Ask No Tomorrows (25 page)

He half-turned
to look at her. “What did you say?” His face mirrored all his
emotions at once.

She faced him
squarely and smiled. “I said I love you. I have since the day I met
you. Surely you knew it…”

He pulled
away. “That’s a very serious thing to say to someone,
Riley.”

“
I
know, and I know you probably don’t appreciate it, but it’s the
truth and I’d have burst if I couldn’t say it to you at least
once.” Riley smiled.

He turned away
again, unable to cope with her revelation.

She squeezed
his shoulders and smiled against him and when he turned to look at
her, his emotions seemed to swamp him.

“
Just once, don’t say anything, just let me bask in it for a
few minutes. Let me enjoy being in love for a few precious minutes,
it’s probably all I’ll ever have. It’s the most wonderful feeling
I’ve ever had about another person, and you can’t imagine the
wonder of being able to say it aloud. Just saying it makes me so
happy. Even though you don’t feel the same…” She sighed with a
smile.

“
Riley!” he exclaimed and, after staring deep into her eyes, he
pulled her into his arms for a kiss that curled her toes and melted
her heart. “This isn’t right, it’s not going to work, but for just
a few minutes,” he repeated as his lips covered hers in a
promise.

His lips
explored every inch of her face. His hands pulled her close, his
thumbs seeking the peak of her breast through the cotton of her
shirt as he wrapped his arms around her. She sighed, whimpered, and
clutched him. Those feelings his thumbs evoked made her squirm.
She’d never dealt with pure raw desire before.

He picked her
up in his arms and carried her to the bed, his hooded, guarded
glance never leaving her. He laid her gently against the sheets. He
stared down at her for a long while, and she reached to pull him
down to her.

“
I
want you to love me, if only this one time, so I remember it and
cherish it. I love you. Please…”

Sam pulled
away and stared into her eyes. “You don’t have any idea what you
are saying…” He raised himself over her on one knee.

“
Yes I do. I’ve thought of it for a long time now. Dreamed of
it. I love you and want to be one with you.”

“
No…this is as far as it goes.” Sam got off the bed and still
stared down at her.

Tears she
hadn’t shed clouded her vision. Hurt beyond belief, she stared back
at him.

He shook his
head and turned away. “I wouldn’t do that to you…”

“
Do
what…love me?” She raised her voice first then sat up.

“
I
won’t make love to you and leave you…I’m not an animal. And I won’t
take the chance of getting you pregnant, Riley,” he insisted,
grabbing his head.

“
Then why leave me at all? Why can’t we be together, Sam?” she
asked innocently. “You may not be able to say the words, but you
sure act like you love me.”

He turned on
her now and came to stand just before her. “Don’t you think I feel
anything when I kiss you, touch you? I want to rip the clothes from
you, and kiss every inch of you. I want to make you mine and give
you babies. But I won’t do that to you. I won’t subject you to that
kind of life.”

“
By
your refusal you subject me to much worse.” She let the words he
spoke sink in for a long moment, then she looked up at him with
tears in her eyes. “Well…then Sam Tanner, get out of here and don’t
come back,” she wailed.

“
What?”

“
You heard me, get out of here. It’s torture being with you and
knowing you won’t commit to me, even though I know you love me.
You’re too proud to say it. But I know you love me. I’ve known for
a while. But I don’t think you know how much yet. So go on, get out
of here, now.”

“
You’re serious?” He frowned at her now.

“
Very. Get out!” she shouted. She threw a pillow at him. He
dodged.

“
Okay…but I’m not coming back no matter how many
storms…”

“
Fine…go on, get out.”

He stared at
her for a long moment, then putting his hat on his head he nodded.
“Goodbye, Riley.”

“
Goodbye…” she whispered as he left and the tears
came.

Chapter Fifteen

Riley had
cried until no more tears would come. She held the pillow that held
Sam’s head all night long. But it was over and she had to face it,
come what may. Sam was gone! She’d run him off with her
declarations of love. Why hadn’t she kept quiet?

The answer was
simple; she had to let him know how she felt. Well, she did it, and
ran him off for good. But for one minute she absorbed his words, he
wanted to kiss her everywhere, make her his…

The next day,
she realized the dream catcher was still hanging above her bed. She
took it off the wall and put it in her small bag of belongings that
she had purchased.

Remaining a
man would benefit her now, so she stayed in her clothes, paid her
bill and left.

When she went
to get the money, she pulled it out of the safe and wrapped it in
plain paper that the bank furnished her. There were no problems
getting her money and she sighed with relief as she left the bank.
She went to the livery stable and bought a horse and looked around
for Midnight; he wasn’t there. Why would he be? Sam was long gone
by now.

Sam was gone
for good this time.

No one to
love, no one to kiss, no one to companion, and no one to protect
her from the storms. She was at last alone again and she hated
it.

She went to
the general store and bought coffee, jerky and then she spotted it
on the shelf and tears came to her eyes. Peaches. Canned peaches.
She bought two cans and stuffed them in a valise she had bought
too.

But she
stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a whining she thought she
recognized. It was Nodog standing in an alley as she crossed the
boardwalk.

“
Nodog, is that you?” she questioned as she walked
closer.

The dog whined
and came near. She reached out her hand and realized it wasn’t
Nodog, but a stray that favored his coloring. He licked her
hand.

“
Aw…what happened to you?”

She looked
about to see if anyone was around, or claiming the dog.

“
Don’t you fret, we’ll ride together,” she insisted.

And the dog
followed.

“
I’ll have to give you a name…how about…Friend. Yeah, I like
that.”

The dog wagged
his tail and followed along behind her and her horse.

The hollow of
her heart ached for Sam like a festering sore that wouldn’t heal,
but she had to forget him. He wouldn’t commit to her and that was
that. She wouldn’t be his whore, for one thing he wouldn’t let her,
for another she wouldn’t let herself.

She wanted
more than that with Sam. She wanted a life, a husband, and
children. He couldn’t commit to that, so they had to separate, she
kept telling herself. She couldn’t go on with him any longer,
loving him like she did and not being able to consummate that love.
A marriage between them would never be recognized and maybe Sam
didn’t want to take her and marry her. That made sense, but she
loved him, for God’s sake.

The rain had
cleared the air and she rode for a long time without stopping.
Friend followed along happily.

Food seemed
unimportant to her, but she could tell Friend hadn’t eaten in a
while. She would need to find some food. She spotted a rabbit and
dismounting long enough to grab a large rock, she aimed and threw a
rock at it. It tumbled over head first and she went to retrieve it.
It wasn’t dead and she had to bang it’s head against the rock.
Tears rushed down her cheek. “Sorry little fella…” Killer! After
skinning it, she began cooking it over an open fire as she settled
in for the night. Sam had taught her so much about self-survival
that she wasn’t afraid any longer. Of course, having Friend by her
side made her more confident too.

“
What kind of dog are you, anyway?” she asked as she handed
Friend a leg and thigh.

“
You look sort of like Nodog, only your eyes aren’t as wild. I
guess I’ll have to teach you a lot of things too. Definitely no
wolf in you now that I get a good look at you.”

She camped by
a creek the first night. The next morning, she made coffee and went
on. Friend was trotting right alongside of her.

She passed a
few people along the way, but she didn’t stop to talk to them or
get involved with them. She had been much too involved with Sam.
She wouldn’t make that mistake again. Not getting hurt meant not
getting involved again.

By the third
night, she was only a mile or two from her ranch. She made a camp
and decided to go try to dig up the money that very night. She made
Friend stay close at her heels and taught him to be quiet. He was
easy to teach. There was no reason to wait and she needed to be out
of the area by the time Harry came back. She wondered how long it
would be before someone kicked him out of there.

She walked for
hours before she reached the place her father had buried the money.
It was no more than a hundred or so yards from the house. She would
have to be quiet, so as not to wake anyone. She went to the barn
and felt her way to the tools hung on the back wall. She knew the
barn so well she could find anything in the dark there. She felt
for each tool until she found a shovel, then she took it and
scampered back to where the money had been buried. It was in the
family cemetery and under her Uncle Walden’s headstone. She began
to dig.

There was
enough moonlight so she could read the stones easily. Uncle Walden
wasn’t buried there, but her father erected a stone because he’d
been killed at Gettysburg. She remembered visiting the grave many
times with her father.

She dug for
some time before she hit the box her father had buried.

It was a heavy
box.

It was sealed
and she couldn’t take the chance of waking someone, so she pushed
the dirt back into the hole and carried the box a few feet. It was
almost dawn and she knew she’d have to be quick about it or someone
would hear her.

She ran a few
yards and rested in a dark clump of bushes. Friend followed her
every step. Then she ran again.

She kept
running and resting for a good mile and half and then she began
dragging the box.

It took ‘til
dawn to get back to the camp she’d made.

Tired, she
pulled the box into a hole by the trunk of the tree and covered it
with her saddle then she rested.

But the sun
was high in the sky and sleep was not working. Friend seemed
restless to be on the way too.

Tired but
determined, she saddled her horse and loaded the box then was on
her way once more.

She didn’t
know where she was going, but for some reason she turned back the
way she came and headed for Dallas. Things were forming in her
mind, a plan of sorts and she didn’t hesitate to let her mind be
open to possibilities for her future.

It would be a
long ride, and she’d have to be careful not to run into Harry on
his way back to the ranch too.

She took short
cuts along the way, and then headed for creek beds at
night.

At night, as
she lay under the stars, she looked up and wondered where Sam might
have gone. Was he headed west at last? Or did he go home? She so
wished his dog hadn’t died. She knew Sam would be lonely
now.

Although,
deeply buried in her heart she both wanted and needed Sam, she
would not chase him. She had been honest with her feelings for him.
But obviously, even though he enjoyed their kisses, he didn’t want
her as badly as she had wanted him. She’d have paid any price to be
with Sam.

“
You taught me a lot, Sam. I’ll try to remember all of it.” She
smiled sadly up at the sky.

Finally, her
eyes closed and sleep overcame her. Friend licked his paws, whined
for a minute, then lay his head down and slept too.

But, getting
closer to Dallas, she began to look at herself and wonder just how
she was going to continue being a man. Although with her hair so
short she didn’t look much like a woman.

Then, as she
rode again, an idea began to form. It seemed crazy, but no crazier
than some of the things her and Sam cooked up.

She glanced
down at the dog. “I think I’ll do it. What have I got to
lose?”

Chapter Sixteen

It was a
beautiful night when she got back into Dallas. But it was late and
most businesses were closed, and the hotels were full up too. Riley
didn’t feel much like walking all over town to find a place to
stay.

She took her
horse over to the livery stable and bedded him down and told Friend
to stay with him. Friend didn’t seem to mind since he cuddled up in
the hay and was about to go to sleep. She curried her horse and
informed the blacksmith she’d tend to him daily.