At Your Service: Tammer (7 page)

A few hours later, Nina sat on a barstool at the kitchen island sipping a glass of wine as her knees bounced with nervous energy. The roast was resting, the potatoes were mashed, the green beans were steamed, gravy done and not lumpy, and the salad was ready to dress. A pear and cranberry cobbler sat in the still warm oven ready to be topped with scoops of vanilla bean ice cream. All that was missing was her dinner date.

“He’s not a date, Nina,” she reminded herself and poured a little more wine in her glass, swirling it around before taking another hefty swallow.

When the doorbell rang, she had to stop herself from running to the door. Remembering to peer out the peephole first, she smoothed her palms down the sides of her jeans upon confirming it was Tammer and swung the door back.

“Hi.” He looked her over from heel to crown. “Do you have a pair of those things for every outfit?” he asked, pointing at her clogs with lilacs painted on the toes, a perfect complement to her purple pullover.

“Quite possibly. I don’t really have an accurate count. You said you’d like me to be in something purple next time,” she said, stepping aside so he could come in. “I realize it’s not a corset and stockings, but do I pass?”

“Yes, you look pretty. Something smells good.”

“Oh, thank God,” Nina breathed. “Honestly, it’s been so long since I cooked anything that wasn’t mostly processed I was afraid I might have forgotten how.”

An hour later, satisfied she’d not forgotten how to cook if Tammer’s reaction was any indication, Nina put the last dirty dish in the dishwasher. She wiped down the counters then plated two heaping servings of cobbler and ice cream and set them on a tray with a carafe of coffee and two mugs. Content for the first time in months, she joined Tammer in the den where he was lounged on the couch with one arm draped behind his head watching ESPN.

“That’s the rest of what I smelled?” he asked, sitting up and eyeing the tray while rubbing a hand across his belly. “My God, woman. I come over here much and I’ll have to double my run route.”

“If I promise to be a little healthier with the fare, will you come back?” Nina asked, handing him his bowl then taking hers and sinking to the floor beside his leg, looking up. “I enjoy eating with someone. Eating alone gets pretty old.”

“You don’t have to change how you cook, sweetheart.” Tammer ran his free hand over the back of her head. “I’ll come back. I promise.” He smiled at her then took a bite of his dessert and mumbled over a full mouth. “Oh hell yeah, I’ll be back.”

“This is one of my favorite desserts. I usually make it on holidays, but I figured when’s the last time I had a holiday with anyone so why not drag out the big guns for an ordinary week night supper.” Nina set her bowl down realizing she hadn’t eaten a full meal in so long it didn’t take much to fill her up. “If you ask me, if baseball can go on nearly all year long, football should be afforded a longer season, too,” she said, watching some pitcher for Pittsburgh warm up at spring camp.

“You like football?”

“Mostly college, but yeah.”

“And who would I find you rooting for if I came by on a Saturday afternoon in the fall?” Tammer asked, licking his spoon then taking a sip of the coffee Nina handed him.

“Roll tide,” Nina said with a smile.

“Not an Alabama fan,” he groaned. “Don’t you know real football players are corn fed?”

“Nebraska, huh?” Nina laughed. “I’m an Alabama alum. They have one of best public relations programs in the country.” Taking Tammer’s now empty dish, she took her coffee mug and readjusted to settle between his legs and pull her knees up. “It helped that I got a scholarship. USC is actually number one in that department, but they didn’t offer what Alabama did, so
roll tide
.” Nina gave a fist pump. “When in Rome.”

“Where was home before you made the big move?”

“You can’t tell by my accent? Get real.” Nina laughed. “Care a guess at which state in the Deep South I hail from?”

“Mississippi?”

“Not quite that deep. South Carolina. The greater Charleston area. Joel and I grew up together in a small town, population less than a thousand. We were high school sweethearts. He joined the Corps and I went to college.”

“His accent’s not that thick.”

“He adapts. Isn’t that what makes special ops men unique? They’re ability to adapt? His has slowly receded while mine just seems to linger. Some days it gets heavy.” Nina sighed and shook her head. “We actually separated for a while because the long distance thing was so damn hard.” Tammer started running his fingers through her hair and Nina leaned back into his touch, closing her eyes. “You’d have thought I’d have learned long before I said
I do
.”

“Do you have regrets?”

“No. Just a tired heart. Waiting wears a person out,” Nina admitted.

“What about family?”

“I’m the youngest of five. And by youngest I mean way younger.” Breathing deep, she relished the feel of Tammer kneading her nape. “Mama was forty-seven when she had me. All the others were grown and out before I came along. She was fifteen years younger than Daddy. Corporate law finally caught up to him and he had a heart attack and passed before I graduated high school. Mama wasn’t long behind. I’ll always believe she died of a broken heart. Needless to say, I’m not exactly close to my four older brothers and sisters. I love them, but I’m as good as a stranger to them and we don’t do the whole touchy feely thing. The best we do is a call a few times a year.”

“What about Joel’s family?” Tammer continued to prod.

“Well, funny thing about that. They found out about our lifestyle choices shortly after we married and they sort of disowned us as heathens and abominations against morality. His daddy is a bible-beating preacher. According to him, we’ll end up burning in the eternal pit of fire.”

“So you really are basically all alone. Joel didn’t tell me any of that,” he asked, curling his hands around her shoulders and squeezing. “Have you heard from him this week?”

“Not a word since last Thursday, but that’s not unusual. You know how it is.”

“Yeah, I know all too well,” Tammer said, pulling her hair back, leaning in, and tracing the shell of her ear with his tongue. “Why don’t we go upstairs and I relieve some of this tension for you.”

A shiver ran up Nina’s backbone and her pussy contracted with need, but not for what Tammer thought she was in need of. “I don’t really feel like playing tonight,” she whispered, rolling her lips in to stifle a moan as his found the side of her throat.

“I didn’t say anything about playing.” He clipped her flesh with his teeth then swept the spot with his tongue. “I said I could relieve your tension.” Tammer reached around her and took her coffee mug, set it on the tray and stood, then helped her to her feet and kept hold of her hand. “Come on.”

Nina’s heart picked up its pace when she figured out while she looked at Tammer’s lips, he looked at hers. And as she fought for enough air, she fought the urge to do more than look. Never had any of Joel’s tests of her control measured up to the sheer determination it was taking not to kiss Tammer.

“I won’t let it happen,” he said, glancing up from her lips into her eyes, clearly sharing her thoughts. “I’ll keep it in check for both of us. Don’t be afraid to come upstairs with me.”

Nina closed her eyes and swallowed. “Okay.”

Chapter Nine

“I know I’m not allowed to come inside you, but I’ll still use a condom if you want me to,” Tammer said, stopping beside the bed, turning loose of Nina’s hand, and peeling his shirt off over his head.

Nina contemplated his suggestion for a moment. She trusted Tammer and wasn’t afraid of contracting some nasty bug from him. That wasn’t what bothered her about the situation. It was the idea of feeling someone flesh to flesh and not knowing if she’d be able to let him stop once he got started. Not that she wasn’t protected. The chances of a pregnancy were minimal. The fact was, after so long of not feeling that intimate connection with someone, she was starved for it, but the implications were huge. Feelings she shouldn’t have for him already plagued her. What would she do and how much deeper would they run once she gave in to the man her husband had sent to help her? Tammer touched her in a way only Joel had in the last ten years. It almost hurt to be reminded how good such a simple human connection felt.

Need swamped her overriding common sense and the nagging voice warning her to put the brakes on when he leaned in and sucked the base of her throat while palming one of her breasts. “No condoms,” she said, raising her arms and letting him tug her pullover up and off, tossing it to the floor.

“You’re positive?” Tammer asked, sliding one of her bra straps down then lifting her breast out of the lacy cup and dipping his head, tugging her nipple between his lips.

“Yes,” she hissed, her nails digging into solid muscle when she clutched his arms, leaning back when her bra hit the floor and he found her other breast with his mouth. “I’m sure.”

Nina would have thought when this opportunity presented itself, the moments would have been harried, but they weren’t. When Tammer came up and peppered her shoulder with open-mouthed kisses, she reveled in his slow touch, hungering for more of it. And when he looked up and stared her straight in the eyes then backed away, toeing off his shoes and unbuttoning his fly, she stepped out of one clog then the other before her fingers fumbled with her own jeans.

As the unfamiliarity of what should have been familiar swept over her, her first time came to mind and that delicious sense of knowing she was about to do something she really shouldn’t be but would anyway crept across her soul. When Tammer’s boxers fell and he stepped out of them, Nina’s jeans stuck at her knees as she stopped undressing to gape, aching at the sight of him, rigid and contracting.

How the hell could she want a man so badly that she wasn’t in love with? Wasn’t pledged to for life?

Unable to move, she blinked then looked up at him to find he stared equally as hard at her. She almost asked him what was happening between them, but before the words could leave her mouth, he swept her up in his arms and put her on the bed them proceeded to finish undressing her in a few swift, fluid motions. Once she lay completely naked, he pushed her legs apart and his head disappeared between them, the pad of his tongue hitting her clit with a bone-melting swipe.

God help her, desperation never looked good on anyone, but desperate was exactly the condition she found herself in when Nina grabbed the back of Tammer’s head with both hands and fisted his hair. Apparently taking it as a cue he’d found her button, he tended it with the utmost care and with more leisure than she’d have liked, setting her ablaze with a fire which burned slowly until she found herself in another state which she’d never found entirely becoming but Doms seemed to love. Nina resorted to begging.

“Please, please, Sir,” she managed as her chest heaved with the effort of drawing enough air. “Please, I want to come for you.”

Tammer not only ignored her request but drew back affording her one drawn out lick at a time as she writhed beneath him, every muscle twisted into a tight knot clear to her feet. Just when she wanted to scream as much from the frustration of him holding her at bay as from the pleasure of being held there, he lifted his head, slid up between her thighs, and sank into her, stopping after his initial invasion. While they lay panting that way, his arms trembling as he held himself still over, he touched his forehead to hers and groaned.

“Please, Sir,” Nina breathed against his lips which nearly skimmed hers and she once again had to remind herself not to touch.

Nodding, he began to move with the same guarded reserve he’d exercised with his mouth. With painstaking patience he coaxed Nina over the edge of reason and a wave of contractions tore through her. But where her instincts demanded she wrap her legs around him and draw him closer, hold him inside, with a frustrated growl, Tammer pushed off her so quickly Nina lost her sense of space until she realized he was upright on his knees and sticky warmth ran down her thigh.

Not often had she felt as incomplete as she did in that moment.

Disoriented, feeling cheated, and still struggling for air, she rolled to the side of the bed, leaving it for her bathroom. She flipped the light on and shut the door behind her before leaning on her palms on the counter and looking herself in the mirror, willing the tears threatening to erupt to stop mid-stream and retreat.

“Nina,” Tammer said softly, knocking on the door. “Sweetheart, you okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” she stammered, standing up and wiping away the stray tear or two that betrayed her and escaped anyway. “Just cleaning up a bit. I’ll bring you a warm cloth in just a second.”

After washing her face and her leg, Nina got a fresh cloth and wet it before returning to her room to find Tammer propped up in bed. He’d turned on another lamp in the corner, something she wished he hadn’t done. Too much light afforded him to see her features and him seeing her doubting and out of sorts was the last thing she wanted.

“You’re lying,” he said flatly while she busied herself cleaning him off and avoiding his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Probably the same thing that’s wrong with you, but I doubt we should say it out loud. If we do it might mean you never come back,” Nina she snapped, throwing the cloth down and turning away from him. “Or you never leave. I don’t think we should do that again. Playing fine, because that’s what My Liege wants. And just so we’re clear, I do love My Liege and I want to make him happy.”

“I know you love him, but what about what makes you happy?” Tammer said. “If me being here makes you unhappy, I can tell your
Liege
I can’t do this anymore.”

“No, God damn it. Your presence doesn’t make me unhappy,” Nina shouted and spun to face him. “Your presence does just the opposite and it scares the fuck out of me.”

“You’re afraid of being happy?” The man looked stunned. “Why would you fear happiness?”

“No, I’m not afraid of
being
happy, I’m afraid of being happy with
you
. I’m not sure I know how to do this,” Nina admitted. “Make him happy and ride the fine line he’s drawn. I’m beginning to wonder if this isn’t one of his mind fucks gone awry to test me. To see if I can truly be faithful to him with him wandering in and out like a damn drifter.”