Avalon Revamped (21 page)

CONSTANCE

There was nothing more callous and ruthless than a privileged American man.

Well, except for me, of course. 

“I think we should take a step back,” Jeffries said, holding my hands and gazing into my eyes. Only this time, unlike the others, there was no affection. No love. Just callous emptiness.

“What? I mean, I’m sorry. This is so sudden. I thought everything was going well.”

“It was, but I’ve realized you’re not what I’ve been looking for after all, so we really need to slow things down. Perhaps see each other less.”

“Is there someone else?”

“Not yet, but I’ve been getting to know someone a bit better over the last week or two, and I’d like to see where that goes, so…” Silence.

Then, snuffle. Two blinks. Head tilt. He raised his eyebrows, expecting me to say something, and waited.

“So? Just like that.”

No affect. Two more blinks. Cold silence.

“But, just two nights ago,” I continued. “You said you adored me, that you were basking in my love. You worshipped every pore, explored every inch of my body.”

“Yes.”

“And today you want to step back.”

“That’s right.”

“But…I don’t understand.”

“What’s there to understand, Cyndi? This has been lovely, true, but I know now it’s not right. Not right for me. I have to be true to myself.”—Derisive snuffle—“I know it’s not forever with you, so I’m moving on. I mean, I’m not saying I never want to see you again. Nothing like that. I do love you, after all. For now, anyway. We can still get together now and again. You are delicious between the sheets, but I require my space. You’re just too much, too needy.”

“What about tonight? We were supposed to…” Tears burned the corners of my eyes as I looked toward the bedroom, and I watched his face as he watched my nose turn red and the first tear fall. There was a triumph there, behind those empty eyes. Pleasure.

“I still want to love you tonight. Honestly, Cyndi. I can’t understand why you’re so upset? You knew from the beginning I wouldn’t be tied down by any woman. So, no surprise. It’s not like I’m leaving you or anything. Not yet. You don’t get this”—he said, hands sweeping down his body—“to yourself, no one does.”

“This weekend. It’s New Years, and we were going to bring in the New Year together. Kissing at midnight. What about that?”

“Let’s not do that.”

Blank stare. Cold Silence.

“What?”

“Let’s not do that.” Smirk. “I mean, if we’re going to take a step back, Sunday feels like a good time to start, don’t you think? No use putting off the inevitable.”

“Are you going to be with her? This new woman?”

“Now, Cyndi.” His chiding voice spoke as if I was a petulant child. Condescending. Cruel. Callous. He squeezed my hands and literally looked down his nose at me. “Situations change. Surely you know that. Don’t take it so personally. You’re a big girl. People change. Feelings change. Besides, you know how I feel about jealousy. What if I am to be with her? That’s no concern of yours. Not now, not ever. You have no claim over me and my will.”

Tears streamed fully now. I bowed my head and watched my tears make perfect little wet circles on my grey cotton skirt. Even with all my preparation. Even with knowing who he was. It still hurt. But nothing like it would to others who didn’t see his true face.

For me, it stung.

For Cynthia, it was devastating.

“You’re embarrassing yourself, Cyndi.” He patted my head like I was his spaniel, like I was Polly. “Are we to love each other tonight or not? Will you be here in this moment with me or will you worry about the future? This moment is all we ever have, and we are here together. See? No reason to cry. We’re here forever in this moment. Love me tonight. Your choice, Cynthia. Either way works for me.”

“Yes, please.” My voice managed those two words through the grief of being pushed aside so callously. Cynthia felt confusion around this sudden change mixed with a hope of somehow fixing it. Any woman in love would have looked for a way to fix it. Something, anything to take away the last hour and make it like it was.

He counted on it.

He counted on Cyndi’s compassion, her fear, her determination to not lose love, so he led me into the bedroom, and laid me down on the bed.

And I cried.

He started undressing me.

And I cried.

He licked up my inner thighs and higher, moans of pleasure mixed with cries of torment. Tongue swirling, eyes locked with mine, until I had to look away in my despair, seeing his pleasure in my pain.

And I cried.

He climbed on top of me and entered, slithering inside me. Gliding. Thrusting. Mocking.

And I cried.

As he slid into me again and again, I knew it was the last time.

And I cried.

He knew Cynthia was terrified, that she would do anything not to lose him. To make everything all right again, and he exploited that, gaining double pleasure, first from the sexual sensation and second from witnessing his masterpiece: complete submission to his command. Complete fear, bending to his will, to his pleasure, to his every desire. Arrant, absolute pleasure emanated from his every pore, filling his void with my pain.

Complete destruction at his command.

He reveled in it.

He thought he had me. He thought he defeated me, broken me, in all his power. He thought he had just set up another lap dog, begging for scraps, glad to take any morsel tossed her way.

He thought wrong.

I flipped him over, removing him. Never again would he have the privilege of entering my, or any woman’s, body. The motion was so quick, he didn’t have time to respond before I had him pinned against the wall, unable to move.

Then, the slits. Jaw clenched. He didn’t even try to move, at first.

“On second thought,” he said. “I think I am rather done with you. Perhaps it’s best.”

“You’re going to pay for the pain you’ve caused so many women, and you’re going to suffer as they have, as deeply as they have, for as long as they have, until the amount of your suffering matches those you have destroyed.”

"Please.” It was not a supplication, but rather a snide reminder of his superiority. “I loved those women. Every one. I gave them untold pleasures. Ecstasy like they've never known. I was a gift to those ladies, showing them what was possible."

"A gift. These untold pleasures. This sexual ecstasy, which I've experienced firsthand, Mr. Jeffries, so I know you are quite skilled. I see how you use women, exploit and violate them with such skill, they don’t even know what’s happening. I see you, Mr. Jeffries, the real you.”

“How could you…? We’ve only just met a few months back.”

“Oh no, Mr. Jeffries. I have been the last four women you’ve bedded, or should I say used and discarded over the past year.” As I spoke, I shifted from one to the next, reveling in his horror.

Now he tried to escape, tensing his muscles against the invisible restraints, and found he could not move. My will kept him still, always my will be done. My abilities far outmatched his. With a snap of my fingers, he could be a puddle of muck on the floor if I willed it, but annihilation was too good for this monster. His arms shuddered, trying with all his might, but a wave of my hand had him spread out, arms and legs stretched to each corner of the bed. I stood up and donned my skirt and blouse, leaving him naked and exposed. “I know you’re quite skilled and you think—you lie to yourself—that you’re truly connecting with these women, but you are well aware of the pain you cause, deep down. Aren’t you, Jeffries? Didn’t you say to me—women got hurt? Yes, I believe you did. In fact, you told me four separate times, just as you turned on the tears four separate times to gain my trust at the beginning of this ‘relationship.’ Oh, Mr. Jeffries, I know your kind all too well. I’ve been around for far too long, and I’m well aware of just how truly aware you are. The violence, I didn’t expect from you, though, but it was so cunningly disguised, along with the continuous manipulation. Most, I fear, don’t even recognize what you do to them. Their bodies know, and they suffer as if it was as overtly violent as a dockside ravishing in the dark, but they can’t understand why. They blame themselves, and you help them do that, don’t you Mr. Jeffries? Added agony on top of the assaults, in addition to the trauma.”

“I took them—you—them to places they’ve never been, showed them ecstasy and spiritual awakening.”

“Can you even hear yourself? The arrogance! Are you suggesting the orgasms you gave these women afforded you control over them? Enabled you to treat them and discard them as you will? Gave you the right to ravish them and destroy them? And love, sir? It is quite clear you do not know the meaning or the power of that word."  

“I did love them! All of them.”

“Love. Love to you is the fear in their eyes. Love to you is control. It’s what makes it so easy for you, so delicious. I was wrong, actually, you quite obviously know the power of it, and you exploit that power just as you exploit all those women. They love and trust you. They are bound to you, body, heart, and soul. Your words and actions coupled with such ecstasy create such a profound bond with a woman. You understand the depth of that created bond all too well, don't you? Yes. I believe you do. Of course you do. You count on it. It is part of your game. It’s why poor Polly trails after you like a spaniel, begging for scraps.”

"I helped those women. I've done nothing wrong. They're adults and can make their own decisions. They are responsible for their own choices, their own emotions."

“But you also made them responsible for yours. For your actions, your choices, your emotions. If you are even capable of true emotion, of empathy or compassion. I rather think not, actually, else you couldn’t have discarded those women so, used and ruined. Did you know Miss MacInyre killed herself? Took a dram of poison rather than end up in Bedlam like Miss Franklin. So distraught after you tired of them, after you tossed them aside after ruining them. One day, so loving and affectionate with your promises and such, the next so cruel and degrading. They suffered dearly, and there are plenty more. Shall I go through the names? Those now living on the streets, unable to feed the children you left them with. Some afflicted with the pox you gave to them. Unable to marry. Disowned by their families. Is this your gift to them, sir?"

"They knew what they were getting into. I needed my space, my independence. Always have. Told you the same thing. I will not be tied down. They knew from the start. I didn't lie."

"Yes, well, it seems you are rather tied down at the moment, aren't you, sir? We both know you lie with the truth, Mr. Jeffries. With those captivating green eyes and
your truth
spoken from the corner of your mouth, while your hands and your lips and your body and your breath tell them they are special, convincing them they are loved and cherished and adored.” I paced in front of him, reveling in this moment. Finally, to be the woman to take this monster down was exhilarating. He would pay for everything he did to each of them. Every lie. Every manipulation. Every violation. ”You made them feel unique and loved, didn’t you? Telling them you love them. Telling them you've never felt like this before. Allowing them to believe it is forever. I know it is what you did to them, sir, because it is what you did to me. Four times. I did play my part well, though, didn't I? Yes. I am rather proud, as convincing as you. Remember when we last made love, as I do know you love to call it that. It does help with your mask, does it not? You were angry with me, as I remember, and you showed me who was in control. I saw it in your eyes. I felt it in every thrust of your hips as you rammed yourself down my throat. I was choking and pushing you away, but you paid me no mind. It was, after all, what you wanted, as usual. Always what you want, when you want, how you want. It was not about sharing. No. It was about power and control. That, sir, is called rape."

"Don't be ridiculous, woman. I didn't rape you or the others. You're daft. Just like Charlotte. She belongs in Bedlam, telling people such lies, and you do as well. You're mad."

"Then, after you violated me, you brushed it aside, telling me you loved me. It would've destroyed my soul, if it hadn’t already been shattered beyond repair by men like you long ago. Shattered to the point of annihilation. Now I shatter men like you, and I certainly do not want for victims. I do take such delight in victimizing victimizers. In abusing abusers. In violating rapists on every level, as you do to all those women. For five hundred years I've taken such delight in exacting justice on men like you, those society ignores and even celebrates in their ignorance, blaming and punishing your victims again and again."

"Five hundred years? Now I know you are mad. Let me out of these restraints, this instant!" He didn't raise his voice, but rather his voice became low and calm. All affect washed from his face and it was stone. His eyes, void. Empty.

There he was.

The real Jeffries: a vacant, soulless monster, rearing his ugly face once again, but his cold rage didn't faze me.

Now I was in control.

"I shan't, actually. I have plans for you. We are going to set a few things right, you and I. Indeed. Before this is over, your women—you know, the ones who have a tendency to get hurt—will receive some peace of mind, some compensation."