And Berry Came Too (14 page)

“Fitch and Carson,” said Berry. “They’re going to deport the wicked as soon as Satan arrives. To Break Heart Heath, I believe – an appropriate spot. Jonah will follow and bring them home in the Rolls. He’s really a perfect producer… I wish we could show a light. There’s a monstrance here with a ruby as big as an eye. It can’t be real, can it?”

“I’ll be back in five minutes,” said I, and ran for the cars…

‘Chief Inspector Wilson’ stared at the cheque.

Pay Mr Jennet or Order

Five hundred pounds.

“Is this a have?” he demanded.

“No,” said I, “it’s a present – from a very charming lady. You’ve done us extremely well, and she didn’t like the idea of your going empty away.” I showed it to each of the others: then I returned to ‘Wilson,’ folded it up and slipped it into his pocket and out of sight. “There are five of you here,” I said, “and, as you saw, it’s made out for five hundred pounds. In a way, the inference is obvious. On the other hand, there’s your leader – he’ll soon be here. I haven’t spoken to him, and I’ll leave it to you to decide how much he should have.”

The five replied as one man. So far as I heard, each put it a different way, but each spoke straight from the heart – with a steady, blasphemous vigour that did me good. I have no wish to seem harsh, but we had done the dowser no ill, while he had abused his position with all his might.

I did not watch his translation…

At three o’clock that morning we stood in the dining-room. Windows and doors were fast, and the lights were full on. The table was crowded – crammed with the Abbey plate. Chalices, platters and flagons – sacred vessels and caskets for which I can find no name…there was not one of silver, but all were of gold.

But the beauty was not all to the board.

On my right stood Daphne, her glorious hair unbound, turning her jade-green dressing-gown into some goddess’ robe: Jill stood between Berry and Jonah on the opposite side of the oak – a King’s daughter in blue and silver, with her pretty hands in her pockets, appraising her father’s hoard. On my right stood Perdita Boyte, swathed to the throat in old rose, a nymph awaiting her call – to meet the dayspring upon some mountain lawn. Curious in spite of himself, the Knave moved about the table, nosing the fusty collection we seemed so much to revere.

“All these years,” murmured Daphne, “and nobody knew.”

“What ever,” said Berry, “what ever will Christie’s say?”

“You’re not going to sell it?” cried Jill.

“Yes, we are, sweetheart,” said Jonah: “in self-defence.”

Perdita breathed in my ear.

“Did they seem comforted, Boy?”

“Stopped crying at once,” I whispered. “If their hands had been free, they’d have put their arms round my neck.”

“Oh, I didn’t” – indignantly.

I tucked her arm under mine.

“I know,” said I. “Neither did I.”

How Perdita Bought a Staircase,

and Berry Put on Raiment that was Not His

“When I was a child,” said Berry, “I was invariably sick after eating boiled mutton.”

“Thank you very much,” said Daphne. “And if you have any other similar reminiscences, perhaps you’ll postpone them until we have finished lunch.”

“If I must, I must,” said her husband. “Only don’t forget to ask me. I always feel that the pretty ways of childhood are too much ignored. Which reminds me. Tomorrow I must revisit scenes which I dignified in swaddling clothes. I can’t say I remember the occasion, but I have always understood that it was at Thistledown that, my cot having disappeared, I was put to sleep in Queen Elizabeth’s bed. And they all came up after dinner to see the child a foot long in a gold and crimson four-poster some ten feet square.”

“How sweet,” said Perdita Boyte.

“More,” said Berry. “It was prophetic. For such as had eyes to see, my great predecessor’s stomacher – the pearl one – had already fallen upon my t-tender trunk. I confess I can’t swear in Latin, but the imperious personality is there. I sometimes wish it wasn’t, you know. Repression is bad for the health. Yet what can I do? If I were to let it appear, those I love would be fighting to wash my feet.”

With that, he raised his tankard and Daphne discharged a roll.

To duck in the act of drinking can always be done – at a price…

As Berry recovered his breath—

“We were talking of Thistledown,” said I, swiftly.

“Couldn’t we all go?” said Jill. “And take our lunch?”

“What could be better?” said Berry, wiping his face. “The park was always pleasant, and I rather imagine we shan’t get another chance.”

“Are you going to sell?” said Daphne.

“I suppose so. But I think I should see it once more before I sign it away.” He turned to Perdita. “One hundred and fifty acres…beautiful acres of England…and I’m offered two thousand pounds. But what can I do? When everything’s paid, it brings in about four and six. Four shillings and sixpence a year. Well, two thousand pounds in the hand is better than that. But I’ve got to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ within forty-eight hours.”

“Why such haste?” said Daphne.

“I cannot imagine,” said Berry. “That’s why I’m going to take a look at the place.”

“And the house and all?” said Perdita.

“No house,” said Berry. “The house was burned to the ground twenty years ago. And never rebuilt. Still, the park’s the same. I’d like to have it myself.”

Perdita knitted her brows.

“But isn’t it yours? I mean, if you’re going to sell it…”

“I hold it as sole trustee for a boy at school. Poor little chap. But for the War, he’d be spending his holidays there – with the jolliest father and mother you ever saw.”

“The Thistledown Curse,” said Jonah, and left it there.

“Looks like it,” said Berry. “You can’t get away from that.” He turned to Perdita. “Never cross a gypsy, my dear – a genuine Roman, I mean. Old Sir John Raby did – about forty years back. Turned her out of the park, or something – I don’t quite know what it was. And the lady cursed him and his house – to his face, in front of his grooms.” He broke off and shrugged his shoulders. “From that day nothing went right. Wife, eldest son, and fortune – he lost them all. His second son, Colin, succeeded, he was the best in the world. He seemed to be pulling things round till the house was burnt. He was at the front at the time, and, because he’d too much to think of, he’d let the policy lapse. He was killed in 1918, and his wife gave birth to the boy and then followed him out. And now the boy’s at Harrow, and all he’s got in the world is a short two hundred a year and a hundred and fifty acres which nobody wants – except for this Mr Puncheon: and he can’t want them much, if he’s only willing to go to two thousand pounds.”

“Poor child,” said Perdita quickly. “And when he leaves school – what then?”

“I can’t imagine,” said Berry. “I sold out to put him at Harrow. I think I was right. After all, he’s the eighth Baronet. But life can be very hard for a titled orphan who’s less than two hundred a year.”

“It might be worse,” said Jill. “He mightn’t have you for trustee.”

“I don’t actually rob him,” said Berry, “if that’s what you mean.”

“No,” said Daphne, “she doesn’t. She means that you do your duty, but that your interpretation of ‘duty’—”

“This discussion,” said Berry, hastily, “will now cease. Where were we? Oh, I know – Thistledown. Well, shall we all lunch there tomorrow? It’s sixty odd miles away, but a pretty run.”

“By Salisbury,” said Daphne. “Splendid. I want some silk for a cushion, and I think I can get it there.” She turned to Jill. “We must take a piece of that cretonne, to match it with. Will you tell Dacre to put a length in the car?”

“Is that my favourite?” said Berry. “The one that looks as if somebody’s trodden in something and then walked all over the place?”

As was only to be expected, the simile provoked great indignation.

“It’s really shameful,” said Daphne. “You never open your mouth without saying some filthy thing.”

“That statement,” said her husband, “savours of exaggeration – a failing which, as I have frequently indicated, tends to subvert the dignity of speech. Never mind. In this case I’m not to blame. You present to me something bestial, and I describe it as such.”

“But it isn’t bestial,” shrieked Jill. “It’s one of the smartest designs that—”

“If you mean it has atmosphere, I’ll give you that. It is also subtle and effective – in a singularly loathsome way. It passes direct into the bloodstream, like some odourless poison gas. It does no more than suggest: but the cunning suggestion it makes would put a ghoul off its food.”

“Of course,” said Daphne, “you’re making me feel quite ill.”

“It isn’t me,” said Berry. “It’s the cretonne that’s doing that. The bare recollection of its burden is more than enough. Sluglike, it leaves behind it a trail of slime: as a result, the digestive organs are startled, like sheep that have smelt a goat – I mean a wolf. They huddle together, quaking—”

“I do wish you’d be quiet,” said Daphne. “I tell you, I don’t feel well.”

“Of course you don’t,” said her husband. “I feel very funny, myself. And that’s just talking about it… But you never can trust these futurist conceptions. I had my suspicions the moment I heard its name.”

“It had no name,” said Jill.

“This one had,” said Berry. “I specially asked.”

“What was it called?”

Before we could intervene—

“
Boiled Mutton
,” said Berry. “Give Miss Mansel some water, Falcon. She’s going to choke.”

The Rolls was stealing through Salisbury when Perdita caught my arm.

“Oh, look, Boy. Isn’t that priceless?”

I could not look, for the light-hearted traffic was thick: but I berthed the car where I could and prepared to descend.

“They won’t let you stop here,” said Berry…

“I opened Perdita’s door.

We shan’t be a minute,” I said. “If the police intervene, just drive her round to the Close. Jonah’s there, for a monkey. Daphne won’t choose her silk under half an hour.”

“Well, why don’t you drive to the Close? Why should I have the onus of…”

With Perdita laughing beside me, I hastened the way we had come.

“And now – what was priceless?” I said.

“You’ll see in a minute. I’m terribly glad you stopped.”

And so was I – when I saw it. I would not have missed it for worlds. A miniature staircase of oak, for use in a library. That it had been designed by a master was very plain. Its handsome lines and the elegance of its proportions made it a work of art. The jut of the little ‘pulpit,’ its exquisite balustrade, the purity of the columns which held it up – these things stood out against its background, a curtain of cream-coloured rep. And, what was more, the dark wood was beautifully carved. Banisters, columns and base had been wrought with a delicate flourish that charmed the eye. With it all, it was made for use. I never remember a piece that looked at once so dainty and so substantial.

When I turned to Miss Perdita Boyte, the lady was gone. After a moment, I followed her into the shop… This was unattended. A voice from its depths declared that its keeper was occupied with a telephone call.

“…ten minutes ago. I tried to get on from there, but your line was engaged… Quite so… On the copy I had, it wasn’t coloured as yours, and of course, as I said in my letter… Exactly. You might almost call it the key. It controls the situation. For one thing only, to bring the services round… More like seven thousand. And what about the main road?… Yes, I know. Well, it’s all right now. The document’s signed… This afternoon, then. Goodbye.”

We heard the receiver replaced, and after a moment, a nice-looking man appeared. His eyes were steady and gentle, and iron-grey hair distinguished his clean cut face.

“Good morning,” said Perdita, quickly. “That little staircase you’ve got…”

Amusement flashed into and out of the other’s eyes. Then—

“May I call my partner?” he said. “He’ll deal with this better than I.” He lifted his voice. “Norm, where are you? You’re keeping a customer waiting.” He turned again to Perdita. “Won’t you sit down?”

An older man came bustling from the back of the shop. As he approached, the other picked up a hat.

“If I may, I’ll leave you to him. You’ll be safe in his hands,” and, with that, he smiled and bowed and walked out of the shop.

Some twenty-five seconds later, Perdita purchased the staircase for twenty-five pounds.

Then she drew an odd cheque from her bag and began to dictate the address—

“
Mrs Pleydell, While Ladies, Hampshire
. That’s—”

“Perdita,” I cried.

“Be quiet. It’s my birthday present. Besides, it was made for White Ladies, and that ladder you’ve got isn’t safe.” She returned to the shopkeeper. “Could you possibly send it today? If it could be there this evening…”

“I think I can do it, madam. My van’s going down to Southampton this afternoon.” He hesitated. “I’m glad it’s to go to White Ladies. It came from a house like that.”

“Where did it come from?” said I.

“Thistledown, sir. I had it in my workshop at the time of the fire. It had very clumsy castors, and I was taking them off and generally cleaning it up. And then I was asked if I’d take it in settlement of my bill.” He smiled. “I’ve often tried to sell it, but though it’s very pretty, it’s made for use. And it wouldn’t look right outside of a library.”

Perdita’s face was glowing.

“Isn’t that glorious?” she said. Before I could answer, she had returned to the man. “You know your partner said that I should be safe in your hands.”

The other stared.

“My partner, madam?”

Perdita nodded.

“The one who called you and then went out of the shop.”

Norm put a hand to his head.

“That wasn’t my partner,” he said. “That was Lord Prentice, that was – the head of the armament firm. He’s down this way on business. I’ve known his lordship for years.”

We withdrew in some confusion – on Perdita’s part.

“And I took him for a tradesman,” she wailed.

“And he was quick enough to cover up your mistake. He didn’t want you to be embarrassed, so don’t go and spoil the good work. Besides, he is a tradesman – of a rather distinguished kind.”

But Perdita nursed her error and would not be comforted.

By way of changing the subject—

“The Rolls has gone,” said I. “We must walk to the Close. And what about your sweetness? Am I to mention—”

“Of course you’re not,” cried Miss Boyte. “I want it to be a surprise.”

We reached the Close to find the cars side by side and Berry and Jonah discussing the failings of women with crooked smiles.

“We haven’t been long,” said Perdita.

“Dear heart,” said Berry, “though I find no fault in you, I deplore the company you keep. Consider the facts. That pin-toed leper was driving: rightly or wrongly, he was in charge of the car. It was, therefore, for me to go with you – to minister to your fancies and anticipate your desires. So far from enjoying that lawful privilege, I have, by his misconduct, been subjected to the foulest insults at the hands of a policeman, less qualified to control traffic than to groom goats in hell, and to the perspiratory inconvenience of manoeuvring a chassis, which I have always maintained was unnecessarily long, between vehicles, the drivers of which were devoid of the faculty of consideration, and round corners which could be comfortably circumvented by a goat-chaise.”

“But I heard you—”

“Beloved,” said Berry, hastily, “such strictures as an innate sense of decency dictated were not being passed upon you. If I may believe this blear-eyed but otherwise inoffensive representative of my sex, he has for three quarters of an hour awaited the return of a harpy who promised that she would be back before five minutes had passed.”

“Add Jill to Daphne,” said I, “and you ought to know what to expect.”

“It’s the old Eve,” said Berry, and shook his head

“I don’t mind his being kept waiting: in fact, it’s good for his soul: but suppose I’d driven them over – I nearly did.” As though appalled by this hypothesis, he sat back and mopped his face. “And what could I have done? Nothing – except sit still, while the tide of indignity rose, the seething but impotent victim of a lack of principle so vicious as to be almost Cretian. And now, shall we go? I don’t suppose they’ll be long and, in any event, we have the luncheon with us. Besides, if they saw me here, they might be afraid to come back.”

With his words the delinquents appeared.

As they drew near, I perceived that all was not well, for Daphne’s brows were knitted and a wistful look was hanging in Jill’s grey eyes.

Then the Knave went bounding to greet them and set them smiling again.

My sister lifted her voice.

“All four of you here. How nice.”

“And Berry’s driving,” cried Jill. “I’m going to sit beside him. When he gets tied up in the traffic, he makes me die.”

She pitched a length of cretonne into the car, took the seat beside Berry and set her cheek to his sleeve.