to show occasionally. But he’d bet only a very few people saw that tenderness.

She’d shown him. And then he’d treated her like a leper. He had a lot to make up for. But this wasn’t only about penance.

“Let me send out some feelers to some people I know, find out if there’s a contract on Dorrie. I’ll talk to Max. You talk to Adam.” Ian sighed. “Shit. I’m too keyed up to sleep. You get a few hours. Sleep in my bed. I’ll wake you in three. Okay?”

Ben wanted to argue; Ian could see it on his face. But he kept his mouth shut and Ian would take that as a win for now.

“All right.” Ben pushed himself out of the chair and headed for the door. But he turned before he left. “You gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, you’re not. But I’ll make sure you are.”

Ben turned and walked away.

In some ways, they were closer than brothers. Their upbringing had forced them to be not just brothers but survivors, fighters back to back. Hell, Ian had deliberately flunked his senior year of high school so he could stay behind to watch after Ben for another year. Of course, his grandmother had kicked his ass over that, although he was pretty sure she’d known why he’d done it. The next year, though, he’d graduated and joined the Army, knowing Ben would join him soon.

But where Ben had been a decorated soldier whose record spoke for itself, Ian’s record was camouflaged in redacted documents and classified stamps.

Ben was right. He needed to deal with that part of his life. But it wasn’t going to happen tonight. Not while Dorrie was in danger.

Since he couldn’t do anything constructive for another few hours, he decided to watch TV, taking the laptop with him so he could monitor the outside security cameras for anything suspicious.

He’d just finished his second episode of
Law & Order
when he heard footsteps on the third floor. Probably Dorrie headed for the bathroom.

But then he heard them on the stairs. They stopped on the second floor for at least a minute and he held his breath so he could hear better.

Would she join Ben in bed? Could he stand to listen to them in his bed? And would they welcome him if he joined them?

But then he heard her footsteps again, heading down the stairs. He turned and nearly swallowed his tongue.

Sleep-rumpled, her legs bare from her upper thighs down. She wore only a pair of plaid men’s boxers and a black tank that clung to every slight curve.

Christ, he thought he might hyperventilate.

The only light came from the TV but it was enough to see her swallow hard and her chest rise as she took a deep breath.

“Do you mind if I sit with you for a while? I can’t sleep.”

He wanted to send her back upstairs but he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

He didn’t speak, just held out his hand and waited for her to walk around the couch and take it. Without a word, she sat next to him, close enough that he could feel the heat of her body despite the few inches between them.

He could live with that. For now. But he knew those few inches didn’t stand a chance for long.

The silence held for longer than he would’ve expected. He didn’t sit and stare at her, didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

Then, about halfway through the next episode, she shifted and laid her head on his shoulder.

“How did you—”

He turned and kissed her, the angle all wrong but he couldn’t not listen to his instinct practically screaming at him to do it.

And when she gave a little sigh and moaned into his mouth, he allowed himself to let go of all the things he couldn’t fix and deal with the things he could. Like his lust for her. It surged up, making him want to devour her in one quick gulp. He forced himself not to do it. But she made it difficult because she seemed to have the same instinct.

Her hands came up to frame his face, and she shifted until she’d set her knees on either side of his and straightened until she had to bend her neck to kiss him. Now in the dominant position, she let her mouth move against his with a burning hunger.

When he let his head fall back against the cushion, she followed him, pressing even more tightly against him, desperation in her kiss. His hands came up to flatten against her back, hold her steady because she seemed to be losing control.

And that was okay, too, because he was having control issues as well.

The constant hum in his head sounded like encouragement, urging him to take more, take everything she was offering. And from this position, it seemed like she was offering him everything.

Her mouth demanded his full participation; the heat of her body seeped into his hands and enticed him to play with her. Running his hands up her back, he threaded one through her hair, the strands like silk, then let the other stroke back down until he could slip it under her tank.

He groaned into her mouth, allowing her to slip her tongue between his lips and tease him with light flicks. His lungs stuttered and he sucked in air. Her skin soft under his hand, he spread his fingers around her ribs then wasted no time cupping a breast.

Molding her flesh in his palm, he felt her push herself even harder against his hand. Squeezing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, he sucked in her moan and wrapped his other arm around her waist to pull her even closer.

She moved without hesitation, lowering her body until her mound pressed against his cock, hard and ready to go.

If he ripped the shorts off her body, he figured he’d find her naked beneath. Just the thought was enough to make him reach for the waistband and drag her shorts out of his way.

With their mouths still fused, he couldn’t see her but he felt her desire on his fingers when he drew them between her thighs.

She shuddered, pulling away from his mouth to stare down at him.

He thought she was going to say something. Instead, she reached between their bodies to stroke his erection through his jeans. His body responded with a surge of blood to his cock, which throbbed against his zipper.

“Put your hands on me.”

She swallowed hard and nodded. “Get my shorts off.”

Putting his hands on her hips, he lifted her and set her on her feet. She looked surprised for a second then got with the program, shimmying the shorts off her hips and letting them drop to the ground. Before he could say anything, she grabbed the hem of her tank and yanked it over her head then dropped it to the ground.

When she dropped to her knees in front of him, he immediately reached for her, sliding his fingers into her hair and gripping the strands tight enough to restrict her movement.

She met his gaze as her hands worked the button on his jeans and then released the zipper. While it released the pressure, it made him ache even worse. Because she looked so fucking hot kneeling on the floor in front of him naked.

He practically bit through his tongue so he wouldn’t say anything to destroy this tiny bubble of reality. Instead, he watched her spread his jeans open then tilt her head to the side. He knew what she wanted.

Leaning back, he lifted his ass off the couch then helped her shove his jeans and boxers down until his cock sprang free. He’d barely resettled when she leaned forward and took him in her mouth.

His head hit the back of the couch as the warm, wet suction of her mouth engulfed him and fiery lust flooded his entire body.
Christ.
He’d never been as turned on by another woman as he was by this one.

Wrapping her lips around the head, she ran her tongue across the slit. Then she took him deep, her tongue and her lips working together to entice his hips to pump. He didn’t want to force himself into her mouth but he could barely keep still. He released her hair before he tugged too hard and hurt her.

She looked so damn sexy but her eyes held shadows. He’d make damn sure those shadows got erased. He’d give her whatever she needed, do whatever—