Aurator, The (11 page)

“For a moment I couldn’t think straight, but then I remembered the aura I saw around her belly… I must get him out… a future Aurator… this woman must have known she was carrying one of us, but how?”

He stopped and tears welled in his eyes. His right hand raised up toward his chest and the words were broken as he tried to compose himself. “I know I need to tell you this, but the memory burns in my chest. The pain is almost too much to bear.”

I held my hand out to him and laid it on his arm, “Then don’t, if it’s too much.”

“I have to, you need to know. You need to know
everything
.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “I had spent the entirety of my career up to that point saving people… and I had to make peace with the fact that I was an Aurator and my purpose was to choose to end others’ lives. Now I was being asked to do the unthinkable.”

I furrowed my brows. “What do you mean? What did you do?”

“I picked up the knife that had just ended both of their lives and performed a very crude cesarean section on the mother, who looked to be about eight or nine months along. The baby took a breath. I cut the umbilical cord, tied it in a knot and wrapped my jacket around her to keep her warm.”

“Her?” I interrupted. “A girl Aurator? I thought they’ve all been boys… men, until me?”

He looked at me, waiting for me to catch up to where he was in the story. My mind searched for what I had missed.

“Wait… Max! Are you saying that baby was me?!” I stood up and started pacing across the room. Now it was my turn and my eyes welled up. “No!” I tried to scream but no noise escaped. My whole life as I had known it lay in shambles in front of me. I searched the floor as if looking for an answer to a question I had never asked. “So my parents are not my… parents?”

Max stood, looking considerably older and tired suddenly. “No, they are your parents… just not your birth parents. A parent does not need to give birth in order to love and be a parent to a child.”

I felt dizzy suddenly and sank to the floor as the flood of tears fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. Max tried to console me, lowering himself to the floor with me and wrapping his arms around me, but I shrugged him off.

“How… why?” My words were barely audible.

Max sat back from me on the floor and hung his head. “I’m sorry, I thought what I was doing was right.”

I looked up at him. I could hear the sincerity and agony in his words. “Please tell me what happened.”

Sighing, he looked up at me, taking my face in his hands. “Trust me, if it had not been
necessary
then I would not have done any of this.” Then he helped me up from the floor so that we both could sit on the couch. He reached over and took a large drink of his tea. I immediately understood why he had made the tea the way he did. Again he lifted his cup up toward me to ask if I would like some, but I shook my head no. He then set his cup down. “You don’t drink?”

“No.”

“Problem or choice?”

“Choice.” Yes, it had been a choice to abstain from alcohol once I finished nursing school because I knew of my parents’ past problems and I was attempting to avoid any genetic potential to become an alcoholic myself. I guess I didn’t have that worry anymore.

He smiled and then continued, “When I saw you in that moment you were born, I knew who you were. Remember when we first met and I told you that you had your red aura your whole life?”

I tried to remember back to everything that had been said that first day. Mainly, I could remember leaving his office with many questions. I shrugged my shoulders, and he chuckled.

“I saw that red aura around you from that very moment. I knew who you were… well, who you were going to be. I was shocked to realize that you, just like Asclepius, had been born by means of a crude cesarean section, although it wasn’t called that in his time.”

I remembered the story very clearly and thought back to how terrible that sounded. “If I remember correctly, Asclepius was cut out of his mother’s womb, right?”

“Yes, otherwise our kind would not have existed. Without you being born in the same fashion, our kind would not be saved.”

My breath caught at this thought. “So, then what?”

“I took you home to my wife and told her what had happened. We wanted to keep you, but I was concerned, since I was known in the Aurator world, that if someone saw you who was not… well, of good intentions… your life would be in danger.” Pausing, “We had just gained another child as well from a friend who had just passed, and, well, that was a terrible time. We had lost a lot.

I had never considered the fact that he was a father. “Do you have children?”

“Yes, two… both boys.”

“Was one the other child you were speaking of?”

“No, we needed to find a good home for that one as well. Such a sad time.”

“Are your boys… like us”

“No, they are both in their forties and are civilians.”

I looked down at my hands which were still clasped around the box holding my great-grandfather’s pin, and Max started again.

“I knew that for you to be safe I needed to find a family to raise you. I struggled with it and called a Senior whom I trusted, but his only advice was to trust the direction.” He rolled his eyes, remembering something that I wasn’t privy to.

“What?”

“Well,” he chuckled, “I too had a lot of difficulty accepting my role and sometimes… at least in the early years… had trouble grasping the idea of being guided.”

I sighed and nodded my head. This I understood.

“We had been caring for you two or three days, when I had a dream in which I was speaking to a man inside a bar I recognized, a bar that was around the corner from where I worked at the time. Not sure what the dream meant, I tried to formulate a plan to somehow protect you. I called an old friend of mine from high school who had taken a… well… different path than my own and asked if he knew of anyone who could forge documents. He told me of someone he had worked with and I called him.

I shook my head. This was sounding more Hollywood by the minute. Max suddenly said, “You know… where do you think Hollywood gets all their stories? Real life!”

I squinted at him, as if accusing him of mind reading. He retorted, “It was obvious why you were shaking your head.”

“Okay, go on.”

“On the phone, this man asked me to meet him at the same bar that I had just dreamt about. Okay, I thought, I’m supposed to go there… for him? Something still didn’t feel right about it.”

He stood. I thought he was going to get another drink of tea, but instead he went to the small refrigerator behind his desk and got a bottle of water. He offered me one and I accepted.

After handing me the water he continued to stand. “I got to the bar with all the information I wanted on the documents and half the money he requested. When I walked into the bar, it smelled like old beer and whiskey and the smoke was heavy in the air. Those were the days before ‘No Smoking’
sections. It took a minute for my eyes to focus through the smoke. I could hear ‘I’m a Believer’
by the Monkeys playing on the jukebox.” He shook his head, “I never understood the fascination with that musical group.”

I motioned with my hand to move ahead with the story.

“Okay, okay, anyway, I saw someone who fit the description of the gentleman I was supposed to meet and I walked over to him. We introduced ourselves and I gave him the envelope with the information and money. He told me to meet him back in the same spot at the same time in two days and he would have the completed documents. I nodded and off he went.

“I was disgusted with myself, wondering, how could I have done this? I sat to have a drink and, just as I ordered, there was a voice next to me. ‘Tough day?’ I looked at him, and there was a gentleman with the whitest aura I had ever seen… good to the core as I had come to know it.”

He took a drink of water and looked at me, “You okay?”

I nodded yes but did not believe it myself. As he looked at me, I could tell he didn’t believe me either.

“I struck up a conversation with him. He was a newly hired attorney with the District Attorney’s office in San Francisco. I don’t know why… well, now I do… but he started pouring his heart out to me. He and his wife had one son and had been trying for another child for many years. He admitted that the situation had driven them both apart and to the bottle for comfort. His wife was terribly depressed and he feared for her sanity… and his.

“After listening to him for quite a while, I realized that our position in the bar was exactly as I had dreamt it and that he was who I was supposed to meet. Without thinking, I started to tell him about being a doctor and knowing of a baby whose mother had died. He was tentative at first, but I gave him my information and told him to look me up to verify that I was who I said I was. However, I warned him, this baby could not be adopted in the most legal of ways. It was a leap of faith for me. This could have ended my career. I told him to meet me again in two days, same place and same time if he were interested. We said our good-byes and I left. My heart was racing. I had never done anything even close to illegal before, and even though I knew why I was doing this… it was scary for me.”

I couldn’t believe this was all about me, it sounded too surreal. I had to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths.

Max continued, “Two days passed and I met the man who provided me with the documents for you and paid him the rest of the money. Then the same attorney came back. He asked how much the baby would cost. I told him there would be no charge. You see, I had done my own checking and discovered some information about him as well. I had only one condition, which was that he and his wife had to stop drinking. He was stunned by this but assured me he was willing to do whatever it took to have a good life and give his wife a baby.

“Are you sure you want to hear all of this?” he suddenly asked me.

He must have read the overwhelmed expression on my face. “I knew that my parents stopped drinking, I just didn’t know this was why,” I said. “I’m sorry, it’s a lot to take in. Please finish.”

“We agreed to meet the next week,” he continued. “I figured they needed a few days to sober up. I went home and told my wife that I had found a new home for… you… and she cried. She had named you and wanted to keep you.”

“The next week you and I met with your soon-to-be mom and dad at their house… the same house you grew up in. Your mother’s aura was equally as bright as your father’s, and I knew they were the right people. Your mother was so happy and she wanted you immediately. As I handed you over to her, I felt my heart break. Even though I knew it was the right thing for you, I have to admit I wish we could have kept you.”

I was acutely aware that my breathing was fast and I felt oddly nauseated. “My parents have been sober since.”

“I know. I’ve watched them throughout the years.”

“You’ve watched me all these years?”

“Yes, here and there. I felt… responsible… to make sure you were okay.” He put his head down, “I’ve always felt horrible for not getting to your mother and father in time.”

I could see his face and knew that his pain right now probably rivaled my own. I sighed and leaned toward him. “Max, I do understand how that must have been hard for you. You’ve kept this a secret all these years.” I reached out and put my hand on his arm for the first time in an attempt to comfort him. “While this is unbelievably difficult for me to wrap my mind around right now, I can say that I appreciate what you did for me. I
know
that I would not be here if it weren’t for you. Thank you.”

He looked up at me, taking my face between both of his hands. “I hope you
really
understand who you are. And who you are
going
to be. We will perish without you. I’m sorry for any pain this has caused you, but it was necessary for the future of our world. The consequences of what I did to you I will have to live with, but you being here is bigger than both… all of us.”

My head shook slowly side to side in disagreement, the idea that I was to save everyone was not only unthinkable, it didn’t
feel
true.

I decided not to make Max feel any worse than he already did. “I will do whatever is asked of me.”

He smiled, “Well, we have gone over quite a lot today. What do you say we save the briefing on the Seniors for another day?”

I had to admit that I was fairly full emotionally and didn’t think I could listen to anything more today. I agreed, and we hugged good-bye.

14. Reality
 

I drove home in a daze, not realizing where I was going. Could all this be true? I was at a stoplight when I looked down and saw the journal next to me. What was Max thinking, giving this to me? I slipped it into my purse.
Guardian.
Ha!
I felt like I could barely manage my own life, let alone guard the book that holds our prophecy.

My head was spinning. Adopted? I had to pull over. I looked at my watch and saw that I still had two hours before I needed to pick up the girls from school.

I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed the familiar number as my heart began to race. An answering machine picked up, “Sorry we’re not here right now, leave a message and we’ll call back.”
Crap.
I hung up and dialed a second number. “Hello?” said a sleepy voice on the phone.

“Dad?”

“Hi honey. What’s up? You okay?”

“Uh… yeah. Where are you guys?”

“Paris, honey, remember?”

It took me a minute to process what he had said… they weren’t here. “Yeah, sorry dad, I remember now. When do you guys get back?”

“Two weeks… honey, is everything okay? You don’t sound right.”

I could hear my mom in the background asking what was wrong, but my dad responded I was okay. I couldn’t figure out how to bring this up over the phone. “Sure, Dad, everything’s great. I’ll see you guys when you get home. Bring the girls t-shirts, okay?”

I never needed to remind them to bring the girls anything. They were always so generous, of course, since the girls were their only grandchildren. My brother still hadn’t found anyone foolish enough to marry and have kids with him. Brother? Wow, I really wasn’t related to him. All those years I couldn’t figure out how the two of us could have shared the same genes, and now I knew we didn’t.

“Honey? Honey? Did I lose you?” I didn’t realize he was still speaking to me.

“Sorry, Dad. I’m here. I love you. Have a great rest of the trip, and I’ll call you when you get home.”

“Okay sweetheart… we love you.”

I found myself choking back tears at this statement. “I love you both, too.” As I hung up I burst into tears. This morning when I woke up, my biggest problem was that I was some sort of prophesied
coming
to rid the world of evils. Yeah, that’s a pretty big problem. But now, adopted?

My breathing was rapid and short. I felt a little dizzy and realized I was hyperventilating. I started holding my breath, trying to slow it down. I looked around, no paper bag. Concentrate. Concentrate. As my breathing slowed, I started to think about my girls. Suddenly the reality hit me that the three of them were the only other people with whom I was genetically related to, at least among the people I knew.

I wanted to see my girls. I drove to their schools and picked them all up early. I made an excuse of doing something special with them. We bought ice cream and drove to a park where I watched the two youngest play on swings and slides while I sat with my oldest and heard all about teenage drama. I felt so grateful. I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

What now?
I thought. I heard a voice in my head saying,
It’s okay, you have a bigger purpose.
My middle daughter came over to me. She stood right in front of me as if she were looking for something. “What honey?”

“I don’t know, Mom, you just seem sad. You okay?” She leaned in and gave me the biggest bear hug anyone could ask for. I felt an immediate sense of calm.

“I am now, baby. I can always use a hug from you.” She stood up straight and smiled.

“Better, Mom?”

“Better, baby.” She ran off to push her sister on the swing. I must be the luckiest woman in the world. I looked up at the sky and thought,
I hope you have a plan in mind, because I’m not sure what I’m doing, or what you want from me.
I realized that I had not spoken to God or whatever was up there since I was a little girl. But suddenly I was very confident that I was not in charge and that there was
something
greater than myself.

We left the park and drove home. The girls did their homework and I made dinner.

Even though I couldn’t hear the front door open, I could tell when my husband got home because I saw the girls’ auras sparkle and shimmer with a million tiny lights. They always did this when he walked into the room. I knew he liked to surprise me, but I was rarely surprised. The girls jumped up and ran toward the door. I went back to cooking. Then I heard it…

Happy Birthday to you
 . . .

Happy Birthday to you
 . . .

Happy Birthday, dear Mommy
 . . .

Oh no… I forgot my own birthday!

Happy Birthday to you!

There was my husband standing at the doorway to the kitchen with flowers and a present. My girls stood around him with their own wrapped presents. I paused for a moment and blinked. My husband’s aura looked muddied, darker for some reason. Was it the lighting? I shook it off as a temporary break with reality as a result of my day.

“Oh my God, I completely forgot! Thank you, guys.” I went over and hugged each of them.

Trina asked, “Mom, isn’t that why you picked us up early from school?”

I giggled, “No, Mom actually forgot her own birthday. I just wanted to spend some time with you guys.” She hugged me super hard, and I felt very grateful for my family. Flashing back on this afternoon, this must have been what Max meant by a “present.” Of course he of all people would remember my birthday.

After dinner we opened presents and ate some apple pie. Luke always remembered that I preferred pie to cake. We put the girls to bed and I got ready for bed myself, suddenly grateful that I had taken this day off months ago for my birthday. As I walked out of the bathroom, Luke was there in bed. “Okay, what’s wrong?” he said.

“Ugh, I hate that! How do you always know?”

He grabbed me and pulled me to the bed. “Because I’ve made it my personal goal in life to know everything there is to know about you. You are my favorite hobby.”

I smiled and fell into his arms. Then, I couldn’t help it, the tears just started coming and I couldn’t stop the torrential downpour. My body felt hot and I was shaking.

“Oh my God! What’s wrong?” My husband was almost panicked. He was grabbing at me, trying to bring my face up to his, but I just kept fighting to stay buried in his chest. I always felt so safe there. I soon lost the battle, though, and I was looking square into his beautiful eyes. I stopped sobbing after a few moments but couldn’t talk. He waited patiently.

I took a deep breath and found that I was breathing in the same ragged way that my girls used to after they’d had a good cry. “I have to tell you something,” I said. He sat very still, not interrupting, waiting.

“I recently met this older doctor through a friend. He used to know my parents when they were all younger.”

I could see from his eyes that he was trying to see what I was going to say before I said it.

I started crying again and he held me close. “Take your time,” he said.

After a few moments I sat back up and looked at him. “His name is Max.” I decided to leave the Aurator stuff out for now. “We’ve been talking quite a bit lately. He’s a wonderful man.”

I could see that Luke’s breathing was faster, though he was trying to stay focused for me. I continued, “He told me… he remembers my parents.”

I started crying again, I couldn’t say the words out loud.

“He told you what, honey?” His voice was so calm, like silk, but I could hear the undercurrent of concern.

“I’m adopted,” I blurted out. It was the only way. Here I was, a grown woman, and I couldn’t believe how hard I was crying, the pain I was feeling. My life had been a lie.

Luke’s breathing stopped. “What?! Honey, are you sure? You just met this guy… how would he know?”

I couldn’t believe I was saying this. “He arranged the adoption. He met the parents… my parents.” I didn’t know what else to say. I hated lying to him.

He held me tight. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You shouldn’t have found out this way. Have you spoken to your parents yet?”

“Which ones?” I said rather curtly.

He took a deep breath and held my face in his hands. “The ones who raised you.”

“I tried to call. They were in Paris. I forgot.”

He nodded, “Oh, that’s right. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know anything right now.” I suddenly felt very tired. I just wanted to go to sleep and not feel anything.

“Remember, Meg,” Luke started, “I’m also adopted.”

I know the look on my face was one of confusion. Even though I knew this, I found myself slightly irritated. We were talking about me. “Yes, I remember. Why?”

“Did I ever tell you about the letter from my birth mother?”

“No.” I remember the story of his adoption. His mother was thirty-five and he was a newborn. His mother, beautiful to a fault. I loved the pictures of her. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. Somehow it went away without any treatment, but then she died anyway. As a nurse, I always thought that sounded a little sketchy. In all the stories, though, I can honestly say I had never heard of a letter.

“My mom wrote a letter to me telling me about our family and how I was to always remember where I came from. I never got over losing her, but to move on I had to forget about my birth family. You see, no one in my immediate family wanted me, and I was adopted out to strangers.”

My heart broke for him. I could see the pain that he had concealed all these years. I ran my fingers lightly over his cheek. “Well, it’s a good thing a couple of throwaways like us found each other.”

He looked up at me with the same love in his eyes as the day I married him. “You will never be a throwaway. I have to admit though… for a second I thought you were going to tell me that you’d met someone else.”

I gasped. “Are you kidding me? You ARE my someone else.”

“And you mine.”

He reached down and kissed me, not a hard passionate kiss, but sensitive and soft. I fell into his arms and he stroked my hair. “You should sleep… it’s been a tough day.”

I looked at him and blinked. Why was his aura different? I sat back for a moment and looked him up and down. The gold shimmer was gone and I was looking at a muddy shadow of what used to be.

He looked at me inquisitively, “What?”

What could I say? Anything would have sounded downright crazy, “Nothing… I’m sorry, I’m fine.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me. Was there something he was going to tell me? “Go to sleep,” he said.

I tried to say no, but I didn’t get that far. I drifted off in his arms.