Anywhere But Here (The Starborn Ascension) (5 page)

Gilbert’s eyes glint through the fiery haze like he is a demon from the underworld. It almost looks like he wants to kill me, but a sudden change in his expression keeps that fear at bay, yet is no less haunting. He smiles at me.
 

“There is a difference between surviving for as long as you can and having hope,” he says as he picks up his pile of guns and stands. “I lost hope a long time ago.” He looks across the fire at Ethan. “You’ve got first watch tonight. I’m sleeping in the SUV.”

Gilbert storms away and closes the SUV door a little too loud for comfort. Ethan stares into the flames, still looking angry.
 

“I’m actually relieved he’s gone,” I say.
 

“I don’t know why I stick with him,” Ethan says. He looks up at me with a serious face. “You can’t listen to Gilbert. I believe you can have hope.”

“After today I’m not so sure,” I say. “Part of me thinks Gilbert is right, though I don’t want to hear it.”

“Then don’t hear it,” Ethan says. “What good would it do to believe there is no hope?”

I shake my head, thinking of Lucas, thinking of my parents…my older sister. Anyone and everyone that has ever been a part of my life is gone.
 

“Gilbert would say the opposite,” I say numbly. “What good would it do to believe there
is
hope?”

Ethan doesn’t answer.
 

“I
want
to believe it,” I say. “Hours ago I
did
believe it. I’m not so sure anymore. What if this town, Crestwood, isn’t everything we hope it is? Aren’t we all just going on a stranger’s word that it’s a safe place for people like us? We don’t really know.”

“If it’s not then we find someplace else,” Ethan answers. “That, or we build our own safe haven.”

“Dreams,” I say.
 

“Perseverance,” Ethan comes back. He takes a deep breath and sighs. “The moment you start to think you aren’t going to make it is the moment the enemy starts winning.”

“Lucas said something similar to me once. Look what happened to him.” I feel empty as the words pour out of my mouth. I hate talking about him in this way. It’s almost as if we’ve just been separated for a short time and that we will meet again soon. It’s so hard to think of him as gone.
 

“You can’t stop bad things from happening,” Ethan says. “All you can do is try to survive and have hope that you
will
survive. Why not have hope? It’s not like you can see the future.”

My eyes dart to meet his when he speaks, almost as if he knew something about me that I haven’t shared with anyone. But he just shakes his head and stares back into the fire.
 

The future…

I
did
see the future. At least, I saw a brief glimpse of it just before it happened. What sickens me the most about all of this was that I could have done something to prevent Lucas’ death. Well, I think I could have anyway. I’m not certain how it works. I saw the scene unfold in front of my eyes almost as if it were a warning of some kind. I had reached out and grabbed Lucas’ hand to stop him, and then a bright light flashed in front of me. But no one else seemed to have seen it at all. It was as if it happened in my head.

So, having seen the future, could I have altered it? In only a split second, everything played out just as I had seen it in the vision, but could I have reached out and pulled Lucas to safety before Scarecrow pulled the trigger? I suppose I will never know.

I watch Ethan as he continues to stoke the fire. Part of me wants to tell him what I saw, but I can’t really trust him, though he has been nicer to me than Gilbert.
 

I decide that I might as well try to learn something about him. I am now left with no one to trust but myself. I have no desire to place trust in anyone else, but an ally might be useful. I reach out and warm my palms above the flames. “So, how did you come across Gilbert?” I ask.
 

“Little more than a week ago, I was traveling alone and saw him in the distance,” he answers. “He had mistaken me for a greyskin, and was going to kill me, but when he got closer he saw I wasn’t going to harm him.” He pats the baseball bat at his side. “Carrying this thing let him know I wasn’t a raider. He let me team up with him because he was lost in a town down south. I had been there for a couple of weeks and knew the area well. I promised to help him find some supplies and find a safe route through if he would let me tag along with him. Took some convincing, but he eventually agreed.” He shrugs. “Now I’m here.”

I shake my head at this. “Why stay with him? He’s such a pig.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” he says, grinning. “Looks like you and I agree on one thing, at least.”

“I don’t disagree with you about having hope for the future,” I say to him. The firelight dances on his slender cheeks. His short, dark hair blends with the shadows behind him. I notice for the first time that he is actually handsome when he smiles at me, which he is doing right now.

“I know you don’t,” he says. “You said it to Gilbert yourself. If you had no hope, you would already be dead.”

“I was mostly just saying that to get under Gilbert’s skin,” I say. “Every time he opens his mouth I want to shut it for him.”

“I know what you mean,” Ethan says. “I was actually going to leave him before you and Lucas came around.”

“Really?”

He nods. “When you two showed up, I decided to stay. I hoped you two would bring a fresh perspective. You know, help with decisions and all.”
 

“Sorry to disappoint,” I say.
 

He grins slightly. “You haven’t disappointed anyone. At least you have a head on your shoulders.” He lifts the stick and points to the SUV. “Gilbert doesn’t listen to anybody, and he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” He clears his throat. “Not like you, though. At least you seem to care about others.”

“Lucas and I were a good team,” I say. The words are hard to say and they catch in my throat. To speak of Lucas in the past tense seems wrong. It feels like a lie. My fingers tug at the ring.
 

“Did Lucas give that to you?” Ethan asks.
 

My eyes don’t leave the fire. I want to answer Ethan and tell him where the ring came from, but I can’t. That moment in my past is particularly hard to think about it.

“How long had you two been traveling together?” Ethan pretends that he never asked the previous question and I am grateful.

A tear slips down my cheek. It’s not the first. It won’t be the last. To think that we made it through so much for three years made his death even more painful. The promises he made me rang true every day. Every attack we encountered, we survived. Until now. “Three years,” I manage to say.
 

Ethan nods. I know he feels awkward with me sitting here crying in front of him. He doesn’t know me enough to know that a strong arm around my shoulders would go a long way. But in truth, it’s not Ethan’s arms I want around me.
 

He’s about to say something when we both hear a snap behind us. Without hesitation, we drop to the ground onto our bellies. He shimmies up next to me, his bat held firmly in his left hand. My hand balls into a fist and I bite my lip when I realize that I must have left my hatchet next to Lucas and I’m completely weaponless.
 

With the fire behind us, the light shines toward the woods beyond and we can both see a lone greyskin stumbling along the edge of the trees. I try to keep my hands firm against the ground so Ethan doesn’t notice them shaking. I’ve killed my share of greyskins, but never without shaking hands. Is it fear? Yes. When I see the dead walking, I always feel fear. I never developed the callous sense of security that comes from years of practicing various ways of attacking greyskins. This one is no different. We have no indication that it has seen us or sensed us in any way, but it would only take a small sound. If it really is just one greyskin, it would be nothing for Ethan to charge after it and bash its head in with his bat. But something I’ve learned over the past three years is that once you’ve seen a greyskin it usually means a lot more aren’t too far behind.
 

We wait a few moments as it continues to stagger forward. My heart beats so fast I almost fear the undead creature is able to hear it, and when it stops for a moment to look around, gnawing, chomping at something invisible, I think it
has
heard me, but then it continues to walk. I turn my head slightly to look at Gilbert in the SUV, but he doesn’t seem to have heard it. I am thankful for that. Sometimes fear and a sudden realization that a greyskin is near will cause a person to yell out or do something rash. Sometimes the best thing is to sit and be patient as the creature moves along in search of flesh.
 

I almost feel sick by the sight of it. It’s missing an arm, and part of its chest has a gaping hole in the side of it. I still can’t fathom what keeps these things moving.
 

I jump slightly when Ethan touches my shoulder. “I don’t see any others,” he says. “I’m going to take it out.”

My mind races back to the moment when Lucas had whispered something similar to me just hours ago. Would it work again? Just as Ethan starts to get up, I reach out and grab his hand.
 

Again, just as before, a bright light flashes before my eyes.
 

I feel myself floating above, able to witness what happens below me. I watch down at myself and at Ethan who looks at the other me and smiles curiously as she holds his hand, but she lets go of it and nods to him. Ethan then jumps up from the ground as she stays behind. He brings his bat above his head and just as the greyskin turns to face him, he smashes the side of its head. Like a watermelon, the greyskin’s head crunches open and it falls to the ground lifelessly. I wait to see the tragedy unfold, for Ethan to realize too late that the greyskin wasn’t truly dead. I expect it to reach out to grab his leg and bite into it, ripping away tendons and arteries, but it doesn’t happen. Instead, he looks around the edge of the woods, searching for more greyskins only to turn his head back at her and smile.
 

“Coast is clear,” he says. “Lonely, nasty greyskin.”

The bright light flashes again and I’m back beside Ethan. To me, the vision lasted about thirty seconds, but to Ethan, I think it took no time at all. But I
know
what I’ve seen is the future, only this time it doesn’t look grim. I’m holding his hand and he looks at me with a smile on his face, but his eyebrows are jutted forward as though he is curious as to why I’m holding on to him. The last time I had seen the future, I foresaw the person dying, but this time, I foresee him succeeding. Why would I try to stop him?
 

I let go of his hand and nod to him. Everything happens as I saw. He lifts his bat above his head and the greyskin turns the second it hears Ethan, but Ethan smashes its head with the bat, splitting it wide open. The greyskin doesn’t move after it lands on the ground. Ethan’s swing was true. I watch as Ethan walks along the edge of the woods, searching for any trace of more greyskins, but I already know he won’t find any.
 

“Coast is clear,” I mutter to myself where he can’t hear me.
 

“Coast is clear,” Ethan says, turning to me.
 

“Lonely, nasty greyskin,” I whisper.

“Lonely, nasty greyskin,” he says with a smile.
 

I know there is a look of shock on my face as I sit up straight, but Ethan just thinks it’s because there was a greyskin.
 

“Aw, you can’t be afraid of that,” Ethan says, walking back to his seat at the fire. “I mean, those things are creepy, no doubt, but surely you’ve seen worse than that.”

You have no idea,
I think to myself.

“Of course,” I say, not knowing what to think about what just happened.
 

“I’m sorry,” Ethan says. “I know you must have. It’s just the look you’re giving me. It almost looks like you’ve never seen a greyskin before.”

I try to shake my head, but I’m frozen. “I don’t know,” is all I can mutter.

“I have to admit,” he says, “I get pretty shaken up even after three years of this crap.”

But I barely hear him. As I stare into the fire, I wonder what I would have done this time if I had seen Ethan getting devoured in my vision. Would I have been able to stop him? Or is the future I see already set?
Could
I have stopped Ethan? Could I have stopped Lucas?

Ethan lowers his head to try and meet my eyes, but I stare straight ahead. “You can go to sleep,” I tell him. “Just leave me your bat.” I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight, so I might as well let the other two get some rest. My thoughts are racing. I can’t help but watch the images of the day play over in my head again and again. I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. The feeling drains me, but I cannot sleep. Slumber will have to take me another night.

Lucas is dead, and flashes of the future make me feel confused. Through all this, I can’t help but think about the past and how this all started. When Ethan finally agrees to go to sleep and let me keep watch through the night, my thoughts drift to the time I first heard about the greyskins. What a terrible day it was.

Three Years Ago

Hattie sat across from me, holding her cards spread out in a perfect row in front of her face. I looked down at my hand and shook my head. “Got any eights?” I asked.
 

Hattie shook her head and smiled. “Go fish.”

I let out a short sigh and drew another card.

“Got any sevens?” Hattie asked me.
 

This time I shook my head. “Go fish.”

As she reached down, I couldn’t help but look at her wedding band and engagement ring. The diamond was small, and the yellow gold, slender. The jewelry was nothing like what my mom wore. My mom’s ears and fingers were usually weighed down with stones of different shapes, colors, and carats, and each day she wore a different set depending on her clothes. But not Hattie. Hattie wore her simple ring proudly, and on her hand, it seemed much bigger and more precious than any jewelry my mom could ever afford.