Annihilation Road (28 page)

Seychelle swallowed every question she had, her heart beating so loud it sounded like thunder booming in her ears.

“I want a full commitment from you, baby, but you have to know what being my woman means. There are rules, and those rules are always going to be there. More, you have to know what being with me is going to be like.”

Her heart thudded. There it was. She knew it was coming. Her mouth went dry, and deliberately she took another
sip of water. “Rules?” She’d never been good with rules. Never. She’d grown up without them. She went her own way. Did her own thing.

“I’m fucked up. Don’t pretend you don’t know, Seychelle. You knew it the moment you made the decision to save my life. You connected with me. I felt it. You felt it. You slipped inside me and you know what’s there. It isn’t pretty, and it scares the hell out of you.”

She couldn’t deny it, but at the same time, she was drawn to him. That was one side of him, not all of him. He couldn’t hide the best part of him, that giving part, so selfless, looking out for his brethren, for her. She had seen the violence in him, but she’d also seen his tremendous need to protect those he loved. That determination to stop their pain when it was so strong they couldn’t bear it, because he had the capacity to love that much.

“There has to be truth between us at all times, because this lifestyle demands it. My sexual practices are disturbing to others, but hot as hell and arousing for me. I have to have them in order to be in any way both aroused and satisfied.”

His hand never stopped stroking those caresses up and down her leg. It felt good. It felt like possession. The things he said were terrifying, and yet at the same time, just the fact that he was willing to give that to her pulled her deeper into him.

“I went to a friend of mine, one of the brothers in my club, Absinthe. He’s the smartest man I know. I wanted him to tell me I could learn to be different if I was with a woman who truly meant something to me. I’d done my research, and everything I read said no. I was already having too many fantasies about us, so I was worried.”

His gaze touched on her breasts under her thin tank, and instantly her nipples hardened. Satisfaction gleamed in his eyes. The pads of his fingers brushed over the tops of her breasts, raising goose bumps over her skin. “I spent weeks
imagining what your nipples were like. I even asked Ice to make me several different kinds of jewelry for you.”

The idea intrigued her. More than that, she felt her body react, go damp. She’d looked up nipple clamps on an adult site several times and read about them and then been ashamed of herself for even thinking about such things. The idea that Savage had thought of it for her, even had his friend make jewelry for her, sent hot blood pooling wickedly low.

He slid his hand under her tank, first cupping her breast and then finding her nipple to pinch, at first gently, but then biting down with steady pressure as his other hand slid up her thigh, his fingers dancing close to her slick heat. She gasped, her nipple stinging, but before she could protest, his mouth was on her other breast, right through the material of her tank, and his fingers brushed her clit. She cried out, nearly exploding with a mini orgasm.

Her breathing turned ragged as he lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes turbulent, hot-burning flames of blue. His hands were once more back on her leg, but his expression was pure possession.

“I dreamt of your nipples, baby, and the things I could do with them to bring you pleasure. To bring us both pleasure. Things that would scare you at first, but I knew I could make you love in the end. Still, I didn’t want this life for you. I went to Absinthe hoping he would tell me I could learn to be someone else for you. I already knew that answer, because there’s no going back for me, Seychelle. If you’re with me, if you’re my woman, my partner, you have to live my lifestyle. That’s the bottom line. You’re with me, you live this lifestyle with me, because I can’t get out of it.”

She swallowed hard, because there was caution in his tone and caution in his mind, even if his eyes were alive with those bright, hot flames and his hand on her leg felt like pure possession. Her breasts ached for him. Her
nipples were so hard now, pulsing with a dark desire she had no understanding of but he’d given her a sudden taste for.

Secretly, that forbidden need for a mixture of pain with pleasure had been there all along. She didn’t know why, and it scared her, embarrassed her, humiliated her. She didn’t understand why the nice men she had tried to date hadn’t aroused her at all. Only Savage. When he had turned her around in the alley, lifted the hem of her dress and swatted the cheeks of her bottom, he’d done it hard. That heat and pain had spread, morphing into something altogether different and setting up a craving for more.

“I didn’t think I had anything to give you back when I would be asking so much from you. But you need me just as much as I need you. You can’t control your gift of healing. It’s eating you alive. If you don’t stop, Seychelle, you’re not going to live long, and you know it. I can help you with that. While you were driving me insane deciding whether or not you could let me back into your life, I found a woman with a gift similar to yours and asked her how she manages it. She gave me a lot of tips.”

Seychelle was shocked. Savage was not the kind of man to go outside his circle for advice.

“You won’t always like me saying
enough
, but once we figure it out and we have our signals, you’ll be able to sing with the band and go where you want as long as you look to me when you know you’re in over your head. I’ll trust you to give me the heads-up when you need me to step in, and you trust me to do it. When I say you’re done, you are. That means, baby, I’m willing to carry your sweet little ass out of the bar, or away from one of your friends’ houses, right at that moment. That’s going to be the number one rule we have between us. Always, always when I say you’re done, you have to agree that you are. That is what’s going to keep you alive, and more than anything, Seychelle, you have to be alive and in this world.”

He was being serious. Very serious. She did her best to
suppress a smile, but one slipped out before she could stop it. “Rules? Savage, I haven’t lived with rules ever. You do get that my parents were ill, and I ran the household? At eight, no one was telling me what to do. I took over paying the bills around the time I turned twelve. I got part-time jobs to help out with money until my father hit it big with his software program. I was thirteen when I started contributing. I don’t do rules very well.”

“Then you’re going to have a fuckin’ hard few months until you do, baby.” He was implacable. “I have to live with rules in order to keep sane. That means my woman does as well. You do have a choice whether or not you want to make that commitment to me, and it’s a big decision. This right here, the first rule, that’s to save your life. This is the easy one. It isn’t about controlling you, Seychelle, this is the one that gives you freedom.”

Seychelle pressed her lips together. Savage was doing his best to lay things out for her. His truth. Her needs. She knew he wanted to be very clear what she was facing before she made a commitment to him, but a part of her wanted to jump in blindfolded with both feet. Learn along the way. One tiny thing at a time, as long as he knew what she needed from him. Her needs weren’t a long laundry list, but he was right. She did need help with her gift.

“You have to commit to that. Out loud. You tell me you’re with me on that, and after we go through this we’ll sit down and figure out what works for you. But I need to hear the words, babe. You have to give that to me.”

Savage was a man who would demand she lean on him, not the other way around. She knew she wouldn’t live long if she kept going the way she was. “Savage.” She kept her voice low. “If we end up together, of course I’ll commit to allowing you to say when I’ve had enough. Hopefully you’re right, and we can come up with ways to control my inability to stop taking on too much sickness.”

She meant it too. Nothing would make her happier. She
knew her inability to control her gift was slowly killing her. She hadn’t realized Savage knew it, and it melted her heart that he’d gone to another healer to try to find a way to help her. She hadn’t expected that. He’d surprised her twice.

“We’re going to end up together, Seychelle. You have to have that in your mind when I’m laying this out for you, or every step of the way, you’re going to be protesting. You already know it’s going to be a shit deal for you. If it wasn’t, I would have laid it out weeks ago, and we wouldn’t have been in this mess.”

That was so true. She wasn’t a coward. She wanted this. She wanted him. She had no real idea of what to expect of his lifestyle. She might have caught frightening glimpses that had intrigued her, but at the same time, she knew she wasn’t even close to knowing what he might ultimately demand from her. And then there were the women . . .

If she couldn’t be what he needed, she was terrified she’d lose him to them. “You said it would just be the two of us, Savage. You and me. How do I know that’s the truth?”

She leaned her head against the headboard. His touch was mesmerizing her. The way his eyes focused so completely on her sent hot blood rushing through her veins. Her stomach reacted with a slow roll, and no matter how hard she tried to prevent it, her sex clenched hard, needing him.

“Because as much as I fucking hate it, I tell you the truth about me. I give you my word. I give you the real man.”

The pads of his fingers slid over her leg. He bent his head, and his lips were there, following the path of his fingers, a whisper of velvet, a touch of his tongue, as if he was tasting the sacrifice she’d made—her flawless skin for his life. He was blatantly seducing her into staying, and she was letting him when she should be thinking about self-preservation.

Savage ached for Seychelle. Her struggles touched him, a physical reaction, an actual heavy ache in his chest. So many weeks with her now, knowing her. Wanting her. Seeing who she was. “All those nights I lay right there on this
bed next to you, wrapping my arms around your hips, laying my head on your belly and falling asleep. I don’t do that, I don’t
ever
lay in a bed with a woman. I don’t fall asleep on her. You’re . . .” He searched for the right word.

She needed to know what she meant to him. He could see she didn’t have the confidence that she would be different to him than any other woman. “Extraordinary.”

She blinked, her long lashes sweeping down and then back up. Her fingers plucked nervously at the sheet. He covered her hand gently.

“I lay there a long time, listening to your heartbeat. Thinking about what I would be asking of you. I realized I have to give you that same exact measure of surrender. If I want you all in, I have to make that same commitment to you—only to you.” He wanted her to have that assurance.

“That was easy to do, Seychelle. I was already there, long before you. I was already so in love with you, just looking at you hurt sometimes. I wake up and breathe you in, happy you’re on this earth.”

All the while, his hand moved over her belly. His touch was very gentle, showing her he could be, he would be, gentle with her. “I know that’s not much in the face of what I’m asking of you, but it’s all I can give you. My promise that you have me one hundred percent. Everything I am is yours.”

Tears glittered in her eyes. His heart jerked hard in his chest. He had her. She was still fighting for self-preservation, but he had her. He didn’t make the mistake of saying any more. She had to think about it. Ask questions.

Her tongue touched her lip. “What I saw with that woman. That isn’t all you need, is it? You weren’t satisfied.”

He didn’t look away from her, looked right into her eyes, unflinching. “I wasn’t at all satisfied. Not even close. She wasn’t you, and by that time I needed just you. But no, my cravings are much, much darker than even what I did with her.”

“The things you need scare me, Savage. You really scare me.”

“That’s understandable, Seychelle. The things I need during sex to be aroused are very frightening to most women. You don’t just jump into them, but I can teach you to enjoy them with me. I can bring you so much pleasure it will be unbelievable, baby, but there will be pain involved. Only you can decide whether or not I’m worth what you would have to endure in order to learn to enjoy it.”

Her gaze jumped to his face again. He tried not to grip her leg to keep her there, but it was a struggle. That was another brutally honest moment, and he knew he could easily lose her.

“What’s involved?”

He gave a little shake of his head, but he didn’t back off from telling her. “You already have a little idea. I like nipple play, so clamps. Ginger. Spankings. Strap. Cane. Flogger. Whips. I’ll work you up to that.” He continued to stroke her leg, draw his name on her. Write silent little pleas that she would have the courage to love him enough to overcome the fear of what he was asking of her.

Seychelle fell silent again, moistening her lips while she thought it over. “You can really get me to like all that? To find some kind of pleasure in it?”

His heart jumped. He had thought she might order him out.
Bog
, but she was courageous. He’d thought he couldn’t love her more, but every minute that he was in her company just added to the way that emotion swamped him. “Yeah, baby, there’s no doubt I can do that. I can give you my word that you’ll have multiple orgasms and they’ll be wild. You’ll crave sex with me, just the way I do with you.”

“How do you know I’ll like it?”

“We tried our dirty, sinful sex lesson and you got off, remember? I got a little carried away when I was smacking your ass, because my handprints looked so perfect on you. You just about shattered, and we hadn’t done anything.
When I get rough with your nipples, your body responds. In the shower, baby, you were very responsive to nipple play. That isn’t the case with everyone. And you love me. You want to please me.”

“And?” she prompted.

He sighed. “You’ve seen the words branded into my skin. They were put there for a reason. I’m damn good. I was a child learning that shit. I was forced to continue through my teens and early into my twenties and then was able to get out. Telling you that is for later, and you’re the only one I’ll ever give that to. The bottom line is, you’re the only woman I want for myself. I used other women when my cycle got to the point that I needed to get rid of some of the rage inside me, but I never used my skills on them. Never.”