Annihilate Me (18 page)

Wordlessly,
he sank to his knees and carefully placed his hands on his shirt so they’d
collect no sand.
 
He met my eyes for
a moment.
 
A hint of a smile
appeared on his lips, and then with a force I wasn’t expecting, he buried his
mouth between my legs.
 

He
entered me with his tongue, which caused me to arch my back in ecstasy and then
writhe in excitement as the stubble on his chin did things to me that just
intensified the act.
 
He covered my
clit with his mouth, sucked and nibbled on it, and drove me to orgasm faster
than I had expected.
 
It was still
an alien sensation to me—how could I have betrayed myself this gift for
so long?—but I had my reasons for doing so, and I didn’t regret
them.
 
There was a reason I was with
Alex now.
 
There was a reason why
he’d taken my virginity, and there was a very good reason why he was close to
bringing me to the edge again.
 
He
was rubbing his chin over my clit in little swirling motions, which made me
want to reach out and stop him because the pleasure was almost too much.
 
His hooded eyes looked up to meet mine,
and between us was a fire that burned until I exploded again.

I
fell back on the shirts, but he wasn’t done with me yet.
 
Now his mouth was on mine.
 
I could taste myself on him, and then,
just as meticulous as he’d been last night, he started to work his way down my
body.
 
He lowered his head to
service my breasts, which he tended to tirelessly until he pressed a finger
inside of me and told me to squeeze myself around it.
 
I did, and he began to probe deep.
 
First one finger, then another.
 
And finally another.
 
I felt full and on the verge again.
 
His thumb lightly started to rub my
clit, and I was gone.
 
I shook my head
at him as a wave crashed somewhere inside of me.

“I
can’t do it again,” I said.

“You
will.”

“Give
me a—”

“Come!”

I
did, and it was more powerful than the last one.
 
I closed my eyes, and felt him withdraw
his fingers.
 
And then it was he who
was inside of me.
 
He started to
thrust in long, slow strokes, nudging up his body each time he came forward to
make sure that he made contact with the most sensitive part of my sex.
 
His eyes slipped over me with such an
intensity that I couldn’t look at him.
 
I turned my head to the side, and felt his hand gently turn it back so I
was looking directly at him under my lashes.

“Don’t
turn away.”

“It’s
too much.”

“Let
yourself go.”

I
felt the pit of my stomach fall away as I did so.
 
I felt weightless as he drove into
me.
 
I heard the guttural sounds he
made, felt his hot breath against my skin, listened to the sounds of the
seagulls soaring above us, and I went up with them.
 
I opened my legs wider and started to
meet each of his thrusts in earnest with my own.

“That’s
right,” he said.

I
pounded myself against him.
 
I dug
into the sand on either side of me with a fierceness I didn’t know I had within
me.
 
I wanted to make him come.
 
I wanted to make him feel what I already
had felt four times.
 
I lifted
myself on my elbow, and wrapped my free hand around his neck.
 
I gripped it, and pulled myself toward
him.

“Come
on,” I said.

“What’s
that?”

“Faster,”
I said.

“What’s
that?”

“Fuck
me,” I said.

I’d
never used that word with him before, but we were nothing if not primal right
now, and I could tell that it excited him.

“So,
it’s that?” he said.
 
“You want me
to fuck you?”

“That’s
right, you son of a bitch.
 
Fuck
me.”

I
clutched myself around his penis, and squeezed with everything I had within
me.
 
I brought his head down to
mine, and we kissed deeply, meaningfully.
 
This time it was my tongue that went down his throat.
 
He moaned when he was nearly out of
breath, but I held him longer, only pulling back when I needed to.
 
I pressed my mouth against his ear and
said, “That’s right.
 
Come on, Alex.
 
Fuck me.”

“Stop—”

“Fuck
me harder.”

“Jennifer—”

“Don’t
be a pussy about it.
 
Come on!
 
I’m not going to break!”

And
then it was on.
 
For the next
several minutes, he was on fire, and so was I.
 
In the heat of it, I wasn’t sure if I
could take what I’d asked for, but I did.
 
I kept at it.
 
I kept pace
with him.
 
I pushed myself forward
as he slammed into me, and bit his nipple so hard that that was it.
 
He held my head there—and kept
driving into me—and then he came inside of me to the point that he
spilled out of me and onto my shirt.

He
collapsed on top of me, and I held him close.
 
I was panting.
 
So was he.
 
And then I started to giggle.
 
He lifted his head and looked up at me
as my giggle turned into a howl of laughter.

He
had a grin on his face when he said, “Why are you laughing?”

“Are
you serious?
 
That was one of the
best moments of my life.
 
I’m
giddy.
 
Good God, I had no idea it
would be like this.”

“It
wouldn’t be,” he said.
 
“Not with
just anyone.”

“I
wouldn’t know.”

“Trust
me.”

I
caught my breath and kissed him on the lips.
 
His face and his hair were sweaty.
 
“I trust you, Alex.
 
I hope you know what it means for me to
say that.
 
I don’t say it lightly.”

“I
know you don’t.
 
And I’m grateful
for it.
 
I’m falling for you,
Jennifer.”

Please, don’t say it.

“You’re
mine?” he asked.

That
I could deal with.
 
“You know I
am.
 
Why do you keep asking?”

“Because
I need to make sure,” he said.
 
“I
don’t want you to go, regardless of what comes.”

“What’s
going to come?”

“Nothing
I can’t handle,” he said.

“What
does that mean?”

“It’s
nothing for you to worry about.
 
I
just need to know that you’re mine.”

I
reassured him that I was, but even then, I knew that on some level, especially
after today with the presence of his security detail, he was trying to protect
me from something.
 
From what, I
didn’t know.
 
But it scared me.
 
Something was happening, and I had no
knowledge of it or control over it.
 
I held him close to me, and we just lay there, naked and spent, until we
finally pulled ourselves together, dressed and left for the house.
 

*
 
*
 
*
 

Later
that evening, after we had a dinner of tomatoes, zucchini, peppers, garlic,
carrots and baby potatoes that were tossed in olive oil, roasted at a high
temperature, and then tossed again with herbs from the farm stand, we relaxed
in the living room, which faced the mountains and the ocean beyond.
 

Alex
poured us each a glass of Pinot Grigio, and we enjoyed it in silence, watching
the cars curve around Cadillac Mountain, but also lost in our own thoughts
about what had been an unnerving and exciting day.

We
started the day with a security detail I knew nothing about, we had a lunch
that was fun despite the guard watching over us, and then we’d been together
for our second time, this time fully out in the open on the beachfront Alex
owned.

Twice
that evening, Alex was called upon to join his security team outside.
 
Each time he returned, he was filled
with apologies, but no information as to what was happening.
 
I didn’t engage him.
 
If we were going to be a couple, this
was a test.
 
Eventually, he needed
to tell me what was going on.
 
I was
waiting for him to do that.

But
he didn’t that night.

When
he was called outside a third time and offered no explanation when he left me,
I was over it.
 
I went upstairs to
our bedroom, put on a tank top and some shorts, and went to sleep while he
dealt with whatever it was he didn’t want me to know.
 

When
he came to bed, I was aware of his presence when he quietly stepped into the
room and removed his clothing.
 
But
when he slipped beneath the sheets, I began to breathe deeply in an effort to
convince him that I was asleep and not to be bothered.
 
I felt him kiss me on the shoulder, then
on my neck.
 
And then I felt him
turn onto his side.
 
He draped his
arm over me and held me close, and I felt his affection.
 
I wanted to turn and to kiss him
goodnight, but I was too disappointed that he wouldn’t share with me what was
an obvious situation.

Or
was it?
 

I
opened my eyes and stared into the darkness.
 
Maybe this is just how he lived.
 
I didn’t know.
 
I felt confused.
 
He was a billionaire.
 
Was someone targeting him?
 
Was that it?
 
If that was it, was that normal for
him?
 
I just wished he’d come clean
with me and tell me, even though I felt he was protecting me from the truth by
saying nothing.
 
Maybe, at this
point in our relationship, he didn’t want me to know what his life really was
like.
 
Maybe he thought it would
frighten me away.

So many maybes
,
I thought.
 
Then I
closed my eyes and went to sleep.

*
 
*
 
*
 

When
morning came, so did bad news.
 
We
were headed back to Manhattan.
 
For
whatever reason, our trip to Maine had been cut short.

“I’m
sorry,” Alex said when he told me we were leaving.

“Two
days are better than none, I suppose.”

“Thank
you for understanding.”

I
decided it was time to go there.
 
“I
don’t understand.
 
You’ve told me
nothing.
 
But something is going on.
 
I’m no fool, Alex.
 
I’m not going to pry into your life,
just as I expect you not to pry into mine.
 
But I was looking forward to spending a week with you.
 
I’m not going to pretend that I’m not
disappointed.”

“I
apologize.”

“It’s
fine.
 
I’ll be happy to see Lisa and
the new apartment.
 
I need to proof
her book, which is finished, and which I promised I’d do for her.
 
I assume you’ll allow me to take these
next five days off since we were going to take them off anyway?”

“Of
course.
 
If you need longer, you can
have whatever time you need.
 
I just
hope you’ll see me during that time.”

“It
depends on how quickly I can proof her manuscript.
 
She means the world to me, and that’s
one person I’ll never let down.
 
But
I’ll be finished in time to report to Wenn on schedule.
 
At that point, I hope you’ve settled
whatever issue you’re going through now.”

I
knew what I said sounded cold, but I couldn’t help it at this point.
 
He considered me his girlfriend.
 
If something significant was happening,
he should trust me enough to tell me what it was.
 
Why he didn’t was beyond me.
 

And
then I checked myself.
 
This
coming from a person who had major trust
issues of her own?
 
This
coming from the person who wouldn’t
verbally commit to being his girlfriend?
 
Since I hadn’t committed, why should he share anything personal with
me?
 
Maybe he just wanted to keep it
private for now, and then tell me later when things settled down.
 
His life was bigger than mine.
 
It always would be.
 
I either needed to be fine with that,
or, to be fair to both of us, I needed to fully commit to him or end this.