Antagonize Me (16 page)

***

Thailand is magical and the streets are shut down at night so partygoers can dance the night away. People walk around with animals on their arms, offering photographs. I had a photograph taken with a gorgeous monkey that was dressed in human clothes, which I couldn’t walk past without wanting to touch him.

I stayed in Bali for two weeks and have been in Thailand for about the same time. They both have their own uniqueness, each as special as the other. I’ve made some friends in Thailand, Phuket, and tonight they’ve asked me to go to the beach with them. It’s their last night here before they head back to Sydney, Australia which is their home. They’re a young couple exploring the world and this was their last stop before heading home.

We reach the beach and Rebecca and I exchange smiles. The sky is filled with Chinese lanterns. “They have different meanings for different people. Some do it for luck, some do it for loved ones, and some believe it will take their worries and problems away.” She walks across and buys two lanterns, then she hands me one, closes her eyes and lets hers fly. I watch as it fills the night sky and joins with hundreds of others up there.
I wonder what I should do?
I think of my grandfather and let the lantern go with my eyes closed. When I open my eyes again, the night sky is filled with beautiful colorful lanterns. I walk back to my hotel and sleep peacefully.

Today is the day I’m going to go home. I’ve been away for six weeks now and the time has helped me heal. I have had nothing but me time. Time to see who and what I wanted. I still don’t have all the answers, but some are clearer and I know within my heart who I want to be with. I want Kyrone. I want the man that annoys me, the man that can make me smile, and I want him for him. I won’t mess anything up if he’s happy in his relationship with Natalia. I want him to be happy. He is a good man and he deserves his happiness.

I check my Facebook account for the first time since I left. I’ve avoided all social networking. I don’t want or need the drama of being connected to the phone and seeing what everyone’s doing. I don’t want to know if they’re sad today because they hurt their toe or whatever.
Really?
Who posts that shit anyway?

I have four unread messages from Tanner, Katrina, Hillary, and last one is from Kyrone. Hillary has attacked my message bank and it’s full of questions. Tanner asks how I am and has politely asked me to reply. Katrina sent me a photograph of her growing belly and there’s a single message from Kyrone. Only one. “I miss you,” is all it says, but it holds so much hope for me. So much left unsaid and so much more to say. There’s so much more to do and to explore between us.

I fly straight to Los Angeles. It’s early morning when I arrive and I don’t know where to go first. I search for Kyrone’s address and decide I want to see him. I think I
need
to see him. It’s an easy find because Hillary has it and is more than happy to hand it over to me. Then she starts with the one hundred questions, so I cut her off and tell her I’ll see her soon. She’s excited and I hang up in her ear when she starts rambling.

Kyrone’s house is a mansion and I’m a bundle of nerves when we drive up his driveway. I feel the need come over me to be sick. The cab driver drops me off and waits for me because I don’t even know if Kyrone is home. I’m just taking a wild guess and hoping for the best. The last thing I want is to be stranded in a posh neighborhood having nowhere to go with all my bags. I knock and wait. I hear the door handle turn and look at it with excitement. When I see who’s on the other side of the door, I freeze. I didn’t think she’d be here. I didn’t think they’d be living together. She looks me up and down and scrutinizes me with her gaze. I want to turn and walk away, but also don’t want to give her that satisfaction. I don’t want her to think she’s higher than me or even better than me. It’s just not true.

“Who are you?” she asks, looking at my face with hatred in her eyes. I go to chew my nails and then stop myself. I stand tall when I look at her perfect clothes with not one wrinkle in them. Me, I’m standing here in wrinkled jeans and probably a wrinkled top as I haven’t changed from my flight.

“CJ. Is Kyrone here?” I ask, looking behind her, but she blocks my path so I can’t see.

“He doesn’t know a CJ,” she spits. “Leave, the same way you came in,” she says as she shuts the door in my face. I turn and walk back to the cab. I don’t need this. The driver smiles as I open the door and I smile back. Just as I go to get in, I hear my name being called. I turn to see Kyrone running down the driveway without the She-Devil behind him. He stops when he gets to me and looks me up and down. My hair is pink again like it used be when we first started seeing each other.

“Hey, Pink Bits,” he says, cocking a nervous smile. I smile back and stay standing at the door of the cab.

“Hey,” I say back.

“You’re home finally? And you came to see me?” he asks, sounding unsure.

“I just flew in, haven’t even been home yet. Just wanted to see how you were,” I lie. He catches my lie and his smile drops.

“I met Natalia. She’s a ball of fun,” I say dryly. He laughs and nods his head.

“You could say that though some say worse.”

“Well, I just came to say hi, so I’ll leave you alone now.” I move to take a seat in the car, but he stops me from closing the door. I look up at him, wanting to know an answer to the unasked question that’s lingering in the air. “Are you happy?” I ask. He looks shocked at first and doesn’t reply, then smiles and nods his head. I lean up and kiss his cheek before I tell the driver to go.

I watch as the driver slowly pulls out of his driveway. Is this it? Ky has his hands in his pockets and is a little slouched standing there in all his rugged manly beauty. I see the conflicted look on his face and his eyebrows are drawn closely together. He raises his other hand to give me a half-hearted farewell. I feel the lump in my throat as my eyes start to blur. I swallow hard, blinking unshed tears away to give him a smile that is betraying my heart right now before putting my head down staring at my knotted hands in my lap.

When I knock on the door of our old apartment, I hear her yelling though she sounds happy. She swings the door wide open with a smile. Someone else is inside, their hands are wrapped around her waist as she sees me. She jumps away from the hands and into mine, nearly knocking me over in the process.

“I’m never letting you go, I’m going to keep you forever,” she says, not letting me breathe.

The person behind her speaks, “Hill, let her breathe.” I look over her shoulder to see Tick, topless and looking mighty fine, as well as happy. He winks at me and pulls Hillary back into his arms. I look between the two and smile.

“So, um, yeah. He won’t leave me alone.” She giggles and I smile brightly at her.

“I can see that,” I say, gesturing between the two of them with a wave of my arm.

“Hey, it's not my fault. Your ass calls for me,” he says and I watch her jump as he squeezes her. She swats him away and pulls me in.

“Your room hasn’t changed. I’ve left everything alone and only gone in there to clean. I knew you’d be back,” she says, coming for me again. Tick stops her and holds tightly onto her.

“You both look happy,” I say and I watch as her face falls. “I’m happy you’re happy, Hillary. You deserve it,” I say, easing her worrying brain.

“It's not weird?” she asks sincerely. I shake my head and lean over and kiss Tick’s cheek before I carry all my stuff to my room. When I open the door, I see she wasn’t lying. It’s like I’ve never left, nothing has changed.

“So what do you want to do? You have to go out and have a cosmo with me and tell me about all your wild adventures. Or maybe we can stay in?”

“I say yes to cosmos and telling you everything. How about tomorrow night? Tonight, I just want to sleep. Today hasn’t been that good,” I reply shaking my head as I move into my bedroom.

“Oh no. What happened with Kyrone?” she asks walking with me and sitting on my bed, getting comfortable. Tick walks in and hands us a bottle of water and then walks out. I smirk and raise the bottle to Hillary.

“Oh yeah, I have him trained well, right?” She laughs.

“Woman, you want me to show you who’s trained?” Tick yells from the kitchen and she laughs louder.

“Yes, later though. My girl is home.” She turns back to me. “So come on, tell me.” She gestures with her hands.

“Not much to tell, really. I went there, saw the She-Devil and then saw him. He told me he was happy. Then I left,” I tell her while unpacking my clothes.

“Oh CJ, she is positively evil. She must be good in bed, ‘cause that’s the only reason he’d be with someone like her,” she says and grabs my hand, giving it a gentle hold before leaving and shutting the door on her way out.

Great that’s the last thing I wanted to think about before closing my eyes tonight. Ky and his devil woman. I think it just hurts more now because I have actually given in, us, me and Kyrone and the possibility, then it got rejected.
How was I expecting today to turn out?
Ky taking me into his castle and us living happily ever after? Pfft! I had my chance and I let it pass by. I need to stop thinking about this.
How am I going to just let Ky go?

When she asked if I was happy, I was talking about seeing her though I know she couldn’t have known that. I know now that it’s too late. When I walked back inside, Natalia was waiting at the door, looking at me in disapproval. I’ve had enough of her. She’s driving me absolutely mad. She won’t leave when I ask her to and she thinks she lives here with me now. I sometimes feel like I’ve never wanted to hurt someone more in my life and I don’t believe in hitting women. She taps her foot and waits for me to explain and I wonder what I ever saw in her in the first place. She was sweet and fun to begin with and I thought,
why not try breaking some rules?
Rules are, after all, meant to be broken, right? She also sucked cock like a pro, one of the best head jobs I’ve ever had.
So what could go wrong?
Fuck! So much has, that’s for sure.

“Are you going to explain who that trash was that showed up on our doorstep? Then you running after her?” she asks full of hate and tapping her foot.
God, I hate that!

“Christina is not trash, Natalia. Watch your mouth,” I warn her. Her jaw drops, then reopens only to drop again.

“That… that
thing
, is the one you pine over? She’s nothing special. Honestly, who the fuck has pink hair?” She throws her hands up trying to make her point. I’m not even going to argue with her.

“Leave, it’s over. I don’t want you in my life,” I tell her. She screams at me, but I don’t listen. Then come the waterworks, but I don’t give in this time.

I go upstairs to pack a bag so I can go see Christina. I know where she is. Hillary has plastered it all over Facebook and I’m excited to have her home. I have to go and see her, to tell her. No other woman makes me feel the way she does and I don’t even know how she does it?

The day before the funeral, when I saw her getting undressed in front of Tanner, I walked out and hit a tree. He’s not allowed to see her like that, to have mental images of her naked like that. No matter how close friends they might be, that body is mine and will always be mine, until the end of fucking time.

As I make my way downstairs with my bag of clothes, Natalia is crying on the floor, looking broken. I want to walk away and never look back, but I’m not a total asshole.