Arian (55 page)

It was a long time since she’d been called Mrs Simples and Arian shuddered. ‘Does that mean you’re growing tired of your young lady?’ she said, taking a deep breath.

‘If I say yes, you will arrange for me to come home, after all. You are doing very well now, aren’t you, and don’t you think you owe it to me to share some of that success with me?’ He was not letting her off the hook, she could see he was determined to make her commit herself.

‘Gerald, there’s a lot has happened to the both of us in the last months. We can’t pick up the threads, not just like that.’

‘You don’t want me, that’s it, isn’t it?’ He was making an effort to control himself, she could see by the set of his jaw. ‘Don’t try to side-step the issue.’

‘There’s a lot to think about,’ she said desperately. ‘I think you should break off the relationship with this young lady before we talk again. It’s up to you. I can’t solve anything for you, Gerald. It’s not as easy as that. You were the one to go off. You’ve had other women since we married. You must put all that behind you, prove you can be faithful to me before we can think of starting again.’ She had no intention of starting again but at least if he thought she would he might break off his affair with Eddie’s daughter.

‘You never loved me, did you?’ He was growing angry, she could see beads of sweat on his brow, he was frowning, his eyes were boring into hers and she was afraid. She rose to her feet and glanced at the door. Gerald made a move towards her and she held up her hand.

‘We’ll talk again, Gerald. Don’t excite yourself, it isn’t good for you.’

He sank back into his chair. ‘All right, I’ll think about what you’ve said.’

With a sigh of relief, she left the room and hurried down the stairs, almost colliding with a young nurse. She recognized the girl at once, she was Eddie’s daughter.

‘You’re Candida.’ Arian saw how very young the girl was with a pang of pity, she was just the right age to be taken in by a man like Gerald.

‘So, and who are you?’ The girl was on the defensive and Arian shook back her hair. ‘I’m Gerald’s wife.’ She watched the antagonism fade from Candida’s face. ‘He’s not cured, he’s holding himself in check; somehow he’s managing to control his anger but it’s there, it’s still there, all right, I’ve just seen a touch of it.’

‘You’re just saying that because you’re jealous of me.’ Candida lifted her chin defiantly.

‘I’m not jealous. I don’t want to ever see Gerald again. He can be brutal, I know that and if what your father says is right, he could be downright dangerous.’

It was a mistake to mention Eddie. The girl’s eyes sparkled. ‘I see, so Daddy’s been talking to you, has he? Well I won’t listen to either of you, why should I? I know Gerald better than all of you. I’m the one who cares about him, really cares. I’m the one who gives him the laudanum. That’s all it takes, a small dose to keep him feeling great. The doctors, they look for trouble. What do they know?’

She hurried away, her shoulders stiff with anger and Arian knew she had lost.

Later she spoke to Eddie and told him what had happened. ‘Your daughter, she’s giving Gerald laudanum.’ She paused as he looked up at her sharply. ‘Is that bad?’

‘Good Lord, we haven’t used the stuff in years. Candida must be stealing it from the hospital’s old stock.’ Eddie rubbed his brow. ‘God, so that’s the answer, that’s what’s keeping the man’s condition more or less stable.’

‘Will it help him?’

‘For a time, until he becomes so used to it that he can’t live without it.’ Eddie took Arian by the shoulders.

‘Keep this to yourself. I will talk to my daughter again. She must stop supplying him with the medication, she’ll get caught sooner or later and then she’ll be in trouble.’

‘What will happen if he stops getting the laudanum?’ Arian watched Eddie’s face carefully. He looked levelly into her eyes.

‘God help us all.’ His voice was filled with despair.

Arian left Eddie and made her way back home. Everything seemed to be falling to pieces around her. Would she never be free of Gerald Simples? She lifted her head to look up at the skies but all she saw were the scudding clouds that heralded a storm.

Ellie stared down at her hands. She was flushed and unbelieving. The midwife was rinsing her hands in the ornate china bowl, singing softly to herself.

‘You’re sure?’ Ellie lifted her head, a feeling of excitement replacing the disbelief. ‘You’re sure it’s twins?’

‘Sure as I can be, lovie,’ Nurse Parnel smiled. ‘Been at this job nigh on thirty years, mind. Should know when I can feel two babbas instead of one.’

She lifted her strong hands. ‘See these? Brought hundreds of little ones into the world, they have. Fine healthy infants so don’t you fret, now. I’ll look after you when the time comes.’

‘I wonder what Calvin will say.’ Ellie spoke her thoughts out loud. ‘I hope he’ll be pleased.’

‘Well it’s two for the price of one, isn’t it, lovie?’ The midwife dried her hands and then rubbed them over her clean apron as though to straighten out any creases. ‘Usually tickled pink are the husbands, think they’re something special to beget twins.’

Ellie felt a sinking of her heart. She wasn’t a wife, only a mistress, and now she was going to be a mother of twins, illegitimate twins. Calvin would marry her now, he must do, mustn’t he?

‘I’ll say good day, then,’ Mrs Parnel smiled cheerfully. ‘I’ll come back again when you need me, right?’

‘Thank you, nurse,’ Ellie said. ‘I’m sure Calvin will want you to keep an eye on me.’

‘There’s a sensible man for you,’ Mrs Parnel approved. ‘He knows a woman with child needs a lot of care. There’s not many as thinks that way, mind.’

When the midwife had left, Ellie made her way from the room and sought out Calvin, itching to tell him the news and yet frightened too. Still, the sooner she got it over the better.

He was reading the paper, looking quite at home in her apartment and he smiled when he saw her in the doorway.

‘Am I disturbing you, Calvin?’ She hesitated on the threshold and he gestured for her to come in, closing the
Times
and setting it down.

‘This is
your
home remember? Now what did the good nurse have to say? Are you fit and well?’

Ellie nodded. ‘Everything is as it should be, except …’ she hesitated and Calvin frowned.

‘Except what? There’s nothing wrong, is there?’

‘It’s twins,’ she blurted the words out. ‘Calvin, we’re going to have twins.’

He smiled. ‘That’s splendid.’ His voice was strained. He didn’t seem to be overjoyed by her news. Ellie felt silly tears come into her eyes, she longed for Calvin to say that they must be married straight away but she knew he wouldn’t do anything of the sort.

Plucking up her courage, she broached the subject herself.

‘Calvin, couldn’t we get married? It needn’t be a fussy service, just something simple, quiet. Nobody would know.’

He rose from his chair, thrusting his hands into his pockets, his shoulders were hunched as though he wanted to get away from her. She knew she was pressing him unwisely but she couldn’t stop herself.

‘The babies, they are going to be … to be …’ She couldn’t bring herself to say the words and he turned round and looked at her levelly.

‘Illegitimate. You knew all along I didn’t want to marry again,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t want to be tied to any woman, Ellie, not even you.’ He took her in his arms.

‘I’ll always care for the children and for you, I promised you that much and I meant it but I’m afraid that is going to have to do.’

Ellie swallowed hard. She didn’t want to cry. It was weak and Calvin would only be impatient with her and yet it was so difficult to keep the tears at bay.

‘I’m going to leave you then, Calvin.’ Her mind was suddenly crystal clear. She didn’t want Calvin’s charity, she wanted his love and if she didn’t have that, she had nothing.

Instead of protesting, he looked at her in silence for a long moment and she knew he was waiting for her to retract the words but she couldn’t.

‘If that is your final word then leaving me is your prerogative,’ he said. ‘I’ll care for you financially but I cannot change my mind about marriage.’

‘So be it, Calvin,’ she said regretfully.

‘I don’t want you to go away from me, Ellie,’ his voice softened. ‘If you reconsider, I’ll understand. You’ll always be welcome to live here at my expense but that’s all I can offer. I’m sorry. Now, I’m going out. I’ll be going home for supper so don’t wait up for me.’

She wanted to go into his arms, beg him to forget her hasty words but something held her back, perhaps it was the knowledge that she had meant all she’d said, perhaps it was the distant look that had come into his eyes, but she remained silent.

She watched from the window as he strode along the street. He was walking into town instead of taking a cab, obviously he wanted to clear his thoughts, forget about Ellie and the problems she caused. When he was out of sight, she sank back into a chair and looked around her at the elegant room, a cheerful fire burning in the ornate grate. Calvin could offer her luxury, he had everything he wanted in life except perhaps one thing, the woman he loved and she, Ellie, couldn’t fill that gap.

Ellie knew more about Calvin than he realized; she knew that in the night, when he was asleep, he sometimes murmured a name, so softly and so lovingly that she felt her heart sink with the pain of it.

She must accept things as they were, she told herself briskly and not brood on what was not hers. But she couldn’t help remembering his voice when he was asleep, so full of tenderness and regret. He spoke in a way he never spoke to her and the name he uttered so lovingly was Arian.

Calvin was unsettled by Ellie’s news. He wanted children, he wanted sons, just as most men did but not like this. It was Arian who should be the mother of his offspring, Arian he wanted at his side at all times, in his bed and in his arms at night.

He walked briskly into town and made his way deliberately towards the imposing offices of the
Swansea Times
and stood across the street, looking up at the windows as if expecting Arian herself to appear there. But of course she didn’t.

After a while he turned to walk away, striding along the roadway with his head bent. He almost collided with a woman hurrying towards him and there she was.

‘Arian!’ They stood for a moment staring at each other and then she smiled at him, her eyes sparkling with light.

‘Arian, I love you.’ He didn’t know for a moment if the words were in his head or if he’d spoken them out loud but Arian was blushing, the contours of her face softening.

‘I love you, too, Calvin. It’s just a pity we didn’t both do something about it a long time ago.’

He held her in his arms, there in the street, and she rested her head for a moment against his shoulder. They were close, so close. Calvin closed his eyes, breathing in the clean scent of her. She moved away from him then but he held onto her hand.

‘Please, stay with me for just a little while. Let’s walk in the park, go to the tea-rooms, the Castle’s just down the road. Don’t leave me, not yet.’

Side by side they walked along the street unaware of the people around them, happy just to be together. It was magical. With her hand in his, the day was brighter, the air sweeter, the sea coming in to the shore soft and friendly. Calvin led her into the hotel and they sat surrounded by potted palms, listened to the sweet sounds of the string quartet and quietly, inconsequentially, they talked.

‘I had you there in my house and I let you go, allowed you to be taken in by a charlatan like Simples. What a fool I was.’

‘It all seems so long ago now.’ Arian’s voice was soft with the remembering. ‘I was too gullible for my own good. But then, I thought I could make the best of things, be a success in business and, yet for all my strivings, I turned out to be a failure, most of all in my marriage.’

‘It wasn’t your fault, none of it. I was the fool, I should have kept you when I had you.’

‘It’s all in the past now, behind us. We can’t change anything. I’m married to Gerald whether I like it or not.’

‘Marriage to a dangerous madman is an awful fate for anyone. Let me take you away from here, we could make a fresh start.’

‘Could we?’ Arian’s voice was so low he hardly heard her words. ‘What about Ellie? She needs you. She’s a sweet trusting girl. And remember, Swansea is my home, I don’t want to run away from it. In any case, I love the newspaper business and I am, at last, making a success of something. I feel a sense of fulfilment every time an issue comes out, that’s some compensation for all the other disappointments I’ve suffered.’

‘So philosophical,’ Calvin smiled ruefully, ‘and so young into the bargain.’

‘Am I young?’ Arian looked up into his face and he longed to hold her close to kiss her sweet mouth. ‘I feel older than the hills.’

‘You’re beautiful, all I could ever want in a woman.’ Calvin took her hand. ‘Arian, I want to be with you so much, in any way I can.’

‘But you have your Ellie,’ Arian withdrew from him. ‘You are going to be a father.’

Calvin sighed. ‘I know.’ He sensed Arian’s hurt and looked at her levelly. ‘I make no apologies. I’m a man, I have needs but I’ve never been false. I’ve never told Ellie that I’d marry her. I’ll take care of her always, look after her always, she’ll want for nothing.’

‘Except a husband and a father for her children,’ Arian said softly.

He watched her expression. ‘Are you telling me I should marry, then?’ He felt a pang of anger, anger which had nothing to do with Arian and a great deal to do with his own guilt.

‘I’m not in a position to tell you to do anything, Calvin,’ her voice trembled. ‘We’ve both made so many mistakes, just be careful you don’t make another one.’

‘If I married Ellie for the wrong reasons,’ Calvin said calmly, ‘I would be making a mistake.’

Arian hung her head and Calvin, watching her, felt a rush of pain that he would never hold her, never make love to her, never make her his wife. It had been a wonderful dream but it was only a dream.

Arian touched his hand and her fingers rested light and cool against his own.