Aperture on the East (28 page)

“
Ivan, give up. She’s not
coming back,” said Misha.

Ivan felt dizzy, but he managed to get
up from the bench. He wobbled, and Misha reached out a hand to keep
him upright. Ivan brushed off Misha’s hand, and walked toward the
ocean where the surf was getting higher and stronger, crashing
against the shore as it pushed inland.

“
Where are you going?”
Misha yelled at the top of his lungs but the roaring wind was
drowning his voice out.

“
I’m taking a walk. I’ll
see you later,” said Ivan.

Ivan walked south on the beach, each
footstep on the sand washed away as quickly as he made it by the
waves that rushed in. He walked until he could not advance any
further, as the wind was starting to push him in the other
direction. He stood and watched the sky over the ocean, black with
monstrous, whirling clouds. There was no one else left on the beach
now. Everyone was safely sheltered in his home, thought Ivan. He
wondered for a second whether Sofia was also thinking of him. Did
she know that he was still waiting despite the storm? Maybe she
didn’t show up because of the typhoon. He should probably go home
and clean up, and when he saw her again, he could joke about her
last name being the same as that of the mob boss in the newspaper.
It would amuse them for days or even weeks, Ivan was
sure.

Misha showed up again, this time with
his father and Viktor. They ran up to Ivan as he swayed in the
elements, and together they tried to push him off the beach and
toward the road. Ivan was not really putting up a fight, but he was
not exactly cooperating, either. Finally, they turned him
horizontal and carried him into a car.

“
Boy, his face is all wet
from the rain,” said Viktor.

“
Or his tears,” said
Misha.

They quickly wrapped a towel over him,
and tried their best to dry the water from his hair and his face
while Misha’s father drove as fast as he could to get
home.

“
Oh, poor thing. He’s as
white as paper,” said Misha’s mother when she saw Ivan.

She drew Ivan a hot bath and gave him
some fresh, dry clothes. She set a bowl of hot soup in front of
Ivan. He didn’t have an appetite at first, but after he tasted a
little of it, he quickly devoured it and asked for a
second.

“
That’s much better. Got
some color back,” said Misha’s mother, looking at Ivan’s
face.

“
Anything else we can do
for you, Ivan?” said Misha’s father.

Ivan didn’t answer right away, and for
a few moments Misha’s cozy home seemed to have been invaded by the
tropical depression as well.

“
Could you take me home?”
said Ivan eventually.

“
No way,” said Misha. “The
storm is crazy outside. Viktor is staying here tonight,
too.”

Viktor, who had come to Misha’s house
with Ivan, said, “My ma didn’t want me back out there.”

“
I’ll walk home, if you
won’t take me,” said Ivan toward Misha’s father.

Misha’s father sighed, and grabbed his
car key.

Ivan’s legs felt like lead as he went
up the stairs of his apartment building to his fourth-story home.
When he got there he was greeted by several large, black plastic
bags on the landing. There was a new chain lock on the metal door.
Ivan knew that he wouldn’t be able to get in, but he didn’t know
why he was being locked out. He opened some of the bags to inspect
the contents. They were clothes and personal items, his and his
mother’s. His mother’s framed photographs were also in some of the
bags. It seemed that the landlady had thrown them out.

Ivan was trying to figure out what to
do when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. When he saw his
mother’s face, he was actually glad. She was not in the habit of
listening, but he had always poured his heart out to her when he
needed to. There was usually no one else.

“
What’s this?” said
Ana.

“
Looks like we got kicked
out,” said Ivan.

Ana stood still for a moment, as if
trying to recall something. Ivan bent over to tie up the bags that
he had opened.

After a minute of silence, Ivan looked
up at her mother again. She seemed to be spacing out.

“
Ma?” said
Ivan.

Ana tensed up all of a sudden, and
screamed.

Ivan watched as Ana collapsed. Her
arms and legs stiffened up, drew her body to one side, and started
shaking violently. Ivan got down on his knees, not knowing what to
do. He had never seen his mother like this before. He put his hands
on Ana’s body to try to stop the shaking, but it was no
use.

“
Ma, Ma,” said Ivan. His
voice was also trembling. He was scared, and started
crying.

He heard a clunk. Ana’s cell phone had
fallen out of her pocket in the commotion. Ivan picked it up. He
steadied his hand as best as he could, and dialed the number for
ambulance.

The line seemed to stretch on forever
as it wrapped around the ancient, massive building, out of the
corner of which a bread shop was receiving and dispensing customers
very, very slowly. Someone seemed to be coughing incessantly in the
distance. Ana blew into her hands for warmth, the fingertips of her
gloves worn and torn. She stood next to her grandmother as they
inched forward. Someone came out of the shop with a loaf of bread,
and Ana threw him an envious glance, hoping that there would be
some bread left when it was her grandmother’s turn.

Her grandmother and the other adults
broke into laughter all of a sudden, but little Ana was not made
aware of the joke. She was fine with it, because they soon started
singing a cheery song and passed Ana from one to another while
twirling her around. She could hardly feel her toes from the cold,
but she danced on, until it was her grandmother’s turn at the bread
counter.

“
You are lucky, Ana,” said
her grandmother. They left with a loaf of freshly baked bread. The
aroma made Ana’s stomach growl and made her mouth water.

When they got home, Ana ran into the
arms of her father.

“
Where is Mama?” said
Ana.

“
She got tired of
coughing, and went with the angels to heaven,” said her father. He
had tears down his cheeks. Ana smelled vodka when he gave her a
kiss on her forehead. He picked her up, and showed her the crescent
moon in the sky. The air was still and chilly, only a soft draft of
winter was blowing.

When Ana turned to look at her
father’s face again, she saw Leo instead. They were sunbathing on
the bank of the Ob River. Ana ran her finger over the tattoos on
Leo’s arms and chest as they kissed. When Leo pushed her away, she
saw him holding an electric guitar in the shape of a
teardrop.

“
This is for you, my
love,” Leo said softly in her ear. Her spine tingled as she felt
the warm breath of Leo’s whisper on her neck.

Ana took over the guitar and started
strumming it. It was not connected to an amplifier but it had an
amazing, full sound. She wanted to sing, but her whole body seized
up instead. She moaned, but not for long, for soon it was
overlapped by the high-pitched cry of a newborn. Ana rubbed the
baby girl on her back with one hand, while they both lay in bed.
The baby girl was taking breast milk from Ana’s nipple. What a
strangely blissful feeling!

“
I love you, Zoe,” said
Ana. It was surreal. As soon as she uttered Zoe’s name, Zoe became
a toddler and they were engaged in a game of tickling. Zoe was
laughing unstoppably as Ana kissed her and tickled her all over.
Ana wished that she could record the sound in her mind.

“
Ana,” said an old woman
standing at the door of Ana’s bedroom.

“
Babushka?” said
Ana.

Ana held Zoe and followed her
grandmother into the living room. There was a small crowd of
people, all dressed in black. The curtains were black and so were
the tablecloths. Someone came up to Ana and said, “I am so sorry
for your loss.”

Ana looked to one corner of the room,
and saw an oversized, framed portrait of Leo in black and white.
Ana couldn’t feel her legs all of a sudden, and sank to the
floor.

When she regained consciousness, she
felt someone tugging at her skirt. She looked down, and saw Ivan
urging her to help him get on a swing at the playground. She was a
little startled to find him. Where did he come from?

“
Mama,” said little
Ivan.

Ana’s head felt heavy. Her hands were
shaking. She unclutched Ivan’s hand from her skirt, and then she
walked to the liquor store to buy vodka. When she came back to the
playground, Zoe was playing with Ivan in the sandbox.

“
Go away. We don’t need
you. Go be with your new boyfriend, whoever that is,” said Zoe when
she saw Ana.

Ana’s grandmother appeared again and
gave Ana a hug, and then she took Zoe away. Ivan started crying,
but Ana just stood there and watched him cry. She drank from the
bottle of vodka, gulp after gulp till it was gone.

Eduard came out of nowhere and swept
Ana off her feet. He carried her as they frolicked in the clouds.
When he put her down again, they were standing at the altar of a
wedding chapel. Eduard slipped the ring on Ana’s finger despite her
tremor, and Ana was overjoyed. Ivan came to give them both a big
hug, and then he sailed away on his skateboard.

The tremor got worse and Ana was
forced into a fetal position. She was covered in cold sweat. Waves
of nausea overwhelmed her, when a doctor in a white coat came and
said to her, “Your baby is dead.”

Ana screamed in horror. She was placed
in the birthing bed, with both knees held toward her
chest.

“
Push!” someone said in an
unforgiving voice.

Ana took a deep breath and bore
down.

The nurse brought the stillborn boy
for Ana to see. Ana, exhausted, turned to look at the
baby.

It was no baby. It was Zoe’s face,
swollen, black and blue, lifeless.

Ana became breathless, and started to
gasp for air. She was drowning in a sea of cold blood. Her body was
paralyzed and she could not keep her head afloat.

Ana knew that she had died when she
woke up to find herself lying on the deck of a boat that was
rocking in the gentle waves. The sky was a cloudless blue, and the
sun was almost blinding. The air was warm and salty. She sat up and
found that the boat had been anchored just off a white sandy beach.
The emerald water around her was crystal clear, with tropical fish
and coral reefs in plain sight. Ana didn’t think that she deserved
to be in heaven. She got off the boat and waded in the water toward
the beach. There was no one else around.

Ana lay down under a coconut tree and
breathed in and out deeply several times in an attempt to cleanse
herself of her past. She felt relaxed and anew. She rolled to one
side, and found something glistening in the sand.

Ana stared at the sparkle for a
minute, and then reached to pick it up. It was a pearl.

“
Ana,” a man
said.

The voice sounded familiar. Ana
thought that it was the wind at first.

“
Ana.”

Ana sat up; that was definitely not
the wind. 

The room was bright and Ana had
trouble keeping her eyes open. She saw white ceiling tiles and
fluorescent lights above, and there were some faces around her. She
recognized one of them.

“
Ivan,” said
Ana.

“
Ma.” Ivan was holding
Ana’s hand in his, looking at Ana intently.

Ana struggled to sit up, and saw that
a man, probably a nurse, was helping her. She looked around, and
saw Mai. There was another woman in the room, dressed more
professionally.

“
Am I in a hospital?” said
Ana.

The professionally dressed woman
introduced herself as Dr. Cao, and she said, “You had a seizure,
and your son called for ambulance to bring you to the hospital. You
have been in and out of delirium for a couple of days, but I think
you are out of danger now.”

Dr. Cao turned to the nurse to give
him a few instructions, and then said to Ana, “I’ll let you guys
visit. If you are still doing okay tomorrow, we will transfer you
to the rehab center.”

Dr. Cao and the nurse left the room.
Mai came forward and studied Ana’s face.

“
I was so scared. I
thought you were going to die,” said Mai.

Ana gave a weak smile and said, “I
don’t remember what happened at all.”

She paused for a second, and then she
remembered Zoe. She said, “Zoe. Where is Zoe?”

“
She’s fine,” said Mai.
“She is right here in the same hospital. She is out of the ICU, in
a regular room now.”

“
I remember leaving Zoe
after the doctors took the breathing tube out, and made sure that
she was breathing all right on her own. She was still so sedated,
so I decided to go home and see if Ivan was okay, with the typhoon
and all,” said Ana, looking at Ivan.

Ivan squeezed Ana’s hand, and smiled a
little.