Asylum (40 page)

            “Why
do you like me?” she demanded.

            Seth
looked floored.

            “Uhhh…”
he answered.

            “It’s
just…I’ve asked you that before, and you never answer me, and I’m kind of
wondering if maybe…” she trailed off.

            “If
maybe what, Clo?  If maybe I’ve got some kind of hidden agenda or something?”
he rolled his eyes.

            “No…just
forget it,” she took a step backwards, towards the door.  He shook his head.

            “No,
not
forget it
, explain this to me, and sit down.  Where is this coming
from?  You think I’m going to go away for the summer and forget all about you
because you don’t think you’re likeable enough?” he guessed.

            “No. 
No, it’s not that at all,” she sat down in the desk chair and rubbed her hands
together nervously.  Seth watched her.

            “You’re
uncomfortable and worried,” he noticed.  “Your whole attitude is different. 
You’re not even looking at me.”  His eyes widened as a thought struck him.  “Did
Sam get back today?”

            “Yeah,
why?” Chloe said coldly.

            “Let’s
do this.  If you answer a question for me, honestly answer it, I’ll tell you
exactly why I hang around you so much,” he challenged.

            “Okay,”
she rubbed her hands together faster.

            “Why
do you want to know what I see in you?  Why is it coming up right now?” he
asked.

            “Because
I just got to thinking…I’m not really contributing all that much to the
relationship…I think most guys would find that really discouraging,” Chloe said
slowly, staring at the ground.

            “Yet
you didn’t seem to be worried about this last night on the way home, or this
morning at breakfast…before Sam came back,” he observed.

            “Sam
has nothing to do with it,” Chloe said.

            “You
didn’t have any kind of a conversation with her about us then?” he continued.

            “What
is your problem with Sam?” Chloe snapped.  “She thinks you don’t like her.  Did
you know that?”

            “And
why did she say that she thinks that?” Seth asked calmly.  He waited with a
tight smile that did not seem at all happy.

            “I
don’t know,” Chloe verbally back-stepped, fearing some kind of trap.

            “You
can do better, Clo.  Try again.  Why did she say that I don’t like her?” Seth
asked with the same stoic calm.

            “Because
she thinks you’re jealous.  She thinks you’re jealous that me and her are so
close and that I tell her things,” Chloe admitted, wincing as she said it.

            “Oh. 
Okay.  That makes sense,” he shook his head.  “So basically…I don’t want you to
have any friends, because I’m some kind of controlling asshole boyfriend, right?”

            Chloe
froze, not sure how to answer.  That was exactly what Sam had been trying to
suggest.

            “And
you think she might be right, because it doesn’t make sense that I’m just a
normal, possibly even nice guy, that just wants to date you and cares enough
about your well-being to worry about how trustworthy your best friend actually
is,” Seth continued.

            “And
what’s that supposed to mean?” Chloe narrowed her eyes.

            “Exactly
what it sounds like it means.  I just told you word-for-word, exactly why I
don’t like Sam.  Let me say it again.  I…Don’t…Trust…Her.  Did you get it this
time?” he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

            Chloe
felt stung, and also somewhat sick to her stomach.  Seth had never taken that
tone with her before.  She couldn’t decide if she was more angry or hurt.

            “Oh,
it’s obvious that you don’t like Sam,” she agreed, mimicking his formerly calm
demeanor.  “Yet, you’re saying you don’t trust her.  Maybe you could explain
why?  Would that be asking too much?  I mean, she is my best friend and all. 
Anyone else, sure, I’d stop hanging out with them immediately…just because you
said so, not like you’re controlling or anything,  but in this case, I’d like
to know why.”

            Seth
flinched.  Then his eyebrows drew together angrily, and he opened his mouth, 
Chloe steeled herself.  But instead of unleashing a volley of angry words, he
huffed a short frustrated sigh, and turned back around to pick up his forgotten
game controller.  He hit the pause button, and began playing where he had left
off.

            “Okay,”
Chloe said after a minute.  “You don’t have any reason not to trust Sam, and
you know it, so this is you dismissing me?”

            “I’m
done arguing,” he said in a detached voice,  “trust who you want.  Awww,
damnit!”  On the screen, a fire-breathing monster, flung the lifeless body of
his player to one side.  A screen shot up to the center of the monitor,
allowing the choice to continue.            Chloe continued to sit and watch as
he kept playing.  He wasn’t going to say anything else.  He was making that
much clear.  He wasn’t even acknowledging her.  She wondered how long she could
possibly sit there before he said anything at all.

            “You’re
really just going to leave it like this?” Chloe asked finally.  For a moment
more, he didn’t answer. She watched the top of his head silhouetted by the TV
screen.  Without stopping his game he started to speak.

            “I
guess, to be fair, I can answer your question,” he offered.

            Chloe
kept quiet.

            “Four
months ago, I was coming back from playing hockey with Mike and Lane.  I was
walking in from the parking lot, and I see this girl, just sitting in her
car…dark-haired girl, real pretty…and she’s just sitting there.  Her car is all
full of stuff--clothes, boxes--I knew she had to be moving in.  And she had
this look on her face, like she was completely terrified.  No parents there
with her, just a beat-up old car full of stuff.  I thought about going over and
knocking on the window, asking her if she wanted some help, but then I thought
maybe she needed that time to work herself up to come in, to get started.  So I
went up to the door and I waited.  Hung around by the steps, talking to people
because I knew she had to come in, and pass that way.  And then I see her. 
Walking so slow, like she might turn and run at any minute, and I was rooting
for her.  She was all by herself, no parents, no friends, and then those damn
boys in the truck.  You grow up like me, in a house full of little sisters, and
you can’t help but develop some kind of protective instinct, and I got worried.
I went over there to save the day, I thought, but she was already walking back
to the car.   So I stopped her.  I just wanted to help her out, make her see
that it wasn‘t so scary after all, but when she turned around…I couldn’t
believe my luck.  I had thought from a distance that she was pretty, but when
she turned around…she was the most beautiful girl I think I’ve ever seen.  I
don’t even…I can’t even say why.  She had this way of looking at me, I felt it
in my toes.  And when she blushed…I didn’t realize girls still did that.  Ever
since…she’s been pretty much all I can think about.  You asked why.  I can‘t
even find words to tell you.  I just know that I lo- that I do”

           
Chloe did blush
then.  She was glad he was facing the other way and couldn’t see.  On the
screen, his player took shelter behind a rock and fired at an unsuspecting
alien.  He did like her, he had always liked her. 

            But
it’s just like Sam said
, hissed the voice
, a scared little rabbit and he
lovesssss that he can build a little pen around it, doesn’t he?

            “I
was really scared that day,” Chloe said, remembering.  “And you were so nice,
made me feel so much better.  Even…even in the basement when…when I kind of
freaked out.  But so did Sam.  Almost immediately, the way she talked to me. 
Told me she was happy to have a roommate, started helping me move in.  Sam was
nice to me, and ever since, she’s been there.  She doesn’t judge me, or make me
feel like I’m crazy.  Actually, she always tells me I’m not.  She listens, and
understands, and…she’s…she’s my best friend, Seth.  You’re my boyfriend, and
she’s my best friend and I can’t understand why I can’t have both.”

            “I’m
not making you chose, Clo,” he said tiredly.  “I’m not.  But if you’re going to
let Sam trash our relationship and then get angry and offended if I say
anything about her, you’ve got to understand that I’m going to feel slighted.”

            “Maybe
if you told me, what the problem is…why you don’t trust her.  Maybe we could
work this out,” Chloe suggested.

            Seth
hit pause again and rubbed his face in that same tired way he always did.

            “You’ve
got me between a rock and a hard place there, kiddo,” he said.  “On one hand, I
don’t want to talk shit about your best friend, because I know how much you
care about her, but on the other…I don’t want you to get hurt.  I just don’t
think she’s the kind of person to put your interests before her own, do you
know what I mean?”

            “What
specific interest are you talking about, Seth?” Chloe asked carefully.

            “Geez,
Clo!” he snapped.  “Alright…okay…she’s…she’s been a bit…forward, towards me. 
Okay?”

            “Forward?”
Chloe asked.

            “Suggestive…flirty…I
don’t know,” he said, obviously uncomfortable.      

            “You’re
telling me that you think Sam has tried to come on to you?” she nodded, her
voice poisonously sweet.

            “Clo,
I…” he faltered.

            “And
I just never noticed it?  Like when did she try to come on to you?” she
demanded.

            “I
don’t know…just…I don’t know, I just get this feeling sometimes,” he said,
truly miserable now.

            “That’s
just how Sam is!” she said, raising her voice.  “She’s just like that.  She
flirts with everyone!  She teases, she makes dirty jokes, she’s off-cookie, or
whatever the hell they call it.  I’ve seen her flirt with Dr. Willard, it
doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with him!”

            “Just
forget I said anything,” he said, tossing his game controller, and jumping up
to turn off the TV.

            “Oh,
sure.  Your best friend is a hoe bag and I think she’s coming on to me…never
mind,” Chloe mimicked.

            “So
did you flip out on her when she said I was a controlling abusive boyfriend, or
whatever the fuck she put in your head?” Seth snapped, whirling to face her.

            “Because
I obviously can’t think for myself, Sam had to put that idea into my head,
because I’m too trusting and stupid to think that on my own,” Chloe shot back.

            “Wow,”
Seth said, taking a step backwards.  He held up his hands in a mock gesture of
surrender.  “If that’s what YOU think…wow.”

            “Wow,”
Chloe repeated, lowering her voice again.  “wow…I’m crazy, huh?”

            “Clo…”
he warned.

            “You
think that’s crazy?  You want to know what the big secret is?  You think I tell
Sam everything?  You want to know all my secrets? I AM crazy, Seth.  They put
me in a goddamn institution, because I’m crazy.  Certifiably nuts.  Sam knows
that.  I hear voices, they tell me things.  Even before I got here, I heard
them.  I told Sam that that’s why they locked me up.  My mom thought I was
crazy, and she had them commit me.  But that’s not all…no.  I attacked
someone.  Can you believe it?  Shy, stupid, trusting, blushing Chloe…listening
to the voices and I attacked someone.  Sam doesn’t even know that!  Just like
with George, there were voices, and writing on the walls, and moving things,
and seeing things out of the corner of my eye, and then my mom brought someone
home.  Right after my Dad died.  She brings home this guy and all of a sudden
he’s trying to fit himself in like the missing piece of the puzzle.  Picking us
up from school, family game night, bringing home a pizza, asking me all kinds
of questions, trying to get close.  He wanted me to tell him about the voices. 
I don’t know how he knew, but
they
didn’t like him. 
They
 said
he was one of the bad ones.  He was going to hurt us.  He was going to try and
stop me from figuring it out-”

            “Bad
ones?” he repeated.  Chloe waved him off.

            “He
came over when everyone was out, said he needed to talk to me.  I was in my
room.  He wanted to talk to me…said he knew that I could hear them, that he
heard them too.  He wanted to know what they wanted…what they were trying to
do…and I could barely hear him…a voice told me to run, the rest were all saying
stop him!  End him!
  Yelling so loud I couldn’t think, couldn’t
reason…and he knew…he knew I heard them, and he put his hands on me.  He had my
shoulders and he was shaking me, shaking me, and I…I…pushed him, and he fell. 
And I picked up the big vase by the door, and I hit him on the head, again and
again and again.  And there was blood, Seth.  I thought I hurt him real bad,
and I stopped.  He kicked out and got me in the shin, and then he was up and he
slapped me, and when I was down, he kicked me again, and I curled up, and I
covered my head, and I could still hear
them. 
They were still telling
me to fight back, but he was gone.  He called the police.  They came and my Mom
came and she was so mad.  They said it was assault
,
and he was bleeding
and I wasn’t.  And then she put me away, and they told me I was angry, that I
attacked him because I thought he was trying to replace my Dad.  I had to sit
through therapies and sessions and group time, and she was so angry.  He never
came back around after that, and she was so angry.”