Another Man's Baby (16 page)

At first Gabi pressed into the cushions to not be seen and then thought better of it. She had every right to be there. She watched Jamilla dancing, her hands trailing all over the man in uniform. Gabi’s heart froze. The man in uniform was trailing his hands all over Jamilla as well. They were dancing so nasty that they might as well have stripped and had sex right there on the damn dance floor.

Gabi downed her Coke, wishing it was something stronger but glad that she’d be at least clearheaded enough to drive home when this night was over.

She headed toward the dance floor, not knowing exactly what she was going to do when she stopped walking. She’d not rehearsed it, had hoped she wouldn’t find her husband here.

***

The smell of sugar cookies pulled Eric’s head away from Jamilla’s chest. He blinked and looked up, not as surprised as he would have thought to find his wife walking toward him. He glanced over her shoulder for the camera crew, wondering if that was the reason she’d begun watching
Cheating Spouses
.

Jamilla caught his lack of interest in her and stared first at him, then in the direction he was looking. At first Eric had thought to keep dancing with Jamilla, keep touching her and allowing her to touch him. Then he saw the smirk on Jamilla’s face.

His gaze fell on Gabi. He couldn’t hurt his baby like that. Hell, he’d disrespected her enough already. He wasn’t going to have another woman think he’d dis his wife for her, not in front of her face. Hell no, that wasn’t going to happen.

Eric dropped his hands from Jamilla’s body and walked toward Gabi. “Hey, baby, he said, drawing her into his arms, whispering into her ear as he did. “If you make a scene Jamilla will think she won.” He felt the tension uncoil slightly in his wife’s body.

“Where’s the camera?” he asked. He wrapped his arm around Gabi and groaned as she wrapped her arms around his back. And then he tensed as her nails dug into his flesh. He wanted to move away. She was ripping into him so hard he could feel the blood seeping out. She deserved her anger. She felt brittle, as though she might break.

“Gabi, ease up, baby, you’re hurting me,” Eric whispered in her ear.

“And you’re killing me,” Gabi answered.

Eric closed his eyes. Damn, what the hell was he doing? Once again, he thought maybe it would be best for Gabi if he were not in her life, if she were able to find someone with whom she could have the babies she wanted.

“Listen, Gabi, I-”

“Shut the hell up,” Gabi said in a hoarse whisper. “Don’t you dare defend your actions.”

He’d started it and he would have to play it out. Gabi walked over to where Jamilla was sitting and he wondered if she would continue to play it cool.

“Jamilla, listen. I don’t mind your dancing with my husband, but as for your touching him the way that you were, I don’t play that. Understand?” she said.

“Talk to your man.” Jamilla struck a pose and turned her palm out to Gabi.

“Oh no, you didn’t!” Before Gabi could say another word Eric was kissing her, kissing her right there on the dance floor with all the passion he hadn’t shone her in weeks. Hell no, Gabi thought. Does he really think it’s going to go down like that? His grip was tight around her and his lips fused with hers.

People were clapping, Jamilla looked embarrassed and disappointed. The skank.

Eric twirled Gabi around, kissed her again, and sat her on her feet a distance from Jamilla. “You’ve won, baby. Let’s go home.”

“Won? Won? What the hell have I won?” She glared at her husband.

“Your dignity, baby. Let’s get out of here.”

If she didn’t have her dignity who did he blame for that? Surely not her? Gabi had had it. She was not fighting over Eric, but she sure as hell was going to kick his ass when they got home. She was so angry that she thought again about the drink she hadn’t had, glad now that she hadn’t. In this condition she was mad enough to run Eric over in the parking lot. If she’d had a drink she didn’t think she’d practice any self control.

“You okay, Gabi?” Eric asked. “I mean to drive home?”

She glared at him. “Are you worried about me?” She pushed his hand from the door, put her key in the ignition, and gunned the engine. Despite her resolve, she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. What a low life, trashy thing to do. Did he have to screw around with someone she knew, someone she worked with, a so-called friend?  Tit for tat, baby, she thought as her mind devised a plan. I told you what I would do if you ever cheated on me.

“
Have faith.”

“Shut up,” Gabi screamed, “just shut up. This is my life, stay out of it. I’m not having faith, I’m kicking his ass out.” She gunned the car, opening the window to dry her tears. She refused to have it out with her husband with tears in her eyes.

Gabi pulled into the drive fast and ran straight to the bedroom and began ripping Eric’s clothes from the hangers and throwing them down the stairs. She was in the midst of throwing his underwear when he came in behind her.

“I didn’t do anything.”

She hurled a vase of flowers at Eric, but missed him and hit the wall. She kept throwing things. She’d never known this side of herself existed. She’d also never known she could hurt this much, that Eric could hurt her this much. She’d been doing everything in her power since he’d returned home, going along with his problems, trying to be understanding.

“Calm down, Gabi.”

Gabi stopped throwing things and glared straight ahead. “I want you out, Eric. I want you out now. It’s over. I don’t want you here anymore.”

Eric scratched his forehead, knowing good and well that this was what he’d brought on, hoping that she’d leave him. Maybe then he could stop feeling so damn guilty. Now that it was happening he didn’t see how he could leave her, especially when she was so upset.

“Gabi, I wasn’t going to go to bed with her.”

“Go to hell, Eric.”

“Listen, where do you think I’m supposed to go tonight? This is my house too.”

“I don’t care where you go, just go.”

“Look, I’ll sleep in one of the other rooms. This house is big enough for both of us.” Before he could move Gabi was pounding on him, hitting him with her fists, kicking him, screaming the entire time. He’d brought her to this.

“Stop baby,” he pleaded, but his talking seemed to be doing one thing and one thing only, making her angrier. “I’ll leave now,” he said and turned and walked down the stairs, sliding down the last few, ducking as Gabi aimed another vase at his head. He was shouting, “Stop!” at her but she was so busy throwing that he had to run out of her firing range. He didn’t stop running until he was sitting in his car listening to the racket she was still making inside the house. He wondered if she’d change her mind and cut up all of his clothes. He should have left her alone, not said a word until she’d cooled down.

Damn, he’d been asking for this. What had he expected was going to happen? Eric groaned and sat there to wait it out. It was three hours before the lights went out and still Eric waited another hour before reentering the house. He opened the door quietly and stood there. Gabi’s energy was so strong that her pain wrapped around him and nearly choked him. He took a step toward their bedroom and stopped, wondering which room to sleep in. He stood a better shot of Gabi’s not killing him if he stayed in the basement. But he didn’t want to be that far from Gabi.

Eric picked up his scattered clothes as he went. As near as he could tell, there were not any shredded items and he didn’t smell the stench of bleach. He picked all the clothes up, then listened at his bedroom door. Damn it. And damn him. His wife was sobbing.

“Gabi,” he said, pushing the door open. “Don’t cry.”

“Eric, just leave me alone. You didn’t worry about me when you were feeling Jamilla up, so don’t bother worrying about me now. I don’t need your sympathy, I can do without it.”

“Baby.”

“Close the door,” she yelled and tossed a pillow at him. He blew out a breath and closed his eyes as he closed the door. Okay, it was time he seriously sought help. He might be drowning in doubt but there was no need for him to take Gabi down with him. Marine or not, he couldn’t fix this problem alone. He couldn’t blow it up and make it go away. He went to the bedroom next to theirs, dropped his pile of clothing in a chair and undressed without turning on a light, not bothering with putting away his clothes. He was dead tired.

***

“I want a divorce.”

Eric poured a cup of coffee. “Why?” he asked, deciding to go on the offensive. Because I drank a little too much and flirted, or because you think I’m no longer a man?” The words hurt when they came out. He’d said them to manipulate her, but realized when the words hit the air that that was how he was feeling, like half a man and not even a half man worthy of having his life spared.

“Don’t run game on me, it’s not going to work,” Gabi said, looking evenly at him. “I want a divorce because for whatever reason, you don’t want to be married to me anymore. You’ve been home almost a year now and things are getting worse between us. You’ve been shoving me aside, trying to make me ask for a divorce and now you’ve got it. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want a divorce.”

“What about counseling?”

“What about it?”

“Shouldn’t we try that first?”

“Too little too late.”

“You don’t love me anymore?”

“Not enough to allow you to treat me like this.” Gabi looked directly at him. “Why is this bothering you now? You’ve wanted this for months, you’ve just been too much of a coward to say the words.” She took in a deep breath. “So have I.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Gabi.”

“Yes, you did.” Gabi laughed hysterically. “I’m not naïve. You did this deliberately. There was no reason for you to do it like this. All you ever had to say was, ‘Gabi, it’s over.’ You say I don’t think you’re a man. Guess what? I don’t. But it’s not for the reason you think. A man would have just ’fessed up and told me what he wanted. I’ve been asking you for months, allowing you to walk all over me, to yell and act as though I have no right to question you. I’m tired, Eric. I can’t do this anymore.” As Gabi walked toward the door, she glanced at the clock. “I have to go.”

“This is important.” Eric walked slowly toward her, desperation in his voice. His father had warned him, the voice had warned him. Now he’d waited too long. He’d lost Gabi. “I’ve called in, Gabi, can’t you do the same? We need to talk.” He walked closer before putting out his arms. If he could only hold her, he could make it right. “Gabi,” he whispered and reached for her. She stopped him.

“Eric, if you touch me, I swear I will slap the taste outta your mouth. Now step off.”

He backed up, knowing he’d gone way too far. “Can’t we be civil to each other? Shouldn’t we set some ground rules?”

“We had rules, you broke them.”

“I’m going to get counseling.”

“Good for you,” Gabi said, glaring at him. “I hope it helps you.”

“Gabi, please call in, this is important. We need to talk. I talked to my father. Ask him if you don’t believe me. I told him how rotten I’ve been to you and that I was going to stop. Come on, baby, you’ve been wanting to talk.”

“I don’t believe you.” Gabi laughed. “
Now
you want to talk? What was it you told me, baby? You don’t have time for this nonsense? Guess what? Neither do I.”

             
ANOTHER
MAN
’S BABY
             
229

Chapter
Fourteen

Taking a deep breath Gabi let it out and walked into  her office. She needed her job but she didn’t need the crap she was going to have to deal with.
Please God, don’t let that skank get up in my in face, or I will not be responsible for what I might do to her.

She shouldn’t have prayed. The first person to cross Gabi’s path was Jamilla.

“Can we talk?” Jamilla said, coming up to her.

“Sure.” Gabi took a step back just in case she needed the swing room.

“I’m not trying to take your man,” Jamilla said.

“Excuse me? You can’t take my man. If you could he wouldn’t be my man, now would he?” Gabi walked away to take care of her patients, ignoring that Mrs. Darden had her twins, ignoring the smile they gave that made her heart melt like butter. No, Gabi was determined to turn her emotions off. She refused to let the fact that she and Eric couldn’t have a baby and now would never even have the opportunity to adopt one together, get to her. And she for sure wasn’t about to let Jamilla think that she was worried about her stealing her husband. The nerve of the heifer.

***

Heat from the mug of vanilla, cinnamon latte warmed her hands. Gabi wouldn’t deny that she was enjoying the coffee Eric had made especially for her. Nor would she deny that she was enjoying the wary truce between herself and her husband. He’d actually waved a white flag in front of her face for days until she’d calmed down enough to talk to him without wanting to fling something at him.

“Gabi, breakfast is ready. Did you want me to bring you a tray…or would you like to eat at the table…with me?”

For a moment she twisted her mouth to the side in contemplation.It was strange, for three weeks they’d lived together in separate rooms. They were getting along better than they had before she’d kicked him out of the bedroom. Eric was almost his old self, funny, considerate, coming home at a decent hour.

“I’ll eat with you. Just give me a second to say goodbye to Mom.”

“Thanks, baby?”

Gabi’s head snapped up quickly and she narrowed her gaze on Eric, not speaking but telling him with her eyes that they were not yet at the calling her ‘baby’ stage.”

“Thanks, Gabi,” Eric said, getting the message.

“Gabi, he’s trying so hard,” Ongela said, her voice wistful. “Come on, honey. You know you don’t want to divorce him.  I know he’s been hurting you, but, Gabi, he’ll die without you.”

Gabi sighed and took in another breath, letting that one out also in a sigh. She listened to her husband setting the table. She swallowed as she returned her attention to Ongela. “No, I don’t want a divorce.  I love Eric, but I’m tired. You forget, Mom, we’ve had these calms spots before. It’s like he’s an addict trying for a while to remain straight, wanting to be good but eventually going back to old habits and falling off the wagon.”

“Not this time, Gabi. I don’t think it’s going to happen that way. He’s scared. He’s been here several times begging me to talk to you, asking his father for advice. He loves you, honey. He doesn’t want to lose you.”

Gabi couldn’t help it, she wanted to believe in her husband just as much as her mother-in-law. But that was part of the problem. If she was going to compare Eric to an addict she’d have to compare her own past behavior to that of an enabler.  She’d sat back waiting for him to change back into her husband, not holding him accountable for his behavior, making excuses, and hoping, always hoping things would get better. Gabi was sick of it all and disgusted with herself for having allowed her husband to walk all over her repeatedly in the past year. She brushed away the tears that started to well in the corners of her eyes.

“Mom, I don’t know if I can trust Eric anymore. I’ve had it with his on again off again behavior. Yeah, right now he’s being the old reliable Eric. But we both know the reason why. Divorce.  That word stopped him. Think about it, Mom. He’s a marine. He considers divorce a failure. He can’t have that.” A heaviness filled her chest at the possibility that her words might just be true.

“He loves you, honey.”

“I’m not so sure anymore. If he loved me he wouldn’t have treated me like this.  I’ve tried to be understanding.”

“It’s the war, Gabi. It make men behave strangely. The Vietnam war changed Terry.”

Gabi wanted to scream, ‘Enough.’ Ongela was calling her daily in an effort to keep her from actually filing for divorce. She’d have to give it to Ongela. She was relentless in her efforts to keep her and Eric together.

Sucking on her teeth for a moment she tried to think of a different approach, something that would make her mother-in-law hear her. “Mom, I’ve tried being understanding. You know I have. Tell me how long you want me to put up with Eric? If I forgive him, what happens if next time he decides to bring some woman home and screw her in our bed? Are you still going to tell me to hold on, to stay with him?”

“I’d never do that, Gabi. I would never tell you to take Eric’s cheating on you.”

“But, Mom, that’s what he’s been doing. Maybe he hasn’t had sex with anyone yet, but he’s cheating on me just the same. He wouldn’t talk to me, he spent all of his time with other women. What do you call that?” Gabi sniffled and dried her tears when she heard Ongela crying on the other end of the phone.

“Please, Gabi, just hold off on the divorce. You said you two have a truce. Let’s see how this plays out. Maybe you can forgive him. Don’t you want to be able to forgive him?”

Of course she wanted to forgive her husband but she was afraid for a good reason. She’d meant it when she’d said she was done with her past behavior.

“Do this for me for, Gabi, please. I don’t want to lose you. I love you.”

Fear raced through her at Ongela’s words. More than her marriage was at stake. She stood to lose her entire family. “I love you too, Mom,” Gabi whispered. “And I don’t want to lose you either.  New tears were running down her cheeks.  “I want to forgive Eric. I really do. But, Mom, he has to show me this time it’s for real. This time he has to mean it.  I’m not going to keep giving him more opportunities to hurt me.”

“So you’re going to forgive him?”

Gabi couldn’t help smiling at her mother-in-law’s manipulation. Ongela had broken her. She loved her and was always there for her. How could she refuse her? Still, Gabi didn’t want to give in quickly. “I’ll hold off on going to a lawyer and I’ll see how it goes. As long as we have a truce I’ll wait it out.”

“Gabi, everything’s on the table.”

Gabi was grateful for Eric calling her. She loved Ongela and always would, but this was her marriage. Ongela had made some good points. They had an almost ten year marriage at stake. She had to be sure before she took a final step to dissolve her marriage. She’d do as she’d promised. She would wait and see what happened next.

“Mom, I have to go,” Gabi said, breaking into Ongela’s pleading. “Eric has breakfast on the table.” She hung up the phone before Ongela could say more. Eric peeped his head around the corner, his eyes questioning. They stared at each other for a nanosecond before Gabi followed Eric to the kitchen.

She was grateful they weren’t fighting, but she hadn’t said she didn’t want a divorce; neither had she sought out a lawyer to make it happen. She’d decided to give it another week or so and see how it went. After all, Eric had started seeing a counselor. There was hope, she thought as she finished breakfast and went out to the garage and backed out. The car bounced, then jerked. Gabi stopped the car abruptly. Something didn’t feel right. She backed up a little more, going slowly, hearing another thud.

She got out and looked at all the tires, then groaned. A flat tire. She almost kicked the car but didn’t. Instead, she backed up a little more and pulled Eric’s car out. “Eric,” she yelled. When he poked his head out the door, she asked, “Are you going anywhere? Can I use your car?”

She saw the surprise in his eyes. She’d never asked to take his car before, but why shouldn’t she? Her money helped to pay for it. It was her car also.

“Of course,” Eric answered. “Want me to go with you or would you just like me to change the tire?”

Gaby stared for a moment at her husband. Even when they were being nice to each other there was this degree of uncertainty that she didn’t like. But still it was better than what they’d had. She wasn’t forgetting Jamilla or any of the rest, but she was willing to continue the truce. Her in-laws initial call begging her not do anything hasty had postponed the trip to the lawyer for that reason.

She noticed Eric was still waiting for her answer. “Change the tire for me, please. Thanks,” she added. “Maybe when I get back we can pop in a movie.”

Her heart stopped at the full-fledged grin he gave her. “Good,” he said, “I’ll call for pizza.”

Just like old times, she thought. It was Saturday and Eric wasn’t going anywhere without her. They were going to stay in tonight to watch a movie, together. Gabi smiled all the way to the store and all the way back. She didn’t even stop smiling when the oranges she’d bought spilled out of the bag when she hit a quick stop. For a change her mood was bright. It had as much to do with her mother-in-law asking her to hold on as it did with Eric’s attempts to make things better. The coffee he’d made for her brought a smile to her lips. She’d have to admit, he was trying.

Before she was even out of the car Eric was opening the door to help with the bags. “Hey,” he said, taking the bag from her and walking toward the kitchen.

Gabi smiled, deciding to leave the rest of the bags for her husband, and began rummaging for the oranges. She jerked her hand back when she felt something strange. It was slick and limp. She bent and looked under the seat. All the air went out of her lungs. She spotted what she’d felt and also a splotch of red silk. An inner knowing filled her with dread, making her numb. She reached for a tissue and pulled the used condom out. Then she took more tissue and fished for the silk. Her world went black when she held the panties in the tissue. She felt she would die on the spot.

“I’ll get the rest of the bags,” Eric said. “What are you doing all bent over? What’s that you’ve got in your hand?”  

Gabi looked up, her eyes brimming with tears. These she couldn’t stop. The cut was too deep, the pain too raw. She couldn’t believe what she held in her hand, that Eric would do this in their car. This was past nasty. She flashed the panties and the used condom at her husband.

“This time I’m serious. I want a divorce. I want you out of my life. The truce is over.” She took one step, then another and another. With each step another part of her died. There was nothing more for her to do but continue the seemingly endless steps until she reached the door of her home and went inside.

“Gabi,” he was calling but she ignored him.

“Gabi, please.”

“
Have faith.”

Not now
, Gabi thought,
I’m not in the mood
.

“I don’t know how they got in the car, Gabi, you’ve go to believe me.” Eric was right behind her shouting, then whispering, talking softly, then back to shouting.

She couldn’t fight, she couldn’t even talk. Gabi walked up the stairs slowly; she was going to be sick. She prayed to make it to the bathroom, not wanting Eric to see that weakness in her or have him offer to help. She’d rather die than have him help her now.

When she was done, the only thought in her mind was to make it to the bed before she passed out. When Eric lay alongside her in the bed, she couldn’t even summon up the energy to tell him to go away, that it was over, that they were done. Tears slid beneath her lids and at that moment she wished he had died in
Iraq
.

She drifted off as she heard the voice she’d been hearing for the past year, the voice telling her to have faith. She was sorry, but she’d run out of faith. She’d run out of everything.

***

Eric trembled. This was bad. It was as though he were holding a corpse. There was nothing left in Gabi; not even her sugar cookie scent remained. He wrapped his body around hers and prayed, not sure if he believed his prayer would be answered. But this he hadn’t done. He’d not had sex with anyone in his car. Hell, he’d not had sex with anyone but his wife. Sure, he’d come damn close to doing it, but something had always stopped him. This, he thought as he held onto his wife. This was what had stopped him, what it would do to Gabi if he did. Now he hadn’t and she was still hurt beyond reason. He didn’t think she would ever forgive him.