As I Fade (One Breath at a Time: Book 1) (5 page)

In less time than it takes to blink, I went from feeling miserable and hopeless to being royally pissed!

“Excuse me,” I snapped at the man sitting behind me who had been verbally abrasive moments earlier. “You know that sweet little old lady that you thought I was bullying? Well, she stole my credit card,” I stormed. He only shrugged and shot up one corner of his crooked lips, as if to say, “Good for her.”

He
wasn’t going to be of any help.

“
Whatever. I’ll cancel it,” I growled to myself, feeling the stares of everyone in the coach focused upon me.

I dialed Nuilley’s number.

“Bonjour,” Nuilley greeted me.

“
Hey...Nui.”

“
Bonjour, my little swizzle stick,” she answered cheerfully. She always called me cute little pet names. Kind of like soup-de-jour, it changed daily.

I whispered, “Some lady just stole my credit card.”

“Why are you whispering? I can barely hear you.”

“
I’m on the Metro,” I explained, still whispering. I flashed on the faceplate of my cell, checking the service bars.

Recently the city installed underground towers—or whatever fiber optic technology that was needed to provide service for wireless connections below the earth. It wasn’t perfect but better than nothing.

“So what were you saying? Speak up, Princess.”

“
Someone stole my credit card, and I know who—I’m on the subway and kind of made a scene over it. So everyone is staring at me now,” I whined helplessly.

“
So what? You have every right to bitch about it.” Nuilley indignantly sided with me. “Report it ASAP—prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.”

I half-chuckled at her strong suggestion. “That’s not necessary, she won’t get too far. Listen, I know it’s not the best timing, but on a more serious note”—
as if my card wasn’t serious
—“I need you to meet me at the brownstone in about an hour. I have to tell you some things that I’ve been holding back, and I feel terrible that I haven’t told you before today.”

Nuilley sighed loudly. I could hear her disappointment through the phone. Either way it was time to unload the truth. It had come to a tipping point, and I couldn’t shoulder what I had been keeping from her any longer.

“You’ve been lying to me?” Nuilley brought up the obvious.

“
No—not lying, I’ve just been keeping things to myself,” I squeezed my defense into the conversation. I sank into myself, allowing her to give me a piece of her mind.

Nuilley spoke over me. “Not to mention, you’ve been ignoring me too. Every time I’ve asked you to go somewhere you’re either writing or too tired.”

She was right. “I know...I’m sorry I haven’t been acting like my usual fun self...but it’s true, I’ve been really stressed with writing this novel and the pressure from Jack to finish has been too much. Trust me—but most importantly I wanted to tell you what else that has been going on but I wasn’t sure ...oh fuck”—
the phone bleep out again—“
no one would believe—not even you.”

“
Believe what, Brie?” Nuilley bit out between my justifications.

I rambled on in a million different directions without taking a breath, Nuilley tried to interrupt, but I held the floor. “I think I fell...love...over the...months with a...—and he’s the real thing.” I finally choked out the truth through sobs that refused to be held back. There I’d said it, I told her whom I had fallen in love with.

Surprisingly, Nuilley remained silent and allowed me to talk. She probably thought I was joking. I cried harder. “I’m so worried the this is going to...everyone...will...I’m crazy.”

“
What? Back up!” Nuilley yelled. “Love? No way? With who?” Her voice shrieked in my ear, confirming she hadn’t heard the one pertinent detail of whom I loved. It was probably a good thing, too. I chose to not repeat the facts about that part of my dilemma and would tell her in person instead.

Before she took over the conversation with tons of questions, I wanted her to understand the urgency and that I needed her to come immediately to the brownstone. “I’m worried about...and it could be a matter of...and death,”
I stuttered. My words interspersed with post-sobbing irritating hiccups. “Something extremely surreal happened to me today. I can’t explain it to you right now, its too crazy. I’m concerned...time...running out and if no one...close to...knows...I could be...trouble.”

“
What? You’re going in and out. But from what I can hear you’re scaring me, all I heard was something about life and death. What’s going on?” The phone went silent. I couldn’t hear what Nuilley was saying. It sucked that the service was so hit or miss.

“
I’ll just tell you when I see you—did you hear me?” I said rather loudly, drawing more attention to myself from other passengers. From their perspective, I must have looked like such a troubled soul or flat out rude by carrying on a lengthy conversation in the subway; it was highly frowned upon, especially during rush hour. After a long day, no one wanted to overhear someone rehashing his or her drama.

“
Don’t hang up. Damn it. You’re voice is bleeping in and out. Who are you protecting—what is going on? You’re worrying me...and this shit about...life and death. What the hell, Brie. I know you’re not one to overreact, but you need to tell me everything now because later...damn it, are you there?—you sound like shit.” I heard that loud and clear. I hope she meant the phone sounded like shit. Touché on my end. I suppose she had the same problem as I did. Her voice wobbled in and out with the failing phone signal. She sounded like a robot, and I could only make out every other spoken word. I felt terrible for starting such a serious conversation in the first place.

“
I know. It’s fine, I’ll talk to you when you can hear me clearly.” I stood up, twisting my body, testing different directions to find a better signal. “Don’t worry. It’s not as bad as it sounds. I’ll be okay—” I reassured her.

Nuilley interrupted,” Some of this explains—from what I can make out—you’re strange behavior lately, and the reason you have been avoiding me.” She sounded wounded.

I grimaced, feeling guilty. She had no idea. “Yes, you’re right, but it’s not on purpose. I
have
been meaning to talk to you, but there never seems to be the right time.” I felt tears pressing against my eyelids again. I was such a lousy friend. “I shouldn’t have brought it up now but—hello—you there?”

“
Yes, I’m here,” she said in an attentive tone.

“
Honestly, I’ve been going nuts not telling you everything but once you know...promise...it...all...sense to you.” More static filled the phone.

Nuilley piped in, “You’re breaking up again.” Frustration riddled in her voice.

“I said, I have been going nuts not—”

She interrupted, “Nuts—not going—you’ve gone and went. That’s for sure.” Nothing like being blunt. I knew Nuilley joked with me to cover-up the real concern I detected in her words.

“I’m sorry for behaving so distant, lately. I love you so much.” I felt an overwhelming need to tell her that. “If something goes wrong just know that, okay?”

“
Stop that kind of talk. There’s nothing that’s going to go wrong,” she scolded me.

Nuilley just didn’t understand what I was trying to tell her. But I felt it in my bones—call it a premonition—actually it was more than that. Plus, I had been warned prior to what I had chosen to do that afternoon might not play in my favor.

“You’re right,” I said peppily, injecting my voice with extra positive infection, hoping she wouldn’t worry about me.

“
Stop sweating things...I-I love you too...Boo-boo,” she cautiously said with a hint of trepidation.

That was a slip of the tongue. She had never said those words before, to me or anyone else. It had also been years since she used that silly name, Boo-boo, too. We were kids when she first called me that. Hearing it made my thoughts travel back in time, when we were two peas in one pod. Things had changed so much between us since then. Now, I knew she was truly worried for my welfare, which only made me feel worse for not sharing private matters with her in the last nine months, or more.

“No matter what it is, you will always be my best friend forever,” she admitted and laughed nervously.

I could tell that this cost her. Nuilley Lambert had never been one to mince words, but she also didn’t use too many words of affection either, except of course, calling me unique silly pet names.

“You’re mine too.” I smiled into the phone.

“
Too?” I heard her whisper. “Is that what I said? You’re mine, hmmmmm—maybe I did,” she half-assed admitted, stifling her true mocking—sometimes, rude ways—from me. She’d spent years suppressing the wounds of her bitter childhood, and because of this she’d become expert at disguising herself to the world. Knowing her as I did, I’d never needed to press for an affirmation of her affection. I knew a tender heart existed somewhere beneath her tough-girl facade, I’d always hoped that a little of my romantic idiosyncrasies had rubbed off on her over the years. Now I was sure of it.

“
So, see you in about an hour?” I asked, changing the subject, saving her from an emotional revelation. The phone hissed with static. “Nuilley, are you there still?” I sat down holding the receiver tightly to my ear, hunching near the window, hoping for a stronger signal.

“
I can’t, Brielle, I’m spending the night—haven’t you heard there’s a bad stor—”

“
I can’t hear you. What? Nuilley, Nui...”—“
Shit...”
I whispered under my breath when the call dropped. “Please, just come over. I need you,” I begged, hoping she would somehow telepathically hear me.

Just then, the train’s momentum slowed down, coming to a smooth stop. My heartbeat calmed slightly too...surely, Nuilley would meet me at the brownstone. She wasn’t one to let a friend down, not after hearing the panic in my voice.

Disappointed that we hadn’t confirmed our plans, I tossed my cell into my purse. At that point, I could only hope she would show up. No matter what, we were always there for each other in times of need.

“
Please, watch your step when disembarking the train,”
the automated announcer called out; it was in French, but I knew what it meant. Half the crowd pushed up into the aisle.

“
Excusez moi, Mademoiselle,” a distinguished man said as he gathered his satchel and business jacket into his arms. He threw me a few odd glances, eyeing me as if I were painted blue or something. I couldn’t really blame him.

“
Sure...sorry—désolé,” I replied, tilting my knees in the opposite direction, allowing him to pass by.

Quickly, I brushed away a few donut crumbs that stuck to my jeans and pushed up into the mass of people.

“Hey lady...I got something for you.” The man that was sitting behind me called out, his voice filled with condescension. Immediately, I knew he was addressing me. I didn’t really need his crap right now.

“
Yeah,” I replied, bluntly.

When I turned toward him, my credit card was sandwiched between his outstretched index and middle fingers. “It was laying on your seat under you. I guess you owe Mary an apology.” He suggested rather snidely.

Without a thought, I rolled my eyes and snatched the card and said, “Maybe, but really you have no idea what she did to me. She said things to me that were...” I shook my head in frustration at the hopelessness of explaining everything to a total stranger. Instead, I straightened my spine and said coolly, “Thanks for finding my card.”

The man raised his voice above the crowd. “She’s a character that’s for sure. She knows things and will talk your ear off about them, too.” He laughed. I wasn’t amused. He continued, saying, “Everyone knows Mary. You can ask anyone, she wouldn’t harm a fly. She’s an angel.”

I supposed I’d failed to see her wings.

Defeated, I shrugged and smiled. Maybe I did need to lighten up. I definitely felt bad that I’d accused Mary of stealing my card. “Of course, she is,” I agreed, and then exited the train.

As soon as my heels hit the platform, the solid floor of the subway suddenly erupted beneath my feet. I screamed. I had been afraid of this moment all day long. Little Mary, Mary quite contrary—the supposed angel had surely done a great job of distracting me from my pending fate.

-3-

Swept Away

It was beginning...

A dark cloud mixed with a fierce wind swarmed around my body. It seemed as if it was happening only to me. It was as if, I alone was being swept away. My eyes darted over the crowd of people behind me to see their reaction. They were going about their business, rushing away from the platform, jostling their way onto the train and hooking up with taxicabs. Apparently, my plight and I were invisible. Then, before my eyes they had seemed to vanish, fragmenting like digital pixels. One by one, they faded into the vapor. A dreadful rush of adrenaline roared through my body, and a deafening loud boom of thunder shook the ground surrounding the tunnel. My brain went numb with fear, unable to process the events around me.