At the Rainbow's End (28 page)

Eager kisses peppered her face and every visible inch of her skin. A gasp flew from her lips as he drew aside the covers and slipped his hand along the gentle curves of her body, nearly hidden by her layers of clothes. Nothing could halt the powerful sensations emanating from her center, created by his touch.

“Oh, Sam,” he whispered against her hair. “I love you so much. To have you so close and yet so far is the most exquisite torture I can imagine.”

His words broke the enchantment of his fingers on her. She asked urgently, “Joel, have you told Kevin? If—”

“He and London are out with the dogs, for an early morning run. Let them have their fun.” His eyes twinkled with merriment, and she had no trouble guessing what lies he had concocted to excuse himself from going so he could have this time with her. “Happy Christmas, my love.”

“The same to you, darling.” She relaxed into the nest of his arms. “I wish I could give you something you want for Christmas.”

“You're what I want,” he murmured huskily. The tip of his tongue teased the skin along the high collar of her nightgown.

Barking dogs neared the cabin, announcing the return of the two men. Rising and holding out his hand to Samantha, he said softly, “You'd best dress before they arrive. My love, we will celebrate Christmas as soon as we can.”

She caressed his hand over her cheek. The sorrow in her voice matched the pain in his eyes. “Yes—soon.” She whirled to collect her clothes and race upstairs where she could have the privacy so seldom found in the small house.

When Samantha emerged from the cabin fifteen minutes later, her holiday felicitations put smiles on their wind-reddened faces. She delightedly accepted the opportunity to ride along the frozen river.

Only Joel, as he tucked the blankets around her, could see how forced her words were. Only he knew the anguish of the love they could not express. Vowing to tell Kevin as soon as London left, he listened as the young writer from San Francisco offered hints on how to use the sled. He concentrated on that, glad to get the advice of this man who had spent so many hours with sledders and their dogs.

Samantha half turned on the flat bed of the sled and looked at Joel. With her face shadowed by her hood so the other men could not see her, she mouthed, “I love you.” He grinned, patted her shoulder, and shouted, “Let's go!”

Christmas, like all the days of the past months, was sweeter because of Sam. He smiled, silently celebrating something no one could destroy—love which would bring him all he wanted.

Chapter Fifteen

Samantha flipped back her snow dusted hood as she entered the stable. When she patted it on the haunches, the horse made a blustery sound in the twilight.

“Oh, hi, Sam.”

She turned to smile at Joel as he placed a pitchfork load of hay on the floor and spread it carefully. With hay running nearly a thousand dollars a ton, he did not want to risk wasting any of it. More than once, she had overheard the men suggesting they sell the horse. Its upkeep took too much of their money. Neither spoke the truth, but she knew why they kept it. In an emergency, if rations were short as they had been the previous year, they could eat horsemeat.

“I'm almost done,” he said, taking the pitchfork to the other side of the tiny building and sticking it into the ground. It did not go far.

“Frozen?”

Glancing up, he smiled. “Like a rock. Only being inside the barn keeps this ground from being frozen even more solid. What do you think of these winters, now?”

“I am so cold,” she whispered, without the humor he expected. She moved to take his hands, her eyes burning with the same feverish intensity he held in his own heart. She wound his arms around her. “I am so very cold, Joel, but not only because of the weather. The last time you truly held me was two months ago, at Christmas. I need your love.”

With a moan of hunger, he pressed his lips into her welcoming mouth. His arms tightened around her. He wondered if she knew how often he had dreamed she would do exactly as she was doing—come to him when he was alone, murmuring of the love tormenting him.

When she felt his hands on the clasps of her coat, she looked up in surprise. He smiled into her baffled face as he opened his own parka and pushed aside the front of hers. Now the thick pelts did not separate them. His hand slid beneath the back of her coat to stroke her through her thin cotton shirt which glowed pink from the flannel beneath it. She closed her eyes and breathed with the rhythm of his hand moving along her.

He did not release her hand as he bent to pick up the kerosene lantern. His eyes held hers while he led her to the second stall of the small barn. Placing the lantern on a hook over their heads, he spread a wool blanket on the bits of hay spilled on the floor. He dropped to his knees, bringing her with him. The thick odor of the horse increased as he leaned her back on the saddle blanket.

A smile settled on her lips as he kissed her cool cheek. His breath warmed her and started the conflagration deep in her soul. Wrapping her arms around him, she urged him closer. Coherent thoughts vanished when he placed his mouth against her throat. While his tongue seared a river of desire across her skin, the only thing in her mind was satisfying the ravenous longings within her. He reached for the buttons of her blouse. Joel suddenly paused. It could not be above zero in the barn. If he disrobed her as he wished, she could suffer chilblain despite the closeness of their loving bodies. He stifled a moan of frustration. Swearing under his breath, he wished Kevin had been caught by the blizzard and snowed in in Dawson for the entire winter.

When he bent to whisper in her ear, he felt her tremble beneath him. He smiled, for he knew it was not the cold which made her react like this. It was the scorching power of their love.

She did not comprehend what he was saying until he repeated his warning. Lost in the delights of being with the man she yearned for every waking hour and during arousing dreams which left her soaked with sweat, she barely heard him at first. Then, realizing he was saying they must wait a bit longer, she groaned. “No, Joel!”

Cupping her face in his hands, he murmured, “Sweetheart, I know how you feel, but I won't risk you.”

“I want you to love me.” Her brown eyes entreated. “Please!”

“You don't know how much I want to, Sam.”

With her hand against his face, she steered his mouth toward hers. Softly she whispered, “We may not be able to touch each other all over as we wish, but we can—” She blushed prettily, still too shy to ask for the loving she craved.

Instantly he understood. He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. “We can, my love, but I didn't know if you wished to make love in such a limited way.”

“Any way,” she breathed in the second before his mouth covered hers. Her words drove the last of his hesitation into oblivion.

Closing her eyes, she let the world vanish. She let her fingers explore the breadth of his back. His body pressed her deeper into the unyielding ground. When he lifted the hem of her dress to stroke the length of her flannel covered legs, she entwined them with his.

His fingers were reaching for the buttons to loosen the collar of her blouse when he felt her hand halting him. He started to ask what was wrong, then heard the same sound she had—Kevin's footsteps.

“Damn!” he growled. “Why can't he leave us alone?”

He looked down into her sad face and knew the truth. If he had told Kevin, the explosion would have past, and they could freely express their love. He had intended to tell his partner the truth, but he did not want to hurt his friend. Then Kevin had a relapse of the pneumonia in the first weeks of the new year and he had not wanted to interfere with Kevin's recovery. Only in the past week had Samantha any break from the sickroom.

“Wait!” she gasped. “If—”

Gently he said, “Stay here, Sam.” He stroked her hair which had somehow loosened to fall across them in a silken river. “I will deal with Kevin.”

“Maybe we should tell him the truth. How much longer can we lie?” Her tear brightened eyes asked the same question.

“Later, honey.”

He rose to meet Kevin at the door. Redoing her jacket, Samantha pressed close to the concealing wall of the wooden stall. To her ears, Joel's voice was huskier than normal when he answered his partner. She wondered if she could sound as calm.

“All done out here, Kev. How about a cup of coffee to ease the chill in our bones? I think it is going to be damned cold tonight.”

She bit her lip as she heard Kevin's reply. “Have you seen Samantha? She went out over half an hour ago, and this is the time for—”

“For what?” asked Joel, instantly seizing the chance to gain the offensive to keep his friend from realizing the truth.

“Nothing. It's not important now. She isn't back yet.”

“She isn't?” Joel's astonishment seemed honest. “She may have gone up to the spring for water. I heard her say she wanted some clean water.”

“In the dark?”

A chuckle filled the room. “Do you think Samantha Perry is afraid of the dark?” The light flickered as he motioned with the lamp. “Come on, Kevin. Let's walk up the hill and see if she went that way.”

Giving them time to walk far enough so her furtive form would not be visible, Samantha raced to the cabin. Her chest heaved with the effort necessary to run through the wind, which cut into her on each breath. Tears burned in her eyes, and her throat felt raw with words she could not allow to escape—words of her love for the man whose face filled her dreams, whose hands and body turned her fantasies into reality.

She was still fumbling with her parka's thick buttons when the men entered the room. Rage emanated from Kevin, so strong it dwarfed her own unhappiness.

“Where in hell have you been?” he shouted with rare fury.

Hating the need to lie, she tried to smile. “I'm sorry to worry you. I went out for a walk with Bear.”

“You should know better,” he snapped. “It's too cold for a lark with the dogs. Stay close to the house. If you wandered away and got hurt, you might freeze to death before we could find you in the dark.”

“I understand.” She lowered her eyes and crossed the room to stand by the stove. When she heard the door close, she looked up in surprise.

Joel stood behind her. He put his hands on her trembling shoulders. “He has gone out for a minute.”

“You must tell him the truth!” she urged. “Or do you want me to do it? He is going to be hurt, Joel, but delaying won't help. He—”

“He what?” When she did not answer, he gripped her arms and pulled her tight to him. “Dammit! Forget him!”

“Forget him? How? How much longer must we wait until I feel your arms around me again? Another two months?”

His eyes narrowing, he scrutinized her face. “Why this sudden urging to be honest with him. You've been so eager for a confrontation lately. Are you trying to gain something by forcing this issue? You and he were outside for quite a while yesterday. Could it be—?”

Her face paled as she gasped, “Joel!” He thought she shared with his partner the sweet love she wanted to give only to him! Sickened, she was more surprised than he was when she felt her hand strike his face. Instantly, she dissolved into tears. The days, weeks, months of waiting for the moment when they could be together had driven her to this.

Instead of reacting with angry frustration, he put his arms around her. He murmured, “Forgive me, Sam. I didn't mean to suggest you … Never mind. I love you honey. I'll tell him soon.”

“But when?”

“I don't know,” he said, feeling her anguish. “Sam, I honestly don't know.”

Joel did try. More than once while the two men were working by the river, heaping the piles of pay dirt to sluice as soon as they could break through the ice, he brought up the subject of Sam and the decision they had expected her to make. Each time, Kevin waved aside the words. Kevin seemed sure that Sam would choose to become Mrs. Houseman. No hints could change that opinion.

When his partner disappeared for an hour each afternoon, offering only a flimsy excuse, Joel's curiosity was aroused. If he knew where Kevin went, he might be able to use the time to be with Sam. One afternoon, allowing the blond to get far enough ahead so he could follow easily, he crept after him.

Shocked when Kevin went directly to the cabin, Joel watched from a stand of trees, as Sam greeted him at the door. He could see her wiping her hands on her apron. The light sound of her voice carried on the breeze, but the words were lost in the distance.

Leaning against a tree, he fought his jealousy. Sam had told him more than once her love belonged solely to him. He believed that, for her honesty blared from her pretty face. She was not like him.

He forced jealous thoughts from his head. Ignoring the slap of the wind against his face, he tried to puzzle out why Kevin had a rendezvous with Sam every afternoon. Then he smiled at his own foolishness and pushed away from the prickly bark. If he wanted to know the truth, all he had to do was walk in and see for himself.

Samantha was pointing out the passage she had selected for Kevin to read when the door opened. She felt him tense, but she was glad these lessons had been discovered. She was tired of the need for secrecy.

Joel came in chatting about some work he needed help with, tracking snow in his wake. In mid-word he paused to ask, “What's this?”

“It's a slate,” answered Kevin tersely.

“And chalk and books.” A broad smile lightened Joel's face. Clapping his partner on the back, he crowed, “So this is what you've been doing? Going to school.”

“Samantha thought I should hone my skills.”

Joel raised an irreverent eyebrow at the obvious exaggeration of the truth, but said only, “I think that's great. How long has this been going on?”

“Since Kevin came home from Dawson,” Samantha said quietly, noticing Joel's shock before he masked it. When he looked at her, she saw her simple answer had told him things Kevin would not understand. Things about guilt and compassion and friendship.