Ana Seymour (11 page)

It was a devastating discovery. And now she had to decide what she intended to do about it.

It was Nonny she had to see, of course. In the short time since she’d arrived in San Francisco, the serene old woman had become more than a friend, she’d become Kate’s confidante and advisor. She’d filled some of the role Jennie had played in her life.

Jennie. Kate shook her head with wonder. Even though Kate was now fully accustomed to motherhood, she still couldn’t believe that her sister was about to join her in that state. Carter’s letter had been brisk, in his typical lawyer’s style, but between the lines she could detect his concern. Kate shared it. After all, she herself had nearly died having Caroline. And Jennie was much more petite than Kate and worked far too hard both running the boardinghouse and trudging up the mountain to prepare lunch every day for the miners.

She knocked softly on Nonny’s door and opened it
when she heard the older woman’s voice telling her to enter.

Her tears had all been cried out. Dry-eyed and calm, she sat down on the bed where the older woman patted in invitation. “I’m going home,” she said.

Nonny’s wrinkled face registered little surprise. She grasped Kate’s hand. “I’m so sorry to hear that, honey. I take it the party at the Wellingtons’ didn’t convince you that you could fit into Nob Hill life.”

Kate carefully squeezed the bony hand in hers. “No, the party was fine. In fact, I enjoyed myself most of the time.”

“It’s my grandson, isn’t it? The drinking and gambling.”

Kate shook her head. “I know that Sean’s life before our marriage was very different and that he had a family thrust on him rather abruptly. I was prepared to be patient—but that was when I thought that he loved me, that he had come back to Vermillion specifically to be with me.”

In short, painful sentences she explained to Nonny about Harriet’s revelation in the library. From the older woman’s lack of surprise, she surmised that Nonny, too, had known about Jennie’s letter. It seemed that Kate herself had been the only one foolish enough to think that Sean’s return had been for her and her alone.

“You need to talk to Sean, child,” Nonny said after Kate had finished her recital. “He may have gone back to Vermillion because of your sister’s letter, but he didn’t
have
to ask you to marry him. He made that decision because of you.”

“Because he thought it was what his father would expect of him.”

Nonny shook her head. “You don’t know that. That’s why it’s important to talk with him.”

Kate rocked back and forth in silent misery. “The only thing that’s kept me going is the knowledge that Sean came back for me. It was what made me able to stand up to Harriet and her catty friends and Sean’s crude drinking buddies.”

Nonny’s eyes widened at the catalogue of difficulties Kate had evidently encountered, but she didn’t press her for details. “But, dearie, it’s nothing but the truth. He did go back for you…for you and the child both.”

“After he took the entire summer thinking about it.”

Nonny sighed. “As I’ve told you before, Sean’s a lad who’s taken longer than some in coming into his own, but these past few weeks I’ve seen a big change in him. I honestly believe he wants to be a father to Caroline and a husband to you.”

“Charles Raleigh was right after all. Sean went after me to have a good time. He thought I was easy prey, and I was. I acted like a hussy. He just never expected that his little mountain adventure would come back to haunt him months later in the form of a real live daughter.”

“Now, Kate. You’re beginning to talk nonsense. You know perfectly well that you’re the farthest thing in the world from a hussy. You were in love with Sean. You still are, if you ask me.”

Kate shook her head. “Maybe so, but I’ve learned
my lesson. He’s happier drinking and playing with his friends at the gambling house than he is here with me. I wish he’d never returned to Vermillion.”

“Do you really mean that? Deep down?”

Kate hesitated. These past few weeks with Sean had taught her a lot about life and about herself. And she couldn’t deny that it was of some satisfaction to know that Caroline would go through life with a legitimate last name. But it was time for her to see reality. She and Sean came from different worlds. It was time for her to go home where she belonged, home to people who were like her. People who needed her.

“There’s another reason I’m going back.” She pulled Carter’s rumpled letter from her pocket. “My sister’s going to have a baby. She might have some of the same problems I had at the beginning of my time with Caroline.”

“And you want to be with her.”

“At least there I’m of some use.” And she’d be with a family who loved her and didn’t have to be ashamed at how she dressed or where she came from.

Her look of determination evidently convinced Nonny that her decision was more than a temporary low moment. Her voice took on an urgency. “Kate, you can’t just leave. Sean would be devastated. Promise me you’ll talk this over with him. Perhaps he would take you back to see your sister himself.”

Kate’s mind was made up, but the decision made her feel shaky inside. Nonny was probably right that it would be foolish to try to leave before morning. And maybe she should at least talk to Sean before she left. “All right. I’ll talk with him when he comes home for
supper. But one way or another, tomorrow morning I’m going back to Vermillion.”

Sean threw his cards down on the table and pushed his small pile of chips toward the dealer. “Cash me in,” he said.

The dealer nodded and slid the chips toward him. They were at one of the tables in the back room, reserved by the management of the Golden Garter for its regulars, which meant the San Francisco rich or sons of the nch. In the back room rules were suspended. No limit. Unreserved credit. Dealers were discreet and did not ask questions.

“You can’t leave yet, Flaherty,” Charles Raleigh protested. “You’ve taken all my money tonight.”

“It’s late. I need to get home.”

Charles grinned and looked around at the others at the table. “I guess the rest of us know why he wants to get home, eh, gentlemen?”

Sean gave a good-natured smile and got to his feet. “She’s a lot prettier than you rummies,” he joked. He was feeling guilty for spending yet another night at the gaming tables. Last night he’d behaved appallingly when he’d arrived home drunk. Tonight he wasn’t drunk, but he wasn’t looking forward to facing Kate, either.

He knew she was disillusioned with life in San Francisco. After the dance on Saturday, she’d been quiet and withdrawn. He was failing to make her happy. He’d failed in his efforts to provide a separate home for them. He’d really done nothing but fail her almost from the day they met. So once again he’d run away
to joke and drink and act the life of the party with his friends. It was a coward’s response, an easy escape that he was only now beginning to realize didn’t really solve anything.

Charles put his cards in a pile and stacked his chips on top. “Hold my place,” he said. “I’ll walk out with Flaherty and then I’ll be back.”

Sean looked at his friend in surprise, but chatted pleasantly as they sauntered through the outer room toward the frosted glass doors to the street. When they reached them, Charles put a hand on Sean’s arm and said, “Let me buy you one last beer for the road. There’s something I need to get off my chest.”

Sean was suddenly anxious to get home, but his friend looked disturbed, so he said, “All right. A quick one.” They crossed over to the Golden Garter’s polished bar and sat on two stools. “What’s bothering you?” Sean asked.

“I need to apologize for Saturday night.”

Sean had almost forgotten Charles’ inebriated state at the Wellington ball. Though Charles’ continued drinking was becoming of concern to both Sean and Charles’ family, his behavior Saturday had been no worse than Sean had witnessed many times in the past. He slapped his friend’s shoulder and said, “You need to slow it down, my friend. You may have noticed that I’m cutting back. It’s partly because of Kate, but also because I’m seeing what it’s doing to you. The stuff’s like poison sometimes.”

Charles nodded. “I know. Penny’s laid into- me about it, too. But I wasn’t talking just about the drinking. I was talking about Kate.”

Sean lifted his eyebrows in surprise. “What about Kate?”

“What I said to her. I was drunk out of my mind, Sean. I scarcely remember the words. But I remember the expression on her face.” He ran a hand back through his short brown hair. “Do you mean to say she didn’t tell you about it?”

Sean shook his head, dumbfounded. Now that he thought back, he recalled that Charles had appeared to be lunging toward Kate when Sean had arrived on the terrace, but she hadn’t seemed upset, and he’d figured that what he had seen had just been Charles staggering drunkenly. Suddenly the picture took on a more sinister interpretation. “What did you do to her?”

Charles shook his head, “I didn’t do anything, but I…I think I insulted her, Sean You should have seen that look…like a wounded deer.”

Sean
had
seen that look, on more than one occasion, and each time he’d known that he’d been the cause of it. But he couldn’t imagine what Charles could have done to put it there. “What the devil did you say to her?”

“I was just blithering nonsense. Something about how I’d envied you in the mountains because it had been so easy for you to get yourself a woman and I didn’t have one…and I think I mentioned her sister. Remember how I tried to bribe you into talking her sister into seeing me?”

“I remember it vaguely.” Sean was silent for a long moment, then he spoke harshly. “It was another of those occasions when you were sotted out of all good sense.” His irritation rose with such intensity that he
could actually feel the warmth of it prickling under his collar. He could only imagine how Charles’ babbling had sounded to Kate—as if the two of them had been women-hungry predators out to take advantage of the innocent local inhabitants.

“Well, your Kate didn’t like the sound of it. As I say, I think she was insulted. I would even say hurt. I can’t believe she didn’t tell you. All evening I’ve been expecting you to come at me and try to knock my head off.”

“I still may,” Sean said grimly.

“Look, I’m sorry, man. I’m cutting back, honest I am. I’ve promised Penny, too. And please tell Kate I’m sorry if I upset her.”

Sean twisted around on the stool and planted his elbows on the bar. His voice tight, he said, “There’s no way to take back words once they’ve been said, Charlie.”

“I know.” Charles mimicked his friend’s action. The bartender walked over to them, and Charles said, “Two beers.”

“I thought you were cutting back.”

Charles stared morosely at the polished wood of the bar. “After tonight,” he said glumly.

Sean felt the beginning of tears sting his eyes. Lord, what must she think of him? It wasn’t enough that she was probably beginning to realize that he was a spoiled, rich man who had done nothing of note in his entire quarter century of life. Now she would also think that he was a womanizing bastard.

The bartender brought the beers. He pulled his over
and took a long drink. “Yeah,” he said glumly to Charles. “We’ll cut back after tonight.”

It was almost midnight by the time he left Charles and walked unsteadily out to the hitching rail where he’d left his horse.

All the way home he went over and over his discussion with his friend. He’d made Charles repeat the conversation with Kate as exactly as his drink-fogged brain could remember, so he knew the full extent of how deeply hurt she must have been by the thoughtless words.

So why
hadn’t
Kate told him about Charlie’s crude remarks? Sean wondered as he made his way through the dark streets toward home. Although, it wasn’t really such a mystery. He and Kate were magically suited within the confines of their bed, but so far they hadn’t been too good at communicating outside of it. At times he wondered if he was destined to go through life without being able to talk to the people closest to him. He’d never been able to communicate well with either of his parents. Nonny was the only one who really seemed to listen to him. Nonny and the lions on the front stoop, he thought with a humorless chuckle.

But he would have been willing to listen to Kate, if she’d chosen to confide in him How hurt she must have been by Charles’ words, especially when the damned fool had involved Jenme. The two sisters were nothing short of fierce in their protectiveness of each other.

He spurred his horse ahead. She’d be sleeping. He’d sent word after work not to expect him home that evening.
But suddenly he had a desperate urge to see her and be sure she was all right. It had taken him a long time, but he finally realized that Kate was the very best thing that had ever happened to him in his life. He needed her…and he loved her. And it was high time he told her so.

I
t was the first time he’d tried to open the connecting door between their bedrooms in the middle of the night, and he was surprised to find it locked. He stood for a moment dumbfounded, his hand still on the knob. Would she be that angry with him for staying away at the gambling parlor yet another late night?

He walked over to his bed and sat down. His declaration could probably best be made in the morning anyway with a clearer head, but it was a disappointment not to be able to say his piece tonight. He’d planned on asking her to forgive him for his inattention, to tell her he loved her and then make such passionate love to her the rest of the night that Charles’ thoughtless words would be forever erased from her mind.

Flopping back onto the bed made waves of sickness roll through his middle. He’d had too much to drink again. That was something else he planned to stop. He had a sweet, bright, perfect wife and a beautiful daughter, and he intended to begin working to prove that he was worthy of them.

He’d start first thing in the morning by bringing Kate breakfast in bed. An early breakfast made by his own hands, not a servant’s. And then there would still be time for some of that lovemaking before he’d have to leave for work.

“What do you mean
gone?”
The poor kitchen girl cowered as the normally charming and easygoing son of her employer roared out the question.

“I don’t know, sir. They left—Mrs. Kate and the baby. Perhaps you should talk to your grandmother about it, sir.”

Sean felt a tremendous surge of panic deep in his gut. “They can’t just be gone. Where did they go?”

The girl ducked around the end of the counter as if to put some distance between her and the shouting man. “I’m sorry, sir. I…I don’t know. I heard Mrs. Flaherty, the older, your grandmother, sir, talking with Mrs. Flaherty, your…ah…wife.”

“Well, what were they saying, girl?” Sean laid his hands palm down on the counter to steady them. The serving girl looked as if she were afraid he was about to put them around her neck to try to wring more information out of her.

“I heard them talking something about going home, sir, but that was all. Honest, I’d tell you if I knew anything more.”

Sean took three deep gulps of air. He’d come down to the kitchen in good spirits, intending to prepare breakfast to take up to his wife. But after a couple minutes of rooting around the cupboards, he’d decided that he had absolutely no idea how to go about preparing
a meal, even a rudimentary one. So he’d fetched the timid young serving girl from the dining room where she’d been laying out the dishes for the family breakfast. It was when he’d smilingly confided why he wanted her help that she’d given her shattering news.

“When did they leave?” he asked more calmly.

“Last night, sir, when you didn’t come home—”

“Where’s my grandmother now?” he interrupted.

“I believe she’s in her room, sir,” the girl answered, then sagged against the counter with a sigh of relief as Sean turned and raced out of the kitchen.

“I
did
argue her out of it, Sean,” Nonny said calmly. “I made her promise to talk to you last night. The problem was, you sent word that you weren’t coming home last night. When she heard that, she packed up her things and left. Your wife can be one determined little lady, in case you didn’t know it, Sean.”

Sean was sitting in his grandmother’s rocker, his head in his hands. “I can’t figure it out. Charlie said those things on Saturday night. Why did she decide to leave now?”

“I don’t know what he said to her, Sean, but she didn’t leave because of Charles Raleigh, she left because of you.”

Sean looked up sharply. “Because of the nights out?”

Nonny leaned toward him, her face stern. “The nights out would be enough reason if I were your wife, Sean Flaherty, but Kate has a more forgiving nature than I.”

He looked confused. “We’d started working things out, I thought…”

“She left because your mother showed her Jennie’s letter.”

Sean blanched. “The letter telling me about Caroline?”

Nonny nodded. “Kate herself had told me that the one thing that convinced her of your love, in spite of the problems you two have had, was the fact that you’d come back for her all on your own before you knew about the baby.”

Sean dropped his head in his hands again. “I know. She told me the same thing. That’s why I never told her the truth.”

“I hate to say this, my dear grandson, but if you’d given her enough reason to believe that you love her, the letter wouldn’t have been so devastating.”

Sean groaned. “I’m afraid life with me was a disappointment to her.” He raised his head to look at his grandmother, his eyes hollow.

Nonny narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to forgive you this bout of self-pity, Sean, because I know you’re hurting now. But when you stop hurting long enough to think with some sense, you’d better think hard about what you’re saying.”

His voice was dull. “I’m saying the truth.”

“The truth, Sean, is that you’re an educated, charming, cultured, funny, warm person. Your family loves you. Your friends look to you for strength. You’ve managed to capture the heart of an intelligent, spirited woman, and together you’ve produced a beautiful
daughter. So I don’t want to hear any more talk about failing and disappointing.”

Sean got to his feet, his expression haggard. “Kate’s intelligent, all right,” he said harshly. “Intelligent enough to know she’s better off without me.”

Nonny shook her head with frustration. “As long as you continue thinking that way, Sean, then you’re right. She
is
better off without you.”

Harriet was out for the evening attending the opera with friends. Patrick had declined the invitation, saying that three operas a year was his absolute limit. He’d asked his mother to join him for supper. The massive dining room table made her look as tiny as an elf.

“You’re the only one he’s ever listened to, Mother,” Patrick was saying, sawing angrily at his pork chop.

“You’re very wrong there, Paddy. Sean listens to every word you say to him. In fact, he’s grown up wishing you would take the time to say a lot more to him.” She stopped, watched him for a moment, then asked with gentle humor, “Would you like me to cut that meat for you?”

Patrick looked down at his plate, suddenly realizing how he was mangling the piece of meat. He set his knife and fork down. “Well, he’s not listening to me now. I don’t know what to do. He’s been out all night every night for the past two weeks. He gets to the office after noon and bites everyone’s head off when he’s there.”

“His wife left him, Paddy. It’s not an easy pill to swallow.”

“I know. That’s why I resisted laying into him about it, but how much longer is this going to go on?” He picked up his utensils and started attacking the chop with more deliberation. “Tragedies happen to other people, too. They don’t go all to pieces and drink themselves into oblivion every night You lost your husband and survived.”

Nonny pursed her lips. “You were too young to know just what that cost me, Paddy. But you’re right. I didn’t take the route Sean’s taking to escape from my pain.”

Patrick lifted his head to look up sharply at his mother. The sudden sadness in her voice was rare. After a moment he looked down again and said gruffly, “Well, you could tell Sean that.”

“I don’t think it would do any good at the moment. I know that no one would have been able to tell me that it was wrong for me to build up the walls I did and refuse to consider loving again after I lost your father.”

Patrick shifted in his chair, obviously uncomfortable with this rare moment of his mother sharing her inner thoughts. “You never fell in love again after Pa,” he said, frowning at his plate.

Nonny smiled at her son. “I never let myself fall in love, son. And I have no complaints, really. I’ve had you all these years and Sean. But.” She stared across the big table at the far wall, lost in thought. After a moment she said, “I hope Sean doesn’t do that to himself.”

“Then talk to him.”

Nonny sighed. “I’ll talk to him when he gives some
sign that he wants to talk. It would be a waste of time to try before he’s ready to hear what I have to say.”

Patrick slid away his plate, the food half-eaten, and pushed back his chair. “Well, I just hope that time comes before he drinks himself to death.”

Nonny had been unable to sleep. She’d wandered into the nursery, looking at the empty crib and wondering how Caroline and Kate were settling back into their life in the mountains. It had been three weeks. Sean had not been home a single night since that morning he’d come to her after he’d found Kate gone.

She knew that that morning he’d checked on the stage schedule, and she’d had a secret hope that he’d ride after Kate, haul her off the coach and get this whole thing worked out once and for all. But she’d given him too much credit. For too many years Sean had had his problems solved for him by his father. He wasn’t yet quite up to dealing with them by himself. It had been easier to drown himself in beer every night.

She put aside her book and was reaching to put out the lamp next to her bed when she heard a series of thumps outside her door. Alarmed, she got out of bed with surprising alacrity for her age and hurried out to the hall. Peering over the railing to the hall she could see Sean sprawled in an upside-down jumble at the foot of the stairs.

“Saints preserve us!” she said under her breath, and ran down the stairs.

“Hello, Nonny,” Sean said with a silly grin.

Her heart slowed its frantic beat. “Sean Flaherty,
you scared me out of ten years’ growth. Are you all right?”

Still upside down, he patted his hands along his torso, then down each thigh and finally to his right knee. “Banged my knee up, I think,” he said with a frown.

“You could have broken your fool neck.”

“Damn. Too bad, missed my chance,” he said.

She put her arms around his shoulders and helped him boost himself into an upright position. Then she sat on the lowest step. “You could run up to the top and try again. You might get luckier next time.”

Sean looked over at her a bit confused. Nonny spoke again, sharply. “Don’t look surprised, Sean. You’re not going to get sympathy from me. If killing yourself’s the only solution you see to your troubles, then I’m not going to be the one to talk you out of it.”

He used his hands to push himself from the floor up to the first step to sit next to her. “I thought you’d be the only one to understand, Nonny.” He spoke slowly, concentrating on forming the words. “Mother and Father are just as happy they’re gone, I think, but you loved them, too.”

“Yes, I do love them, and I intend to continue doing so. They’re not dead, you know. They just live somewhere else. I’ll travel into the mountains to see them one of these days soon. And I don’t see that anything’s stopping you from doing the same thing.”

Sean’s expression grew sullen. “She doesn’t want me, Nonny. I think that’s pretty damn clear. A wife doesn’t run away from her husband if she still loves him.”

He was rubbing his knee and Nonny reached out to rub it along with him. “Sometimes a wife might if she thinks that her husband doesn’t love
her.”

“She knows I love her,” he said, but his voice was uncertain.

“How does she know that, Sean, when you spent your nights gambling and drinking instead of here with her? How does she know when you gave her no help in entering a totally new society and left her alone to figure out how to look and act and be a part of that world?”

Sean blinked slowly m confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean? She was nothing short of a sensation at the Wellingtons’ ball. I thought I was going to have to resurrect the custom of dueling to get my friends to leave her alone.”

“Yes, she was a sensation. And did you ever think to ask her how she magically went from being a simple country girl to looking every inch the Nob Hill lady? Did you tell her how proud you were to have her as your wife?”

Sean just stared at her, a dazed look on his face. Nonny’s voice grew softer. “Did you ever even once tell her you loved her, Sean?”

He turned toward her and uttered an oath as his knee twisted. He closed his eyes on the pain. “She left me, Nonny. She doesn’t want me.”

Nonny pushed herself up, looking regal in her flowing robe in spite of her short stature. “Sean, you’re my grandson and I love you more dearly than life. But looking at you right now, I’d say Kate made a wise decision.”

Then she gathered the front of her robe in her hands and made a graceful exit up the stairs.

By morning Sean realized that his tumble down the stairs had jarred several other joints beyond the knee. He lay in bed cataloguing the aches-his neck, his right shoulder. There was a sensitive spot all along his right hip if he rolled too far in that direction. Not to mention the ringing in his head, which was starting to become his constant morning companion after his nightly drinking bouts. Hell.

He stayed motionless for a long time, trying to decide if there was any point in getting up. Perhaps he could go back to sleep and when he awoke it would be tomorrow. That would be one less day he’d have to face.

From the strength of the sun flooding his bedroom, it was already near noon. He didn’t relish the thought of going downstairs and running into Nonny. Or his mother or father, for that matter. Or anyone.

With a sigh he rolled upright and swung his legs to the floor. His right knee was swollen and there was a stabbing pain in it when he moved. Once again, he considered going back to bed. The leg would be enough excuse. But if he notified the household of his injury, his mother would be there the next instant with poultices and hot soup and her never-ending prattle.

Yesterday morning as he’d tried to sneak out of the house, she’d tackled him with her gleeful speculations on how Kate’s abandonment, “as unfortunate as that was,” had now freed them to look for a more suitable
match for him. After a decent interval, a civilized divorce…

He’d practically slammed the front door m her face.

Lord, he’d give a tidy sum not to have to see any of them today. That is, if he had a tidy sum of his own to give, which, of course, he didn’t. He still drew his money from his daddy’s purse. He hobbled to the washstand and looked at his face with disgust.