Ashes (Book 2 The Kindred Series) (29 page)

Though he may not want to remember
these things, he needed to talk about them, and he needed to be
forgiven for them afterward. He needed her forgiveness, and
although she didn’t know what was still to come, she knew he would
receive it. This man before her was not the monster that had done
these things.

This man was the one that loved her,
cared for her, cherished her. Even with all the women in his past,
and she was certain that there were far more than these three, it
was her that he wanted. Her that he truly loved.

“I was born in Devonshire England,
hence my name. I was the second son of a Duke. I was wealthy,
spoiled, and without the added burden of inheritance that my older
brother Robert had.” Cassie frowned as his tone changed a little, a
hint of anger crept into his flat voice as he said his brother’s
name. She didn’t have time to ponder it though as he continued on.
“Robert was serious, studious, smart, the apple of my father’s eye,
his one true son. I was a cast off, the one that would only count
if something happened to Robert. I prayed everyday that nothing
ever did happen to him, for I wanted nothing to do with my father,
or any of his responsibilities. I despised the man for his
indifference, and hated him even more for his cruelty.”

He kept his gaze focused out the
window, unwilling to turn back to her. His shoulders were stiff,
anguish poured from him. Though she wanted to know the truth, it
was not worth this. These memories were destroying him, and she
wasn’t sure that she wanted to know what cruelty his father had
bestowed upon him. “Devon you don’t have to do this,
you…”

“Yes I do,” he interrupted harshly, his
voice hissing out of him. “You need to know. You have a right to
know.”

Cassie’s mouth snapped shut, her
stomach tightened into a hard knot as she slid limply onto the bed.
This was something that he had to do. “My father had what you would
call anger issues. Issues that he took out on me, the wasted
offspring. I cried out once and my mother came to my defense, she
was punished for her insolence so I learned to take every beating
in silence.

“When I turned eighteen I was eager to
escape, desperate to be free, even if it was to the university.
Once free, I took refuge in the local taverns, drinking heavily,
gambling, and… well other things,” he mumbled. His shoulders
slouched slightly as his head bowed. Cassie didn’t have to hear
what those other things were to know that they were women. “I
stopped going to school, I lost myself in every form of drudgery I
could find, just hoping that it would get back to my father. Just
hoping to piss him off. I didn’t care if he disowned me, I had
discovered that I had a talent with cards, and I was doing well
supporting myself.

“Then I met Elizabeth. She was in one
of the gaming halls that I often visited. It was amazing to see her
there, women were not allowed into the clubs unless they were
working them. And Elizabeth was definitely not working this club,
or at least she wasn’t working it as one of the escorts. In fact,
no one there seemed to know her, but they all wanted to get closer
to her, and no one asked her to leave.

“What none of us knew was that
Elizabeth had discovered that the men’s gaming halls were a perfect
way to make a lot of money. She could take it from anyone she
wanted to, and of course, there was plenty of food for her
there.”

He rested his arm against the sill,
leaning forward as he stared out at the night. The hard muscles in
his arms and back rippled as he moved. Though the tense silence was
killing her, Cassie kept silent. Devon was no longer with her, but
trapped in a past that he couldn’t escape. Shuddering slightly,
Cassie huddled deeper into herself, wishing that she could ease the
agony radiating from him.

“I wanted Elizabeth, but I wasn’t like
the other men, I didn’t chase her around. I didn’t throw money and
jewels at her; I did not even buy her a drink. It aggravated the
hell out of her; she simply didn’t understand how I was able to
resist her. In fact, I still don’t know how I did. For, although
she was a vampire, I did not feel that lure to her as strongly as
other humans did.

“It was that factor, and the fact that
I was not a good human being, that made her decide to change me.
She enjoyed watching my antics, my drunken brawls, my inane lack of
caring or respect for the human race. I was selfish and I was
fascinating to her, and she thought that I would make a fine
addition to her race. I was already brutal and disgusting as a
human. As a vampire, well she felt I would be
spectacular.”

His arm dropped away from the sill.
“And she was right, I was spectacular and I was a fine addition to
the species. The transition was painful, but once complete I took
to my new identity like a fish to water. I had found my home. I was
where I belonged. Elizabeth showed me the way, teaching me to hunt
wisely, not to get caught, and how to survive. I loved the death, I
loved the blood, I loved the torture, and I relished in the
power.”

He became silent again, self loathing
washed off of him in waves. “What happened to her?” Cassie asked
quietly when it appeared he wasn’t going to say more.

Devon’s shoulders stiffened, his back
was straight as a rod. “She was killed in Prague by a group of
Hunters about a hundred years later.” Though he answered her, she
sensed something more behind his words, something that he didn’t
wish to tell her, and though she wanted to know as much as she
could about him, she wasn’t going to push him. He was hurting
enough without her reopening any more old wounds and hurts. And
Elizabeth was dead; that part of his past would not be showing up
on her doorstep tomorrow like Isla.

Biting gently on her lower lip, her
gaze darted to the night beyond him. He talked about a couple
hundred years as if it were nothing. To her, a couple of years were
huge. To her, two years was almost a lifetime, never mind a hundred
of them. Cassie shivered at the stark reminder of just how
different they were. Just how different their worlds were, and
always would be, if she decided not to join him.

“I stayed alone for a long time,
enjoying my solitude, and relishing in my life. When I met Julian I
recognized the same kind of cruelty and depravity in him that
resided in me. We got along well, destroyed so very many lives, and
relished in inflicting as much cruelty as possible. We were always
together until I met Annabelle.”

Cassie’s hands tightened painfully on
her arms. “You’re not like him,” she whispered.

For the first time he turned to look at
her. His head swiveled slowly on his shoulders, his bright eyes
burned with intensity as they met hers. “Don’t kid yourself Cassie;
I was exactly like him. No, I was even worse. I am still capable of
extreme acts of violence, especially when it involves you, and
keeping you safe,” he said fiercely.

Her heart kicked over, her eyes closed
slowly as pain swept through her. Even worse? Though she wanted to
deny it, she knew that it was true. He had been the epitome of a
monster, and there was no changing that. And there was no changing
the fact that he still could be, she had witnessed his brutality
tonight. Goosebumps broke out on her arms as she shuddered again.
“And Isla?” she choked out, not truly wanting to know, but
desperately wishing to change the subject.

“Isla, well Isla was just your ordinary
monster. I met her in Rome, and the moment that I saw her, I wanted
her. Isla liked to toy with men, play with them, wrapping them
around her little finger before cutting them loose again. She
thought that she could play with me, but she had a rude awakening
instead. As a human she was cruel, manipulative, and beautiful. As
a vampire she was a sight to behold. I changed her, I created her
because I wanted her, and I wanted to see the amount of cruelty and
death she could bestow upon the world. And she was outstanding at
it, exciting, fascinating.”

Agony twisted through Cassie’s chest,
making it damn near impossible for her to breathe. The gleam in his
eyes was vicious. It was as if he wanted to push her away, and she
realized with a start, that he did. He didn’t feel as if he
deserved her, and the more he relived his past, the more he hated
himself. He was trying to push her away before she could take no
more, and left him. That was not going to happen.

“Isla began to fancy herself in love
with me, I did not return it, but I did enjoy her company.
Often.”

Cassie winced, her nails dug into her
skin at the brutality of his words. She bit hard into her bottom
lip in an attempt to keep from crying. “Stop,” she whispered,
unable to bear anymore.

“Stop what? The truth?” he practically
snarled.

Cassie shook her head, unable to stop
the tremors wracking through her. “No, stop trying to push me away.
Please Devon, I can take almost anything, but not that.
Please.”

“Cassie…”

“I understand about your past, I do,”
she interrupted swiftly. “But please just stop.”

She never heard him move, didn’t know
he had until he was kneeling before her, his beautiful eyes lost
and hopeless. “I’m sorry Cassie, forgive me. Forgive me for
everything.”

Tears slid down her cheeks as she
cupped his face, gently running her thumb over the perfect contours
she knew and loved. Pain and anguish had etched lines into his
face, making his mouth harder. He desperately needed forgiveness,
it burned from him. But she was not the one that could give it to
him.

“I cannot forgive you,” she whispered,
rushing on when hurt rocked through him. “You have done nothing to
me to warrant my forgiveness. You are not that monster anymore
Devon, you haven’t been for years…”

“The women.”

Cassie winced involuntarily. That was
something she would have to work on in her own time, and in her own
way. Her confidence had been rattled, her fears confirmed, but
everything he was telling her was then. And now… Well now he was
hers, and she was not going to let him go. “Devon I knew there were
other women, I’m not a fool. You’ve been around for
awhile.”

She managed a wry smile that she did
not feel, but he needed her reassurance, and he needed her love.
For him, she could do anything. “It’s yourself that you need to
forgive,” she whispered.

He searched her face, his eyes wounded
and yet so very hopeful. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do.”

He seized hold of her hand, squeezing
it tightly as he kissed it gently. Urgency radiated from him, need
poured from his soul. Her breath was stolen from her as the force
of his desire beat against her. Tugging her toward him, he wrapped
his hand around the back of her head, pulling her mouth to
his.

Shock coursed through her, his
intensity overwhelmed her as his tongue swept into her mouth.
Reasonable thought fled as he invaded all of her senses, shattering
her self-doubt and fears. He rose up over her, pushing her gently
onto the bed, his hard body coming down on top of hers. Cassie’s
heart hammered, her body tingled with excitement as his hands
stroked over her, bringing her body to shocking life. She had never
felt anything like this, never knew such exquisite pleasure
existed.

Her fingers dug into his hair, pulling
him tighter against her, needing more of him, wanting all of him.
This was right, this was where she belonged, where she would always
belong. Since the moment she met him, he had owned her heart, body,
and soul. He was her perfect other half, he was the only one that
could ever make her whole.

His kiss became almost painful in his
desperation and need. His hands slid her baggy sweatshirt up,
stroking over her skin, caressing her gently as his fingers slid
down to the waist band of her workout pants. Though she was swept
away in a rising wave of passion and pleasure, a bolt of fear tore
through her. She loved him, she truly did, but she was not ready
for this. Not after this night, and not when she was still so
rattled and shaken.

“Stop, Devon, wait,” she managed to
gasp out, tearing her mouth from his, knowing that if she did not
stop this now she never would. He pulled back, his body stilling
against hers, his eyes questioning and worried. “I can’t, I’m not
ready.” She shook her head, unable to meet his gaze again as
humiliation burned through her. She was sure that Isla had never
told him no. Cassie shuddered at the thought. She was acting like a
silly child, she knew that, but she simply was not ready for this.
Especially not when she still felt so raw, and wounded. “I’m
sorry.”

“Cassie look at me. Look at me,” he
ordered again when she kept her gaze firmly planted on her bureau.
Slowly, trying to keep her shaking under control, she met his gaze
again. “I don’t want to do anything that you are not ready for.
I’ve waited over seven hundred years for you, and I’ll wait for you
forever. When you are ready, I will be here Cassie. For you, I can
do anything.”

She began to cry, soft sobs wracked
through her as relief and love filled her. Rolling off of her, he
pulled her tight against him as he cradled her gently. She did not
doubt his words; she simply wished that she would be enough for him
when the time came. That he would not be disappointed in her. That
he would not compare her to them, and find her lacking. She also
wished that her doubts about changing for him weren’t back, wished
that she could ease the need that radiated from him constantly. But
she was frightened of his world, weary of the cruelty and constant
hunger that filled it.