Angels in My Hair (10 page)

Everyone else had gone home, only the floor manager, Mark
and I were left. The manager came up to me and asked if I was
finished. I told him I needed about five minutes. When I
finished stocking the rails I started to walk towards the cloakroom.
I looked back to see Mark as he worked at the handbag
counter. I hurried down the stairs to the cloakroom to get my
coat, and then went back up the stairs quickly in the hope of
getting another glimpse of Mark. I did – he was talking to the
manager. I knew that would be the last time I would ever see
him.

The shop door closed behind me. As I walked out through
the car park and through the lanes at the back of the department
store, I was giving out to the angels. I felt so helpless. All
of a sudden, angels appeared in a brilliant light, surrounded
me and reached in and took my soul from my body. From that
moment on I remember nothing. I don't remember my journey
home or anything else that evening. Waking up the next
morning, I knew that the angels had transported my soul so
that I could be with Mark spiritually, leaving my body and soul
connected by a thread.

As I got out of the bed the next morning my body felt so light
that I could hardly feel the floor beneath my feet. I felt very still
and quiet in myself. I got dressed slowly and went downstairs.
I felt very weak and unwell. In the kitchen Mum asked if I was
okay and told me that I looked very pale.

I poured myself a cup of tea, took a slice of toast and went
out into the back garden, tea and toast in hand, to check on my
pet rabbit. This was only an excuse; I did not want to worry
Mum. I said goodbye to her and headed down the road to the
bus and then I noticed two angels, one at either side of me –
they were carrying me.

I smiled and said, 'Thank you, angels. Please help me to feel
a little bit better, physically, or I won't make it through the day.'

I could hear the angels whispering in my ear, 'Don't worry,
Lorna. We're taking care of you.'

There were a dozen or more people waiting for the bus as I
walked across the road to the bus stop. As I approached it I was
saying to the angels, 'Please let me get a seat. I won't be able to
stand.'

Within minutes the bus arrived; it was crowded but I got a
seat at the very back. I fell asleep and was awoken by rustling
– the man sitting directly in front of me was reading the
morning paper. The headline read: 'Young man gunned down
in Dublin City'. I closed my eyes; I was devastated.

When the bus reached the terminus, I got off with a crowd
and walked across the bridge towards Mary Street. I kept
walking, and as I was passing a shop called 'Hector Greys',
there was a radio blaring. I heard the newscaster saying 'A
young man has been gunned down.'

I started to run, and as I entered the lane alongside the
department store the tears were running down my cheeks.
There was no one else around. To my horror, I saw chalk
marks on the ground and torn yellow tape – this is where Mark
had been murdered, where he had been gunned down. There
was no one there; no police, nobody! I felt as if nobody cared.
I felt so cold and completely overwhelmed.

Everyone at work was talking about it. I kept myself
away from all of them so I wouldn't have to listen. I couldn't
avoid it, though. People thought it was a sectarian killing,
perhaps because of his girlfriend in Northern Ireland. One
thing I do know about Mark, though, is that he went straight
to Heaven. Remember, I had seen his soul when the angel
stooped over and touched it: his soul was beautiful, blue
crystal clear without a stain. When he died the angels
were there with him and especially the Angel of Death –
as were some members of his family that had gone before
him – and they all gently took Mark straight to Heaven.

When lunch time came that day, I called Joe and asked him
to meet me after work at the back entrance to the store. I told
him that I was off work the next day and we could go out that
night. I still felt terrible and I needed his arm around me, to
make me feel a little better. I was also very weak and felt unable
to walk as far as the bus stop. I've never forgotten Mark.

Joe and I loved the weekends. Every four weeks I would have
a long weekend off work and Joe arranged with Da to have
those weekends off too, whenever he could. I teased him that
he was lucky to work for my father. We always planned the
weekends ahead of time; some of our favourite places to go
were the Dublin Mountains, the Wicklow Mountains and
Brittas Bay, a beautiful beach along the coast, south of Dublin.

Travelling on the bus home with Joe one evening he said,
'How about going to the Sally Gap in the Wicklow Mountains
this weekend?' So, when Sunday morning came around Joe
arrived at my house at nine o'clock sharp. I met him across the
road, around the corner, where my family couldn't see us. I
had packed a picnic of ham and cheese sandwiches, apples and
a bar of chocolate. He gave me a big kiss and said, 'Let's go', and
we headed straight down to the bus stop – just in time, too, as
the bus was coming.

When the bus reached the Wicklow Mountains, everyone
got off and seemed to be walking in the same direction as us. I
was surprised to see so many couples and families with
children. I said to Joe that I didn't realise this area was so
popular. That day we walked about a mile to an area high up
and full of enormous rocks. It was fabulous: mountains all
around us, the fresh air so clear and crisp. We clambered over
the big rocks, something I loved doing, but Joe had to help me
frequently as they were gigantic and I am tiny, but they were
no problem for Joe. We had a lot of fun.

We sat down on one of the big rocks and had our picnic and
we talked for hours; sitting there, soaking up the sun, admiring
the beauty of the mountains. Eventually, we packed what was
left of our picnic into the bag; Joe took the bag from me and
put his arms around me. As we were about to climb down off
the rock, something happened which was a great surprise to
me. Joe's angel appeared behind him, to his right hand side and
about one step behind him. I smiled at the angel and it said,
'Lorna, see where the sun is shining on that little lake. Go
there.'

Joe asked, 'What is that great smile for?'

I couldn't tell him that I was smiling at his angel; I still
hadn't got up the courage to tell him that I could see angels and
other things. I was afraid of his reaction.

'Look over there,' I said, 'where the light from the sun is
shining on that small group of trees and rocks; is that a tiny
little lake I see?'

'How come we didn't see that before now?' asked Joe.

We walked in the direction of the little lake, and when we
reached it we met a couple who were having a picnic and they
invited us to share a cup of tea with them. We all sat together
and talked and laughed on the shore of the little lake.

The angels allowed me to see beautiful things that day. It
would have been wonderful if I had been allowed to share my
secret with Joe then, and if the angels had allowed him to have
seen what followed, but it was not to be.

The lake was like a sheet of glass; the reflections of the trees
bounced off the water, as did that of a kingfisher who flew
across the lake. I could see another kingfisher moving under
the water, then its reflection as it rose out of the water,
showing an iridescent flash of the colours of the rainbow. It
bounced up, breaking through the surface of the lake, causing
a ripple and almost touching the end of the other bird's tail. It
looked like there were more than one bird: it was as if there
were a multitude of birds flying behind.

Then the angels said, 'Lorna, it's time to go.'

I told Joe it was starting to get dark and that we had better
head back. The couple with us said that they had a compass
and knew a different way back and they suggested we should
walk together.

We did. I don't know how long it took us to get back to the
bus stop, but I was exhausted when we did. Joe, gentleman as
ever, came all the way to my front door, gave me a goodnight
kiss on the cheek and ran down to catch the 'ghost bus' back
into Dublin. I asked the angels to protect Joe so he would get
home safely. I also asked the angels to keep Joe well: Joe
appeared to be full of beans, full of energy: but I could see the
organs of his body were starting to become diseased; they had
shrivelled slightly in size and seemed to have a grey look about
them. The change was slight, but it was clear to me. I feared
this was the beginning of the ill health that Elijah had spoken
about.

I have never forgotten the day my mother found out that I
was going out with Joe. It was a day I was off work: I did a
few jobs around the house for Mum and spent some time
with my rabbit, Isabel. My sister Emer was there that
afternoon too, and, as usual, Mum more or less ignored me.
All of my life I have noticed if I walked into the room when
one of my sisters or brothers were talking with my mum, they
would stop talking. If I stayed in the room or sat down and
joined them, the conversation would stop altogether.
Sometimes I felt a little sad that my family did not want to
share with me.

Joe and I had a date at 6.30, so later that afternoon I came in
from the garden to get ready. Mum was in the kitchen and she
asked me where I was going. I told her I was going to catch the
five o'clock bus and continued on through the hall and up the
stairs.When I was in the bedroom, I heard Mum and my sister
coming up the stairs. I shared the bedroom with my sister, so
I thought she was going to come in, but she didn't. They went
into Mum's bedroom. I could hear them talking, but I was too
excited about meeting Joe to take any notice. Now I realise that
Mum must have been quizzing Emer. As I came out of the
bedroom, they were both standing on the landing. Emer
looked at me guiltily.

'What's wrong?' I asked.

Mum screamed at me, 'Where do you think you're going?'

I was shocked! I had never seen Mum this way before. I told
her I was going to Dublin. Mum shouted back at me,
demanding to know was it true that I was going out with one
of the petrol pump attendants in my da's garage? Mum was
going ballistic; 'You're going out with that Joe! How long has
this been going on for? I want to know! It ends right now!'

Mum was extremely upset. I looked at her and said in a very
clear voice: 'I have been going out with Joe for months now
and I'm going to continue to go out with him. Now I'm going
to meet him.'

As I turned to go down the stairs, Mum grabbed my arm
tightly and started to pull at me, still shouting. 'How dare you
shame us by going out with someone lower class!'

I was really shocked at how upset she was – this was a
part of my mother that I had never seen before. To her mind,
Joe was beneath us. I just looked at Mum and continued
down the stairs. She held my arm tightly, pulling at me and
saying, 'You are not going for that bus to meet that young
man, Joe.'

I could see Mum's guardian angel standing behind her, in
tears; some of the tear drops were falling onto Mum's head. Da
was doing well now and they had a house of their own, and
Mum had forgotten that we as a family had once been homeless,
and then had considered ourselves lucky to be given a
corporation house. We had been poor, like so many other
families in Ireland at that time. Perhaps what made it worse for
Mum was that she came from a well-off family. They had felt
that she had married beneath her.

Now she held on to me so tightly that I had to be extremely
firm with her. 'Let go of my arm, you're hurting me. I don't
want to miss the bus. You'll have to accept the fact that Joe and
I are going out together.'

Mum's beautiful angel bent over her and embraced her
whole body, and just then Mum let go of my arm.

I pulled away, saying, 'Mum, I love you.'

I continued down the stairs, out the hall door and ran down
the road to the bus. As I sat on the bus, I thought about my
mum and her guardian angel.

Joe was standing at the bus stop in Dublin, waiting for me. I
was so happy to see him that I gave him a big hug, but I never
told him how upset I was. I never – then or ever – told Joe what
Mum had said, because I knew it would hurt him.

We strolled in the direction of a nearby pub, Maguire's,
which had a music night – I always loved hearing music. Joe
had a pint of Guinness; I seldom drank alcohol and had a 7Up.
Slowly the music and Joe's arm around me calmed me down,
and I almost forgot about my mother.

A few days later, Da spoke tome. 'I hear from your Mum that
you and Joe are a couple.'

He said he had noticed something between us, but had no
idea we were actually going out together. 'God! You kept that
a big secret.'

Da said that all that mattered was that I was happy. Da did a
lot for Joe: he helped him to learn the business and encouraged
him to move on in life, which was great for us. Mum never
spoke to me again about what happened that day – it was as if
it had never happened.

Sometimes the angels prepare me for things that are going
to happen; sometimes they give me visions and when this
happens, everything around me just vanishes. It's like being
transported to another time and place. Sometimes it is like
having a flickering television screen in front of me; other times
it's like a film going very fast. Sometimes this is very difficult
for me because I am unable to understand what is happening.
The 'film' might stop for a brief second, then I might see a
person or a place. Visions happen in many different ways.

One spring morning, when the weather should have been
getting brighter and sunnier, I got out of bed and dressed for
work. I drew back the curtains of my bedroom window and
looked out. Everything seemed to have a touch of grey about
it: it was as if grey paint was being sprayed into the atmosphere
and was covering everybody and everything. I stood there for
a moment, looking out the window. I saw a neighbour coming
out of his house, saying goodbye to his wife at the door,
walking towards his car and driving away. He, his car and
everything around him had a touch of grey. Another car came
down the road and it too was covered in the same greyness. A
young man ran past the house, and although the atmosphere
around him danced, it was also grey.

I went downstairs, made myself some tea and gave Tiger, the
cat, some milk. As I left for work I shouted goodbye up the
stairs. Walking down to the bus stop I called my angels but
they did not appear to me physically. I asked them, 'Why does
everything look so strange?'

'Don't worry, we are protecting you,' they whispered.

As I approached the main road, I saw the bus coming and I
ran to catch it. The bus was crowded but I managed to get a
seat. I felt very strange: I was starting to feel stillness and
silence creeping up on me. I looked at the people on the bus,
they, too, had that touch of grey about them. Even the bus
itself did not feel right; nothing looked real. When the bus
pulled into the terminus, on the quays by the River Liffey, I
called my angels again. They didn't answer me.

As I walked through the doors at the back entrance to work
I felt so light – it was like everything was in slow motion. I saw
some staff and managers already working. Only then did I
notice that nobody had an angel with them; not even on the
bus! I was shocked, I felt myself tremble.

The department store also looked grey. I went down to the
cloakroom, hoping I would see guardian angels with some of
the girls I worked with, but the cloakroom looked the same as
in the store – the girls there had no angels with them either,
even though I knew they must be there.

I kept calling on my angels, but they didn't seem to be
answering me. I left the cloakroom and went upstairs to the
shop floor. I stood in the fashion department, at one of the rails
looking towards the main entrance. I watched the manager of
the store and a security guard open the doors and saw the
customers start to walk into the store. Slowly, I started to see
guardian angels with people, but the angels did not look their
usual selves; their 'radiance' had disappeared and they were
dull – they seemed to be covered in that same grey that filled
the atmosphere.

I felt a tap on my shoulder; Angel Michael was standing
there beside me, smiling. He was looking as radiant as ever. I
asked Michael what was wrong.

'This is frightening me! I never saw this happen to angels
before. What is that greyness? It's literally in everything and
everywhere.'

'Lorna, it is going to be like this for a while,' Angel Michael
replied. 'We are going to keep you in a spiritual state to protect
you. You will still go to work, go home and do all the usual
activities, but things won't feel quite real to you.'

'Michael,' I said, 'Nothing looks real, even now. I can feel the
changes physically – I feel so light, still and quiet within
myself. It has been getting stronger as the day has gone on.
That greyness is literally in everything. It's horrible outside on
the street.' I turned and looked at him.

'Michael, can you and the angels not protect everyone out
there, the same way that you are protecting me?'

'No, Lorna,' Michael replied. 'Sometimes you are protected
differently. That will have to remain a mystery until it's time
for us to take your soul. No more questions now, Lorna. Just
listen to what I have to say. When you get into work every
morning, you must not leave the store. Only do so when it's
time to go home, and then you must head straight for the bus.
Understand?'

Just then, Valerie called me and Michael disappeared. I
walked up towards the cash register where she was standing
with Pauline and two other girls.We were chatting about what
needed to be done when the floor manager came over to us.

'Good morning, girls,' he said. 'I don't want to frighten you,
but the management has informed me that we must be on the
lookout for suspicious packages, like a paper bag or a packet
of cigarettes. Last night one of the cleaners in another store
found a packet that looked like cigarettes, but was actually a
firebomb. When we close this evening I want you girls to
search the rails of garments and check the changing rooms for
anything suspicious. If you find anything you should call me
straight away. Don't forget to check in pockets of garments.
We don't want the store to burn down and for all of us to lose
our jobs.'