An Unexpected Proposal (St Daine Family 1) (22 page)

But he had waited in vain...

Why hadn't she stayed away? Why had she been there? Why hadn't someone warned him and why did her final words refuse to go away?

“I could have loved you,”
she had whispered up to him with her dying breath and oh, how he wished he had died alongside her because, God help him, he knew he could have loved her, too.

Lying in the darkness, twisted in a tangle of thread-bare blankets on the makeshift cot in his cell, the knowing ate at him until, finally, Tristan St. Daine, second son of the late Duke of Rothwyn, threw back his head and howled in agony from his own personal prison of torment and pain.

F
riend to everyone
but no one to love...

That was how twenty-four year old Julia Locke saw herself, and after learning from her mother this morning she need no longer worry over winning a husband for herself but would instead be expected to act as chaperon and companion to her younger sister, Christina, for the Season, Julia was certain it was how her mother now saw her, too.

“I know you are young and beautiful, darling, and someday you will find a nice man who will love you as much as we do, but... Your time simply hasn't arrived. Therefore, we will put our focus and energy into a successful launch for Christina. Now, here is how we shall handle the preparations...”

Her thoughts filled with the many details of Christina's introduction into Society, Jocelyn Locke had failed to notice the sudden pallor of her eldest daughter's complexion, but Julia had felt as if her spirit had faded along with the color in her cheeks, the sparkle in her eyes; she felt as if the very life had drained right out of her at her mother's announcement.

Her mother had not intended to hurt her. The soul of sweetness and generosity, Jocelyn never meant to hurt anyone. With the difficult adjustments the entire family had been forced to make during the past year and a half after Father passed away, Julia was inclined to forgive her anything...even a declaration which labeled her eldest daughter a spinster, thus removing Julia from the marriage market by placing her firmly on the shelf. But being willing to forgive her mother did nothing to lessen the pain she felt, the crushing hurt of being unwanted, unacceptable and, other than in a friendship kind of way, unloved.

After her mother's life-altering statement, Julia had paid little attention to the excited chatter of conversation which followed when her sisters Christina, Teresa, and Eloisa had swept into their mother's sitting room. How could they expect her to focus upon the plans being made for Christina when her own life had just been turned on it's head – for the second time in less than two years?

After excusing herself from the arrangements being discussed in favor of a long, quiet walk in the garden where she hoped to clear her head and gain a bit of control over her errant emotions, Julia had rushed down the back stairs before the tears burning her eyelids could give away her sudden desolation by sliding down her cheeks.

The garden had provided little solace, however. Spring was only beginning to present its lovely bounty in the form of vibrant greens and fresh blooms but all Julia could manage to see were the twigs left from winter; broken and so out of place among the new foliage, just as she now felt disconnected and malapropos in her own skin.

Quitting the garden, she had made her way to her room where she spent the remainder of the morning and most of the afternoon desperately trying to come to terms with her new status as an unwanted woman but the harder she tried the worse she seemed to feel.

If only Father were here, she had thought. He would know precisely what to say to ease her pain and calm her fears and she would be able to go on with her life as if nothing catastrophic had happened this morning. But Father had left them and Sebastian had taken his rightful place as duke, which meant his death had taken not only her beloved father from her, but her eldest brother, as well, and now, with her mother's calmly stated announcement this morning, Julia seemed to also have lost her identity and her way.

The evening meal, one normally taken with the entire Locke family joining together in the formal dining room, came and went without her. Had they even noticed the lack of her presence? Her mood morose and growing more so by the hour, Julia crept down the stairs and sat on the second one from the bottom, listening to the happy chatter of her family while she looked on from without.

Soon, her younger brothers, Nicholas and Christian, went into town for what remained of the evening while her sisters repaired to their own amusements. Her mother retired, as well, and through it all, no one seemed to notice or care that she hadn't been there...not even Sebastian, who had gone straight from the dining room to his study, where he was joined shortly thereafter by Lord Wyndham.

Known to the
ton
as Marquess Wyndham, or Lord Wyndham, Adrien Shelley, a long-time friend of the family, had come by to discuss the new Wyndham-Locke shipping effort in which he and Sebastian planned to heavily invest and the two had closeted themselves in Sebastian's study.

Julia had quietly crept away, unseen, from her position on the stairs to the library. Perhaps an adventurous volume would call to her and she could forget her sorrows for a time by losing herself in a story, she had thought, but nothing among the well-stocked Kelsing shelves had held any special appeal.

Now, hours later, she sat in the near dark in the library where the waning glow from the last embers of the fire caused shadows to flicker and bounce off the elegantly papered walls and shelves. Still feeling alone and invisible and altogether dejected, Julia hid the slow but unending flow of her tears by resting her forehead against her tightly up-drawn knees.

“Julia? Is that you? I thought everyone must be abed by now. Sebastian mentioned your father might have a book here on water routes to the Colonies and...you're crying.” Adrien explained his late night presence in the Locke library, finishing on a note of surprise.

Julia raised her head a bit, tempted to snap out a cutting remark regarding his marvelous ability to blatantly state the obvious, but bit her lip instead. Adrien was not to blame for either her current problems or her tears and to take out her new-found feelings of inadequacy on him would not only be rude but also terribly unfair of her.

He was a good friend – of both the family and her, personally. The same age as Sebastian, Adrien often seemed as much a part of the Locke family as her own siblings and she could not count on both hands the many times it had been his soothing tones and gentle words of encouragement which had brought the sparks of sanity back amid the frequent bouts of chaos in her life.

Every bit as handsome as her brothers Sebastian, Nicholas, and Christian, Adrien provided a perfect, opposite compliment to their fair complexion and light hair with his sultry dark looks. His green eyes were his most fascinating aspect, as far as Julia was concerned. Like a spring kaleidoscope, they changed with each turn of his emotions. From vibrant and brilliantly sparkling when he was in one of his more mischievous moods to a stormy and murky gray-green when he was upset, Julia never grew tired of watching them change, but just now, she was more concerned with what he might see in her own.

Dropping her head down against her knees once more, she opted to ignore him. But when she peeked up from behind the strand of hair that hid her eyes from his direct gaze a moment later, she blinked rapidly in surprise.

He had not gone back to the study with Sebastian as she had expected him to, but had come to kneel in front of the lounge where she sat. He reached out a hand to ruffle the hair on top of her head, the same as he had done many times before, to make her look at him.

“What has happened?”

Wiping away her tears on the material of her skirts, Julia lifted her head. “I am to be Christina's chaperon and companion for the Season.”

His concerned frown disappeared, to be replaced almost instantly with a wide, curving smile and Julia realized, too late, he would not understand the import of her words. His 'congratulations' offered in a cheery tone which grated on her already frazzled composure a scant second later proved it.

“I am certain Christina will be delighted to have the company of her older sister as she beards the marriage mart for the first time. The voice of wisdom and all that,” he offered, but his smile disappeared at her frustrated groan.

“Wisdom you obviously lack if you fail to see how my being relegated to the position of my younger sister's chaperon indicates the marked lack of need for my own. Ooooh!” she cried, irritated by both his failure to understand her dilemma and the significance of it. It was bad enough she had admitted her shame to him, her abject failure as a woman, but to then be forced to explain...

Her tear-stained eyes met his. “I have been
shelved
, Adrien, and what is worse, I have been placed upon said shelf by none other than the loving hand of my own mother!”

“Shelved?” Confusion knit his brow. “My most sincere apologies for my ignorance in such matters, Julia, but I am afraid I do not understand-”

Julia groaned again, but he would not allow her to hide her face and ignore him as she wished she had done earlier instead of choosing to share her dilemma with him.

For the next five minutes, time she spent most studiously avoiding his gaze, Julia explained to him the meaning of being 'shelved,' as she had so in-eloquently phrased the term describing her unwanted entry into the world of spinsterhood, and then, she proceeded to elaborate on the mortifying significance of being reduced to such a state, not only for herself as a woman, but because of the implications upon the entire Locke family. Sebastian was, after all, the latest Duke of Kelsing. Her demotion was certain to reflect badly upon him, indeed, upon them all. But Adrien remained wholly unconvinced her mother's edict should be considered 'a bad thing.'

“I fail to see a problem with this, Julia. In fact, you should consider it a boon.” He shrugged. “With the pressure of trying to find a husband removed, you will be allowed much greater freedom to show everyone what a lovely person you are without having Sebastian or Christian or even Nick constantly shadowing your every move.”

Stunned by his insight, Julia considered his words. Freedom to be herself? She had not thought of that. In fact, she had been so busy wallowing in her own feelings of inadequacy and failure she had not thought it possible to find a good side to her predicament. But now that he had pointed it out, Julia suddenly clearly saw a myriad of wonderful possibilities that only the label of spinsterhood could bring.

Springing up from the lounge, her thoughts now filled with plans which had nothing whatsoever to do with creating a favorable launch into Society for Christina, she grinned and then bent to press a quick kiss his cheek before rushing off to the door. “Thank you so much, Adrien. You have been a great help, as always.”

“For you? Any time.”

Chuckling at her at her rapid retreat, Adrien shook his head, puzzled by her mercurial change of mood. “Sleep well, Julia.”

Locating the book Sebastian had mentioned, he made his way back to the study where his friend and future business partner waited. “Found it. Did you know your mother apparently made Julia a spinster this morning?”

Sebastian, duke of Kelsing and the eldest Locke male, frowned at him, uncomprehending and, feeling smugly superior thanks to Julia's earlier explanation of the thing, Adrien hastened to explicate.

“She has been
shelved
, m'boy, and by your mother, no less. I found her crying over her frightful state in the library.” When Sebastian rose from his chair and started for the door, Adrien caught him by the shoulder and shook his head. “No, no, she has gone off to her room now. No need to chase after her and play concerned parent.”

“I wasn't-” Sebastian started with a frown, and Adrien grinned. He knew how it pained Sebastian when someone accused him of trying to fill his father's shoes. Therefore, he made a point to do so at every possible opportunity. “Leave it, Sebastian. Julia is likely snuggled into her sheets by now, dreaming of a much simpler life wherein she is free to enjoy herself without having either of you tyrannical Locke males constantly breathing down her neck.”

After a moment's hesitation, Sebastian returned to his father's desk and poured two glasses of port before handing one to Adrien. “To Wyndham-Locke Shipping and the beginning of a fine partnership.”

Adrien took the proffered glass, hefting it in agreement. “To Wyndham-Locke. Long may it prosper.”

Dropping into one of the fine leather upholstered chairs near the low-burning fire, Adrien studied the remaining liquid in his glass, his thoughts still on the poor girl who had just left him in the library.

The things she had told him about how her being pronounced a spinster meant she was no longer considered a good match for marriage had been completely absurd. Being both beautiful and intelligent as well as the eldest daughter of the late duke of Kelsing, Julia should have had no shortage of offers for her hand.

So why hadn't she?

Not that he should be worrying over the matter personally. As a friend of the family, Adrien enjoyed a great deal of familiarity with each member of the Locke clan but husband finding was not, nor would it ever be, within his repertoire of 'friendly deeds done well'.

Julia would be fine, he reassured himself. She just needed a bit of time to become comfortable with herself as a woman. Didn't she?

“How old is Julia, Sebastian? Surely she cannot be much more advanced than Christina?”

Sebastian, who had busied himself with leafing through the book Adrien retrieved from the library, grunted noncommittally. But then, just when Adrien decided he was not going to get an answer, Sebastian volunteered, “Twenty-four this spring. I bought her a silk-lined fur-trimmed cloak in remembrance, if I correctly recall.”

“Spring? Have you quite forgotten the date in your old age, duke?”

The comment earned him a glare.

“I have not. Julia celebrated her birthday just last week. If anyone has become forgetful in his advancing years, it is
you
, Wyndham. You seem to have missed the affair.”

Frowning, Adrien considered the matter and then shook his head. “Quite so.”

He must remember to bring her a gift when next he came 'round to speak with Sebastian regarding their shipping endeavor. Until then, however, there was work to be done. He cleared his throat and leaned forward. “The captain you asked me to make inquiries about, his name is Parker Osburne. Acquaintance of Nick's, I believe...”