And I Trusted You (5 page)

I stood up to walk off, but Ray blocked my way.  He looked at me with the strangest look in his hazel eyes. Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed me and pulled me close. My head rested on his shoulder and for a minute it felt really nice. I tried to back away and he gently turned my chin as he kissed me. It was a slow, soft, gentle kiss. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. I backed away shaking my head.

“What did you do that for?” I asked softly.

“Because I’ve wanted to since the first time I saw you.  Leslie, you don’t take me seriously. But, I am in love with you. I know you love John, but I can wait. You’re worth it.”

“Ray, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I’m just gonna forget about this. I have a lot on my mind and this isn’t something I need to deal with right now.” I said turning to leave.

“I know about what happened yesterday with John and Cynthia, Leslie.”

I turned and stared at him. How could he know? I’m sure John hadn’t told him anything, or had he? I fell into a chair holding my head in my hands. Finally I looked up at Ray blinking back tear. I was not going to cry in front of him anymore. I was gonna put my best face on and work through this alone.

“So, you know. And how in the world can you be in love with me and dealing with all your female friends, especially Joanne? I can’t take you seriously and you know it. I’m leaving. I’ll see you on Monday. And, Ray, when I come back, I don’t wanna discuss this. I don’t ever wanna discuss this or what happened yesterday. Except for this, how did you find out?”

“When I left to go talk with Joanne, I stopped by your place. John was just getting there and Cynthia was with him. I asked why they were stopping at the house and he told me he was showing her the new addition and the workmanship. Something about her needing some work done and asking if he knew anyone and their quality of work. I bought it and left. I know Cynthia has had a thing for John ever since she started working there. Her best friend is my cousin’s wife. I told John he needed to be careful around her and he promised he would be. He said he didn’t even think of her like that and I didn’t have anything to worry about. He said he would never do anything to hurt you. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it has ever happened before yesterday. I’m not pleading his case, or taking his side, I just know how much John loves you. But I can see he really hurt you.” Ray reached for me. I backed away and walked out the door.

“I don’t want to discuss this again. All you men are alike sticking up for each other. I hope he didn’t expect me to believe anything you said with the way you treat women as objects. PLEASE!” I said and slammed the door shut.

As I drove to my hotel, it was all I could do to not pull over and just let it all out. How could he think I would buy anything he said? He and John deserved to be friends they were two of a kind. I needed to get some things from the house, so I made up my mind to go by when John was at work tomorrow. I had sent my sister over to get some clothes for the kids, enough to last them for a month. I didn’t know when I would be going back to the house. It probably wouldn’t be until John left and I had a chance to change the locks.

I took care of my errands and settled in for the night. I grabbed the phonebook to find someone to talk to. I knew I needed to talk to someone and I couldn’t hold my feelings in forever. But I didn’t wanna talk to John before I cleared my own mind. It was hard to find someone because we lived in a small town. It seemed like everyone knew everyone. I decided on someone in Columbia since it was a bigger city with more choices. I switched on the TV and turned to my favorite channel, Lifetime. There was a movie on about a woman who thought she had the perfect marriage and discovered her husband was a serial killer. Oh God, this was the last thing I needed to watch, so I turned to something else. I couldn’t settle in, so I got into the car and drove over to my sister’s house. The children were playing on the PlayStation 3. She said they had already eaten so I had them get ready for a late movie.

On the way, Stacie asked, “Mommy, is everything okay between you and daddy? He came by a couple of hours ago and asked us if we knew where you were staying. Josh and I were surprised ‘cause we thought you guys were together. Everything is okay, isn’t it?” She prompted with concern.

“Stacie, your father and I need some time apart. Remember how I told you married people don’t always get along? Well, this is one of those times for us. I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t know how.” I said looking over at her. For a ten year old, she was rather mature. She was excellent at reading between the lines and seeing things for what they really were.

“Mommy, something as serious as this, you just come right out and say it. Parents are always worrying about protecting their children, when it would be much better if you’d just let us know what’s going on. So, are you at home, or is Daddy there?”

“If daddy came by asking where she was staying, he’s the one at home.” Said eight-year old Josh. “When are you going back home?” Asked Josh, the thinker. He usually didn’t get emotional about things. He just took them as they came. Sometimes, I wished Stacie were the same way.

“I’m not sure. We have a lot to work through. But, as you can see, I’ve arranged for you to stay with Aunt Helen for a while. Right now, I don’t want your father to know where I’m staying because I’m not ready to talk to him. Not yet, anyway.” I said pulling into a parking space at the plaza.

We all got out of the car and as we walked inside, Stacie and Josh commented simultaneously, “He must have done something really bad.” I looked at my children in amazement and realized that I couldn’t be selfish. Regardless of how I felt, they needed their father. After the movie, we went to an all night diner. The kids mentioned Aunt Helen was nice and all, but she didn’t cook like me. So, I gave in to their wishes for a quick snack. Just as I was about to pull into a parking space, I saw Ray and John walk in the door. I quickly maneuvered the Mercedes E320 around the back of the building and informed the children, we’d go somewhere else.

Once they had their snack and I took them home, I returned to the hotel. “Was I being selfish? I mean, I was the one who was betrayed, wasn’t I? And what was John doing with Ray? The too of them are probably up to no good. I hope Ray doesn’t think he can get me to forgive John, ‘cause I’m not trying to hear it.” I took my shower using my aromatherapy gel and drifted off into a quiet sleep with the TV watching me once again.

A sound awakened me, so I sat up in the bed slowly and listened. There was movement outside my window. I quickly put on my housecoat and grabbed my purse. Surely, I was just being paranoid. It was probably just a late check in and they were going to their room. I looked at the clock. It seemed later than 1:30 am. I walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. I almost peed on myself. John was standing outside the door. He was looking around like he was trying to decide which door to knock on. “Oh, please let him keep walking.” Of course, I didn’t have to answer. And I know the hotel wouldn’t tell him which room I was in because of their privacy policy. I knew I should have switched hotels today.  I stood by the door praying he’d walk away and finally he did. After a while, I went back to bed thinking I’d check out first thing in the morning. He must have drove around until he found my car. I finally went back to sleep. But, I was up at 5:30 packing my things and running back and forth to the bathroom. I dressed in a hat, baggy jeans and a pair of running shoes. I was careful to stay in the shadows, just in case John was watching. I called a taxi from the office to pick me up and left my car there. “Let’s see if he finds me again.” I could order in and talk to the kids on the phone. I’d have to take a taxi to services tomorrow morning. But, that shouldn’t be a problem, since John doesn’t ever go anyway.

My Saturday was a lazy day spent doing nothing but listening to music and watching TV. I tried not to think about my situation, but I did. I had chosen a counselor and hoped to be able to see them first thing Monday morning. I phoned Ray telling him, “I’m not going to be in on Monday morning. I have some business to take care of. But, I’ll call you if I’m done in time to get to work.”

“Leslie, I talked to John. He’s so sorry. He said you wouldn’t give him a chance to explain how things happened. You owe him at least that, don’t you think?”

“Don’t you tell me what I owe him! You aren’t married to him and in love with him and being hurt by him, now are you? I don’t care what he told you. I know the two of you will stick together like glue, anyway. He’ll get his chance, don’t you worry about that. And tell him to stop asking my children where I am and trying to find me.” I said as I slammed the phone down.

“Men! They were always thinking about themselves.” The rest of my day was pretty easy. I finally got a decent night’s sleep and was up early getting ready for services. I was looking forward to having some uplifting spiritual food, after the week I’d had. I dressed in a two-piece black linen suit with light gray accessories. I was looking good even though I felt like crap. When I arrived I was surprised at how many people were already there. Our congregation tends to be late-comer’s. I paid the driver and asked him to return in an hour and a half. As I walked up, I began greeting familiar faces and friends. I stepped inside trying to see where I wanted to sit, when someone came up from behind me and grabbed my elbow. I thought I was in someone’s way, so I stepped to the side. I looked around to see for whom I was moving. As my knees buckled, the strong hands steadied me on my feet. I could have slapped the color off of him!

I have never ever known John to come to early Service’s, in fact, he’s never been to services as far as I can recall. But there he was, holding my arm and smiling down at me. He gently squeezed my arm and asked where I wanted to sit. I tried to smile back as he guided me to a row of seats. “How dare he show up here like there is nothing in the world wrong? He must think I’m stupid.”

“John, why are you here? You never come here.” I said through a forced smile.

“I had to see you, Leslie. I’ve been so worried about you. I saw your car at the hotel, but I never saw you come to it.” He replied.

“You’ve been watching and following me? John, you can’t do that. I told you I don’t wanna see you. What part don’t you understand?”

“I understand all of it, but you are the one who always says we should never stay angry with each other, that we should talk things out. I’m just following your advice. Are you saying it wasn’t good advice?” He wanted to know.

“You know I’m not saying that. I just need some time to think. This is not the place for us to talk, I came here for spiritual food, not your bull! I’m trying not to make a scene, John, but you’re pushing me.’ I said as I quickly plopped down.

“Well, I’m sorry. I’m doing everything I CAN, NOT to lose you, Leslie. My life has been lonely since you left and I want my family back more than anything in the world. Please give me a chance.” He said through watery eyes. “Here comes the bull. Typical.”

I reached into my purse and pulled out a tissue. I handed it to him then slid a little further away from him. Even though I was angry with him for what he’d done, I was still in love with him. I didn’t want my feelings to show. So I kept a few inches between us. All through the service, John paid attention and I tried to concentrate. I was able to discern that the discourse was about forgiveness. Ironic I thought
,” today of all days the topic would be so applicable to my life.”
Maybe it was a sign or something. When the service was through, John guided me outside, smiling broadly all the way. As I looked around for my taxi, John said, “I’m sorry, but I told him I’d take you home. He’s not coming.” He said softly as I stared at him with  my mouth opened.

All I could do was look up at him. People were walking by and smiling at us, so I walked with him to the car. “Where do you think we are going?” I demanded.

“Someplace where we can talk with no distractions. We need to really talk and listen to each other.” He said as he opened the car door for me and closed it. He pulled into traffic and we moved away from my safe zone. I had always felt safe in that building, but now he had taken that way from me along with everything else. We drove for about an hour to a park. It was where we had gone on our first date. He even had a picnic basket in the back seat, which he got out as we exited the car. I was surprised he even thought enough to do something like this considering how I felt about him right now.  We walked to a large maple tree and he spread the blanket for us to be seated upon it. He reached down and took my shoes off and helped me sit down. He placed the stuff in the basket on the blanket then looked at me and smiled. I just stared at him with a blank expression. I wanted to see just how far he was willing to go.