Artistic Licence (11 page)

‘And Toby came because he’s dotty about Irish myths and legends. He’s read a book about them,’ said Petal, half-proud, half-mystified.

Thea sighed deeply and turned to the little boy. Whoever else was to blame for this fiasco, it wasn’t him. ‘You must be Toby,’ she said.

He nodded. He looked extremely tired and confused. ‘Are
you
hungry?’ Thea had little or no experience of small boys, but anyone under seventeen seemed to need to eat almost constantly. She wasn’t sure when this kicked in but thought she’d take a chance on it being at about seven. He could have the chocolate pudding.

Toby looked around wonderingly. ‘Not really.’

‘I am. I’m starving,’ said Petal again. ‘Have you got a biscuit or anything? It’s been
ghastly
at home. We got some people to clear up the sick, but the washing machine still doesn’t work, although the man came and took a penny out of the filter. It cost ninety
pounds, by the way, which you owe us, because he wouldn’t go away until he’d got it. So, have you got any food?’

Any thought Thea had of offering Petal chocolate pudding dissolved. ‘I’ve no idea, it’s not my house. You’ll have to ask Rory. Rory, this is Petal.’

Thea watched Rory make Petal wish she’d put on make-up. ‘No biscuits,’ he said, ‘but would you like a drink? Irish whiskey, it would make a dead man get up and walk.’

‘Not a good idea on an empty stomach, Petal,’ said Thea.

Petal, having basked in the warmth of Rory’s charm for a few seconds, got out her mobile phone, possibly to report this to somebody, before remembering it wouldn’t work.

‘Why don’t we all go off down to the pub?’ said Rory who, amused by Petal and interested by what Ben had said, had become a lot more welcoming. Molly he would charm when he had a couple of seconds to spare.

‘You can’t!’ Thea objected, ‘Your dog’s having puppies. I don’t mind not going to the pub, but I’m not going to have Lara’s puppies by myself.’

‘Puppies.’ Petal brightened up. Then she realised what Thea had said. ‘You mean, actually
having
them? Oh, yuk!’ She looked defiantly at Molly, obviously about to accuse her of dragging her across Ireland to be grossed-out by puppy birth, when she remembered it was Molly, not Thea or her mother, and therefore she couldn’t be rude.

‘Low blood sugar level,’ said Thea, relenting somewhat. ‘I heard about it on
Woman’s Hour
. Come
and find something to eat, Petal.’ Petal was enough of a handful when she was cheerful.

‘It’s so not fair!’ Petal said the minute they were through the archway to the kitchen. ‘I
did
want to come because home is crap at the moment, with no one there to look after us, and Piers dumped me –’ There was a pause and Thea realised this was a first. ‘And I didn’t want to go out when I was single, because everyone would know.’

Thea’s heart softened and she put a spoonful of pudding in a bowl. ‘Well, you’ll have to go out some time, or you’ll never get another boyfriend.’

‘I know,’ said Petal, with her mouth full. ‘But I do think they might have told me that my phone wouldn’t work in Ireland.’

‘I don’t suppose Molly’s very phone aware.’ Thea suddenly found herself on Petal’s side. ‘Otherwise they’d have rung and told me they were coming.’

‘Oh, they did try, only the code was wrong or something and they couldn’t get through.’

A muttered curse from Rory told Thea that something was going on in the sitting room. She left Petal with the pudding and went to see.

Molly was looking tired and horror-struck both at once, Rory seemed impatient and Ben Jonson was squatting down by Lara. Toby held on to his shoulder.

‘Is she all right?’ asked Thea.

‘She’s fine, but the first puppy is going to appear at any moment.’

‘How do you know?’ demanded Thea. ‘Have you had them before?’

Ben made a face. ‘In a manner of speaking. I’ve watched a couple of whelpings.’

The thought of trying to look after a dog having puppies with Petal and Molly in the room was more nightmare than bizarre dream. She knew they were both incredibly squeamish and would probably squeal louder than Lara every time anything happened. She caught Rory’s eye and signalled ‘do something!’ with every sinew.

He didn’t respond. Either he found the thought of Petal and Molly screaming and getting on chairs amusing, or he couldn’t do sign language.

She caught Ben watching her silent panic. ‘Perhaps I should warn you, Molly,’ he said. ‘Whelping bitches can make an awful lot of mess. I don’t suppose you’d like it and I expect Lara would appreciate a little peace as well.’

‘What sort of mess?’ asked Petal with horrified fascination.

‘Oh, you know, blood, water, black slime,’ Ben went on. ‘It stains everything it touches. Oh, look, she’s having a contraction.’

Rory, obviously amused by the general expressions of horror, finally took the hint. ‘Why don’t I take everyone off to the pub? We can get a bite to eat there and Lara could have her pups quietly on her own.’

‘You can’t leave her on her own to have her pups,’ protested Thea.

‘Well, make up your mind, woman,’ said Rory. ‘First she needs peace and now she needs company.’

‘No,’ Ben said. ‘The pub’s a good idea. Rory, you take Molly and Petal while Thea and Toby and I see to the pups.’

‘That’s a good idea,’ Thea agreed. ‘Can you fit everyone in your Land Rover, Rory?’ She moved
nearer him so they could speak in private. ‘And see if they do B&B – we can’t put everyone up here.’

Rory went into his room to get a coat and Thea found herself being edged into a corner by Molly. ‘Darling, I had to get you on your own, just for a moment.’

Thea didn’t feel on her own, she felt herself in a room full of people, but Molly had an earnest expression which bordered on the worried. ‘What is it? Nothing’s really wrong at home, is it?’

‘Oh, I don’t know. What I wanted to say is… I mean … there’s no need for you to … you won’t mention to Derek that I had a little flirtation with Gerald, will you?’

Thea really did wonder if she was awake – it was all so bizarre. ‘Molly, we’re in the middle of Ireland – well, on the edge of Ireland – Aix seems a lifetime ago.’ A terrible thought occurred to her. ‘Don’t tell me, you’ve left Gerald in the car and you’ve run away from Derek.’

‘What utter nonsense you talk! Of course I haven’t left Gerald in the car! And I certainly haven’t run away from Derek. Why would I do that? And Aix was only last week.’

‘Well, I’d completely forgotten about it. Even if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t dream of telling Derek about something I assumed was perfectly innocent.’

‘Oh, it was! Perfectly innocent. I just thought … I just wondered if you’d got the wrong end of the stick, that’s all.’

Just as Thea realised that Molly had possibly come all the way to County Mayo merely to tell her there was nothing going on between her and Gerald, Petal
screamed.

‘That’s it,’ said Ben. ‘Rory, Molly, one of you, take everyone away and let this poor dog have some quiet.’

He didn’t actually raise his voice, but Molly instantly picked up her bag and her car keys.

‘To the pub, then. I haven’t had anything to drink, so I’ll drive. Come along, Petal. At least they’ll have a decent bathroom. Rory, you sit in front and direct me. Toby will want to stay with Daddy, I expect. Are you coming, Thea? Hurry up, Petal.’

Petal, who had been looking round, seemed relieved to be hustled out. The cottage was obviously far too remote and primitive for comfort.

‘I’m not going,’ said Thea firmly. Glad as she was of Ben’s masterful stand, she didn’t want him being masterful with her. ‘I’m going to help with the puppies. After all, Lara knows me.’

‘The puppies will make a dreadful mess,’ Ben told her. ‘Our last bitch to whelp managed to break her waters on every piece of furniture on the ground floor and left green slime everywhere. It took ages to clear up.’

‘Mess doesn’t bother me,’ said Thea.

Ben suddenly almost smiled. ‘Nor it does. I forgot.’

Molly shuddered. ‘Well it bothers me. Come along.’

A few moments later the house was almost empty and blissfully quiet. Ben, Toby and Thea were alone.

They watched Lara in silence for a few moments as she paced about, trying to escape from what was going on inside her.

‘We’ll need some newspapers, and old sheets and stuff,’ said Ben. ‘And quickly.’

Thea, who had no real idea where to look, went to
the airing cupboard and arrived just in time to hear Toby say, ‘Dad! Something black and slimy’s coming out! It’s gross!’

Thea and Ben moved swiftly to inspect Lara’s back end from whence emerged a black bag, presumably full of puppy. Ben put out his hand and lowered it gently down. Lara slumped on the ground and immediately started licking and biting at it. There was a crunch as the afterbirth reached her mouth.

Thea suddenly felt like crying. Watching Lara’s huge tongue licking and licking, while the shape became more and more like a puppy wriggling under her rough ministrations made her feel very emotional. It even opened its little mouth and squeaked. At last Ben picked it up, latched it on to Lara’s huge flank and it started suckling. It was dark brown with a few white patches.

‘Oh, wow,’ said Toby.

Ben smiled. ‘It is a bit.’

‘Will the others come now, too?’

Ben shook his head. ‘It could be ages.’ He looked up. ‘Why don’t you ask Thea if she can get you a snack, or something.’

Thea wiped away a rogue tear. ‘I expect you both need a proper meal. I’ll cook the lamb chops that Rory and I were going to have. I put a couple of potatoes in the oven ages ago. They’re quite big, we can share them. I’ve opened some wine, and there’s a chocolate sponge if Petal’s left us any.’

‘Toby’s a vegetarian.’ Ben’s expression seemed to chill slightly at the mention of the cosy meal Thea described.

‘Well, I can easily grate some cheese on the potato.
Would you like that?’

Toby nodded. ‘That would be very kind.’

‘And what about you?’ Thea asked Ben. ‘Are you a vegetarian?’ She mentally surveyed the fridge. She’d bought eggs yesterday; if necessary she could run him up an omelette.

‘No, I eat anything.’ He gave her a grin, which was a little startling. She’d thought him totally reserved and suddenly there was a glimpse of what went on behind. ‘It’s very kind of you to look after us like this.’

‘Not at all, I’m used to looking after people and if you look after Lara, it seems a fair deal.’

‘Talking of which, did you find any old rags or sheets or anything?’

She was still clutching a lemon-coloured sheet she’d found in the airing cupboard. ‘There’s really nothing wrong with this, except it’s a bit bobbly and an unpleasant colour, but I can always buy Rory another one.’

Ben produced a penknife, nicked the top of the sheet and ripped it in two. While he was draping the sofa as best he could, Thea asked, ‘What do you think the father was?’

‘There’s no telling by looking at the pup, but as we’re in the country, I expect it’s a collie.’ He looked up at Thea. ‘Can you imagine, all the intelligence and energy of a collie wrapped up in something the size of Lara?’

Thea opened her eyes wide. ‘I’d rather not – a baby elephant on speed.’

‘On the other hand they might all take after their mother. The shepherd will say, “Come Bye,” or something, and one of these chaps will amble up saying,
“All right, all right, where’s the fire? I’ll be along in my own good time.”’

Toby chuckled loudly before shushing himself as he remembered Lara. Thea giggled, not just because the picture he created appealed to her, but because she hadn’t realised Ben did jokes.

‘And before you ask, no, we can’t have one.’

‘Aw, Dad!’ It was obviously a stock phrase, uttered when something utterly unreasonable was denied.

Ben laughed. ‘Don’t “Aw, Dad” me. You know we couldn’t have a huge dog in London. He patted his son’s shoulder. ‘And as it might be ages before the next one, we might as well have a cup of tea and you could have your baked potato, Tobe.’

‘I’ll get it,’ said Thea, seeing he was about to do it and not wanting the role of midwife. ‘I feel I should make Lara a cup of tea too, as she’s just had a baby, and without swearing or anything.’

‘Do women swear when they have babies?’ Toby asked her.

Thea nodded. ‘I’m not an expert because I’ve never had one myself, but when it’s on telly they sometimes use the most dreadful language.’ Then, realising that she might have said something she shouldn’t, she retreated to the kitchen where she knew what she was doing.

‘There’s no need to run. Toby won’t starve to death, will you?’

Toby laughed and then yawned.

‘Would you like tea, or something stronger?’ Thea called. ‘Ben?’

‘Better stick with tea. Lara’s probably going to be fine, but if we do have to find a vet in the middle of the
night I’d like all my wits about me.’

As Thea grated cheese, mashed potato and made tea, she realised she found Ben’s attitude to alcohol and driving reassuring. Rory was rather gung-ho about it.

When Toby had eaten his meal but there was no sign of more pups imminently, Thea said, ‘I don’t suppose you’d like to pop into bed? I could get you a hot-water bottle. There’s one hanging up in the bathroom. We could call you when Lara’s next puppy starts coming.’

Ben opened his mouth, as if to argue with this arrangement and Thea realised she’d probably made a dreadful faux pas. ‘Or whatever Ben thinks is best,’ she added, copping out.

‘No, that would be fine,’ said Ben. ‘Would you like to be woken, Toby, or would you prefer to find all the puppies born in the morning?’

‘I’ll see if I get to sleep. If I don’t, I can watch the puppies, but if I do, I’ll just see them in the morning.’

‘I’ll do you a hot-water bottle and show you the bed, then. It’s very close, so you probably won’t miss anything.’

‘After you’ve done your teeth,’ added Ben, giving Thea a glance which seemed a reproach.

Once Toby had been tucked up by Ben and Thea they went back to Lara. ‘I don’t know anything about children,’ said Thea. ‘Sorry if I said something I shouldn’t.’

‘Well, Toby seemed to like you.’ Ben gave Thea a glance which questioned his son’s judgement.