Anatomy of a Girl Gang (9781551525303) (12 page)

Come on, girl! What are you waiting for? Mac haf whi$pered haf yelled up 2 me. i wuz $o happee 2 C her i coodn't think $trayte. i ju$t $tood dere $tarin @ her. Come on!

i grabbed my wallet & tipeetoed down$tair$. my heart wuz a jackhammer in my chest, i wuz $o $cared my parentz wud C me or $top me or $omethin. but i managed 2 get 2 da bak door in da kitchen w/ out dem $eein me. i cood heer Kayo$ chatterin away 2 dem. just az i $lid da gla$$ door open i herd my mom call my name, i was outta dere. a car alarm $tarted going off az $oon az i got out$ide. Mac grabbed my hand & we ran & ran & ran. i didn't know where we were going & it wuz dark but i wuz w/ Mac $o i knew evrything wud B OK. i ran az fast az i cood. we got 2 da car & Mercy $tarted er up & we were gone. $ly Girl wuz $ittin $hotgun & Mac & i were in da back.

AHhHahaha! i yelled. wat took U bitchez so long?

dey all laffed az we $ped down my $treet. wen Mercy turned on 2 Keefer & pulled up 2 da curb, i reached 4 Mac & ki$$ed her on da lipz. i coodn't help it. it had been 2 long & i had mi$$ed
her SO much. i didn't care who $aw or who knew. fuck it. i loved her & i needed her right then & 4 alwayz. $he ki$$ed me back & it wa$ lyke a million fyrewerx goin off in da bak seat of dat little honda. i nevr wanted 2 $top. dere wuz $ilence up front. Mercy cleered her throat & turned on da radio. no1 $ed a werd until Kayo$ got in da car a couple $econdz later, all giddy.

Yeah, bitches! $he $lapped u$ all hi-5. Alright, got our lil' Z back. Let's get the fuck outta here.

Mercy started the car. Where we going?

Mac gazed @ me, her eyez all mi$ty-luvey-dovey, Where do you want to go, Z?

let's go 2 a muvee.

A movie?

ya! we can go 2 tinseltown. get popcorn. make out. i whispered dat la$t part. it'll be gr8, i sed, tickling her thigh.

Mac grinned. Sound good?

evry1 agreed.

Alright, let's go see a movie.

i figured da muvee theatre wud be a fairlee $afe place. my parentz wudn't cum lookin dere & neether wud da copz. hell, we cood C 2 in a row. it didn't matter. all dat mattered wuz dat i wuz w/ Mac & i wuz free. & i knew 1 thing 4$ho, i wuz never goin hOme again.

MERCY

It was very fucking awkward to look in the rear-view mirror and see Mac and Z playing tonsil hockey in the backseat. I guess I should've seen it coming. I mean, they share a bed, for fuck's sake. But I had no idea. No fucking idea. In a way, I felt betrayed. I don't know why, it's not like I wanted to get with Mac or anything, but she was my best friend, I thought I knew her better than anyone, and I never knew she was into chicks. She'd always had boyfriends before. Lots of boyfriends. She never talked about girls that way. Never. She never once let on that she was … you know. Like that.

I looked at Sly Girl and she laughed into her hand. I glanced at the back seat; they were still going at it. I cranked the radio, hit seek. I didn't feel right. This was weird. It was like suddenly I had no idea who Mac was. How long had they been hiding this from us? It's pretty fucked up when you think about it, actually.

Finally, Kayos got in the car and they stopped making out.

I drove fast, my mind numb, and no one said anything for awhile. Then, at an intersection, Kayos muttered, I can't get away from him.

What are you talking about? I said.

She pointed to a bench at the bus stop. It was plastered with the face of some moustache-wearing dumb-ass I'd seen before on billboards and shit.
Roger Jones Sells Homes!
it declared in big blue letters. That's my stepdad, she said.

I laughed. Your stepdad is Roger Jones?

Yeah.

Looks like a real douche.

He is.

Want me to paint over all his ads? Z piped up from the back.

I think you're taking a break from the paint for a while, baby, Mac said.

Z gave her a pouty mouth and their heads came together. I tried to keep my eyes on the road. Un-fuckin-believable, I whispered.

Sly Girl giggled, and I tilted the rear-view to check Kayos's reaction. Her mouth hung open and she stared without shame at the love scene going on beside her in the back seat.

We went to see a cheesy comedy at Tinseltown because that's what Miss Z wanted to do. I sat as far away from Mac as I could. I couldn't even look at her. I felt sick inside. I don't have a problem with gay people, I don't. But I
do
have a problem with my best friend hiding the fact that she's in a relationship with another friend of mine, who happens to be the same sex as her.

I couldn't even concentrate on the movie. All these thoughts were jamming up my head. I didn't even know if I could trust Mac again after this.

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, I took my .32 and balaclava and went out and robbed the twenty-four-hour liquor store at Cardero and Davie. This faggy little hipster was working the till. He didn't even flinch. Just flipped his hair back and handed over the cash like he'd done it a hundred times before. I got nearly eight hundred bucks.

SLY GIRL

After we broke Z out, we all went to Tinseltown to see
Resident Evil: Afterlife
. But they wouldn't let me in cuz it's rated R, and I look too young. Everyone was probably super pissed, cuz we all really wanted to see it, and the other movies looked lame. I thought the girls would probably go into
Resident Evil: Afterlife
anyways and leave me to watch a PG one on my own. But they didn't. They got their tickets changed so we could all see the same movie. That made me so happy, even though it was a stupid kids' movie, and I can't even remember the name of it. But at least we all got to sit together.

It's kinda funny actually, cuz here I am, already livin on my own two years now, workin the streets, sellin crack, makin crack, smokin, drinkin, and everythin else, you know, all these kinda adult things that kids don't do, or aren't sposed to do, but I still can't get into an R-rated movie. You gotta laugh at that.

When we got home, Mac and Z went into their room and closed the door, and Mercy went into her room and slammed the door. Or maybe it was the wind. Me and Kayos stayed up and smoked a joint.

Were you really a Girl Guide? I asked her.

Yeah, she laughed, and a puff of smoke came out her nose and made a little cloud around her head.

What kinda stuff did you have to do?

Dumb shit. Tie knots and sew buttons onto shirts, learn how to tell if a dog is sick. I just sold cookies mostly, except my mom would always have to buy them because I'd end up eating them
all before I made any sales.

How can you tell if a dog is sick?

Its nose is dry.

Oh yeaah. I knew that.

I could go for some of those cookies right now, for real. She went into the kitchen, and I could hear her rootin around in the cupboards. She came back with a box of chocolate chip cookies and sat beside me on the couch. Dig in, yo.

I'd like to have a dog.

Seriously? You know you have to pick up their shit, right? she said, with her mouth full of cookie.

I shrugged. But don't you think it would be nice?

What, to pick up shit?

No! I laughed. To have someone who loved you no matter what. No matter what you looked like. No matter what you did or said, they would always love you the best. For as long as they lived.

Yeah, you're right. Dogs are cool.

We heard a low moan coming from Mac and Z's room, and we both stared at their door for a second.

Yo, what the hell is up with those two? Kayos whispered.

I shrugged. I dunno. I think they're in love or somethin.

Wow. Am I the only one who didn't know about that?

I shrugged again.

Dude, try to keep me in the loop, will ya?

Okay.

Okay?

Yeaah.

Yeah?

I laughed, and she hit me lightly in the shoulder.

Want to roll us up another j?

Uh-huh.

KAYOS

I curled up on the couch and laughed to myself. So Mac and Z were dyking out. Aw, it was funny, if nothing else. They'd hid it well. I didn't see that one coming
at all
. Seriously? Lesbo-G's? Not that I cared, I didn't. I just didn't want there to be shit going on that I didn't know about. I adjusted the sweater I was using as a pillow. At home in Shaughnessy, I had a queen-sized bed in a room of my own with an en-suite bathroom, but most nights I stayed here at the gang house, scrunched up in a corner of the stained, brown, L-shaped couch.

My mom didn't understand why I always wanted to sleep over at my friends' houses but never invited anyone to sleep over at our house. But she didn't know. She didn't know that when I was at home, all I felt like doing was hurting other people. Or myself. Sometimes, I even wanted to hurt her.

Why?

For being in denial. For not doing anything. For not realizing what was going on in her own house. Right under her nose in her own fucking home.

I wonder if I'll ever tell her the truth. So much time has passed now.

I'm still having these nightmares. Sometimes I wake up screaming. It's a real fucked-up feeling. The only place I can feel relaxed and safe, strange as it sounds, is here, on this couch, in this house, with these girls. So I sleep here most nights, and my dreams aren't so bad.

MERCY

Outside it's raining like it's never gonna stop. Me, Mac, and Kayos are sprawled around the living room. We've just had a long bong session and are sky-high.

Do you ever think of what you would do? Kayos asked. I mean, if you could do anything? If we didn't do this?

What do you mean? Mac snickered, and lit a cigarette. We're living the dream.

Yeah, Kayos laughed.

I sometimes think about being a clothing designer, I said. I would have my own clothing line with super sweet stuff. Like modern urban kinda gothic shit. But classic, too. And it would be comfortable but still super stylish. Everyone would buy it and want to come to my fashion shows. I'd have runway shows in New York, Paris, Tokyo. All the stars would wear my stuff to their premieres. And I would design wicked purses that didn't have straps that cut into your shoulder or bang against your leg. Purses you could always find your keys in.

Mac laughed. What would it be called?

My clothing line?

Yeah.

Queen Mab Designs.

Queen Mab?

She's like an evil fairy from dreamland …

Jewellery too? Kayos asked.

Fuckin rights, the craziest most awesome jewellery you've ever laid eyes on!

And hair accessories?

Sure. Why not? And Queen Mab would make me so rich that I would be able to have a whole collection of cars. I'd have, like, twelve different cars that I got to drive around. A Lambo, a Porsche, a Rolls, a Jag, a hot pink Hummer, a Lotus—

So, Kayos said, what's stopping you from doing that right now?

Well, I kinda got this gang thing going on …

They laughed, and I did too. But somehow, it wasn't funny. I lit a cigarette and thought about what other cars would be in my private collection.

Kayos and Mac started watching a movie, and I fell asleep on the couch. I dreamed about the guy in the street I had hit. He was yelling at me, but no sound was coming out of his mouth. I tried to hear him, I tried to read his lips, I tried so hard to understand. He kept coming closer and closer to me, till all I could see were his ice-blue eyes, the blood vessels in them all red and about to burst cuz he's so angry, yelling so hard in my face, but I can't hear.

I'm sorry! I say to him, I'm so, so, sorry. Then I wake up, and my eyes are all wet and I'm shaky. And it was a dream, but it was real, and that man is dead for real, and I killed him. I did to him what that driver did to my mom, and nothing can ever, ever, undo it.

VANCOUVER

A hard rain pours into me. Garbage is stacked head-high on the sidewalks, spilling onto the roads; the workers on strike, again. Loose debris and filth float through the streets, infecting gutters, ditches, and storm drains with an acidic stench. Later, as the indigo evening envelops the city, the sky finds total release, and all the scum is washed off the streets. Thousands of intersections turn silver in the rain. I watch over all the meetings, accidental and planned, at these glimmering crossroads. Some of them change lives forever.

SLY GIRL

I stayed home all day Saturday and made crack on the stove cuz Mac asked me to. The other girls had all gone out to work. It was pissin rain, so I didn't really want to go out anyways. I had the house to myself, so I had a few hits. I was doin pretty good with not smokin it all the time, though. I mean, I only had it once in a while now, not every day, twelve, fifteen times a day like before, when I was livin on the street. And I hadn't touched H since detox. I was doin okay.