Angels (Nevada James #3) (Nevada James Mysteries) (13 page)

Chapter 19

San Diego
County Jail was on Front Street downtown, not far from the police station. I’d
been there before, of course, but never in this capacity. The jail staff didn’t
bother taking my mug shot or going through the booking process. Everyone knew
this was a farce. I didn’t consider the experience much more than a nuisance,
right up until they took my Glock away. Suddenly the whole thing was a lot less
amusing.

I was
left to steam in a holding cell. I had the place to myself; it was maybe six
feet by eight feet and built entirely out of concrete that had been painted
white. A bench ran four feet long against one wall. There was a lidless metal
toilet at the end with a built-in sink for hand washing, and that was the
entirety of the décor I had to deal with. The guards hadn’t brought bedding in
for me, and I suspected they wouldn’t bother unless I wound up staying here
overnight. Given that I was getting progressively angrier the more time that
passed, and that my mouth had a tendency to get the better of me when I was
angry, that was a distinct possibility.

I felt
naked without my gun. I only took it off to sleep, and I could feel its absence
physically, as if I’d left the house without wearing pants. Besides the sense
of
wrongness
, anxiety was setting in and my skin was starting to crawl.
Logically, that made no sense. I was completely safe. I was probably safer in
this cell than I was in my own house, for all the security it had. It didn’t
matter, though. I was good with my hands in a fight; I’d earned the black belt
I wore in Molly’s dojo, but without my gun I had no chance of protecting myself
against the Laughing Man. He was better than me. The fact that he couldn’t
possibly show up here and attack me was irrelevant. Nor did it matter to me
that even if he
could
, he
wouldn’t
. He’d consider it cheating.
Not part of the game. But my mind was still going crazy.

I’d
never had a panic attack in my life. I wondered how far off one was. I didn’t
expect I’d enjoy it if it happened.

Sarah
Winters showed up before more than an hour or two had passed. It was hard to
tell. I couldn’t see the wall clock outside from the tiny window in the door of
my cell. Without my phone, I no longer had any idea what time it was.

I hadn’t
seen Sarah in months. She normally looked like someone who took good care of
herself; not a hair would be out of place and her makeup would be understated,
but perfect. Now she looked like I used to; she probably hadn’t brushed her
hair in a week and she had dark circles under her eyes. If she’d been working
long hours on a case I’d have understood, but I knew she hadn’t. Desk duty was
running her down. That gave me one more thing to be angry at Dan for.

A guard
opened the door and let her in, and then shut it behind us. Sarah gave me a
sympathetic look. “Are you all right?”

“Where
the fuck is Dan?” I asked. There was murder in my voice. I already knew I was
going to have to remind myself during this conversation that Sarah wasn’t the
one I was angry at. There was no reason to take any of this out on her.

“He’ll
be down in an hour or so,” Sarah said. “He thought you should have some time to
collect your thoughts.”

“He
thought wrong,” I said. “The longer I’m in here the more likely I am to…” It
was probably better for me to watch my words. “Stay angry,” I finished. “Does
he have any idea you’ve been helping me?”

“No,”
she said. “He never thought to ask, and I wouldn’t have told him, anyway.”

“Good.
Don’t. At this point he’d probably fire you.”

“I don’t
really care whether he does or not,” she said.

I looked
at her. “Oh, come on, Sarah. You love being a cop.”

“I
loved
being a cop,” she said. “Now I push papers around a desk. Sometimes I do a
little filing. That’s a red-letter day for me.” She shook her head. “Anyway, I
told him I’d come down here and take your temperature before he talked to you,
but I was just making an excuse.” She smirked. “I got the third murder.”

I looked
past her through the window. Nobody appeared to be watching us. It wasn’t like
they could hear what we were saying, anyway. Not unless there were microphones
in here?
Were
there microphones in here? I had no idea. “Tell me.”

“Brian
Haskill. He was a tech startup consultant in La Jolla. Shot six weeks ago in a
mugging.”

“Like
the others.”

“Exactly.
But three months before
that
, I found another Brian Haskill in the
system. This one sells tires in La Mesa.”

“And he
had a sexual assault charge?” I asked.

Sarah
nodded. “Exactly. It was dismissed for lack of evidence.”

I
exhaled slowly. “Well, that’s it,” I said. “I’ll be damned. Someone killed the
wrong Brian Haskill.” It made perfect sense to me now. Krystal had told me that
a
wrong
murder had taken place. That was what she’d been talking about.
Someone had made a mistake and killed an innocent person, and somehow Krystal
had found out about it. That led me right back to Second Star. There had been
nothing else in Krystal’s world that connected her to rape victims.

“Looks
like,” Sarah said. “I’m guessing it’s a vigilante killer who fucked up.”

“That
has to be it,” I said. “Nice work, Sarah.”

“Thanks.
It was nice to be doing something useful for a change.” She smiled. “You need
anything else from me?”

“My
gun.”

Sarah
glanced at the guard station through the window. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure they’re
not going to let you have that in here.”

“It’s
just as well,” I said. “I’m thinking about using it on Dan.”

Sarah
sighed. “He does mean well, Nevada.”

“He
meant well putting you on a desk, too. How are you enjoying that?” She winced
and I immediately felt bad. “Sorry. It’s just…I feel like a sitting duck in
here. He’s gone too far this time.”

“Yeah,”
Sarah said. “I’m with you on that one. When he said you’d been arrested I
thought maybe you were drinking again and got into some shit. Not that
he
was responsible for it.”

“This
one’s all him,” I said. “You should get out of here. It’ll be better if he
doesn’t walk in and see us still talking. He might think we’re conspiring.”

“We
are
conspiring.”

“He
doesn’t know that, though. Let’s keep him from finding out.”

Sarah
gave me a quick hug and then knocked on the window for the guard to let her
out. I was left alone in my cell. I had another half hour to pace before Dan
showed up. I watched through the window as he talked to the guards at their
station, and then as he took a large manila envelope from them. He’d better be
praying my gun was in there.

A minute
later one of the guards let him into the cell. “Leave us alone,” Dan said to
him as I waited with clenched fists. “This won’t take long.” The guard shut the
door and walked away.

Dan
looked around the cell as if he’d never seen the inside of one before. “Kind of
sparse,” he said. “You enjoying yourself in here?”

My hands
were still fists. “Give me my fucking gun,” I growled.

“No.”

“Dan…” I
managed to stop myself from finishing the sentence. I’d been about to launch
into a string of curses. “Give me the gun. Right now.”

He held
up the envelope but didn’t hand it to me. “We’re going to talk first.”

That was
it. “You fucking piece of shit asshole…” I began.

“You
want to spend the night in here?”

I
resisted the urge to punch him in the face. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Really?”
He looked around. “I dared
this
, didn’t I? How far do you want to push
me, Nevada?”

Now I
was starting to shake. “This is so far beyond…” I started again.

“I’m not
sure it is,” he said. His casual tone was getting the better of me. It was just
as well he didn’t give my gun back. I would have had a hard time not beating
him with it.

“You put
me in a goddamn cell,” I said. “You took my gun away. My
gun
, Dan. Do
you know how big a deal that is?”

“It’s
hard to get your attention,” he said. “This certainly did it.”

“You
think?”

“Tell me
what you’re doing on the Krystal Harris case.”

The urge
to get physical with him was becoming overwhelming, but that was a line I’d
never crossed and I didn’t want to do it now. I wasn’t sure how much more of
this I could take before I did, though. I couldn’t remember being as angry at
him as I was right now any time recently. Or possibly ever. “I’m catching a
goddamn murderer,” I said. “What do you think I’m doing?”

“Acting
like a crazy person,” he said. “Acting like someone who doesn’t have to answer
to anyone. Acting like you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Guess
what, Nevada? You can’t.”

“I asked
some questions, Dan. If people don’t like that then it’s their problem.”

“You
aren’t a goddamn cop!” he shouted. Now
there
was the rage I’d been
expecting when he’d walked in here. I preferred it. It was easier to face than
the smarmy attitude he’d been giving me. He glared at me. “You’re not a cop,
Nevada. You can’t go around acting like you are.”

“I’ve
been really fucking clear with everyone I’ve talked to that I’m not a cop,” I
said.

“I
wonder if…” He stopped. “
Everyone
you’ve talked to?”

“Fuck
you.”

Dan
shook his head. “Jesus, Nevada. You walk around doing whatever comes into your
head. You ignore the fact that I already have detectives, actual police
detectives, working on this case.”

“How are
they doing with it?” I asked. “Really got their noses to the grindstone, do
they? Are they up burning the midnight oil every night? I know trying to find
the person that killed a homeless drug addict must be right at the top of their
list. I bet they don’t sleep.”

Dan
opened his mouth and then shut it abruptly. “That’s not fair,” he said.
“They’re doing their jobs.”

“And I’m
doing mine.”

“No,
you’re
not
,” he said. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a
badge. I recognized it. It had been mine. “Do you want this?” he asked. “You
want this back, Nevada? You want to come back to us and do things by the rules?
All you have to do is raise your hand and take an oath.”

“Fuck
you.”

“I
didn’t think so,” he said. He put the badge back in his pocket and gave me an
exasperated look. “What am I supposed to do with you?”

I took a
deep breath and tried to get a hold of myself. Fighting with him wasn’t going
to get me out of this cell, and it wasn’t going to put my gun back in my hand
where it belonged. If I gave him too much shit he might just get mad enough to
make me spend the night here. I didn’t care for that thought at all. I needed
to try a different tack. “You don’t need to do anything,” I said. My voice
sounded calmer than it had before, but it was taking a lot of effort. “I’m
not…I’m not putting myself in danger. I’m not hurting anyone.”

“But you
are running around like you’re Hurricane Nevada.”

I
blinked. “Oh,” I said. That had surprised me. “
Hurricane Nevada
? I like
that.”

“It
wasn’t a compliment!” He sighed. “At least answer me this, Nevada. Why are you
doing this? What has gotten into your head that makes you…”

“It’s my
fault,” I said.

He
stopped. Whatever answer he’d expected, that hadn’t been it. “What is?”

“It’s my
fault that Krystal’s dead,” I said. I shrugged. “I did everything wrong. Everything.
If I’d done even one goddamn thing right when you told me she’d called for me,
even
one
thing, she’d be alive right now. That’s the truth, Dan. She had
information that would have brought you a murderer, and…” I was running out of
steam. This was far too true. “Maybe I’d have gotten her into a rehab. Maybe
not. I don’t know. But I wouldn’t have another fucking body on my conscience
right now. That I know.” I looked up at him. “Do you have any idea what that’s
like?”

The
anger that had been in Dan’s eyes had faded. He looked at me for a long moment
and then shook his head. “Finally you tell me the truth,” he said. “Was that
really so hard, Nevada?”

“Yes.
Now give me my fucking gun back.”

He
ignored that request. Maybe I should have said please. “None of what happened
is your fault, Nevada. You didn’t pull the trigger.”

“I can
list half a dozen things right now that put her death right on my head,” I
said, “and you wouldn’t be able to argue with any of them. So do you really
want to have that conversation?”

“I’m not
dumb enough to think I can change your mind about anything,” he said. “God
knows I’ve tried that enough times.”

“Yeah.”

“But
none of that changes that you can’t act like you have been. Either take the
oath and put your badge on, or stay the hell out of this.”

“Fine,”
I said.

“Do you
promise?”

“Of
course not,” I said. “Don’t ask me to make promises. You know better than
that.”

“Will
you at least tell me…”

“No,” I
said.

He
blinked in surprise. “What?”

“No,” I
repeated. “I’m not going to tell you anything, and I’m sorry. I really am. But
I can’t…” I thought about what I was trying to say. “I can’t stop being
me
,
Dan. I can’t stop this life. Not unless…” I trailed off. My voice had gotten
very small there at the end.

“Unless
what?”

“I don’t
know,” I said. “I think…I think I need to take a vacation. Maybe I need to get
far away from all of this for a while.” I shrugged. I wasn’t going to tell him that
what I was thinking of involved a forged passport and a new name. “I’m tired,
you know. I need to get some rest for a change. It’s one thing to be sober.
It’s great, I guess. But I’m still looking over my shoulder every day to see if
the Laughing Man is there.”