along with much family detail: her father was a clergyman who had refused a living because of his doubts about the Thirty-nine Articles and who supported himself and his family by taking pupils. The last half-year of her life was spent in Madiera: the reasons she gives are her father's health and the cheapness of living there, but her own health must have been a consideration, perhaps the main one.
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There is so much enthusiasm for living, learning, and observing in her journal, and she was so obviously a fluent and relaxed writer, that the occasional gloomy entries come with a real shock. The first of these occurs less than a year before the end:
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| | Journalizing has lost its interest with me. I am dreary, dispirited, and ill. The only occupation I pursue with any interest is that of increasing my knowledge of chronology. I have in the last few days learned perfectly a hundred dates.
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The gloom did not last: on the very next day she is reading Nichol's book on the solar system with obvious interest, and by the following week she records that in reading Nichol, "astonishment, delight, admiration, almost overpowered my imagination and thoughts." On 29 January 1839 she writes:
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| | While they went to church in the morning, I was as usual left alone, and sank into a long melancholy reverie on subjects which will intrude themselves whenever I am alone. I ought to esteem myself happy; but all the enjoyment of happiness is gone, and cannot return . There is nothing in Madiera which is dear to me; the land, the people, are new and unknown and strange. Nay, it makes no little difference to me that in every room of the house I look round on strange furniture, which belongs to another, instead of our own, which I remember from earliest childhood. Oh there are moments when visions start up before me of sweet well-known spotswoods where the anemone and bluebell grow; streams shaded with ash-trees and hawthorn, where I have wandered alone in early spring mornings, on violets and primroses and grass drenched with dew, myself the happiest of the happy, listening to the songs of the birds, and shaking over me a shower of bright drops, as I gathered the branches of the willow or bullace. Oh, how many happy hours, which seem to me but as yesterday, start up in contrast with the present! I live it all over again, and I cannot avoid weeping. There is no language to describe the sharp pain of past and regretted happiness. I was much happier as a child than I am now, or ever shall be.
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