Argosy Junction (16 page)

“When? Why didn’t you say anything when you were in Montana? You were at our home for a week. I saw you for three meals a day, a ride in the evening… We took walks and talked, Matt. You didn’t even hint…”

“What could I say, Lane? How would you have felt if I said, ‘Oh, by the way, I think you’re an amazing girl and I’m really attracted to you. Gotta go home now, bye?’”

“I don’t know, but it would have felt a lot better than sitting here wondering why you’re suddenly so flirty now that I’m on your turf.” She wiped tears from the corners of her eyes, but Matt knew instinctively that Lane’s tears were primarily caused by her anger.

“Oh Lane—I—I’m sorry. Oh man, you must feel—”

“Cheap? Used? Disposable? That about sums it up for me.”

Matt left the room. He disappeared behind another door and emerged carrying a packet of envelopes. Handing the envelopes to her, he pulled out his phone. He held it ready while he flipped quickly through a phone book. While Lane stared at the envelopes in her hand, Matt punched a phone number into the handset.

“Read them. They’re in order. I saved them because I thought maybe someday I could share them with you. I never thoug—Hey, Ramon. This is Matt. Are my parents in there with a little girl? Oh, good. Can you tell them I called and ask them to take her bowling for a while? Tell them I need a couple of hours. Thanks.”

Matt waved Lane back into the couch and went to wash the dishes. “I’ll wash, you read. Then we’ll talk.” He took a couple of steps and paused. “Lane, I didn’t intend, when I wrote them anyway, for you to read those. They’re—” He stumbled, looking for the right words. “Well, they’re very personal.

Lane sat and pulled the rubber band from around the package of unsealed envelopes. The envelopes weren’t addressed, but were numbered sequentially in the corner where the stamp should go. As she unfolded the first envelope, Matt tried to remember what the first one was. 
That first night at the ranch, you dope, he
growled to himself.

Dishes rattled as Matt scrubbed, rinsed, and stacked in the drainer. Lane read. He took the trash out wiped the counters, and Lane read. He put food away, set up the coffee maker for the morning and Lane continued to read, sometimes retracing her steps and reading some several times.

He stood behind her reading over her shoulder trying to imagine her reaction to different parts of each letter. Unconsciously, he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. Just as he thought perhaps, she understood and things would be okay, she spoke.

“You’re a Christian! “It wasn’t a statement; it was an accusation. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a Christian?”

“Because, according to your definition of a Christian, I am not.”

“What?”

Matt knew his response wasn’t what she expected. “You defined Christians as people who believe and behave like the
Brethren
. I don’t.”

“Don’t which? Believe or behave?”

Matt’s bent low to answer her. “Neither. I don’t believe like them, and I pray I don’t behave like them. They’re a cult Lane. They’re not Christianity.”

“I’m not on speaking terms with God.” She stood, jerking her hair from his hands and yelping in pain. “Yikes!”

“Oh man, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I’d—”

“I did. I just didn’t think it’d hurt.”

Matt moved around the couch and took the sheets of paper from Lane. “Can you set aside my faith for a minute? We can talk about that later. Okay? Did you read them all?”

“You took them away from me, I wasn’t finished.” Her voice did sound calmer and somewhat forgiving. Matt was encouraged.

Without a word, he handed them back and sat beside her as she read. He watched as her face changed expressions with each paragraph. She read letters like Patience watched movies.

“Stop it.”

He twirled her hair around his hand lazily and retorted, “Stop what?”

“Watching me. And what’s with the hair anyway?”

He allowed the hair to uncurl from his finger and then brushed the strands back behind her ear. “It’s just so beautiful and silky and—”

“I get it.” She went back to reading, obviously embarrassed by the attention.

“Your ears aren’t pierced. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone over twelve who didn’t have pierced ears.”

She turned and looked at him closely. “You don’t.”

“Girls then. Although, a lot of guys have pierced ears. This one was pierced a long time ago.” Matt showed her the closed hole.

“You pierced your ear? Why?”

“I was sixteen, and it seemed cool. It got infected and swelled up like a gumball. I decided being cool wasn’t worth it.”

Lane nodded. “It never occurred to me that I could have pierced ears. The
Brethren
don’t like it of course. I just—I want to get mine pierced. How do I do that?”

“Read your letters.”

Her eyes went back to the pages in front of her and then to Matt’s eyes. “My letters? I can keep them?”

“If you want them.”

She methodically returned each one to its envelope and wrapped the rubber band back around it. “I’ll read them later then. So you didn’t say anything because you were going home and you thought it wasn’t right to play with my affections when it couldn’t go anywhere?”

“Sort of. I didn’t know you well enough. I had no way of knowing if you’d ever write me, if we’d continue to talk, or if you’d ever want to see me again. What if I got back here and realized that I wasn’t as interested in you as I thought, but I’d already said something? Of course, then there was the location issue—”

“Location. What do you mean?” Trepidation filled Lane’s voice. She knew what he meant.

“You live on a ranch in Montana. You love it there. You have a close family that you’d miss terribly if you ever left.”

“And you’d never leave Rockland.” Her voice held a disappointed finality that Matt found strangely encouraging.

“Not exactly. I don’t know. I’d never thought about leaving until I met you. Until I spent a week on your ranch, worked with those animals, and saw that other world, I’d never imagined any life but mine. If it didn’t mean leaving my parents alone, I might have asked your dad for a job already. If it didn’t mean leaving ten years with the union in a job that has advancement opportunities, I probably would have.”

Lane started to reply, but Matt took her hand toying with her fingers. He remembered her frustration and let it fall back into her own lap. “Sorry. I forgot that irritated you.”

“It’s not that—or even the flirting. It’s that they came from out of nowhere and almost the minute I arrived. I didn’t notice at first, but it’s just so strange—”

Instinctively, Matt reached for a strand of hair and quickly pulled back. “I see what you mean. I didn’t just decide to take advantage of you. I—I was so conscious of your presence when I was in Montana. Every second I was with you, I was on alert. I never let my guard down. Not once. Once I got home and I still—I—well—you read the letters or part of them.” He paused searching for words. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that when I was there I just didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. I wanted to be— It sounds so stupid now.”

“Wanted to be what?” She was now intrigued.

“You’ve gotta meet Mrs. Hayward to understand. Mrs. H. made me feel like even a guy from the ‘burg could have a sense of honor.”

This time, Lane reached for Matt’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. “That, you definitely do, Matt.
Definitely
.”

“I didn’t want to use you. That sounds so awful and it wouldn’t have been intentional, not now, but once I got home and I still felt—and then when you were coming… Well, I thought that I should let my guard down some. If there was any chance of any kind of relationship, I wanted to let it happen. I didn’t realize that by letting down my guard I’d become so…”

She interrupted his thoughts with an apology that seemed out of nowhere. “I’m sorry Matt. I—” He tried to stop her, but she stopped him. “No, Matt. This was my fault. I know you, I know your character, I’ve read your letters, and now I know how and why you were so careful, and yet, I allowed my pride…” She couldn’t finish, but Matt’s eyes told her that he understood.

They sat in silence for some time. They were still there, sitting alone in the darkness, when Carol and Jack returned with Patience from the bowling alley. “Lane! I got a strike! I did! It was so fun! Can I call Daddy and tell him?”

Lane smiled absently at her little sister and retrieved her phone. As Patience spoke excitedly into the phone telling her parents about her bowling experience, Lane put the envelopes in her purse, thanked Matt’s parents for a wonderful meal, and asked them if she could take them out to dinner one night the following week. Matt watched the scene with his heart in his stomach. It wasn’t going to work, and both of them knew it, but neither of them would admit it to each other or themselves.

~*~*~*~

Patience went straight for the bathtub when Matt returned them to their room an hour later. Lane helped adjust the water temperature, and then left her to soak in the bubbles and sing silly songs to herself. After placing fresh pajamas in the bathroom, Lane told her they’d be in the sitting room and reminded her to come out fully dressed.

“Sometimes she gets careless still. She’s a little immature for nine. Daddy thinks she was in the birth canal a little too long. Just enough to cause a tiny amount of brain damage, but not so long as to make it serious.”

Matt nodded. He’d noticed that there was something different about Patience, but didn’t know if it was just her personality, her upbringing, or the fact that he didn’t know many nine-year-old girls. “I love her just the way she is.”

“Me too.”

“Yes, you too,” Matt admitted absently. Realizing what he said, Matt backpedaled, but Lane stopped him.

“Don’t. I can’t take it. If you care about me, just say so. For Pete’s sake, I’d rather know a good man loves me and can’t do anything about it, than to wonder why I’m so repulsive.”

Visibly frustrated, Lane started cleaning up the sitting room of their suite. She folded clothes, threw away tags and water bottles, and put Patience’s things in her backpack. Matt watched feeling helplessly torn.

Finally, he caught her wrists as she walked by and pulled her into a hug. “I’ve got to go.” He drew back looking into her eyes. “You know I don’t want to, right?”

Lane nodded. “I know.”

“I usually go to church on Sunday mornings. I’ll be in the lobby at nine-thirty. I really hope you’ll come with me. I promise it won’t be anything like the
Brethren
, but I’ll understand if you don’t want to go.”

“What if we don’t show up?”

“I’ll sit there until you come down, and if it’s too late to go, we won’t go. You’re only here for the week—”

“Maybe. I’m going to talk to Daddy tonight. I need to stay.”

“But Patience—”

“I’m going to ask him to send Mom to get her. I really need to stay Matt. I need to know—”

She stood there for several minutes after Matt closed the door behind him. Patience found her standing with one hand on her lips looking off into space. “Where’s Matt?”

Snapping out of it, Lane smiled. “He had to go home. He wants us to go to church with him tomorrow; what do you think?”

“The church that gives out the cards to the homeless people?”

Lane nodded. “Well, his church is the one who runs that place anyway.”

“I want to go.”

~*~*~*~

Conscious of Patience’s gentle snores on the other side of the room, Lane dialed her home phone. Her parents would be asleep, but this was important, and Lane needed absolute privacy to discuss things. The sound of her father’s concerned voice sent her normal steadiness out the window and she sniffled.

“Daddy? I need to stay.”

“What’s up, Laney?”

“Matt. You knew, didn’t you?”

Warren sat up in bed and snapped on the light. Martha stirred beside him alarmed. Warren covered the phone and assured her that the girls were safe. “I should also tell you that I realized the dates were probably wrong before you left.”

“Why didn’t you have us wait? It’s too long for Patience.”

“Because we’re very good at making sure Patience has what she needs, making sure the boys aren’t left out, making sure Tad has the same opportunities as Kyle, but we tend to let Lane bounce through life along for the ride.”

Fresh sniffles made Lane’s nose run.  She grabbed a tissue before asking, “What do you think?”

“I think you need to spend as much time with Matt as you can so you both can see if there is anything there.”

“Oh there’s a lot there, but can we do anything with it?”

Warren’s laugh was the balm Lane needed. “That’s my Lane. Now you’re talking.”

“But Patience won’t make it. The first thing she did when she got in from bowling was ask to call. In a day or two, it’s going to be tears. She loves Matt, but she needs you guys.”  She took a deep breath. “I have an idea…”

“Let me have it.”

“I think Mom should fly out and take Patience back. Maybe Wednesday would be a good day. She could fly in Wednesday while Matt is at work and fly back out on Thursday. We could take Matt’s parents out to dinner Wednesday night.”

Warren promised to make the arrangements. Lane knew her mother wasn’t keen on the idea of flying, but the prospect of meeting Matt’s parents would probably be enough to overcome her reservations. Warren offered to send Tad with Martha so Lane wouldn’t be alone in Rockland, but Lane assured him she was safe.

“Dad, am I being silly?”

“About what?”

“Well I’m only nineteen—”

“You’ll be twenty in less than a month, Laney.”

Laughing at her father’s attempts to reassure her, Lane tried again. “Okay, Father mine, since I’m only almost twenty, am I crazy for wanting to do this?”

“Do what?”

At first, the question seemed to be avoiding the subject, but after thinking a moment, Lane realized what her father was doing.

“You want me to define this. I get it. Matt cares about me. He might even love me. I don’t know. I’m attracted to him, I know I care about him, but am I too young to love someone enough to spend a few weeks getting to know them better?”