Anna Jacobs

AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN

Anna Jacobs

PART 1

Chapter 1

November 11
th
1918

On the day the Great War ended, Serena Fleming saw her neighbours running outside, heard them calling to one another, dancing and cheering, and couldn’t resist going outside to join in the celebrations. It felt as though everyone from the small town of Tinsley was in the streets, crowded together, sharing their happiness, and she loved being part of it all, even if her contribution to the war effort had been only small. There was such a sense of joy, it was as heady as wine. People were smiling, some groups were singing, strangers hugged one another.

People hugged her, too. It was a long time since anyone outside the family had come touched her. Her father didn’t encourage that sort of thing.

Occasionally she saw people simply standing there with tears running down their faces, and guessed they’d lost loved ones. Well, she had herself, knew that pain, because her brother Frank had been posted missing presumed dead the previous year.

Everyone in England had paid a high price for this victory.

She didn’t want to go home again but her mother was ill and couldn’t be left alone for long, so in the end she turned back to Cavendish Terrace, where many of the richest people in the town lived, not far from the main street, in a small enclave of privilege. And even these people kept their distance from the Flemings.

When she slipped into the hall, her father called out from his study, “Where have you been, Serena?”

She realised he’d come home early from his place of business and her heart sank. “Just out, joining in the celebrations.”

He came into the hall, clad in the usual sombre grey suit that matched his eyes and hair. Not for Ernest Fleming the vulgarity of brighter colours. Not for his womenfolk, either, she thought mutinously. He liked them to look modest.

“Oh?” he asked.

He could put such a wealth of meaning into that word, but she wasn’t going to pretend about her feelings, not today. “It was wonderful to see everyone so happy.”

“Common people. Not our sort. I don’t approve of you joining in such vulgar displays.”

“Well, people of all sorts have worked together to defeat the Germans, so why should they not celebrate together? There were lots of other people from the street joining in, and everyone was perfectly polite.”

“That is not the point. You should remember my position in this town and keep your distance.”

She bit back hot words of protest that it was the other way round. People were more likely to keep their distance from her because her father wasn’t liked in the town, indeed, was feared by many, especially the tenants of his slum properties. She couldn’t help knowing about those, though he rarely spoke of his business dealings.

As Ernest Fleming’s daughter, she received prompt service in shops and regular invitations to social functions, but no one offered her friendship—she’d been close to no one except Frank and he was gone now. She could feel tears rising at the thought of her brother and turned towards the stairs to conceal them. “I’ll just go and change my clothes.”

She heard her father go back into his study and wondered what had brought him home at this time of day. It had seemed safe to go out because he usually spent the whole day at his office. She’d learned many years ago that outright defiance always brought retribution sooner or later—to her and to anyone who crossed him.

That was also well known in the town.

As she walked slowly up the stairs, she vowed that one day soon she would escape from this unhappy house, and most of all from
him.
She didn’t care if he was her father. She hated him.

* * * *

After breakfast the following morning Serena went back up to her bedroom to tidy up, wondering what would become of the Comforts for the Troops group now and whether she should still attend the following day’s meeting.

Suddenly she heard the crash of breaking china and ran along to the bedroom at the other end of the landing. There she found her mother lying on the floor by the bed. In her fall Grace must have knocked her cup off the bedside table and it had smashed on the floorboards near the window.

Serena knelt down and lifted her mother’s head to rest against her. Grace’s lips were tinged with blue and her face was grey-white.

“Serena?” It was hardly more than a whisper.

“I’m here, dearest.”

“Are we alone? It’s so dark in here, I can’t see. Is it—teatime already?”

The room was filled with the weak sunshine of a fine winter’s morning, but her mother’s eyes had a blind, blurred look to them and Serena guessed what this meant, had been expecting it for a week or two. She had to swallow hard before she could speak calmly. “Yes, we’re quite alone.”

“I need to tell you something, should have told you sooner, didn’t dare.”

Serena watched her mother struggle for breath, the pulse in her neck showing faintly against skin crumpled like yellowing tissue paper. “Tell me what?”

“Ernest is not—your father.”

“What?”

Tears trickled down Grace’s cheeks, “Don’t think badly of me—please!”

“I never could.
Never.
Don’t agitate yourself.” But she couldn’t help asking, “Are you sure?”

“Of course I am! James was your real father—James Lang. I loved him so much, but my parents wouldn’t let me marry him.”

She gasped for air before continuing and for a moment Serena thought the end had come, then the confidences resumed.

“When I found I was with child, James wanted to marry me, so we arranged to run away. But I waited all night and he didn’t come. I’d no money—had to go back to my parents—and they forced me to marry Ernest. He wanted my dowry, you see. But he’s
not
your father. That’s why—he hasn’t always been kind to you.”

“I’m glad he’s not.” The words were out before Serena could stop them. “What happened to James Lang—my real father?”

“I never found out. His family didn’t know, either. I went to see them before I married Ernest—just to be sure. They said he’d run away rather than marry me, but I knew better. James would never have left me, never—not unless he was dead.”

Serena closed her eyes for a moment, so shocked by what she was hearing that the room seemed to be spinning round her. When she opened them she saw a man’s shadowy reflection in the mirror and realised
he
was standing outside. How much had he heard? But Grace raised her hand to caress her daughter’s face just then so Serena ignored him and looked back at her mother. The glowing smile in Grace’s eyes spoke one last time the love she felt for her daughter, then her head fell back, her hand dropped and the gasping stopped abruptly.

In the silence that seemed to echo round her, Serena bent her head and wept, cradling the still body in her arms. She was glad the suffering had ended—how could she not be?—but she would miss her mother desperately.

He came in then, the man she had always called father, the man she had feared all her life. Even as a child she had sensed he didn’t love her, had never understood why. But now that she knew, it felt as if a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. It wasn’t her fault, she wasn’t so unlovable, after all.

He said in his usual quiet voice, “Her mind was rambling, going back to her childhood sweetheart, this James person. You
are
my daughter.”

Serena knew it was wiser to nod and act as if she believed him, but she was quite sure her mother hadn’t lied to her. Not at such a moment.

“Give her to me. I’ll carry her across to the bed.” His voice was as calm as ever, his expression showing no sign of grief.

Serena let him take her mother’s body but couldn’t help weeping for what she had lost.

“You’d better send for Dr Tolson to sign the death certificate. I’ll arrange for the funeral.” He made no attempt to give his wife a final kiss and stared with his usual disapproval at Serena. “Get yourself some mourning clothes, especially a good silk dress for the funeral. And see if for once you can find something a bit more flattering.”

He turned to leave, stopping at the door to add, “Make sure the servants put a black crepe bow on the door knocker. We want people to respect our grief.”

Ernest Fleming spent his life giving orders in that chill voice, never doubting they would be obeyed. “Respect our grief”, indeed! He would probably be delighted to be rid of his invalid wife.

She couldn’t stop what her mother had told her from repeating in her mind:
He wasn’t her father!
Oh, the relief of that!

Why had her mother not told her about her real father before? The answer was obvious. Grace would have been terrified of her daughter betraying what she knew.

Keeping her face expressionless Serena murmured, “Yes, Father” to the departing figure. She had long ago perfected an expression as calm as his and could summon it up at will to keep her feelings hidden. Which was a good thing today, because behind that mask, her thoughts were in turmoil. She straightened her clothes and caught sight of herself in the mirror, grimacing at what she saw.

Ten years before, when she was just growing into womanhood, she’d overheard him discussing with her mother the possibility that their daughter might make a
useful
marriage once she had outgrown the plump stage. The men he’d named as possible husbands were all from families Serena disliked, and some were his own age. Like other girls, she’d dreamed of handsome young men, of love and happiness. Men such as those he’d mentioned wouldn’t make her happy, she knew that instinctively.

After thinking long and hard, she’d decided to make herself so unappealing no one would possibly want her. As her body took on a woman’s curves, she experimented to find the most unflattering hair styles and clothes which made her look plump and shapeless. Her mother did nothing to prevent this, though she clearly realised what her daughter was doing.

Serena had also worked hard to earn a reputation not only as a plain Jane, but as a bore, taking a perverse pleasure in the fact that she did no credit whatsoever to her father’s position in society, something he harped on about endlessly. As though everyone didn’t know he owed his position as a property owner to his wife’s money!

She gazed down in perverse satisfaction at the fussy dress in mustard and black checked wool. The colour and pattern overwhelmed her pale skin and near-auburn hair, hiding the gentle hint of rose in her cheeks, while the style was old-fashioned with a skirt far too long for modern taste. When she joined the groups of women rolling bandages, knitting socks and scarves, or doing other war work, it hurt sometimes to see how fresh and pretty the younger women could look. She never had and now, at almost thirty, she knew she was past her best anyway. She’d wept about that in private but she hadn’t changed her mind about the need for it.

As the years passed, the only men who attracted her were ones her father would never allow her to marry, a young officer seen in the street, a cousin of an acquaintance, a man from the poorer side of the family. She could only dream of what she was missing. So far she’d avoided being trapped like her mother in an unhappy marriage, though it had been a close thing a couple of times when her father had set his mind on her marrying someone.

The only person Ernest Fleming had ever truly cared about was his son, and even that had not led him to make any demonstrations of his affection. Serena still missed her younger brother desperately—no, he was only her
half-brother
. Well, that didn’t matter, not at all.

Frank hadn’t been at all like his father, either in looks or personality, but had taken after their mother’s side of the family, as did Serena herself: they were both slender, not very tall, with almost-auburn hair. Brother and sister had been good friends, although there were five years between them. A gentle boy, he’d been harried cruelly at school because he hated fighting. At home he’d been bullied and harangued constantly because he didn’t do his father credit either on the sports field or academically. He’d often turned to his older sister for comfort and advice when he was younger.

With a sigh of regret for yet another young life cut short by the war, Serena went to send one of the maids for Dr Tolson. Her mother’s death would make little practical difference to the household or its head, because she’d been in charge of housekeeping for the last few years, but it would make a huge difference to her because now she would no longer feel obliged to stay under this roof. Joy flooded through her at the mere thought of getting away from him.

The escape would have to be managed carefully, though. She was certain Ernest wouldn’t want her to live on her own in the same town as himself, because people would talk and wonder why. He set a lot of store on keeping up appearances.

No, if she wanted to stay free of him, she knew that once she’d got hold of her inheritance from her godmother, she’d need to go as far away as she could. America, perhaps, or Australia. Why not? He’d never follow her there.