Ask Me Again Tomorrow (17 page)

We began to get calls that the end was near, and we would get to the hospital only to find my mother had rallied enough to be out of danger. I did not want a repeat of what happened when my father died. On my last trip to the hospital, I was walking out of the elevator toward her room as a nurse was coming out. She said, “Olympia, your mother has passed.” Seeing the expression on my face, she added, “She wasn’t alone. I was with her.”

I went to see my mother. She was so still. I lifted her and held her in my arms and said to her, “
Koranaki, koranaki,
it’s over, your suffering is over.” I was happy for her that it was over, that these last difficult years were over. I was happy for both of us. I felt she was
free
.

My mother, Alexandra Christos Dukakis, died on July 9, 1994, in the same room in the same hospital where my father died. She was ninety-three years old.

I thought I had been ready to let my mother go. She’d been dying for a long time. But I wasn’t prepared for how it hit me. I would be walking along, caught up in my day, when I would be seized by the sensation of being utterly alone and adrift, so overcome by a feeling of emptiness that I would stop and lean into buildings for support. It still happens from time to time.

Shortly after my mother died, I learned that Ma was failing. When I visited her at her ashram in Cohasset, Massachusetts, she was eating and watching religious services on TV. I was saddened to see how diminished she had become. We talked, and after watching me, she told Sudha to put in a specific video, about a Catholic priest who, after suffering two heart attacks, had experienced a revelation. In the video, he talked about his first heart attack. As it was happening, he felt as though he were “falling into darkness” and was scared. But during the second attack, he understood the “darkness” as “Her love.” Ma didn’t say anything, but I knew she was remembering when I told her of the voices I’d heard and my fear of losing myself in the love of the Great Mother. She wanted me to realize that what we think of as “the darkness” is actually the deep, rich sea of the Great Mother’s love, and that realization would “uncurse” that place of “darkness.” Even now, though she was clearly turning away from this world as my mother had at the end of her life, Ma was still guiding me, still teaching me. Before I left, Ma told me that she would hold me and my family in her prayers. I knew I would never see her again. I began to weep. “Even after death I will continue to guide you,” she said. Those were the words my teacher left me with.

Because of my love for my mother, Ma, and Marija—and their love for me—I’ve come to understand that birth and death are part of the mysterious cycle of regeneration. My recognition of this cycle allows me to live in the moment, with all my contradictions. I find that it calms my soul, this insistence on accepting the true nature of things; it keeps things real.

I
N
1999, Louie and I decided to sell our house in Montclair. It had been a good house for us with plenty of room for three children and later, my mother. It was perfect for throwing the large and crowded parties we occasionally held for the Theatre. The serene lawn and gardens always provided me with a place to “get away from it all,” even if only for minutes at a time. But by then the kids were all off making their own lives—taking with them the piles of sports equipment I’d had to live with for all those years—and the house was too big for us without them. I would wake up at night, thinking I could hear their footsteps, and slowly realize it was just my imagination. That chapter of our lives was over. With no theater, and no children, it seemed right that we move back to New York City, where we’d started so many years before.

We found a loft in downtown Manhattan and worked with an architect to get the place exactly as we wanted. I began to think of it as my “real” home, where I chose what it looked like from the layout of the rooms on down to the kind of furniture in it. It has become the perfect nest for the two of us.

Living in the city is oddly relaxing. I am no longer rushing around to get from one place to another—from the theater, to school for a meeting or sports event, to the house to cook dinner, and then back to the theater again. I am no longer riding the Number 66 bus into the city, feeling like that hour each way is my “downtime.” Louie and I are doing exactly what we want to do, on our own timetable. This new chapter seems to have brought us full circle, as we are again living the kind of life we once had in our early courtship and marriage.

Now there is time to sit in a neighborhood coffeehouse on Sunday mornings and talk over cups and cups of cappuccino. There is the opportunity to steal off in the middle of the afternoon to see a film, the way we did when we were first married. We can spontaneously decide to meet friends for dinner if we have a free evening. And there is always the work. As I write this, Louie is appearing in a Broadway revival of
Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
with Charles Dutton and Whoopi Goldberg.

The Goddess Project
is an ongoing process. I travel around the country doing “concert readings” of
Rose
. I continue to take on new roles that intrigue me. I’m inspired by the women who come to the speaking engagements I do and I’ll continue to do them as long as I’m asked. But more than enjoying the continuation of the things I know, I look forward to things I’ve yet to experience. It was good to look back, but I also need to focus on where I’m going. I want to be able to look forward to changing, to taking the next step—and there’s
always
a next step. “Who am I?” “Who am I going to become?” These questions don’t go away as we get older, unless we allow them to. I don’t want them to go away. They’ve been the driving force in my life and that isn’t about to change anytime soon. Yet, as it was in the beginning, I’m still finding out who I am within the context of being Olympia Dukakis, Greek-American, woman, wife, and mother.

I realize I’m more Greek than I ever thought I was. I inherited from my father the intellectual curiosity that has driven me so much of my life. From him too, I inherited a commitment to excellence, no matter how short I fall. From my mother I inherited her humor and life force—a spirit—that has kept me from knuckling under in the face of obstacles. I also inherited her flair for the dramatic. From them both, I inherited the strong passions and indelible work ethic that defined their lives. I take enormous pride in the accomplishments of all the other Dukakises I grew up with: my cousin Arthur spent thirty-three years as the Boston Regional Director for the US Bureau of the Census. My cousin Stratos, after twenty-five years as the Superintendent of the Montachusett Regional Vocational Technical School in Fitchburg, Massachusetts, recently was honored when they named their new arts center the Stratos Dukakis Center for the Arts. Michael continues to impress me with his devotion to teaching and public service and my brother, Apollo, is an ongoing inspiration to me, both through his brilliant acting and his character. I’m a part of a generation that absorbed their parents’ lessons, and I made my contribution through the important craft of acting—giving voice to the stories that make up our lives.

Acting saved my life. It taught me to be in the moment, not get caught up in what happened yesterday, or what will happen tomorrow. It taught me to acknowledge my feelings and embrace them, rather than be ashamed of them and try to cover them up. Acting validated my desire to define myself. It challenged me to be honest about who I am and what I feel. It forced me to be my authentic self. Acting was the conduit for the unfolding of my spirit. Acting has allowed me to go on.

I want to continue to find work in plays and movies, roles that challenge me, or better yet, scare the hell out of me. I aspire to do dangerous work that feels risky. I want to travel places I’ve never been. I want to be here for my children and be deeply involved in the lives of my grandchildren. I’m hungry to read books I haven’t read yet, go to every performance of Mahler I can find. I want to write more poetry. I want to continue to experience the love and trust of my marriage, because I’m lucky enough to be married to a man who accepts me, supports my dreams, and eases the way. I want more of our family vacations where we all gather in a big house by the water and eat and play and genuinely enjoy one another. I want more dinners with friends, complete with heated, passionate discussions about politics, feminism, art. I don’t see myself retiring. Slowing down, yes…but retiring? From what? I love the chaotic, contradictory, loving mess that has been my life. I love knowing that in the end, I too will be able to lift up my face to the sun and say, “The sun loves me.”

I’m going to Africa to film a movie at the end of this year. I have a lecture schedule that will take me around the country to meet new women, make new friends. My editor even said to me the other day, “Olympia, I have the perfect idea for your next book.” My next book? I’m not sure I have more to say, I told her, but then again…
ask me again tomorrow.

F
OLLOWING IS A LIST
of books that were amazing discoveries for me—each one has been an important resource in my search for identity and for meaning in the world around me.

Biaggi, Cristina, and Marija Alseikaite Gimbutas.
Habitations of the Great Goddess.
Manchester, Conn.: Knowledge, Ideas and Trends, 1994.

Christ, Carol B.
The Rebirth of the Goddess: Finding Meaning in Feminist Spirituality.
New York: Routledge, 1998.

Eisler, Riane.
The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future.
San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1998.

Gaydon, Elinor.
The Once and Future Goddess: A Symbol for Our Times.
San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1989; London: Thorsons, 1995.

Gimbutas, Marija Alseikaite.
The Gods and Goddesses of Old Europe, 7000–3500 B.C.: Myths, Legends, Cult Images
. London: Thames and Hudson, 1974. Revised edition,
The Goddesses and Gods of Old Europe, 6500–3500 B.C.: Myths and Cult Images
. London: Thames and Hudson, 1982; Berkeley-Los Angeles: University of California Press, 1982, 1990.

———.
The Language of the Goddess
. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1989; London: Thames and Hudson, 2001.

———.
The Civilization of the Goddess: The World of Old Europe.
San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1991, 1994.

Lubell, Winifred Milius and Marija Alseikaite Gimbutas.
The Metamorphosis of Baubo: Myths of Woman’s Sexual Energy.
Nashville: Vanderbilt University Press, 1994.

Meador, Betty De Shong.
Uncursing the Dark: Treasures from the Underworld.
Wilmette, Ill.: Chiron Publications, 1994.

———.
Inanna, Lady of Largest Heart: Poems of the Sumerian High.
Austin, Tex.: University of Texas Press, 2001.

Perera, Sylvia Brinton.
Descent to the Goddess.
Toronto: Inner City Books, 1989.

Sjöö, Monica and Barbara Mor.
The Great Cosmic Mother: Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth.
San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1987, 1991.

Starbird, Margaret.
The Woman with the Alabaster Jar: Mary Magdalen and the Holy Grail.
Santa Fe, New Mexico: Bear, 1993.

Stone, Merlin.
When God Was a Woman.
San Diego: Harcourt Brace, 1976.

Walker, Barbara G.
Woman’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets
. San

Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1983.

———.
The Crone: Woman of Age, Wisdom, and Power.
San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1985, 1988.

CAREER
OVERVIEW

Stage debut—
Outward Bound,
Mrs. Cleveden-Brooks, Rangeley, ME, 1956.

New York debut—
The Breaking Wall,
Madelena, St. Mark’s Playhouse, 1960.

Broadway debut—
Abraham Cochrane,
Anne Dowling, Belasco Theatre, 1964.

PRINCIPAL
STAGE
APPEARANCES

1960,
The New Tenant,
Royal Playhouse, NYC

1961,
The Opening of a Window,
Theatre Marquee, NYC

1961,
Othello,
Williamstown Theatre Festival

1962,
A Man’s a Man,
Widow Leocadia Begbick, Masque Theatre, NYC

1962,
Night of the Iguana,
Maxine, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1962,
Long Day’s Journey into Night,
Mary Tyrone, McCarter Theatre, Princeton, NJ

1963,
Crimes and Crimes,
Henriette, Cricket Theatre, NYC

1964,
Abraham Cochrane,
Belasco Theatre, NYC

1964,
Electra,
New York Shakespeare Festival, NYC

1964,
Six Characters in Search of an Author,
Charles Playhouse, Boston

1965,
The Rose Tattoo,
Serafina, Studio Arena Theatre, Buffalo, NY

1967,
The Balcony,
Madame Irma, Charles Playhouse, Boston

1967,
Hamlet,
Gertrude, Charles Playhouse, Boston

1967,
Mother Courage and Her Children,
Mother Courage, Charles Street Playhouse, Boston

1967,
Father Uxbridge Wants to Marry,
all the women, American Place Theatre, NYC

1968,
The Memorandum,
Public Theater, NYC

1968,
Iphigenia at Aulis,
Clytemnestra, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1968,
The Seagull,
Arkadina, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1968,
Camino Real,
Williamstown Theatre Festival

1969,
The Cherry Orchard,
Madame Ranevskaya, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1969,
Peer Gynt,
Troll Princess, Anitra, Delacorte Theatre, NYC

1970,
Three Sisters,
Olga, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1972,
Once in a Lifetime,
Williamstown Theatre Festival

1973,
Baba Goya,
Goya, American Place Theatre, NYC

1973,
Nourish the Beast,
Cherry Lane Theatre, NYC

1973,
The Good Woman of Setzuan,
Shen Te, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1974,
Who’s Who in Hell,
Lunt-Fontanne Theatre, NYC

1976,
The Rose Tattoo,
Serafina, Whole Theatre

1978,
Curse of the Starving Class,
Ella, Public Theater, NYC

1981,
The Cherry Orchard,
Madame Ranevskaya, Whole Theatre

1982,
Enemies,
Actress, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1982,
Snow Orchid,
Filumena, Circle Repertory Company, NYC

1984,
Blithe Spirit,
Madame Arcati, Whole Theatre

1985,
Ghosts,
Mrs. Alving, Whole Theatre

1985,
The Marriage of Bette and Boo,
Soot Hudlocke, Public Theater, NYC

1986,
Social Security,
Sophie Greengrass, Barrymore Theatre, NYC

1986,
The Seagull,
Arkadina, Whole Theatre

1993,
The Rose Tattoo,
Serafina, Whole Theatre

1995 and 1997,
Hecuba,
American Conservatory Theater, San Francisco

1996,
The Hope Zone,
the Countess, Circle Repertory Company

1996,
The Milk Train Doesn’t Stop Here Anymore,
Flora Goforth, Williamstown Theatre Festival

1996,
The Singer’s Boy,
American Conservatory Theater, San Francisco

1998,
Lear and Her Daughters,
Lear, Shakespeare & Co., Lenox, Mass.

1999,
Rose,
Rose, Royal National Theatre, London (world premiere)

2000,
Rose,
Rose, Lyceum Theatre, NYC

2001,
Credible Witness,
Petra, Royal Court Theatre, London

2002,
For the Pleasure of Seeing Her Again,
Nana, American Conservatory Theater, San Francisco

2003,
Rose,
Rose, in concert version at venues throughout the United States

PRINCIPAL
STAGE
DIRECTING

Tally’s Folly,
Whole Theatre

U.S.A.,
Whole Theatre

Orpheus Descending,
Whole Theatre

The House of Bernarda Alba,
Whole Theatre

Arms and the Man,
Whole Theatre

Uncle Vanya,
Whole Theatre

Six Characters in Search of an Author,
Williamstown Theatre Festival

A Touch of the Poet,
Williamstown Theatre Festival

One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest,
Delaware Summer Festival

Kennedy’s Children,
Commonwealth Stages

The Seagull,
Arizona Theatre Company

Do Not Disturb,
TheatreFest at Montclair State University

Drop Dead,
Charlotte Repertory

Last Lists of My Mad Mother,
Luna Stage

MAJOR
TOURS

1960, with the Phoenix Theatre Company, tristate area,
Time of the Cuckoo, A View from the Bridge

PRINCIPAL
FILM
WORK

Film Debut

1963,
Twice a Man

Principal Film Appearances

1964,
Lilith

1969,
John and Mary

1971,
Made for Each Other

1974,
The Rehearsal

1979,
Rich Kids

1979,
The Wanderers

1980,
The Idolmaker

1985,
Flanagan

1988,
Moonstruck

1988,
Working Girl

1989,
Dad

1989,
Look Who’s Talking

1989,
Steel Magnolias

1990,
Look Who’s Talking Too

1991,
Over the Hill

1993,
The Cemetery Club

1993,
Look Who’s Talking Now

1994,
I Love Trouble

1995,
Jeffrey

1995,
Mr. Holland’s Opus

1995,
Mighty Aphrodite
1995,
Jerusalem

1997,
Picture Perfect

1997,
Mafia!

2000,
Better Living

2003,
The Intended

2003,
The Event

2003,
Charlie’s War

PRINCIPAL
TELEVISION
CREDITS

Television Debut

CBS Workshop
, CBS

Television Appearances

Series

1961,
Dr. Kildare

1962,
The Nurses

1983–84,
Search for Tomorrow

1994,
Touched by an Angel

2002,
The Simpsons
(guest voice)

2002,
Frasier
(guest voice)

Variety
The Ed Sullivan Show
(two appearances in the early sixties)

TV Movies
1974,
Nicky’s World

1975,
The Seagull

1982,
King of America

1982,
The Neighborhood

1991,
Fire in the Dark

1991,
Lucky Day

1991,
The Last Act Is a Solo

1993,
Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City

1993,
Sinatra
(miniseries)

1994,
A Century of Women

1995,
Young at Heart

1997,
A Match Made in Heaven

1998
, Scattering Dad

1998,
A Life for a Life: The Stefan Kiscko Story
(U.K.)

1998,
Pentagon Wars

1998,
Armistead Maupin’s More Tales of the City

1999,
Joan of Arc

2000,
Armistead Maupin’s Further Tales of the City

2001,
Strange Relations

2001,
Last of the Blond Bombshells
(U.K.)

2001,
And Never Let Her Go

2001,
Ladies and the Champ

2002,
Guilty Hearts

2003,
Jesus, Mary and Joey

2003,
Mafia Doctor

2003,
Babycakes

RELATED
CAREER

Founding Member of the Following Theaters

Whole Theatre Company

Actors Company

Charles Playhouse

Buzzards Bay Summer Theatre

Edgartown Summer Theatre

Master Teacher

NYU

Visiting Acting Teacher

Yale University, Boston University, Brooklyn College, Florida State University, Syracuse University, Brandeis University, Stella Adler Studio, Michael Howard Studio, Sarah Lawrence, Florida State University

Regional and Summer Theaters

Whole Theatre

Williamstown Theatre Festival

American Conservatory Theater

Trinity Repertory Theatre

Arizona Theatre Company

Great Lakes Theatre Company

Pacific Repertory Theatre

Circle Repertory Company

Second City Company

Commonwealth Stage

Studio Arena Theatre

Olney Summer Theatre

Delaware Summer Festival

Rangeley Maine Summer Theatre

Saranac Lake Summer Theatre

Radio

BBC London,
Hecuba
, translated and adapted by Timberlake Wertenbaker and
Credible Witness
, by Timberlake Wertenbaker

Writings

Adaptor,
The House of Bernarda Alba, Edith Stein, Trojan Women

AWARDS

Academy Award, Best Actress in a Supporting Role,
Moonstruck

New York Film Critics Award, Best Actress in a Supporting Role,
Moonstruck

Los Angeles Film Critics Award, Best Supporting Actress,
Moonstruck

Golden Globe Award, Best Supporting Actress,
Moonstruck

National Board of Review Award, Best Supporting Actress,
Moonstruck

American Comedy Award, Funniest Supporting Female Performer,
Moonstruck

BAFTA Film Award, Best Actress in a Supporting Role,
Moonstruck

Cable Ace Award, Best Actress,
The Last Act Is a Solo

OBIE Award,
The Marriage of Bette and Boo

OBIE Award,
A Man’s a Man

Emmy nomination,
Joan of Arc

BAFTA TV Award, Best Actress,
Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City

Emmy nomination,
Armistead Maupin’s More Tales of the City

Screen Actors Guild Award nomination,
Armistead Maupin’s More Tales of the City

Golden Satellite Award nomination,
Armistead Maupin’s More Tales of the City

Golden Globe Award nomination,
Sinatra

Emmy nomination,
Sinatra

Emmy nomination,
Lucky Day

BAFTA nomination,
Armistead Maupin’s More Tales of the City

Jefferson Award, Chicago,
A View from the Bridge

Walt Whitman Creative Arts Award, New Jersey

New England Fencing Champion

Honorary Degrees

Boston University

Bloomfield College, New Jersey

FAVORITE
ROLES

Rose,
Rose

Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City
, Anna Madrigal

Mother Courage and Her Children
, Mother Courage

The Cherry Orchard,
Madame Ranevskaya

Long Day’s Journey into Night,
Mary Tyrone

The Rose Tattoo,
Serafina

For the Pleasure of Seeing Her Again,
Nana

Hecuba,
Hecuba

The Good Woman of Setzuan,
Shen Te