At The Stroke Of Midnight (16 page)

Swallowing hard, she entwined her
fingers with his, not wanting to break the contact, hungry for the feel of him
and wishing he would remove those infernal gloves.
 
He did not seem angry with her, however, so there was that, at
least.
 
"I should not have spoken
to your mother that way.
 
I will
apologize in the morning."

"No, you will not."
 
Sebastian's voice was just as full of quiet
strength as Jane's had been when she was confronting the countess.
 
"For you have nothing to be sorry
for.
 
My mother needed to hear that,
especially from you, someone who has suffered because of promises made by
others and good intentions gone wrong."

"Still, I am sorry.
 
I was rude and it was unconscionable of
me.
 
That is not like me."
 
Where she not already dead, her mother would
have had an apoplexy if she knew how Jane had behaved.

"It is what my mother needed
to hear, whether she wanted to or not."
 
Sebastian pulled their entwined hands into his lap.
 
He let go of her hand after a moment,
however, but only so that he might remove his gloves.
 
When his bare skin touched Jane's, she felt the familiar arc of
heated fire pass between them.
 
"She will not listen to me and I doubt that she will listen to you,
but it needed to be said.
 
Including
what you told her about Lizzie."

Inwardly, Jane cringed in
shame.
 
"I did not mean for you to
hear that.
 
Lizzie might be faithful."

"I think we both know that is
a lie.
 
If not Adam, then there will be
another who catches her fancy.
 
It is
only a matter of time."
 
Jane had
to give Sebastian credit.
 
It seemed he
did know Lizzie far better than Jane had suspected.
 
"She desires a life lived by her rules, one where she is
free to do as she pleases, including taking lovers if she so desires.
 
I cannot and will not be a part of
that."
 
Then he turned to her, her
hands still clasped in his.
 
"And I
desire a wife who cares for me and only me.
 
One who will be faithful and love me for all eternity."

Jane knew he was referring to her,
but she also knew that despite her words with the Countess of Covington only
moments ago, that would never come to pass.
 
Margaret valued her promise to her late husband more than she valued the
happiness of her son.
 
Combined with her
clear and obvious desire to both protect the earldom and ensure grandchildren
who looked for all the world like proper English lads and lasses, there was no
possible way she would allow her son to marry Jane.
 
Nor would Sebastian turn his back on his responsibilities.

He might hint on occasion that he
might, but he would never really do so.
 
He was far too honorable.
 
And if
he were otherwise?
 
Then Jane would not
love him as much as she did.
 
No, she
would not force him to choose.
 
Tomorrow
at midnight she would do as she had vowed and set him free, now matter how much
her heart might break.

"You know that cannot be me,
much as we both might wish it."
 
As
she had been with his mother, Jane felt the need to be honest with Sebastian,
too.

"I could give it all up,"
he said but she knew he didn't mean those words even as he spoke them.
 
It was evident the moment she looked into
those lovely, sorrowful brown eyes.

"But you won't," she countered
and moved as close to him as her skirts - a dusty, ugly rose color tonight -
would allow.
 
"For if you did, you
would not be the man I care for so deeply.
 
For that man would never abandon those who depend upon him."

She could see by the expression in
his eyes that he knew she was right.
 
She could also tell that he did not want to admit it.

For some time, she thought they
might sit there in silence until the sun rose, but then he moved, sliding
slightly away from her.
 
"Play
something for me," he requested.
 
"Anything your heart desires.
 
I simply want to hear you play.
 
Just once."
 
By his words,
Jane knew he had accepted the finality of their situation as they had sat there
in silence.
 
That didn't make it hurt
any less, but it did ease her mind a bit.
 
As long as they were in agreement, she could survive what was to come.

Resettling herself, Jane rested her
fingertips on the keys for a moment, deciding what to play.
 
There were so many pieces to choose from,
including the Scotch airs that were popular at the moment, but she finally
selected a sonata by Beethoven that she loved.
 
It wasn't as well known as some of his other works but she felt that it
fit the moment rather well.

As her fingers danced across the
keys, she could feel Sebastian next to her sitting stiffly at first and then
relaxing as the music flowed around them.
 
She could not give him much but she could give him this.
 
She could give him the power of the music
that flowed through her, the deepest and most private part of herself.
 
She prayed that he accepted her gift the way
she intended it - with love.

For though they had not spoken of
love - and most likely never would - she did believe that he loved her.
 
There was no question that she loved him
with the very essence of her soul.

So for that reason alone, she
played on, moving from one sonata into the next seamlessly, the way she had
been doing earlier.
 
Only this time, she
knew her audience and played with as much emotion as she could manage without
breaking down completely.

When she was finished, she closed
her eyes and lowered her head, not wanting Sebastian to see the unshed tears in
her eyes, for she was certain they were there.
 
He, however, was not content to allow her to hide from him and brought
her gaze to his.
 
There, she saw more
love and affection than she had ever known and she was greedy enough to desire
it.
 
Something for her and her alone,
something that would never belong to her sister.

In time, Lizzie might have
Sebastian's body but she would never have his heart.
 
It already belonged to Jane.
 
And she was not about to relinquish it.

"That was
intoxicating."
 
He was so close
that she could see the lighter band of brown at the center of his eyes, just at
the pupil, making her think that he could see into her very soul.
 
She could also feel his warm breath on her
neck, making her want to strip herself bare for him and offer him her
body.
 
She would in an instant, if only
she was certain that he would take it.
 
Take her.
 
Love her.
 
Desire her.
 
Worship her.

"I played for you."
 
Her own voice was a mere whisper now.
 
"I have since that first night.
 
When I touch those keys, I imagine that you
can hear me.
 
It is the only part of me
that I can give you."

He reached up to stroke her face
again and she immediately felt the same slow burn she had that morning near the
chapel.
 
"I would take all that you
are willing to give me, my sweet, sweet Jane."
 
Leaning in, he kissed her neck, sending a powerful longing
coursing through her body, making her arms feel like lead.
 
"But since you have already given to
me, allow me to give something in return."

When he kissed her again, this time
at the hollow of her throat, she knew she should resist.
 
Yes, they had kissed before so very many
times and he had brought her to completion, but this was different.
 
In so many ways, it was far more intimate,
locked in the dim light of the candles that sat atop the pianoforte.
 
The air around them didn't move, the room
silent, as if they were the only two people who existed in all of the world.

When Jane reached up to cup his
cheek in her palm, he covered her hand with his.
 
"Please, Jane.
 
Allow
me to give you this.
 
Do not deny what
we both desire."

As if she could.
 
Instead, she tilted her head back and
allowed him to trail his lips across her skin at his leisure.
 
The touches were light at first, so light
that she thought they might be traces of butterfly wings, but then they became
harder.
 
With each press of his mouth to
her skin, she felt the feelings inside of her begin to grow and coil, just as they
had that morning.

Her body began to tighten as well,
a feeling of desperate need beginning to churn deep in the pit of her stomach,
while her breasts became heavier and more sensitive.
 
When he brushed a hand over them through the thin muslin of her gown,
she couldn't help but moan.

"You are so sensitive to my
touch, my sweet," he whispered as he licked at he long column of her
neck.
 
"I need more of you."

"Whatever you want," she
agreed as she angled her body towards him, allowing him to lower the fabric of
her bodice just as he had earlier.
 
This
time, however, he bared both of her breasts to the cool air and she shivered
with something more than need.
 
This was
true longing, she decided as he continued to fondle her, teasing her nipples
until the hard points almost ached.

When he moved to lay her across the
bench, she didn't object.
 
Instead, she
went willingly, allowing Sebastian to guide her body, following whatever whim
he chose to indulge in, even when he slid his hand up her leg to caress her inner
thigh.

It was shocking, to say the
least.
 
She had never been touched
there, not even by her own hand.
 
Yet it
still felt so very right, as if her body had been designed for his touch.
 
Perhaps it had been.
 
She no longer knew for certain.
 
All she knew was that she wanted more - more
of him and more of everything that he offered.

With each sweep of his hand across
her body, Jane felt the needy ache inside of her grow and blindly, she reached
for him, letting out a soft groan of delight when he eased his body down on top
of hers, coming to rest between her legs.
 
She could feel his own need pressing into her thigh as well, his
erection hard against her.
 
Though she
might still be a virgin, she was no green thing and knew well enough when a man
desired a woman.

Sebastian desired her.
 
Her.
 
Plain Jane, the nearly dried-up spinster that no one had given any
notice to in her entire life.
 
Yet this man
did.
 
In fact, he could see her far more
clearly than anyone else every had.
 
And
given the way he moved his hips against hers to mimic the way he wanted to mate
her, she knew that he liked what he saw.

Then he kissed her breasts again
and Jane ceased to be able to think.
 
She was too consumed by the fire he was stoking inside of her, not
knowing if there was a way to ease the burn or if she even wanted to.

For his part, Sebastian was aflame
with desire and need.
 
It had been
months since he'd been with a woman.
 
From the night he had met Jane, actually, and he wanted nothing more
than to sink into her womanly heat and lose himself.
 
Yet he also knew she deserved better.
 
She deserved to have her innocence taken by the man who would
marry her.
 
That couldn't be him, no
matter how much he wanted it to be.

That said, he could not bring
himself to move away from her either and instead feasted on her breasts, urged
on by the little mewling noises that she made in the back of her throat.
 
As if she was just as hungry for him as he
was for her.
 
Perhaps she was.
 
He could not indulge her, however.
 
The consequences were too great, staring
with the possibility that he might get her with child.
 
It was not typical, certainly but it did
happen.
 
He would not bring that kind of
shame on the woman he loved.

The word cut through his mind like
a knife.
 
Love.
 
He was in love with Jane.
 
He knew he cared for her and desired
her.
 
He wanted to marry her,
certainly.
 
But love?
 
He hadn't truly considered it, despite the
little voice in the back of his mind.
 
Now that he did?
 
His heart
whispered to him that he was a foolish, foolish man for him to have taken so
long to recognize love when he saw it.

Suddenly, he wanted to give her
everything, all that he was, but his head held him back.
 
Much as he might desire to, he could not
simply give in to his baser instincts.
 
Still, the fire inside him was raging and he knew that it could not be
quenched without at least a taste of her.