Another Homecoming (20 page)

She walked into Kenneth’s office, as tired as she had ever been in her entire life. She shut the door and said in a voice ragged with weariness, “I’ve just gotten off the phone with Mother. She said basically the same thing as Randolf. They won’t help.”

She crossed to the window behind his desk. “I’ve known people like them all my life,” Kyle began. “They’re powerful and they have money and they have all the wonderful things of life. They are focused on power, and they are ready to leap at whatever opportunity comes their way. They’re in control.”

She glanced back at the closed door and went on, “But they’re lacking something. They seem empty inside. All that hardness, all that brilliance and drive, is wrapped around . . . around an empty void. They would never understand that outside their fancy houses and their boardrooms is a wonderful world full of sunsets and trees and people. People with needs and cares and concerns.” She looked back at him and smiled ruefully. “Sorry for the lecture.”

“Not at all, Kyle.” Kenneth’s voice was as reassuring as his words. “You are talking about something very important. About that empty place inside everyone—rich, poor, greedy, generous. Any person who doesn’t know God’s love.”

There was a sense of moving in harmony with him, of feeling a comfort and closeness she had not known since her father died. “I want to know that love,” she said quietly. She looked at him, reveling in the quiet strength she found there.

“There is nothing I want more than to introduce you to Him,” Kenneth said. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Kyle?”

She took a breath and replied, “Help me find my parents.”

18
 

But finding a place to start
the search proved much harder than Kyle had imagined. Summer slipped into autumn, then winter had begun spreading its cold blanket over Washington, and still Kenneth could come up with no information as to who had given her up for adoption. Any tiny lead quickly turned into another disappointing dead end.

As the weeks changed to months, Kyle found it best to avoid even thinking about the lack of progress. Impatience too easily led to bitter frustration. Thankfully, there were many things to occupy her mind. An overwhelming amount of newness flooded into her life with each passing day. Learning to live one pace at a time was crucial to making it through this period of change.

The week after her confrontation with Randolf, Kyle had signed up for the final term of summer school and moved into a dormitory room. Arriving in the middle of summer had been good, for the dorm had been almost empty, thus granting her a way to experience this transition in gradual stages.

Since then, days were split between school and the company. She became increasingly comfortable around the work and the terms used in the insurance business. Yet her interest did not grow as she had hoped. When she lay awake in her little room at night and listened to the laughter and music ringing up and down the dorm’s hallway, Kyle knew that she would make an adequate businesswoman. But the spark of enthusiasm, of interest, that had made her father so special in his field was missing. And try as she might, this was not something she could learn.

Throughout all this time, her mother and Randolf remained strangely quiet. Kenneth assured her that there had been no direct action taken against the trust. Kyle was not sure how she felt about their silence. Her emotions were so confused and tumultuous, she found it easier not to think about that at all.

Twice there had been attempts within the boardroom to have Kenneth Adams dismissed. The first time, Randolf had tried a frontal assault, accusing him of gross negligence in his duties. To Randolf’s surprise, every other working executive had spoken up in Kenneth’s defense. When Kenneth had told her about it the next day, his voice had been full of emotion and awe at the compliment paid him.

Then in November Randolf had tried a more indirect approach, proposing that the board take the cost-saving measure of eradicating Kenneth’s entire department.

Kenneth called her that night to break the news. “Randolf was at his most persuasive, painting pictures of enormous profits to our stockholders. The vote was put off a month, pending a report from the accountants.”

Kyle found herself as concerned about him as she was about the action. “You sound exhausted.”

He did not deny it. “Things have not been very pleasant around here for me.”

“But all this is going to work out, isn’t it?” When he did not reply, Kyle pleaded, “Kenneth, tell me you’re not leaving.”

“I have been offered a directorship with another company,” he replied slowly.

She fought down rising terror. “You’d leave me all alone?”

“Kyle, I never want to leave you. But . . .” He hesitated a long moment, then continued, “You’ve been so quiet, I haven’t been sure how you feel.”

It was true. She could not deny it. She had kept her distance from him, building walls to keep him at arm’s length ever since their talk in the car.

“There’s been so much happening,” she replied, knowing it was inadequate even as she said it. A girl she vaguely knew came down the hall and gave her a knowing little smile. Kyle grimaced in reply, then rested her forehead on the wall beside the phone. It was as much privacy as the dormitory’s hall phone could offer. “I feel as if I’m just barely holding on as it is.”

“I understand,” his voice was sympathetic. “And I’ve tried to be patient. I really have. But, well, I feel as though I’ve spent most of my adult years waiting for you to decide.”

Kyle opened her mouth, but the words were not there. In truth, she did not know how she felt. And she could not shake the honesty between them by pretending otherwise. “Kenneth, I . . .”

“I would still be there for you. But not inside Rothmore Insurance.” He sighed. “There’s something else. I’m pretty sure all this cost-saving hokum is merely a smoke screen. Randolf thinks if he can get rid of me, you will be more . . . well, amenable to his plans. He’s very shrewd, make no mistake. He knows I’m concerned about all my staff losing their jobs. So he’s bargaining. If I went to him and offered to leave, he’d probably be willing to drop the whole thing and leave the other employees in place.”

She found herself so weak with pending loss that her knees threatened to give way. “What will you do?”

“I don’t know,” he breathed. “Pray. That’s all I know to do.”

“I . . . I’ve wanted to tell you.” She had to take another breath to steady her voice. “I’ve been going to church with Maggie and Bertrand.”

“Kyle, that’s wonderful.” Enthusiasm rang in his voice. “How was it?”

“Good, I think.” A tear escaped to trickle down her cheek. He was so happy for her. He had done so much, given her such warmth and kindness and friendship and strength. Why could she not respond? “Please don’t leave me, Kenneth. I need you.”

There was a long silence. Then, “Do you?”

“Yes.” But even this admission seemed wrenched from her. She had to change it. She could not leave it without further explanation. “The company does.” It sounded lame even to her.

“I see.” The tired flatness returned. “I have to travel to some of our other offices these next few days. I’ll think things over and speak with you when I return.”

Kyle replaced the receiver and staggered back to her room. From the open door of her neighbor’s room came the tinny sound of a little phonograph. “Somewhere beyond the sea, my lover waits for me,” the voices sang. Kyle felt as though the music was heckling her. She closed her door and sank down onto the floor.

Kenneth was going to leave. She could see it happening with absolute clarity. What reason had she given him to stay?

She covered her face with her hands and suddenly found herself recalling a conversation she’d had with Maggie after church the Sunday before. As they had left the vestibule, Maggie had busied herself with her Sunday gloves, then commented, “I notice you don’t bow your head when the pastor invites us to join in prayer.”

“I’m trying to be honest,” Kyle had replied.

Maggie had stopped, waving Bertrand to continue on without them. “Honest? Or are you trying to hold on to your independence?”

The woman’s quiet perception had rocked her. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I think you do.” Maggie chose her words carefully. “You have had to fight hard to reach a point where you could think and act for yourself. And I am proud of you. But this does not mean you can go through life by yourself. Not with any sense of real peace or real success. You think upon what I have said.”

Kyle remained curled up on the floor of her little dorm room, her face hidden behind her hands. Gradually her breathing slowed, and the words seemed to form of their own accord.
Help me
, she said, and felt something inside flowing out from behind the self-made barriers, reaching out and into the unknown.
Please help me
.

She stopped. There was more to be said. She could feel the thoughts hovering about her mind and heart, waiting for her to open further and accept. But she could not. It was suddenly all too much. She sighed herself up from the floor, only to sprawl upon her bed and close her eyes to the world.

She was awakened the next morning by a knock on her door. “Kyle?” The voice outside her door sounded both sleepy and irritated. “There’s a call for you. A Kenneth Adams, I think that was his name.”

She raced down the hall, grabbed up the receiver from where it swung upside down, and stammered, “Hello?”

“Success!” Triumph rang in his voice. “At least, a little bit. The first step, and they say that’s always the hardest.”

Kyle focused upon the wall clock. It was a quarter past six. “Where are you?”

“The office. I’ve got to get some things done before I leave town. And lucky thing, too. There was a message on my desk from a contact in the state government. Do you have a pencil?”

“No, wait, I don’t . . .” Kyle tried to force her fuzzy mind awake. She fumbled in her pockets, came up with a lipstick holder. “Okay, yes.”

“Riverdale. That’s a little town just over the Maryland border.” He seemed a half-breath away from laughter. “The fellow had time for only a brief glimpse at the notes related to your case. They contained an enquiry made a year or so after your adoption. The man claimed to have been the doctor attending your birth. The notes were in pencil and so smudged my friend could not make out either the doctor’s name or street. But the town was definitely Riverdale.”

“Oh, Kenneth.” Electricity seemed to zing through her system, and her heart took wings. “Are you sure?”

“This guy has never failed me yet. I’m sorry it’s not more.”

“It’s a start,” she breathed. Finally. “How can I ever thank you?”

“Say you’ll come out to dinner with me.”

He had asked many times over the months, and almost before she could think, the standard denial was there on the tip of her tongue. That she wasn’t ready. That it wouldn’t be right until she was sure of what she wanted and who she was. But she stifled the impulse and instead said weakly, “Yes, please, let’s do that.”

“What?”

“I said yes.”

This time the laugh broke through. “Do I have the right Kyle Rothmore on the line here?”

“Thank you,” she said again. “With all my heart. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said softly. “With all my heart.”

The instant she set down the phone, Kyle knew it wasn’t enough. She hurried back to her room, dressed in haste, and rushed to call a taxi. Impatiently she waited in the chill misting rain until the cab arrived. She flung open the door and said, “The Rothmore Insurance building, please. Massachusetts Avenue.”

She was out the door before the cab rolled to a halt. The elevator seemed to crawl up between floors. As soon as they opened upon the executive floor, Kyle was out and running down the hall. She almost collided with Kenneth as he came out of his door, overcoat in one arm, briefcase in the other. He stared at her in astonishment. “What are you doing here?”