Annihilate Me (11 page)

“What
if I don’t want to?”

“Then
you’ll be waiting for this much longer than you planned.
 
Stand up and take off your shirt.”

“Who’s
in control now?” he asked as he stood.

“We
both are.
 
We’re equals here.”

“Somebody
has to be in charge.”

“Did
you just arrive from the fifties?
 
I
may be a virgin, but I know what I want.
 
In fact, because I’ve waited this long, I probably know more about what
I want than most women.”

“Good
point.”
 
He paused.
 
“I may need help with my jacket,” he
said.

“I’d
rather watch.”

“But
if you helped, I could get out of it quicker.”

“I’m
in no hurry.
 
And you’re the one who
sent that photo of yourself.
 
I
can’t get it out of my head.
 
It’s
cruel what you did to me.
 
It’s my
right to see you shirtless in person.”

“What
about that photo you sent of yourself?
 
That wasn’t cruel?”

“That
was payback.”

He
had an amused look on his face when he shrugged off this jacket.
 
He tossed it onto a chair, released his
cuff links, put them on the table, and said, “Are you sure about this?”

“I
want to see you.”

And
with that, slowly—too slowly for my taste—he pulled off his tie,
tossed it aside, unbuttoned his shirt and removed it.
 
He let it drop to the floor and stood
bare-chested in front of me.
 
I
thought he looked masculine, muscular and magnificent.
 
My gaze roamed over his broad chest, his
taut nipples, and his ripped torso.
 
What I saw was enough to linger over.
 
I just soaked it in.

“Happy?”
he asked.

“Almost.”
 

“What
would make you happier?”

“This.”

Before
he could react, I stood and cupped my hands over his chest.
 
His skin was smooth and his chest was
lightly hairy.
 
I could feel his
heart begin to pound against my hands, and then I lowered my head, put my mouth
over one of his nipples, and nipped and tugged on it with my teeth until he couldn’t
bear it any longer.
 
He reached
behind me and pulled me away from him by the back of my hair with just enough
force that it was a little rough, which I decided I rather liked because I felt
safe with him.
 

“You’re
in a mood,” he said.

“Don’t
read too much into it.”

He
let go of my hair.
 
“Take off your
shirt,” he said.

“No.”

“It’s
a fair request.”

“Why
don’t you have a sip of your martini instead?”

“Maybe
I will when you take off your shirt.”

I
would never bare my breasts to him—at least not yet—but really, if
I did take off my shirt, I wouldn’t be baring anything more than if I were in a
bikini.
 
That seemed safe enough,
not to mention sexy—and I was nothing if not turned on right now.

“How
much do you want it?” I asked.

His
voice was almost a growl when he said, “I think you know much I want it.”

“That
doesn’t answer my question, Alex.”

“I
want it as much as I want you.
 
I
want it because I deserve to see you, just as you’ve seen me.
 
Now, please, take off your shirt.”

I
sat him down on the sofa, handed him his martini, and tossed my hair over my
head when I stood up.
 
“You think
you can handle it?”

He
made a low noise in his throat as he looked up at me.

I
nodded at his cocktail.
 
“Drink up,
stud.
 
You’re going to need it.”

Whatever
awkwardness I’d felt earlier when I tried to position myself on the sofa was
gone.
 
I knew it was in his nature
to be in control, but he was allowing me to be in control, which was disarming
because I’d never done anything like this before.
 
For whatever reason, I still wanted the
control.
 
I liked the control.
 
I liked the effect it had on him, and
also on me.
 
In a strange way, all
of this felt natural to me.
 
He was
bringing out a side of me that I didn’t recognize, but that I wanted to
explore.

I
unbuttoned the top of my shirt to reveal the lacy red bra I wore beneath.
 
He kept his eyes on me the entire time,
only sipping his drink once as I completed the task.
 
I untucked the shirt from my skirt and
stood before him with my midsection bared to him.
 
“Do you want to take it off me, Mr.
Wenn?
 
Or are you just going to sit
there and just stare at me?”

“I
could look at you all day.”

“That
doesn’t answer my question.”

“If
you need assistance—”

“Assistance
would be nice.”

When
he stood, I could see his arousal in his pants.
 
It looked impossibly large to me, which
at once thrilled me and terrified me, particularly when he came up behind me
and pressed it against my ass.
 
I
hadn’t seen that part of him yet, but I was no fool.
 
Alex obviously was well endowed.

How am I ever going to take that
thing?

He
pressed his hands against my flat stomach and held me for a moment, the stubble
on his chin igniting my body as he kissed my neck and continued to slowly grind
into me.
 

“Do
you like that?” he asked.

I
tried to keep my voice even, but it took an effort.
 
“I thought you were here to help me take
off my shirt?”

He
smoothed his hands up my body, stopped to caress my breasts, which felt
unusually full and heavy to me, and then nibbled very lightly on my ear.
 
I could feel his hot breath against my
skin when he told me how beautiful I was.
 
I wanted to turn to him and kiss him, but I didn’t.
 
I wanted it like this.
 
I wanted to deprive myself, and in the
end, I also wanted to deprive him.
 
This is how it was going to build, even if it was becoming more and more
difficult to deny what I was feeling.
 
The wetness between my legs only became more pronounced as he pressed
his bulge squarely between the cleft in my buttocks where he rubbed it up and
down.
 
He was in no hurry to remove
my shirt, so much so that I wondered who was in control now.
 
Him or me?

Me.

I
turned to him and kissed him on the cheek.
 
“That was nice,” I said.
 
“But you’ve lost your chance.”

He
looked confused as I started to button up my shirt.

“What
are you doing?”

“Getting
dressed.”

“But
you said I could remove your shirt.”

“You
took too long.”

Gently,
he took my hands in his own and I could tell by the fire in his eyes that this
wasn’t ending now.
 
Not that I
wanted it to.
 
“Hold your hands
behind your back, Jennifer.”

I
did as I was told, and he unbuttoned the two buttons I’d fastened before he
stopped me.
 
When he removed my
shirt, he tossed it behind me onto the sofa and took a step back to admire me.
 
Or at least that’s what it felt
like.
 
I’d never seen such passion
on his face.

“Shouldn’t
we go to my bedroom?” he asked.

“I
don’t think that should happen at all.
 
Not yet.
 
Too soon.”

“You
didn’t come here just for a martini, Jennifer.”

“True.
 
I came here to see you.”

“Without
a shirt on?”

“The
idea might have crossed my mind.”

“I
told you once that there are things I can do to you without barely touching
you.
 
Do you remember that?”

I
felt my heart quicken.
 
How much
more of this could I take and still hold back from being with him?
 
“I remember.”

“I
can do that now if you’d like.”

“I
think we should wait.”

“Can
I ask you a personal question?”

“We’re
practically naked, Alex.
 
What’s
stopping you?”

He
smiled at that, and then he became serious.
 
Almost hesitant.
 
“You don’t have to answer this, but I’m
curious.
 
Have you ever had an
orgasm?”

I
didn’t flinch.
 
“No,” I said.
 
“I haven’t.”

He
furrowed his brow.
 
“You’ve never
masturbated?”

“Haven’t
done that, either.”

This
seemed to perplex him.
 
“Why?”

“Because
a long time ago, I told myself that I would wait for the right man.
 
A whole host of reasons have held me
back, but much of it comes down to the way my father treated my mother and
me.
 
I wanted more than that.
 
I knew I
deserved
more than that.”
 
I shrugged.
 
“I know I have trust issues because of
my father.
 
So, I’ve waited and will
continue to wait until I know that I can fully trust the right man, whomever he
might be.”

“Are
you working out trust issues with me?”

“Alex,
I work them out with anyone who comes to mean something to me.
 
So, yes, I am, but it’s not just
you.
 
It’s anyone who enters my
life.
 
Please understand that it’s
not personal.
 
But I will say this.
 
My emotions are skating to the edge of
the cliff with you.
 
I’ve never put
my trust in someone the way I’ve put it in you.
 
Not even with Lisa, because this is
intimate in ways that she and I will never will be intimate.
 
This is a whole new level for me.”

“I’m
glad you’re trying.”

“I
have to.
 
At some point, I need to
take a chance and trust.
 
I feel my
best bet is with you.”

His
face was tense during the exchange, but lives aren’t scripted, and
conversations sometimes don’t go down the wanted path.
 
There was a silence between us now that
I wanted to get past.
 
I cocked my
head at him.
 
“I’m not perfect,” I
said.

“To
me, you are.”

He
took a breath as if to settle his nerves.
 
A moment ago, we were slammed against the hot asphalt of raw emotion,
but then the trust issue thing came up and threw water on all of it.
 
But I wasn’t going to lie to him.
 
I came into this relationship with
baggage, just as I sensed that he did because of the death of his wife.
 
In some ways, both of us were fully
capable, adjusted human beings.
 
In
other ways, we were broken by past events.

“Can
I ask you another question?” he asked.

“You
can ask me a dozen questions.”

“Do
you think I’m the right man?”

“You’ve
done things to me that no man has ever been allowed to do.”

“Have
you enjoyed them?”

“You
know I have.”

“Then
nothing more is happening tonight.
 
Your first time will be special.
 
It will be everything you’ve wanted it to be.
 
If it’s with me, I’ll make certain of
that.
 
But if we continued doing
what we were doing a moment ago, I could go too far and bring you to climax.
 
You deserve better.”

“You
sound awfully sure of yourself.”

“That’s
because I am.
 
I could whisper in your
ear and make you come right now.
 
No
touching, nothing.
 
Just my
voice.
 
And it would happen,
Jennifer.
 
You would come.”

The
thought of it almost made me want to do it.

“Here,”
he said, brushing past me to the sofa where my shirt was laying.
 
“Put this back on before you drive me
crazier than you already have.”
 
He
stood behind me and held out the shirt so I could put my arms through the
sleeves.
 
When I had, he stepped in
front of me and kissed me on the mouth while he buttoned my shirt.
 
Then the kiss deepened, and soon he was
pressing against me again.
 
I closed
my eyes and felt myself quiver before he finally broke away.