At the Brink (16 page)

“It’s rude,” I said. “It’s crass and it hurts my feelings.”

“So you’d prefer for me to lie to you in order to spare your feelings instead of telling you the truth?”

“No—yes—look,” I said. “You should only tell people things like that when you care for them, when they trust you.”

“Are you a shrink wannabe?” he said. “You sound just like one of them mind monkeys.”

“Mind monkeys?” I laughed. “Don’t tell me, you hate shrinks.”

“I just don’t believe in psycho drama.”

“I get that,” I said. “I feel the same way.”

His brows rose in surprise. “You do?”

“Bree wanted me to see a shrink when Mom had her stroke, but the idea of talking about my grief made me feel like I was going to lose my marbles altogether.”

“Good instinct.”

“And if I lost my mind, who’d take care of my mom?”

He hesitated before he asked, “How did it happen?”

“The stroke?” I hesitated to share with him such an intimate, painful memory, but the empathy I spotted on his face encouraged me to continue. “I left Mom that morning having breakfast at the kitchen table. She was a seamstress at our local laundry shop. She worked her butt off to help me get through grad school. I was surprised when she missed our afternoon coffee date at the mall. I came home and found her just where I’d left her that morning, still in her robe, only she was slumped over the breakfast table and her cereal had spilled all over the floor.”

He winced.

“She lay there all day without help.” I wiped a tear from my eye. “If I’d gone home for lunch, or if I had gotten her help earlier...”

“Hey.” He made a funny face. “Maybe the mind monkey wasn’t such a bad idea.”

“Shut up.” I smiled, because his funny face was so unexpected and rare.

A fish caught Josh’s hook. A battle ensued, which of course inevitably resulted in Josh’s triumph and the poor creature’s demise. I watched as he went about netting another red snapper. I loved the way Josh moved, fluid, elegant and sexy. Oh, my God. Was I getting turned on just by watching him fish?

With dinner secured, we packed up and started toward the cove, this time on the easier, more leveled trail, but only because I insisted. We arrived as the sun set.

“Up to your room,” he said, giving me playful slap on the rump. “Shower, rest, yellow dress, forty-five minutes.”

By the time I came down to the main house, the table was set, the fish were cleaned, filleted and on the grill, the salad was assembled and the mashing of the potatoes was in progress.

“You look nice,” he said.

“You too,” I said, noting that he possessed an uncanny ability to clean up nicely
and
cook a full dinner on short notice. I looked through the cabinets until I found a small vase for the bright pink bougainvillea I’d picked on the way down.

I set the vase on the table. “What do you think?”

He looked at me and at the flowers alternatively. “Truth or gallantry?”

I grimaced. “Truth.”

“Does it make the food taste any better? Does it make the utensils work more efficiently?”

“Spoken like a color-blind engineer.” I sat down on the chair he pulled out for me. “Don’t you think they look pretty and soften the Spartan setting?”

“I like the Spartan setting,” he said stepping out to the terrace to plate the snapper from the grill.

“But the flowers, the intense color, the flowing lines, they add interest, enriching and enhancing the atmosphere.”

“I see a loud screech of color and a bit of clutter.” He placed the plate in front of me and took his seat across the table.

“How can I explain it to you?” I took a bite of my fish and swallowed glory. “Oh, my God. This is pure deliciousness. You’re the best cook ever.”

He downed a forkful and smiled.

“Think of the flowers on the table as one of those ‘accessories,’ you enjoy so much,” I said. “How do they change the way you experience sex?”

“Eat your food, Lily. It’s getting cold.”

“Like your accessories, the flowers add interest, entice and excite. That’s the purpose of art. I think you’re getting this.”

“I’m getting it all right,” he said. “A mental picture of you sprawled on this table, wearing the bougainvillea as your only accessory. If you’d like to finish your dinner, move on.”

I was in a daring mood. “Surely you can’t be thinking about sex all the time?”

“Only when you’re around.”

What was it about the way he looked at me that made me steam like the snapper on my plate?

“Relax, Lily, I’m going to let you eat. After dinner, I’ll let you use my tablet to send emails to your employers.”

“I don’t even know what to tell them.” I sipped on my wine.

“Tell them you quit,” he said. “Tell them you’re going to be too busy to work.”

“I think I’ll just request a couple of weeks off and see how it goes.”

“You won’t be back in two weeks.”

That caught my attention. “I thought you were all about getting through this quickly.”

“I also said that I wanted you around for a while, didn’t I?”

“What if the prototypes work?”

“In two weeks?” He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“You could be surprised,” I said, crossing my knife and fork on my empty plate.

“I doubt it.” Josh pushed away from the table. “Let’s get the emails out of the way.”

He switched on his tablet and, after putting in his password, got me to the sign on page. I sat on the couch and stared at the screen. What do you say when you don’t know quite what to say?

Hi, Vinnie, I can’t come to work next week because I’ve agreed to be Josh Lane’s sexual servant. See you
.

Or

Hi, Bree, remember how you told me my sex life sucked? Well, guess what? I’m currently engaged in a contractual sexual relationship with control freak who says he wants to have sex with me all the time. Got to go. Cheers
.

I chuckled, imagining their faces.

“What’s so funny?” Josh said from his post at the sink.

“Nothing.” I gnawed on the smile on my lips. “I’m just being silly, that’s all.”

In the end, I begged off two weeks from Bree and Vinnie and hoped for the best.

The kitchen was immaculate and the dishes were done by the time Josh sat next to me and took over the tablet. He really was a neat freak. Not only was he always tidy and perfectly outfitted for the occasion, but everything around him ended up impeccably organized. I wondered what he’d think if he saw my apartment. I kept it fairly clean, although not necessarily organized or clutter-free.

“Christ,” he muttered, checking his emails.

“Trouble at work?” I said.

“It’s nothing,” he said, but he was clearly upset.

“You can tell me, you know. It’s not like I’m going to tell the neighbors.”

He flashed me a skeptical look.

“I might be a sex toy,” I said, “but I’m big on integrity.”

He looked at me, held my gaze for a full sixty seconds and then we both burst out laughing.

“You’re funny, you know that?” He kissed the flat spot at the end of my nose.

I grinned. “The question is, am I trustworthy?”

His mouth set on a grim line. “Security detected yet another cyber-attack on our servers. It makes me furious that these Chinese thugs keep on trying to hack us.”

“Corporate intrigues and national security concerns,” I said. “I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with stuff like that.”

“I wish I didn’t have to deal with it either.” He typed like a maniac on his tablet. “Give me a sec here.”

“Don’t mind me.” I leaned back on the couch. “Instruct away.”

I watched him work in silence, squared-tipped fingers flying over the touchscreen keyboard. I sighed. I was full after all that food and a little buzzed from the wine. My tanned skin radiated with the sun’s pleasant heat. The hammock outside swayed as a soft breeze blew from the sea and flowed through the balcony’s open door. The soothing sound of the ocean synced with my breath. My eyelids grew heavy. My body curled around my knees. Soon I was dreaming of shallow pools and deep oceans.

I don’t know how long I slept, but it must have been at least a couple of hours, because when I woke up, I was snuggled with my head on Josh’s lap and the moon had risen, reflecting its silver light on his smile.

“Hey there, sleepy head.” He pushed a lock of hair away from my face. “Recess is over. Have you ever had sex in a hammock?”

Chapter Seventeen

Josh

Monday turned to Tuesday and Tuesday lengthened all the way to Wednesday despite Thomas, who kept calling, insisting that he needed me at the office. Technology allowed me to do my job remotely. I split my time evenly between work and Lily, fighting an unnatural urge to ditch work in favor of being with her.

Even when I wasn’t around, Lily thrived, reading, doing yoga, enjoying herself as if she’d never taken a vacation, which I soon found out was true. I had Rosa bring an easel, canvas and a selection of paints to the cove. Lily reacted as if I’d given her diamonds. From then on, she parked the easel on the balcony and spent hours painting. I ended up bringing my laptop to the balcony as well, because I liked watching her paint almost as much as I liked fucking her.

She loved painting. She longed to travel the world someday. She was curious about everything around her, and that included me and my life. Trapped in between her mother’s overprotectiveness and her father’s whims, she’d learned to appreciate the small things. It was obvious that the hardships she’d experienced had left deep scars, but as I listened to her, I realized that she was resilient as hell and could find joy even in life’s deepest shitholes.

We ate our meals together, swam, paddleboarded, snorkeled, sailed, Jet Skied. I rushed through work every day, looking forward to her company, enjoying her inquisitive nature, her joy for life, her wicked sense of humor and yes, even her conversations.

Each day I told myself we’d leave tomorrow and then changed my mind. Lily didn’t seem to mind it too much when I told her we wouldn’t be back by Wednesday. She called the community center and made arrangements for someone else to cover her classes. I was thrilled, because I knew how much she loved teaching and yet she chose to stick around with me. When Friday came, I decided we might as well stay for the weekend. I relished each hour we were together. That’s how my September turned to October.

After a whole week away, I planned to return to Boston early Monday to make my meetings, but dawn caught me by surprise when I woke up next to Lily in the hammock. The light illuminated the contrast between her bare skin and my rumpled clothes. I lay on my side, partly angled beneath Lily, still connected to her. She lay on her back, naked, disheveled and spent, sleeping fitfully after another night of vigorous X-rated bliss.

I stared at her, stunned. Dawn had always been a solitary time. I liked to keep my secrets safe and my life on track. I never trusted anyone enough to stick around for the full night. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d fallen asleep next to a woman, and yet here I was, waking up next to Lily for the third night in a row.

Best of all, since we’d been at the cove, I hadn’t had any flashbacks or nightmares. Lily was like a dream catcher, a flesh and blood amulet, warding off my nightmares and bringing peace to my dreams.

Man, I was really fucked. I got up and went for a long, hard swim.

I was dressed by the time Lily woke up. I watched her emerge from the depths of her sound slumber, until her eyes opened. It was strange. It was dawn all over again, only it took place on her face.

We had breakfast together by the pool. She was not nearly as self-conscious around me as she’d been at the beginning. In fact, she seemed used to me, comfortable with my silences and patient with my moods.

“We should leave early today,” I said, checking my email.

“Okay,” she said.

“You should probably pack.”

“Pack what?” she said. “I didn’t bring anything.”

“All those clothes, shoes, toiletries and accessories are yours.”

She stared at me for a moment too long. “You really don’t have to do that, you know.”

“What?”

“Dress me, give me gifts, bring me here,” she said. “You’re fielding my living expenses and taking care of my mom’s bills. That’s more than enough.”

She was really something else, so very different from the rest.

“You’ve earned anything I can give you and more,” I said. “I think you undervalue yourself.”

She winced. I immediately regretted my dismal choice of words. I’d meant to pay her a compliment and ended up upsetting her instead. Way to go, jerk.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” I said.

She flashed me a tenuous smile. “I know, Josh. I like to think I can see both sides of a coin. You’re tough but you’re also generous. I like that about you.”

She did?

“This whole thing is just hard for me,” she said. “I’m trying to get over it.”

I’d already messed up badly, so I skipped the commentary, but I knew that no matter how hard she tried, she wasn’t going to get over her hang-ups easily. Crap. I might be oblivious most of the time, but after this week, I knew things had to change.

“Pack the clothes,” I said. “There’s a suitcase in the closet.”

“Accepting gifts from you makes me feel like a mercenary.”

“Hey, I admire mercenaries in all their forms. The world was built by mercenaries. I’m a goddamn mercenary and I make no apologies for it. So pack the clothes and don’t worry about it. There’ll be more in the closet when you come back.”

“I’m coming back?”

The look on her face defrosted my fucked-up heart. “Did you have any doubts?”

“Oh, I... I didn’t know what to think.”

“You’re coming back, Lily, soon.” I hesitated then asked, “Would you like that?”

She blushed, a totally satisfying reply.

* * *

We didn’t make it back to Saint Thomas until the evening. For the first time in a long time, I was in no hurry to return to work. Instead, I tried to take advantage of every second I had left with Lily.

“ETA in about two hours,” I said to Baez on the phone. “I’m going to take Lily out for dinner and then we’re leaving.”

The Lame Octopus was a local hangout located two miles down a dirt road, out of the way of even the most adventurous tourists. The four-by-four I rented on a whim took us over the dusty lime road without much trouble. The joint was small and dingy and you had to order food and drink at the bar, but the restaurant had a big deck built over the water, spectacular ocean views, and seafood so fresh that you could pick it out directly from the fishermen pulling up to the dock.

I settled Lily in a quiet corner overlooking the emerald waters and went to the bar to place our order. The band began to play as I returned to the table with our drinks. Much to my surprise, Lily wasn’t alone.

I glared from one man to the other. “What the fuck are you two doing here?”

“This is a public place, isn’t it?” Hugo Baez grinned at me. “And you just gave me two more hours off, didn’t you?”

The other man sitting next to Lily flashed me an apologetic smile. His white teeth clashed with his jet-black skin. He’d moved his chair way too close to Lily. He held her hand, pretending to read the lines on her palm.

“What’s your goddamn excuse?” I demanded.

“Oh, hi, Josh, fancy meeting you here.” Cory McNamara raised his beer bottle in the air and gestured toward Baez. “I’m with him.”

“Riker sent you, didn’t he?”

“He doesn’t like to hear you’re going about without a protective detail,” Baez admitted.

Damn Riker. I had just stepped out of the cove’s secured zone and I wasn’t even in a high risk area. I didn’t need a bodyguard, let alone a pair of highly trained operators to watch me down my rice and beans.

Under any other circumstances, I might have been glad to see my old friends, but not right now. Baez and Mac had always been golden. I knew I could count on their discretion. But Lily wasn’t your average bear. She was more than a pretty face, sharp and inquisitive. Put these three together and I risked wrecking my orderly world.

“Have I taught you nothing?” I said, putting down the wine glass in front of Lily. “Why did you allow these two thugs to sit with you?”

“They said they were your friends,” she said.

“And you believed them?”

“Well.” She gnawed on her smile. “I’d met your copilot before.”

“What about this jackass?” I gestured toward Mac. “For all you know he could be a serial killer.”

“He flashed a badge,” Lily said. “He said he was the chief of police for these parts.”

“The badge is probably fake.” I tipped the chair, dislodging Mac. “Go find some other chair.”

“Hey!” Mac said. “I can have you arrested for that!”

“On what grounds?”

“Disorderly conduct and public disturbance.”

“Back off, Mac.” I reclaimed the seat next to Lily. “You can sit over there if you like, far away from my girl, out of striking distance.”

“
Your girl
?” Mac cocked a brow. “Did you hear that Hugo? Commander Lane has a girl.”

The jackasses had also come to pry into my private business.

“If you don’t mind, we’re about to have dinner,” I said. “Find a different table, or better yet, a different restaurant on a different island.”

“Oh, but we do mind,” Mac said. “Look around, all the good tables are taken and I think that after all these days alone with you, Lils here needs a break.”

He kissed Lily’s hand with a loud smack, making her laugh, a sound I valued above all other considerations.

“So?” Baez flashed a pleading smile. “Can we stay?”

“Only if you promise to be good.”

“I can be good,” Mac said.

“And
no
war stories.”

“You suck up all the fun from life.”

“Did you guys serve together?” Lily asked.

“Afghanistan
and
Iraq,” Mac said. “We were gone for nearly three straight years.”

Lily glanced at me. “That’s a long time.”

“You’re damn right,” Mac said.

“So how did you meet Josh?” Lily asked.

The drill was about to start.

“We graduated from the Naval Academy together,” Baez said.

“Hard to believe, but this guy was first in his class.” Mac slapped me on the back.

Lily smiled. “Why am I not surprised?”

“
The most brilliant tactical mind of the lot.
” Mac nailed my academy adviser’s English accent. “
A fundamentally mathematical intellect capable of conferring in the highest reaches of the mathematical dialect
.”

“Fuck you,” I said.

“Why blame me?” Mac said. “Your ranking got you all that shit.”

“That’s because we were a class of morons,” I said.

“That guy sitting next to you was the captain of the academy’s swimming and skiing teams,” Baez said.

“Really?” Lily said. “You didn’t mention any of that.”

“He was so good, he could’ve deferred his service and represented the USA in international competitions, but nope, the boy just had to go join the SEALs.”

“The SEALs?” Lily’s eyes fixed on me. “You never mentioned the SEALs.”

“He didn’t tell you?” Mac said. “I wonder why? You kept us mum, didn’t you?”

“Were you guys SEALs too?” Lily asked.

“Hell, yes,” Baez said.

“We might look dumb and lame,” Mac said, “but we were badasses back then.”

“I read somewhere that the SEALs’ training is the toughest in the service,” Lily said. “It takes a long time and an awful lot of work. Few make it. Longest training pipeline in the world.”

“A girl with a brain.” Mac grinned like a goddamn fool. “I’m in love.”

“Not only was our boy here a SEAL,” Baez said, sipping on his Diet Coke. “He was also the youngest SEAL ever to obtain a Special Warfare Operator Naval Rating
and
the youngest officer ever to command a SEAL team.”

“Impressive.” She flashed me one of her looks, the very peeved one, I was sure. “I wonder why you didn’t share any of that.”

“We’re not supposed to talk about it,” I said.

“We’re not supposed to talk about our missions,” Mac clarified. “There’s nothing wrong with telling this lovely girl that you didn’t rate too shabby as a combat swimmer and a sniper.”

“Come on, Mac,” I said. “Drink your beer and zip it.”

Lily’s curious eyes fell on me. “How did you manage all that?”

I shrugged. “Slim pickings?”

“Handsome
and
modest,” Mac said. “What else could a girl want?”

“I’m going to get our food.” I stood up. “You guys know the drill. No war stories and no gossip either. I’ll be listening, so keep your mouths shut and don’t make me have to beat the crap out of you.”

“No sir, no stories or gossip, only jokes then,” Mac said. “Did Josh ever tell you about the time Baez here got stuck in the latrine?”

I stomped over to the bar and ordered another round of drinks to take back with the food. Despite the loud music, I kept my ear on the table. I didn’t want Lily hearing any bullshit.

“Oh, he’s an engineer all right,” Mac said as I asked the bartender to rush my order. “Remember the time he single-handedly repaired the M777 howitzer?”

“Good one,” Baez said. “We timed it. Two minutes and thirteen seconds.”

“We were doing recon for the Marines in Afghanistan,” Mac said. “We’d just turned over our position to a Marine element when all hell broke loose. So we’re under attack, right? Getting pounded, and we’ve got no air support or nothin’ coming. So the marines set up the big artillery gun, nine thousands pounds of titanium, the only thing standing between us and those fuckers trying to overrun us. They load up the Excaliburs and fire.”

“What happened?” Lily said.

“Fucking nothing happens,” Mac says. “The thing must have gotten banged up or something during transport. There’s the fucked-up crew, scratching their balls without a clue, their sergeant, tugging at his dick, and the Tangos crawling all over the mountain.”

“So Josh marches right through a hail of rockets,” Baez said. “He gets in the marines’ faces and begins disassembling the piece of shit. And within a couple of minutes, he’s got the damn thing working, when none of the crew could. The guy’s a genius.”

The food finally made an appearance. I loaded up the tray and made for the table, arriving just as Mac moved on to more dangerous territory. “You’re putting Lily to sleep.”

“I’m not bored,” she piped up.

“Josh might be mathematically gifted,” Mac said, grabbing a beer from the tray, “but he’s got other problems, man. He’s got the IQ of a genius and the EQ of a moron.”