Anyone but Alex (The English Brothers Book 3) (14 page)

“Just kidding!” she said, giggling in her seat
beside him. “Just kidding. It’s you, it’s you, it’s you.”

She said this lightly, between gasps of laughter, but Alex’s heart swelled from the words said so guilelessly. She wasn’t trying to be sexy. She was just being Jess, and he was being swept away with her a little more every minute he spent with her.

“Glad we got that straight,” he said, grinning at her.

“So, what’s different about Stratton?”

“You’d never know Strat and I came from the same parents. I mean, I—” He stopped abruptly, realizing how blunt he was about to be.

“You what?” she asked.

“I bang anything that moves,” he said softly, opting for honesty, but instantly regretful when the words left his mouth.

She gasped
and he glanced over at her, at the stricken look on her face as she stared straight ahead out the windshield.

“And
Strat?” she asked in a thready voice.

“Doesn’t.” He hated himself for ruining their playful conversation, but the reality of who he was, who he had been for most of his life, wasn’t something that would go away if they ignored it. “It’s who I am, Jess.”

“Not right now,” she insisted, looking at him with hurt eyes, even as she defended him. “Right now you’re here with me and we’re just… talking.”

“But my reputation
—”

“Doesn’t matter to me.”

“It should.”

“It doesn’t, Alex, and no amount of you trying to shock me is going to change that. I don’t care how many women you’ve… banged. I only care that you’re sitting next to me right now.”

He couldn’t explain why her answer frustrated him so much, but he almost yelled at her when he demanded, “Why do you only see the good in me?”

“
Because I know you. I know your heart and I—I’m…” She looked down quickly, swallowing whatever words had been on the tip of her tongue.

He clenched his jaw, looking away from her, trying to concentrate on where they were headed
so he wouldn’t miss a turn that would pull them so far off course, they’d never find their way.

Could he actually protect her from his reputation over the next few weeks? From the gossip columnists having a field day with her? From ex-lovers sending her hate mail? From well-meaning friends and family warning her away from
the depraved sex fiend, Alex English? He felt helpless because he knew he couldn’t. If they were going to spend time together they couldn’t pretend his history was irrelevant. She needed to brace herself a little bit, not live in this rosy bubble pretending he was still the fifteen-year-old boy she had a crush on.

And yet, glancing at her again, at her beautiful face so serious and sad, he couldn’t bear to ruin their time together either.

“Hey, Jessie,” he said softly. “Remember when Cam, Chris, Dash, and I had the cabana band?”

Whereas most children in suburbia had garage bands, Alex and his friends had commandeered the pool cabana at Westerly one summer and made terrible music loudly and often, much to the disdain of the other families on Blueberry Lane.

“Mm-hm,” she murmured, still withdrawn, still sad, still not looking at him.

“Every time we played
Jessie’s Girl
you came running.”

A tiny smile played at the corners of her mouth
.

“I convinced myself th
at you were playing it for me.”

“We were,” he confessed, the part of him that was still fifteen remembering her bright green eyes smiling at him the summer before she moved away. “
I
was, Jessie-girl.”

“So, skip the middle.”

“What?”

She shifted her body a little, turning to look at him. “Skip the middle. Pretend that last week you were playing “Jessie’s Girl” for me. Pretend that I didn’t move away.”

Just for a moment, the fantasy unfurled in his head. Jessie at fifteen when he came home from college, cocky and ridiculous from the amount of pussy he was getting. Jessie at eighteen when his urban manwhore days were just hitting stride. Jessie at twenty-one looking at him with disgust when his first scandal hit the tabloids.

Suddenly he was relieved she’d moved away, that she hadn’t had a front row seat to his debauchery. Then again…

“If you had stayed, I might have been different,” he said, swallowing the sudden and painful lump in his throat. “I might have been a better man if those green eyes had been watching me
, Jessie-girl.”

H
e turned into the gravel driveway of an old farm as indicated by the checkered flag on the GPS. As he cut the engine in front of a pristine white farmhouse surrounded by the largest, oddest metal sculptures he’d ever seen, he turned to look at Jess. Her smile was the sweetest, most tender, most heart-poundingly beautiful thing he’d ever seen, anytime, anywhere, when she said, “They’re watching you now, Alex. All they see is you.”

***

The next day, Alex arrived at Westerly to pick her up on foot, explaining that they were riding with Barrett and Emily in Barrett’s SUV, and Fitz and Daisy, who were coming from their apartment in the city, would be meeting them at the farm. As he took her hand, he was distracted by something behind her, and Jessie looked back to see Cameron standing at the foot of the stairs, his expression hard as granite as he shook his head back and forth.

“Cam,” called Alex
, still holding her hand. “We still playing squash on Thursday?”

“Screw you, Alex,” said Cam, turning abruptly and heading up the stairs. After several steps, he yelled over his shoulder. “Yes. And I’d wear body armor if I was you.”

After they were outside, Alex finally let his eyes drop to Jess, sweeping them over her jeans, hiking boots, and cream cashmere sweater. She handed him her bright red pea coat, and he held the shoulders as she shrugged into it.

“He’s thawing out,” said Alex sarcastically
.

“Sounds like a real friendly game,” she said,
pulling the front door shut and turning around to face him.

Alex button
ed the three large black buttons on the front of her coat, then grabbed two fistfuls of the thick wool fabric and pulled her closer. “He’s just worried about you, but he doesn’t need to be.”

She flicked her glance
down his body, resting below his hips for a moment before looking back up and grimacing. “Might want to wear, er, um,
protection
next week. Knowing Cam, I’m fairly certain a lot of shots are going to be taken at your, um…parts.”

“
Though your concern means a lot to me, I promise my
parts
will survive,” said Alex, tilting his head to the side in a look that was a thousand percent adorable.

“I dearly hope so,” said Jessie
. She hadn’t met his parts yet, and she wanted them intact when she did. The thought made her cheeks flush and her breathing quicken. “Hey. I dare you to kiss me.”

“Right here?”

“Right now.”

After viewing
Cort King’s eccentric sculptures for an hour yesterday, they’d found a country diner to have lunch and then headed back to Haverford, enjoying the leisurely ride home. Although they’d held hands near-constantly, all day, whenever possible, Alex hadn’t kissed her again, and their passionate moment in the Thanksgiving closet was starting to feel pretty far away to Jess.

He pulled her just a fraction closer, dipping his head to brush her lips with his. Her eyes closed and she leaned forward, anticipating more, but when she realized more wasn’t coming, she opened her eyes, frowning at Alex’s smiling face.

“I wish we were alone right now,” he said, shooting an uneasy glance at her front door.

“Not half as much as I do.”

“Come for dinner at my place tonight?” he asked, searching her eyes.

“I’d love to,” said Jess, her heart pounding as she realized that it would be the first time they were alone in private.

“I’ll drive you home after dinner.”

“Unless I decide to stay over.”

He bit his bottom lip, and Jessie’s inner muscles clenched.

“As much as I’d love that… no.”

“Alex—”

“No, Jess. When you go back to
London, it won’t be as one of the ‘Professor’s Girls.’ I promised myself.”

“
Grrr,” Jessica huffed, dropping his hand and pulling away from him.

She
marched down the driveway without him, toward the arch in the hedges where there was a footpath that led to Haverford Park. As of today, they only had four weeks left together, and she knew he was trying to be chivalrous with her. But damn chivalry. She was getting frustrated and starting to think that she
wanted
to be one of the “Professor’s Girls” for the next few weeks in
every possible way.

As she ducked under the arch
, still brooding, Alex grabbed her around the waist, and in an instant he had her pushed up against the thick, private hedge, his mouth hot and demanding on hers. She whimpered in surprise, reaching up to plunge her hands in his hair as he lowered his hands to her ass, cupping it roughly, shoving her against his erection which strained against the unyielding denim of his jeans. His mouth ravaged hers, as if starving for her taste, his tongue slipping and sliding against hers insistently as he tilted his head for more access. Jessie arched her back and Alex bent with her, keeping his pelvis flush with hers, his chest strong and hard against the softness of her breasts which heaved from the surprise and excitement of such an unexpected, wildly passionate kiss.

He drew back abruptly, panting and stricken as he stared at her. His hands flexed, dropping quickly from her ass, as he took a decisive step back.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in a taut, agonized voice.

“I’m not,” said Jessie, out of breath, searching his face with wonder.

“I can’t let you think I don’t want you.”

“I’m reassured
,” she said. His dark, wild eyes stared back at her. “Do it again.”

His tongue slipped out of his mouth and licked his lips, but he shook his head.

Jessie pushed away from the hedge where she was still leaning and reached for the points on his leather collar, pulling him closer.

“Again,” she whispered, leaning up to capture his lips with hers.

He only waited a moment until he deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms back around Jessie and sealing his lips more fully over hers. This kiss was gentler and sweeter than the last, his tongue softly stroking hers, making her toes curl as his fingers kneaded her lower back through her coat. After a moment, he broke off the kiss again and lowered his forehead to her neck in a move she was starting to recognize. It was almost as though he hid there from the world, his lashes fluttering against the skin of her throat before closing, breathing deeply through his nose and exhaling warm breath on her neck as he relaxed. Jessie raised her hands to the back of his head, gently stroking the warm skin of his neck, comforting him, loving him, letting him know that he could rest against her for as long as he needed to.

When he finally lifted his eyes they were soft and tender.

“When Margaret decided to go stag on Saturday night, do you know what she said to me?”

Jessie shook her head.

“She said, ‘One day I’ll say I was there to witness it: the moment the elusive heart of Alex English got sideswiped by a kid.’”

Jess
ie stared back at him, waiting on eggshells to see what he’d say next.

“She was right,
” he whispered, his voice almost breaking. “But I don’t know how to do this.”

Jessie’s hands slid
to his cheeks, which she palmed gently as she smiled into his eyes.

“You’re doing fine,” she said.

“This is going to get messy.”

“Then let it get messy.”

“One of us might get hurt.”

“
It’s worth it to me. Is it to you?”

He nodded, but his face was helpless and Jessie loved it a little, that he was so undone, because it proclaimed her worth.

“I can’t stay away from you, Jess. I just want to be around you as much as possible until you go.”

“I want that
, too.”

“They’ll eat you alive,” he said, shaking his head sadly.
“When we come out of a restaurant or go to a party together. They’ll take pictures. They’ll speculate about who you are, find past boyfriends, they’ll—”

“
Let them. I have nothing to hide, Alex. And I’m tougher than I look.”

“I didn’t want this for you. Not
you
.”

“Does
n’t it matter what I want?”

“Of course, but I
—”

“
Stop worrying about me.”

“I can’t. I care about you.”

“If that’s true, stop putting up barriers between us. Stop worrying about your past. Stop worrying about the rest of the world. Just be with me.” She smiled tenderly at him. “You said you were mine until Christmas. So,
be
mine, Alex.”