Angels in the Architecture (44 page)

‘But we’re never alone,’ Rose asserted. ‘Not for a moment are we alone
? Not for a second are we left to ourselves?’

‘Such is your belief,’
said Nigel conclusively. ‘You’ve lived within the Church for some years, and I can understand that you would not have chosen such a path had you not believed this to be so.’

Rose smiled in acknowledgement
.

‘So what’s it all about then?’ Pete asked, almost with impatience, and certainly with some frustration, and a pleading look
towards Nigel.

Nigel’s calm, pleasant manner took
in Pete’s concern with obvious kindness.

‘Well, you know, I do think perhaps I should hog the floor a little less, and I’m quite sure our hosts have an answer to that,’ he said, turning
to Rose and Loraine.

‘Oh
, my friend, we are
most
comfortable with you holding the floor,’ Loraine responded graciously. ‘But since you ask ... what’s it all about?’ She looked to Pete. ‘I agree with Nigel that we can make it much too complicated. So to make it very simple . Faith. Love. Unity. These three. With these three you will move mountains. There is nothing more. Of course our evenings here explore much more ... what we can and can’t know principally. And in that exploration some will find frustration, some will find emptiness and disbelief, some will find Faith, and others ...’ She shrugged. ‘We have free will. We can choose these things. I choose these three and no more, although I must say, after so many years, I think they choose me as much as anything. I’m less able to
choose
in the same sense, as perhaps I could when I was younger.’

‘I thought it was
faith, hope,
and
love,
my dear,’ responded Maitland.

‘Yes, indeed
. Corinthians 13,
and the greatest of these is love
. Of course. But I have my own personal sense that has developed over time, and I have a great belief in the value of
unity
. And anyway, I’ve never quite got the idea of hope, if anyway we have faith. But! We cannot do what we do, alone. And while there cannot be sameness, there can be better understanding of difference. And indeed that is where we started this evening, with Maitland’s wonderful idea for a unity project with the Jewish community.’

‘Well, in point of fact
... ,’ Maitland began, ‘how we started this evening was with the hope that we would hear some wonderful discourse from our other guest this evening,’ looking to Alicia. ‘And now that we have something deliciously wonderful in a description of the unknown spirit world, I am just so wanting to know what the view of a scientist
is
on all of this. And I believe then, given also such a delightful litany from Nigel here, I shall then die entirely happy.’

Chortles and grins followed and broke the weightiness of the air.

‘Masterful, Maitland,’ sighed Rose, beaming, not quite sure who was directing the evening any more.

‘Thank you
, my dear,’ Maitland replied, and looked again to Alicia.

In the space of the few seconds that it
took Alicia to look from Maitland to Nigel to Pete and back, her uncertainty as to her own faith, and her doubt as to her science, melded into a single sense of the unified field of all things, that found a home for her beliefs, knowledge, and doubts, as well as those of the people present, and in all certainty those of many others; and she understood also that this had somehow been a gift from Nigel and that his timing seemed impeccable.

‘The knowledge of all things
does
exist,’ she said. ‘As a scientist I believe that. That is not to say we can in fact
know
everything. Doubtless there will be much that will remain hidden for many years to come. Perhaps some things will never be known, but ... we cannot disbelieve that the knowledge of them does exist somewhere.’

Alicia floated in a moment where everything made sense, and her own and others thoughts were all part of one great whole
that contained all of humanity, the world, its knowledge, and the reality of everything seen and unseen. She had experienced this moment only once or twice before in her life, and she knew it for what it was; that unique instance when time stood still, the moment that sportsmen described everything had slowed, and they knew they had scored the goal before their foot even struck the ball; a moment when anything was possible. It may last seconds, or minutes, or perhaps even an hour, but then it would be gone, almost as if it had never been there at all. Except that it had been, and Alicia sat within it as long as it would last. For in this particular moment, she understood the truth as well as the power of Nigel’s words, and of Loraine’s, and others.

‘For me,’ she continued, ‘I want to continue to find the unseen, to describe it, and to understand that meeting point of science with the spiritual. Because I do believe there is one. I’d probably go as far as saying that they’re one and the same if it wasn’t for the possibility that my colleagues would then believe I’m
completely
crazy.’

Alicia felt the moment receding and
savoured its last touch. ‘But it’s a cause of great happiness for any scientist – any person at all I think – when they discover some part of the meaning for our existence. There’s a euphoria comes from knowing. All scientists, whether or not they would admit it, are searching for some part of the equation that is
meaning
. It’s what we all do. It’s the thing that gives any one of us the greatest happiness – knowledge. Despite that, as you say, we can’t
know
that much.’

‘Ready to leave us
now, Maitland?’ Rose teased.

‘Yes
, indeed, that was perfect thank you. Should I do so, my sweet’ – he turned to Rose – ‘then I should surely enter heaven,’ joked Maitland. ‘Thank you so much,’ he said to Alicia. ‘You have given us so much this evening. I’m overjoyed. I cannot describe my elation at the confluence of both your contributions,’ he acknowledged Nigel.

‘Well
, I’m very pleased to be here, thank you,’ replied Alicia. ‘And that’s exactly it, Maitland, I agree – a confluence.’

‘A unity even,’ he added, turning
to Loraine, beaming.

‘It is,’ Loraine responded
, ‘a unity of science and religion.’

‘But this idea of time,’ Pete returned to an earlier point,
addressing Nigel, ‘and to ...’ Pete struggled with his thoughts, ‘to ... influence the past. It’s not possible.’

‘Yes, it is,’
replied Alicia, and the two, husband and wife, looked at each other..

‘At least in theory,’ Alicia continued. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘And does it matter, Peter,’ Nigel added, ‘in which direction your influence spreads?’

‘No, I suppose not,’
replied Pete.

Pete sat back, unsure what he had gained from the evening, knowing there was some truth spinning around him that he’d not grasped hold of yet. He looked across to his wife and noted that she had definitely embedded herself among those present.
She shone just a little
, he thought.

Maitland reached across the table to
shake Nigel’s hand, as conversation split into twos and threes; Maitland pursued the nature of belief with Nigel, and Rose moved around to Alicia to talk. Pete smiled at Loraine, who gestured him to follow her; apparently it was time to bring in food and drink. Pete circled the table, brushing his hand across Alicia’s shoulder as he passed her. She smiled, obviously content to be here after all her protestations, and resumed her chat with Rose.

Loraine
pointed Pete at a collection of glasses and cups, along with various bottles to be unscrewed or corked, and disappeared through to the kitchen, returning with already made-up plates of lamingtons and sandwiches.

As he passed glasses and cups
out, Pete felt oddly detached from the group, although that did not bother him and his head was spinning from the discussion and the uncertainties it held for him. He was thrilled that Alicia had apparently taken a lot of pleasure from the evening, and he looked forward to exploring some of the ideas with her more. She had changed in recent weeks, to so great an extent he felt almost at sea trying to understand her state of mind. She was paying more attention to him, as well as to their children, and less to her work. It was as though she’d woken up, realised there was a life she was a party to.

He
looked over to Maitland, engaged in mirthful discussion. Pete saw a man deeply loyal to his Faith, with an unshakeable love for humanity, and a heart ready and waiting for a kind act to pursue.

Next to him another
stranger-become-friend arriving from who-knows-where to provide a compelling reality for stretching the dimensions of thought and spirit.

Pete poured himself a cup of tea and sat down again, not yet participating, continuing his scan. Rose
and Loraine’s generosity and influence seemed unmatched. They had an uncanny knack for finding the intelligent and gracious, always welcomed and never judged. Their good humour, and acceptable level of – at least in Pete’s mind – of irreverence, drew others to them and provided an unlikely opportunity for the growth of a small, caring community of enquiry.

Pete loved these people. Theirs was not a company that desired more of him than he had to give, nor anything other than his willing presence and his deepest thoughts
: both of which it was his pleasure to give. On this night though, and for a while yet, he would keep his and his family’s changing destiny to himself. He had come here to find meaning in the otherwise apparent emptiness of a small child’s life, his son. Along the way he had found greater definition of his own life, and evidently now he witnessed Alicia’s renewal as well.

Was it simply that he took pleasure in an ongoing debate of sorts, with people he liked, or had there become more to his engagement with this world, as indeed he believed? He had few or adequate words for what he now believed to be an unseen world
inhabited by more than what his five senses told him. Nonetheless, his senses would on occasion remind him that potentially there was no meaning but that which his imagination alone conjured. These thoughts though gave him little pleasure; indeed, none at all. And that his scientist wife now weighed in on the deliberations gave him enormous satisfaction. The future held appeal, but it was the present that was the origin of that future, and by far the greatest investment he knew he could make in the
now
was the creation of happiness, and helping provide that for others was increasingly a key to his own contentment.

Alicia
caught Pete’s eye and tapped her watch. He was sorry to have to go, but he also wanted to spend time alone with Alicia. Saying goodbye could take a while as well when some farewells became the start of new conversations.

‘I’m sorry I’ve just met you and now I’m leaving,’ Nigel declared, standing to shake both their hands. ‘I’m returning
to Syria tomorrow,’ he continued.

‘Syria? My!’ Alicia exclaimed.

‘Oh, family business.’ Nigel smiled. ‘We will try to meet again,’ he assured them. ‘But really I don’t think you need me now.’

There were smiles and gestures all around, with kisses on cheeks and pats on backs, and arrangements were made fo
r other gatherings, as a real family would do at someone’s departure. Alicia revealed her genuine pleasure at the evening, and Pete was reminded of a pride he’d once taken in having a wife of charm and beauty and intelligence. The memory descended into his present reality such that a period of several intervening years all but disappeared into a catch-all of distant remembrances that were no longer quite real.

Pete
took Alicia’s hand, eager to steer her out faster. Finding their way into the hall he took her coat and scarf from the stand by the door, holding the one for her and wrapping the other about her neck gently. He quickly wrapped his own coat around him, opening the door for Alicia. On the pavement he took her arm through his and hurried off towards the Exchequer Gate.

‘What’s the hurry?’ Alicia whistled against the cold wind.

‘Just keeping warm.’ He grinned back.

Circling around and under the
arch, Pete stopped and pulled Alicia to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his nose into her neck. Rubbing his cheek against hers, he turned his face to his wife and kissed her.

There was no surprise
for Alicia as she sunk into her husband’s embrace and kiss. A dim light crackled inside the arch and Alicia drew back with a giggle.

‘What’s happening in your
world?’ She grinned at her husband.

‘I don’t know. But I
like it.’ He grinned back, and then kissed her again.

22

Wednesday
, 12 September 2001, New York City

Tim begins his Masters programme at Columbia today. It’s been difficult to find the right supervisor – Lissy would be ideal but it’s not a good look, and anyway she is overrun with exciting graduates. America has been such a wonderful academic environment for her – so imaginative.