Ask Eva (13 page)

‘I’ll help you,’ said Aretta. ‘Maths is easy
when you know how.’

‘Yay!’ said Ella. ‘A maths afternoon, Sounds like a whole pile of fun. Not.’

I giggled. ‘Let’s go to my place. With Aretta’s help, my homework might not take that long. And afterwards we can watch a movie. How does that sound?’

‘Perfect!’ said Ella and Aretta together.

Chapter Twenty-two

‘I
’m going to die of the cold,’ said Ella. (Or at least I think that’s what she said. It was hard to be sure because her teeth were chattering so much.)

I tried to hug her, but hugging isn’t easy when you’ve got a small, wriggly dog under your arm.

‘This so isn’t fair,’ I said. ‘Thanks to Gigi’s committee, visitors are allowed until ten o’clock, but because of Lucky, we still have to hide outside like criminals.’

‘I guess we just have to be patient,’ said Ella. ‘Nurse Witch
has
to move soon.’

But she didn’t. It was like her bottom had been super-glued to her seat. Ella and I watched as she very slowly turned the pages of her book, occasionally sipping from her cup of tea.

I shivered. ‘If we don’t move soon, I’m going to get pneumonia and I’ll end up in a nursing home myself.’

‘You should have worn a coat,’ said Ella primly, pulling hers up tighter around her neck.

I knew I couldn’t take any more. ‘Give me your coat,’ I said, reaching out and tugging at the zip.

‘Hey,’ said Ella. ‘Back off. You’re not getting it.’

‘It’s not for me,’ I said. ‘It’s for Lucky.’

‘But Lucky’s got her own personal fur coat.’

I laughed. ‘She’s not going to wear your coat. Just give it to me, Ell.’

And because Ella trusts me, she took off
her coat and passed it over. She watched as I wrapped Lucky in it and tucked her under my arm.

‘See,’ I said. ‘The invisible dog.’

‘I’m not sure …’ she began, but I didn’t wait to hear the rest. I was already marching up to the electronic keypad. I didn’t look back, but behind me I could hear Ella’s footsteps on the gravel. I smiled as I keyed in the code.

Nurse Witch looked up as we walked in to the reception.

‘It’s very late,’ she said, like we couldn’t read the huge clock over her head. ‘Shouldn’t children be in bed by now?’

‘Oh, no,’ I said. ‘We’re allowed to stay up late on weekend nights, aren’t we, Ella?’

Ella didn’t answer. She was staring at the bundle under my arm, like it was a bomb that could go off at any second.

‘We’re just going up to see Gigi, I said. ‘We’re so glad that you had the idea to change
the visiting times.’

Nurse Witch tightened her mouth and glared at me. We both knew very well that the change in visiting hours hadn’t been her idea.

‘Oh, well,’ I said. ‘We can’t hang around chatting. See you later.’

I was feeling very pleased with myself when, from under Ella’s coat, came a very distinctive sound – Lucky’s short, sharp bark.

‘Yip, yip, yip.’

Nurse Witch jumped to her feet. ‘What’s that noise?’ she said.

‘What noise?’ I asked innocently. ‘Did you hear something, Ella?’

And then it came again.

‘Yip. Yip.’

I held the bundle under my arm a bit tighter, silently begging Lucky to be good.

Nurse Witch picked up a crutch that was propped in the corner. She walked slowly around to our side of the desk, waving the
crutch in front of her, like she was getting ready to fight off a pack of wolves.

And finally Ella came to life.

‘Yip. Yip,’ she said, sounding exactly like Lucky.

Nurse Witch stopped walking and stared at her suspiciously.

‘Yip. Yip,’ said Ella again. ‘Yip. Yip. Yip. Yippety-yip.’

‘Ella’s got this funny syndrome,’ I said thinking of a documentary my mum had been watching the week before. ‘It’s this thing where you can’t help shouting out random stuff. Didn’t you learn about it at nursing school, Nurse?’

Nurse Witch didn’t answer.

‘It can be totally embarrassing sometimes, can’t it, Ella?’ I said. ‘Remember the time you ran down the street tearing out pages from your Maths copy and giving them to randomers?’

‘Fart-bottom,’ said Ella suddenly. ‘Wee-wee face.’

Nurse Witch gripped the crutch so tightly, her fingers started to turn white. I had a horrible feeling she was trying to stop herself from hitting us with it. Ella had to hold on to the desk she was laughing so much.

‘Her syndrome causes uncontrollable laughing too,’ I said, which made Ella laugh even more.

I could feel Lucky starting to wriggle under my arm, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold her for much longer.

‘Let’s go,’ I said. ‘Gigi will be waiting.’

‘Yip,’ said Ella and Lucky together.

‘Where could Gigi be?’ I asked when we got upstairs and found her room empty.

Then we heard the sound of laughing from the end of the corridor.

‘The lounge,’ said Ella. ‘I forgot to tell you the residents are allowed to stay there until midnight these days.’

I followed her along the corridor and when we got to the lounge, it was like we were joining the best party in the world. Everyone was sitting around, chatting and laughing and listening to the radio that was playing in the corner. Hannah was knitting as usual, and Nancy was showing Fred old photographs from her tennis career.

‘OMG – it’s like a home,’ I whispered to Ella. ‘It’s like a normal, happy home.’

Gigi looked up from her chat with Paddy. ‘Girls!’ she said. ‘You’re here at last. Would you like tea or coffee?’

We asked for tea, and while she went over to the fancy new machine in the corner of the room, I unwrapped Lucky, who blinked in the bright light of the room.

‘Who gets first cuddle tonight?’ I asked,
and backed away laughing as the old people shuffled towards me with their arms stretched out in front of them.

Much later, Ella and I sat in the corner, watching as Lucky was passed around the room. Peggy was going from chair to chair, sharing a box of chocolates. Someone had switched off the radio, and Fred was singing a sad old song in a beautiful deep voice.

‘This is so cool,’ said Ella. ‘Gigi is always going to miss her own home, but this is lovely too.’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I guess.’

‘What?’ asked Ella. ‘What are you thinking?’

‘It’s
almost
perfect,’ I said. ‘But that’s not good enough. Look how these people love Lucky. It’s like hugging her is the best thing in their lives.’

‘It’s
one
of the best things,’ said Ella. ‘That’s
why we risk bringing her in here every week.’

‘Yeah, but don’t you see the problem?’

‘No.’

‘Things can’t go on like this. Someday we’re going to get caught, and then we won’t be able to bring Lucky here anymore. Once we’re discovered, Nurse Witch will be watching out for her, and not even your best made-up-syndrome act will be able to fool her.’

‘But if we’re––’

‘And it’s not just about being caught,’ I said. ‘What about the times when you go away to visit your cousins? We won’t be able to come here then. And next month, Maggie’s going to visit Ruby for the weekend, and Lucky is going to stay with Ruby’s uncle, so we won’t be able to bring her that week either. Sneaking her in here is totally fun, but we both know it can’t go on forever.’

‘So what are we going to do?’

‘Like I said before, we’ve got to get rid of
Nurse Witch.’

‘But how? When I see her being mean I feel like pushing her down the stairs, but I’m not really a violent person, and anyway, I don’t fancy spending twenty years in jail.’

‘I’ve got an idea,’ I said. ‘We know Nurse Witch is terrified of animals, so how about we sneak in a cage full of rats and let them run around the place?’

‘And you just happen to have a cage of rats lying around your house?’

‘Not exactly – but we could use hamsters. Andy is always bragging about his collection of pedigree hamsters – why does everyone think he’s so cool, by the way? Maybe he’d lend them to us for a day or two.’

‘That would certainly get rid of Nurse Witch,’ said Ella. ‘But I’m guessing half the old people are afraid of rats and hamsters too. They could end up having heart attacks or something.’

‘I suppose you’re right,’ I said. ‘I never thought of that. We’re going to have to think of something else.’

‘Like what?’

‘I know! Why don’t we do what Peggy suggested? We could tell the local newspaper that this place is full of bed-bugs, and then Nurse Witch might get fired for running an unhygienic nursing home.’

Ella shook her head. ‘If people think there are bed-bugs here, the whole place will be closed down and everyone will have to leave. That won’t help us at all.’

‘Why are you always so negative?’ I asked, even though I knew she was right.

I wasn’t mad at her, I was mad at myself. We needed a better plan, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t think of one.

Ella and I decided it was best to sneak Lucky
out the front door when Nurse Witch wasn’t looking, so we ended up lurking in the corridor near the reception desk as usual.

Ella rolled her eyes when we heard Nurse Witch on the phone.

‘Might as well settle down,’ she said. ‘This could be a long one.’

‘Oh, Mammy,’ came the familiar voice from around the corner. ‘Things have gone from bad to worse around here. The old people have ganged up on me and they are doing whatever they like. They’re wandering around night and day, and ignoring all the rules I set up for their own safety. I dread coming in to work every morning.’

There was a silence, and I guess her mum was saying encouraging stuff to her.

‘But I
can’t
leave,’ she said. ‘I need the job. The mortgage isn’t going to pay itself. Yes, Mammy, I know I should get another job, but where? I’m too old for the army now, and who
wants a run-down old nurse who couldn’t even manage a bunch of old people without causing a revolution? Yes, Mammy, I know what you always say. Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better. Yes, Mammy. Night-night. See you next week.’

‘OMG,’ I whispered. ‘That’s it. We were looking at the problem the wrong way around. We don’t have to scare Nurse Witch away from here. She already wants to leave. All we’ve got to do is find her a new job.’

‘Oh, is that all?’ asked Ella. ‘That’s easy then. I guess she’ll be gone from here by tomorrow night.’

I punched her lightly on the arm. ‘Very funny. Not. Now get ready to run. Nurse Witch is on the move.’