Are You Going to Kiss Me Now? (15 page)

Eve’s breathing was uneven by the time any of us remembered to go check on her. In all the excitement over the chicken and virginity, we hadn’t given her a thought. Nobody even thought of asking her if she wanted to eat. I realized I was as self-involved as everyone else here. I felt guilty.

“We should have saved some chicken for Eve,” I said to Jonah, scratching my head. It really was itchy.

“She can’t eat,” he said, assuaging my guilt a little. “She just needs to drink. Assuming she wakes up.”

Eve’s face was now purple, as if all the blisters had joined together into an unsightly map of hives.

“Proof is in the pudding,” Chaz laughed, unable to resist a dig at me.

“It’s getting better,” I said. “Rashes always look worse before they get better.”

“Maybe we should just put her out of her misery,” Chaz said, licking remains of chicken juice off the webbing between his fingers.

“I can’t handle this,” Milan cried. “I’m not good with dead people.”

“She’s not dead,” I hissed. “And stop talking about her like that. She might be able to hear you.”

“I’d shag a midget for a cig,” Milan said, still twitching a little.

“Maybe,” Cisco paused thoughtfully, “this whole thing is like a hidden blessing for you, Milan. Like an opportunity to cleanse your body of all toxins. Make a fresh start.”

“A fresh start as what, Cisco? A chunky, high-strung baldy with a raging case of head lice and an associate degree from AA?”

“I’ve helped a lot of people in more trouble than you,” he said, swatting at a mosquito.

“Um, thanks, Mr. Saving the World One Organic T-Shirt at a Time. I’ll pass.” She belched loudly. “You know what you need?”

“Enlighten me,” he smiled.

“Polyester Birkenstocks. Or a hearty moisturizer made from organic whale semen.”

“Hilarious.”

“I bet your house is made out of tofu.”

“Actually, it is eco-friendly. Solar powered, totally green.”

“God, I am sooooo sick of that expression. When will this fad pass already?”

“It’s not a fashion trend, Milan. Do you not get what’s happening to our planet?”

“Can you even name the others?”

“Can you?” he asked. She shrugged. I had a feeling neither one of them could if pressed.

“You’re amazingly unevolved, Milan.”

“And you’re about as spiritual as a maxi-pad with wings.” She bit the very last piece of excess nail off her right hand and spit it out. “My head is so itchy I’m losing my mind,” she said, scraping her fingernails through her scalp violently. “Even my eyes itch. I’m so over this place.”

“Well, if you’re done, then I guess we should go,” Cisco mocked her angrily. “It’s too bad you want to go, because the rest of us are really having such a blast. Isn’t that right? Hey, Eve? You having fun?”

“Screw you, Cisco,” Milan cried, looking around desperately for a place to sleep. She looked very fragile. Her heavy, teary eyes settled on Chaz. “Can I crash on your stomach?”

“Come to daddy,” he smiled, patting his copious belly. Milan smiled gratefully.

Within ten minutes, both Milan and Chaz were out. Chaz looked like the Cheshire cat. Seeing Milan sleeping actually made me happy. Good for her, right?

Cisco and I sat vigil by Eve while Jonah stoked the fire. He was in one of his moods, and it didn’t seem like he wanted to be part of the conversation. He was glaring at us. I tried to think what I might have done to piss him off in the last hour, but I couldn’t think of anything. He suddenly stood up and announced that he was going back to the beach to bring Joe some water in the shell of one of the coconuts.

“I guess it’s just us,” Cisco said, looking at me as he laid his water soaked T-shirt over Eve’s forehead to help bring down her fever. His shirtless torso was enough to make me forget all about Eve. Again.

“Do you think she’ll be OK?” I asked, knowing he had no idea but looking for conversation. I was so dumb around Cisco.

“Yeah,” he said sweetly. “I do. I don’t think the world has seen the end of her yet.”

I laughed. I laughed at everything Cisco said even though none of it was particularly funny.

“You’re good with her,” I said stupidly.

“My mom was sick a lot when I was a kid.”

“I hope she’s OK now,” I said, knowing full well that she died when Cisco was ten.

“She died when I was ten.”

“God, I’m so sorry,” I cried, acting surprised, but of course I already knew this from my PhD in tabloid journalism.

“Yeah, she was awesome,” Cisco shrugged and looked down at Eve.

“My dad died recently,” I added, hearing the lie slip out before it had even formed in my head.

“Really?” Cisco looked at me. “What happened?”

“A car accident,” I eked out before bursting into tears. Why was I crying, for God’s sake? My dad wasn’t dead. I don’t know if it was the exhaustion, the hunger, the desire to bond with Cisco Parker, or the guilt about the original essay, but before I knew it, I was retelling the tragic story of my beloved father and the bereft family he had left behind. And, worst of all, I totally believed it! By the time I was done, Cisco was crying too! I am going to burn in hell!

“Come here,” Cisco said, opening those gorgeous brown arms for me. He was the resident hugger.

I worked my way around Eve’s battered and blistered body and nestled into the wondrous crook of Cisco Parker’s manly embrace. He stroked my hair and told me repeatedly that he “knows” and that “it would be OK.” And I cried and cried over my thriving “dead” father. I was aware that I was a big asshole for lying, but it just happened. And I felt better than I had in days.

“Look at me,” he said, as he lifted my chin with his finger. I did, and despite the fact that Academy Award–winning actress Eve Larkin may have been going into rigor mortis not two feet away, and despite the fact that a molting Milan Amberson was passed out on the belly of the body that hosted the loudest mouth in Hollywood, I saw Cisco’s candied face coming toward my mouth, and the only thing around us was the warm fire, the beautiful stars, and the soft wind. I knew he was a player, but he was so cute. I really didn’t give a crap about his reputation. No doubt this sort of thinking is responsible for 90 percent of unwanted teenage pregnancies.

I hate to go into details, but I will. Let me start by saying I’ve only kissed about three boys in my sixteen years, and I’m not certain any of them were actually of the same species as Cisco Parker. They were fumbling, awkward boys groping their way around the gymnasium they perceived to be my body. But this—this was totally different. I was doing my best not to geek out.

Cisco’s warm, soft mouth melted over my lips, and when I felt his tongue slide into my mouth, I thought I might pee. If this was a pity kiss, he was an even better actor than I’d given him credit for. As his large hand cradled the back of my neck, I decided that we had in fact died on that plane and I was in fact in heaven. I suppose that would have placed Eve firmly in hell, but it just was not my problem at the moment.

“I love the way your gorgeous red hair feels,” he whispered into my ear, kissing the outer rim softly.

“It’s so soft, so
thick!
” he annunciated as he took two heaping fistfuls of my crunchy hair into his hands. I was so swept away by the feelings I was having that I was almost believing what he was saying, despite the well-known fact that my hair feels like a cat’s tongue, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it didn’t perhaps stink a bit after three days without being washed. All that, and I was fairly certain a family of head lice had decided it was just the sort of real-estate they’d spent a lifetime looking for.

“And you smell like fresh hay. I always thought redheads smelled, but you smell awesome, baby.”

I laughed again, wading in his pool of compliments. I felt small and delicate, like Natalie Portman. I loved it.

“I like you, Francesca,” Cisco purred. “You’re so pretty, so real,” he whispered, bringing his hand across my neck and down over my flat chest. I swear to God, I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, (that Eve would slaughter me, that Milan and Chaz would laugh, and that Cisco was a notorious womanizer), but none of it even mattered. I mean, if I was going to die here on the island, or even if we got rescued tomorrow, what, I ask you, would be the down side to losing my virginity to Cisco Parker? Nobody would ever believe me, but Jordan and I would know.

Cisco stood up and stretched out his hand. I took it, and we walked a short distance behind some rocks. Before I had time to think about what was about to happen, he pulled me gently down on to the wet ground, and we started kissing again. His hand was under my shirt, and I felt him expertly unsnap my bra. I allowed my right hand to travel up to his silky, dark hair while my left stayed firmly pitched against his slightly prickly chest.

“Talk to me,” he whispered. “I like to hear you talk.”

“I don’t know what to say,” I giggled stupidly, suddenly crushing under the weight of my inexperience. I racked my brain trying to think of something original. I mean, this guy must have heard it all. I wanted to get it over with. I wanted to not be a virgin anymore, and I wanted to lose my virginity to Cisco Parker. I couldn’t have dreamed it better.

“You’re perfect,” I finally whispered, wrapping my hands around his slim waist.

“That’s good. What else?” he moaned. “Keep talking.”

“About what?” I stuttered. I felt pressured, and his need for conversation was distracting.

“Tell me how I taste, what I smell like, how badly you want me. How good I am.”

Ummm. Ewww. Was he kidding? I didn’t know how “good” he was, but I knew if this continued, I was so not going to find out.

“I want to kiss every freckle,” he continued, as his gorgeous face found my breast and he unsnapped the button on my jeans. I could feel his excitement almost as pointedly as the little rock burrowing into my left butt cheek. His hand traced the elastic of the underwear I’d put on two days ago. Then I thought of something to say.

“I’m a virgin.”

Cisco suddenly stopped. He looked up at me.

“For real?”

“Yeah, for real.” I didn’t know what else to say.

His hand stopped moving, and he flopped his head down on my stomach in defeat. He exhaled deeply and rolled over onto his back.

“What?” I asked. “Is that bad?”

“Jesus, Francesca, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just did.” I felt like I might start to cry again.

“I mean, why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“Like when, on the plane?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“How about when we were talking about it earlier?”

He had a point.

“Nobody asked me.”

I felt about eight years old. I mean, even though I was scared and he was freaking me out and I kind of wanted to stop, I couldn’t help but feel that I’d just blown a once in a lifetime opportunity with my stupid confession. I should have stuck to lying. It was serving me better. My body felt cold and lonely now.

“It’s OK,” I said, in what I thought was a seductive tone. “It’s not a big deal. I still want to.”

“I like you, Francesca,” Cisco said coolly, crossing his arms under the back of his head and staring at the stars, “but you must know I have a girlfriend.”

“What? Where was your girlfriend five minutes ago?” I barked, sounding more like my mother than I ever thought possible. But really, was this guy for real?

“I just thought we could use the release. I don’t want to be your first. It’s too much responsibility. And I don’t love you.”

“Love me? Do you think I love you? Could you be any more ridiculous?” I struggled to stand up while pulling down my shirt and hiking up my jeans.

“Francesca!” Cisco yell-whispered, pulling me back down to my knees. “Shhh. Stop it. Let’s just forget it, OK? I’m trying to do the right thing.”

I could sort of understand that in his twisted world Cisco did think he was doing the right thing, but I was just so mortified and confused I wanted to disappear.

“Fine,” I said, snapping my jeans. “Let’s just forget it.”

I walked back to the fire and was relieved to see Milan still fast asleep on Chaz’s heaving stomach. Cisco came out about five minutes later and patted my head condescendingly before laying down opposite Eve.

“You OK?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” Ugh. “Go away.”

Cisco rolled over, and I heard the even sound of his breathing about two minutes later. He was already asleep! I obsessed for what felt like another two hours before finally drifting off on the mossy, wet earth.

Jonah still wasn’t back when I woke up. The sun was streaking through the trees, creating a beautiful dappled effect on the forest floor. The day felt warm. It must have been late. I was surprised to see Milan awake and working on opening another coconut. She and Chaz were talking about whether or not Milan looked fat (she said she did, he swore she didn’t) and taking turns drilling the hairpin into the shell. I looked over at Eve, who was breathing steadily. I didn’t remember sleeping so close to her. I reached over and touched her forehead. Her fever had broken. The swelling and redness were way down. She wasn’t dying, not that I ever really thought she was. The events of last night came back to me like a car alarm. Instant headache.

“Good morning, Cesca!” Milan sang cheerfully as she waved. My head was throbbing.

“Cesca? What’s she so happy about?” Cisco absently asked me, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and shaking the dirt out of his hair.

I sent him a “how dare you speak to me” look, which passed over him like an ocean breeze.

“How’d you sleep, Fran?” Milan chirped, still smiling.

I ignored her. I’d never felt so lousy in my life. Cisco Parker. What an asshole. And whatever Milan and Chaz were selling, I wasn’t interested. Good God, had we really been here only three days? It was like
Groundhog Day
in hell. I couldn’t take another day with these people. Cisco got up to pee, and then I heard a splash as he jumped into the moving water.

“Ahhh!” he cried out, “it’s freakin’ cold!” His voice was like a needle being driven into my frontal lobe.

“What is he doing?” I asked Milan, covering my ears as I sat up.

“Taking a bath. Maybe you should do the same.”

“Thanks for the suggestion,” I mumbled, knowing what she was getting at but not liking it. I picked up my phone and started writing in the hopes that they would all just leave me alone. It was hard to record what had happened. It was so humiliating. And as if things weren’t bad enough, my battery was starting to die. The screen was getting dim. How depressing. I turned it off to save whatever juice was left.

Milan smiled and brought the coconut over to Eve. She poured the juice into Eve’s parched mouth. Miraculously, Eve swallowed a bit.

“She’s drinking!” Milan sang. “She’s drinking!”

Chaz came running over, and we all leaned over Eve to witness her swallowing the coconut juice.

“Thank God,” Chaz said, looking at Eve with a scowl. “Maybe you should pour some on that rash. It’s unsightly.”

“God, you’re a heartless son of a bitch,” I shouted, whipping around and hitting Chaz in the face with my hair. He grabbed a fist of it angrily and took a mocking whiff.

“Mmmmm, Francesca, your hair smells like pig shit.” Chaz and Milan erupted into peals of uncontrollable laughter.

I was stunned. OMG.

“Well, honey,” Chaz squeaked, “at least your cherry’s intact. Wouldn’t want to lose
that
on a desert island.”

Had they been listening? God, they knew everything. I hated Chaz Richards. He was just jealous because he could never get a guy like Cisco Parker. Even on an island. Even if it was just for twenty minutes.

“What are you guys talking about?” Cisco said, standing in front of us in nothing but his underwear. His body was stunning. For once, Chaz was speechless. We all were, frankly.

“We’re talking about your little tête-à-tête,” Chaz finally said.

“What’s a tit to tit?”

My God, was he cute, but my God, was he dumb.

“You know, Ciscy, your rendezvous with Francesca.”

“You need that fat ass kicked,” Cisco said, walking toward Chaz.

“Look little man, if you come near me in nothing but those panties, I swear I’ll be forced to rape you. And don’t think I can’t do it. Did you see how I took Jonah down? And you’re half his size.”

This stopped Cisco cold. He looked over at me and shrugged helplessly. What a good-for-nothing.

“Did you lick every freckle?” Milan asked Cisco, bursting into laughter again. I saw Cisco smile a little. He thought it was funny? I realized then that Cisco’s worldly pretensions were nothing but a mask to disguise his simple, relentlessly friendly character. He took the world lightly. Nothing mattered to him. I felt my heart splitting in two. The pain forced me to acknowledge that I liked him way more than I’d cared to admit to myself. I really felt betrayed.

“What are they talking about, Francesca?” I heard Eve say, as I felt the clutch of her clammy hand clamp around my wrist.

Eve spoke? I mean, yeah, I was thrilled she was awake, but my joy was eclipsed by my desire to send her back into her coma until this conversation was over. I considered telling her she was hallucinating. She was going to freak out when she heard what had happened, and it didn’t look like I was going to be able to keep it a secret. I hated everyone. The only thing I was grateful for at that moment was that Jonah was absent.

“Eve,” Cisco said, running over to her like she was the Juliet to his Romeo. “You’re awake.”

She squeezed his hand and smiled, her blistered lips oozing with white pus. He cringed but smiled back.

“You look so much better,” he said, stroking her hair. The sight of his perfect, tan body hunched over the monster that Eve had become was something out of a perverted
Beauty and the Beast
. I gave Chaz and Milan my best death glare, silently willing them not to say anything more about last night in front of Eve. I figured not even they could be that cruel.

“Did you sleep with Francesca?” Eve asked Cisco.

“No, God, no,” he protested.

“What do you mean ‘God no’?” I asked, my ego getting the better of me.

“I just mean, you know, no. Not at all. We just hung out and talked.”

“About how good Cisco smells and tastes,” Chaz piped in.

Cisco turned to Chaz, and Chaz backed away, making a mock gesture of zipping his lips and tossing away the imaginary key. He mouthed the word “sorry.”

“You did,” Eve whined. “You slept with
her
,” she said, looking at me through her swollen eyelids like I was the hideous, untouchable one. “How could you?”

“Relax,” Milan said, “they didn’t sleep together. Francesca’s a virgin, and even Cisco’s not that desperate…yet.”

“Hilarious, Milan Amberson,” Cisco crooned. Was it my imagination, or were they flirting a little?

I felt stupid and powerless. Why was it I was never in control of anything? It was bad enough being a bystander in my own family, but now I was being held emotional hostage by these ogres?

My impulse was to take off, but where would I have gone? And besides, I couldn’t give Milan and Chaz the satisfaction of letting them know that I cared what they thought of me. I hated them. I hated Cisco too. I hated them all. They didn’t care about anything but themselves and their own amusement. It was like other people’s feelings were a game to them.

“I thought you were my friend,” Eve whispered to me, letting go of my wrist. And that’s when I realized I was no better than them. I just had a conscience, which, if anything, was a handicap.

“I’m so sorry, Eve,” I mouthed back to her. “Nothing happened.”

Eve’s eyes filled up with tears, and she turned away from me.

***

Nobody spoke much after that. Nothing I could say was going to change Eve’s opinion of me, and part of me couldn’t blame her. There was a general sense of unease as we all worked halfheartedly on Jonah’s shelter, gathering supplies and privately collecting our various injustices. Since Eve hadn’t been a really lively member of our group the last two days, it was easy enough not to notice her absence. That said, we all felt guilty that it was dark before anyone even missed her.

“When was the last time you saw her?” Jonah asked me.

“Why are you asking me?”

“I just thought you might know. It seemed like you guys had a falling out about something.”

It was so obvious that Jonah knew what had happened between Cisco and me. I couldn’t be sure who had told him, but I was pretty sure it was Chaz. If there was one thing Chaz loved, it was a good story. I wanted to disappear. I was suddenly aching for the privacy of my own room. I missed my mom and dad. I even missed Emily. I forced back my tears.

“Why don’t you ask them?” I said, pointing to Milan and Chaz. “They’re the ones who felt humiliating Eve and me was a good way to pass an otherwise uneventful few hours.”

Neither one of them said anything. They just looked guilty. Well, at least Milan did.

“We better find her,” Cisco said to Jonah.

“Yeah, Cisco, we better do that,” Jonah seethed, collecting his things. “Is there anyone else you’d like to screw before we leave?”

“What?” Cisco looked shocked. I honestly don’t think he felt he had done anything wrong. Flirting with Eve, making out with me. It was all in a day’s work.

“Don’t you get that there are consequences for screwing anyone who happens to be standing in front of you?” Jonah asked.

“Like herpes?” Cisco asked, panicked.

“No, Cisco, not like herpes,” Jonah sighed. “Like hurting people.”

“Sure, but I didn’t touch Eve. And nothing happened with Francesca either, right Francesca?”

I mean, I appreciated Jonah’s defending me, but I really would have been happy to not have another group conversation about my virginity and subsequent rejection. If I could have jumped into my phone and died, I would have been thrilled. I just ignored him.

“So what do we do?” Cisco asked.

“Go find her,” Jonah groaned, gathering up some wood to use as torches.

“I don’t want to,” Chaz said. “I’m sick of looking out for her sorry self. I’m not her mother.”

“We have to, Chaz,” Milan said. “She’s sick.”

“Sick, shmick,” he said, “It’s like a bad episode of
Gilligan’s-Island
-meets-
Survivor
. She’s a joy suck. I’m either carrying her big head around, fetching her water, or searching for her skinny rash ass in the middle of the night.”

“Maybe she was abducted,” Cisco offered up as an alternative to him being at fault for Eve’s disappearance.

“She didn’t get abducted, Cisco,” Jonah sighed. “She went off to lick her wounds. And she probably got lost.”

“If she’s hurt, I’ll never forgive myself,” I said.

“Then we better get going,” Jonah said angrily. “Just wait here until I get Joe. He’s gotta come with us if we’re moving. I don’t want to lose him too.”

“But what about the signal fire?” Chaz whined.

“What about it? It’s pretty obvious nobody knows where we are. Or more likely that they think we’re dead. It’s time to stop swapping rescue fantasies and start accepting reality. There’s no reason to keep the fire going now.”

“Nothin’ like a good dose of Christian optimism to rally the troops,” Chaz said. He was pouting.

“I’ll be back in a half hour with Joe. Then we’ll go find her. She can’t have wandered off too far.”