And I Love You (30 page)

“No need. I can see fine.” His one working eye looked her up and down, making her feel exposed and off-kilter, which was nothing new where he was concerned. “You look gorgeous as usual. Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I
was
at work, and then I heard what happened. I walked out of a room full of family members to come check on you, so don’t brush me off like my concern doesn’t matter to you. I know better.”

“It does matter, El,” he said with a tortured sigh. “And it’s nice of you to come all this way to check on me and risk family scandal to do it. I appreciate it.”

“But you don’t want me here.”

“That’s not it, and you know it.”

“Then what is it? Spell it out for me.”

“I told you once already. You don’t want me. I don’t deserve you, not in my current condition.”

“Don’t tell me what I want or what you deserve. And what current condition?”

He paused for a long moment before his broad shoulders sagged. “It’s been bad,” he said so softly she almost couldn’t hear him. “Since the wedding.”

She knew he meant the grief, and the agony she saw on his face and heard in his voice touched the deepest part of her. “Gavin.” She went to him, needing to touch him, to hold him, to offer any comfort he would take from her. Flattening her hands on his bare chest, she looked up at him, beseechingly. “Let me help.”

He shook his head and sidestepped her, his rejection leaving her bereft. “You should go, Ella.”

She turned to him, unashamed of the tears that spilled down her cheeks.

“Fuck,”
he whispered. “Don’t do that. Don’t cry. Please don’t.”

“What do you expect me to do?” Angry now, she wiped the tears from her face. “You tell me you care about me, you kiss me, you rock my entire world, and then you walk away like it meant
nothing
to you, giving me some bullshit story about what you’re
capable
of.”

“It meant everything to me.”

“Then
why
do you keep pushing me away?”

Dropping the ice pack on the counter, he came to her, using his thumbs to clear away new tears. “Because it’s what’s best for you.” She shivered from his touch and not because one hand was freezing cold.

“I can understand why someone would be driven to punch you.”

The uninjured side of his face lifted into a small, sad grin. “I’m not pushing you away because I don’t want you. It’s because I have nothing at all to give you.”

“That’s not true.”

He stopped her heart when he framed her face with big, work-roughened hands, forcing her to look at him. “You deserve far better than some broken guy’s scraps.”

“You’re not broken, Gavin. You’re wounded but not broken.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. You run a successful business. You’re there for your friends and family when they need you. You help your parents put on the road race every year. If you were completely broken, you wouldn’t be able to do any of those things.”

“I’ve been spiraling lately. I can’t let you be part of that.”

“Then let me be part of
stopping
it.” She put her arms around him, freezing when he winced.

“He got me in the ribs, too.” Raising his arm, he showed her a huge bruise she’d somehow missed.

She put her hands on his hips, trying to ignore the rippling six-pack that made her want to kiss each well-defined muscle on his spectacular stomach. “Let me help.”

“I can’t. I’ve got to find my way out of this myself. Until I do, I can’t let you in. I just can’t.”

“Why do you have to do it yourself? Why can’t you let anyone help you? Why can’t you let
me
help you?”

“Because if I’m going to destroy myself, I’m not taking anyone else down with me, especially not you.”

His words brought new tears to her eyes. “Please don’t say things like that. Please don’t talk about destroying yourself. You have no idea how many people love you.”

“Including you?”

A flash of blind rage caught her by surprise. “You haven’t earned the right to ask me that.”

“Fair enough.” He kissed her forehead, lingering for a long, heart-stopping moment. “Go on, Ella. I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t want to go. I want to stay. I want to be with you and hold you and …”

“Ella,” he groaned. “Please … Don’t do this to me. I can’t. I just can’t.”

There was so much more she wanted to say. Maybe if she put her heart on the line and told him how desperately she loved him it would make a difference. But she couldn’t seem to take that leap, no matter how badly she wanted to. She wouldn’t guilt him into being with her. So without another word, she turned away from him and walked out the door.

Leaving him when he was so clearly in desperate need took everything she had and then some. In no condition to go back to work or to face her family, she went home to the apartment she rented in town from an elderly couple. She trudged up the stairs to her place, fumbled with her key in the door and, once inside, went straight to her bed, where she finally gave in to the sobs that overtook her.

He’d sent her away again, and this time her heart was well and truly broken.

Megan was long gone to work when Hunter woke up on Saturday morning, his body tired and aching from what he’d put it through during the night. But it had been so worth it. He lifted his arms over his head to stretch as erotic memories from the blissful night ran through his mind like the best movie he’d ever seen. He was completely gone over her and already counting the hours until he could see her again.

First he had to go to Rutland with Will to see a man about a ring. Even though he ached from head to toe, he went to the basement to get in a quick workout before he grabbed breakfast, a cup of coffee and a shower. Once again, he skipped the shaving portion of his morning ritual for the simple reason that she liked his stubble. If she liked stubble, he’d give her stubble.

He was dressed and ready when Will arrived shortly after ten. “Ready for this?” Hunter asked his brother when they were in Will’s truck heading south.

“Yep.”

“That’s it? Just ‘yep’?”

“Yep.”

Hunter laughed. “It must be nice to be so sure.”

“It is. I’ve done this once before when I wasn’t as sure, and this is way better.”

“Where does Cameron think you are today?”

“Helping you with something.”

“You don’t think she has any idea?”

“If she does, she’s not letting on to me. She’s been crazy busy with work and helping Hannah get ready for next weekend.”

“What’s your plan for popping the question?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that. When I asked Lisa, I took her out to the property where my house is now and asked her, hoping she might want to live with me there. We all know how that turned out. I’d like to ask Cameron at home, but I don’t want her to think she’s getting the same thing Lisa got. You know?”

“I can see what you mean. Are you determined to do it there?”

“I wanted to do it in our place, the place we’ve made ours.”

“I doubt she’ll be thinking of Lisa and what you did for her when you’re down on one knee asking her to marry you.”

“What if she does though?”

“She’s not going to. She’ll be freaking out and crying and doing all that stuff women do when guys declare themselves. You’ll be fine. You already know she’s going to say yes.”

“I want it to be special. Not just another night at home.”

“You’re going to be putting a diamond ring on her finger. That makes it special.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I usually am.”

Will grunted out a laugh. “I walked right into that.”

“While we’re in Rutland, I need to hit the mall.”

“Sure, no problem.”

He’d be on the receiving end of no small amount of abuse when Will found out what he needed to get at the mall, but that was okay. If it meant seeing Megan decked out in silk lingerie, he was good with that.

“Did you get the message from Mom last night about what she wants us to wear to dinner tomorrow?”

“Yes! Denim shirts and khakis can only mean one thing.”

“The dreaded family photo.”

“Ugh. Does she think we don’t know?”

“I’ll never understand why we all have to dress alike. It’s so goofy.”

“We’re far too old for that. We ought to protest.”

“I’ll let you handle the protest as the oldest.”

“Gee, thanks.”

They went to five different jewelry stores in Rutland before Will found what he was looking for—an exquisite two-carat emerald-cut diamond in a platinum setting with smaller diamonds on either side of it. He’d wanted simple, classy and understated rather than the flashier style that was in vogue these days, and Hunter totally approved of his choice. The brothers had learned more than they’d ever wanted to know about color, clarity, cut and carat, but Will’s pleasure at finding the perfect ring for Cameron was contagious.

While Will made the purchase, Hunter browsed the cases filled with dazzling gems and polished metals. One of the rings caught his eye—a square-cut yellow diamond that stood apart from the others with its unique color. He stared at it until his eyes began to water from not blinking. The weirdest feeling came over him, not unlike the feeling he got every time he looked at Megan.

“Help you with something?” one of the saleswomen asked.

“Could I see that one?” He pointed to the ring that had caught his eye.

“Of course.” She unlocked the case and withdrew the ring he’d indicated, handing it over to him.

The moment the ring made contact with his hand, a charge of electricity traveled through his body, leaving him stunned by the power of the connection he felt to a ring, of all things. His gut hummed with awareness as he studied the incredible ring while the saleslady listed its attributes. As he stared at the yellow stone, he heard bits and pieces of what she was saying … just under three carats … an exceptional cut, a unique color.

“I’ll take it.”

“Oh,” the stunned saleslady said. “Wonderful.”

Like with Megan, he’d taken one look and known. He’d
known
. That was the ring she was meant to have.

Carrying a small shopping bag that contained the ring he’d bought for Cameron, Will joined him. “What’re you doing?”

“I have no idea,” Hunter said with a nervous laugh.

“Are you
buying
that ring?”

“It seems that I am.”

“For Megan?”

“I believe so.”

“Um, wow?”

“It’s okay. You can say it. You can tell me I just started actually seeing her this week, and the last thing I should be doing is buying her a ring.”

“What you said.”

“I’m crazy, right?”

“Your words, not mine.”

Hunter laughed at Will’s obvious effort to refrain from saying the wrong thing. “Feels right.”

“Then do it.”

“I’m doing it.”

“Okay, then.”

“But I’m crazy, right?”

“I’d like to take the Fifth on that one.”

“I am crazy—about her.”

“Does this count as the most spontaneous moment of your life?”

Hunter handed over his credit card, trying to remember what the limit was on that card and hoping it was enough. “Without a doubt.”

Twenty minutes later, the brothers left the store, each with a small silver bag in hand.

“Well, that turned out to be more interesting than expected,” Will said. “And I expected it to be pretty damned interesting.”

“Why are my hands shaking?” Hunter asked.

“Because you just spent thousands of dollars without first doing a thorough analysis and without consulting
Consumer Reports
?”

“I don’t think that’s why, although that’s a good guess.”

“Maybe because you just decided, while standing in a jewelry store, that you want to marry a woman you’ve been dating for less than a week, a spontaneous decision so contrary to your entire life before now that your closest brother is wondering if you’ve been abducted by aliens?”

“That could be it.”

Will lost it laughing. “Do you think?”

“I should take it back, right? This was stupid and impulsive and irresponsible.”

“It was all those things, but it was also perfect. If you could’ve seen the look on your face when you saw that ring …”

“Yeah, it was kind of perfect.”

“Nothing says you have to go home and pop the question. In fact, I’d prefer if you could hold off for a day or two so Cam can have her moment.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Excellent,” Will said, shaking his head and laughing at Hunter.

“I’d planned to hit Victoria’s Secret and buy her something sexy. How’d I end up with a diamond ring?”

“You may be still asking yourself that question in thirty years.”

“Probably so, but I’ll never forget the way I felt when I saw that ring.” He rested his hand flat on his abdomen. “I felt it here.” He moved his hand to his chest. “And here.”

“Then you did the right thing buying it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“Hey, that’s my line.”

“You’ve gone off the rails.”

That might be true. In fact, it was absolutely true. But Hunter was discovering he rather enjoyed life off the rails. At least he was out of his rut.