Averill: Historical Romance (The Brocade Collection, Book 3) (30 page)

That hurt. Her heart pulsed, demonstrating how much. How could he ask such a thing? And then she realized what he thought. What it looked like. And why he asked.
Antonio
.

Averill
moved the mass of mantilla, tucking it beneath an arm, in order to reach for the ties on her mask. “How did you find me?” she asked, instead.

Sounds of a street band filtered to them
. Tenny turned to look. Most of the lanterns had been blown out. The paper in them crinkled with each puff of wind. She would’ve been terrified if she had been alone. And the mask wouldn’t come off. She pushed it upward, trying to shove it off.

“Here
. Allow me.” 

He slipped the tip of his rapier under the tie and cut
. That small touch made her thrill. She held the mask in trembling hands and hoped he wouldn’t notice. And waited. He finally sighed heavily.

“You aren’t going to answer me, are you
? I forgot how maddening you can be. Very well. I’ll wait. Come with me. I’ll see you home.” 

She sat opposite Tenny in
a gondola, silent. Her eyes downcast. Tears hovering at the edge of her lids. She daren’t glance at him. He was too immense. Too beloved. Too heart-breaking. She didn’t need to see it. She didn’t look out at anything until the gondola stopped alongside the black side of a strange house.

“This...isn’t Lady Brighten’s
house,” she said.

“No
. It’s not.” 

Tenny lifted her out,
setting her on her feet before he paid the gondolier. Averill swayed a bit while she stood, holding the ball of mantilla and mask to her belly. Like a shield. He’d brought her to his house. This was bad.

“Don’t look so frightened,” Tenny said, putting his hand out for her
. “I’d never harm you…or the babe.”

She glanced at
his face before quickly looking down at his hand. She’d never be able to fight her feelings if he gazed at her like that. And she daren’t allow a touch! She watched his hand until it lowered.

“
You won’t even hold my hand? Why? I didn’t even know you’d survived the fire until a fortnight past.”

“I’ll follow
you, Captain.”

He
pulled in a quick breath. She heard it. Averill waited several long moments before he turned and started up the path. She was three steps behind as she followed. She didn’t have a choice, once again. She didn’t even know where she was.

“
Welcome to my house, Averill.” 

He
stepped into a black aperture. She heard the sound of a lock tumbler, and then the door pushed inward, spewing light onto them.

“
Actually, I misspeak. It belongs to the Tennison family.” 

He
held the door open. Averill slid past him, stopping just inside the door while he shut and locked it. And then he reached for her. Averill darted away, almost hitting a desk.
What fool puts a desk in an entryway?

“
Why do you run? It isn’t me who disappeared without a trace. Nor is it me resurfacing months later under the protection of another.”

It’s not what it seems!

Averill bumped into a chair next, dropping onto the seat before she fell there. She didn’t answer. She concentrated instead on the braided carpet running the hall floor.

“Oh, Averill, I can’t even stay angered with you
. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters other than I’ve found you again. You asked how I did so. Well. I’ll tell you after I take off this thing.” 

He removed the hooded cape, taking most of the bulk with it
. He must have a liberal amount of padding inside. She should’ve guessed as much after Antonio had explained his costume.

“You can’t imagine what hell I’ve been through
. I went for you as soon as I heard of the fire. I found nothing but ashes. I came for you, Averill. Why did you run from me?”

His voice cracked
. She blinked, pulled in a shuddering breath, and somehow kept the tears at bay.

“I was missing in action for days
. I visited every morgue, every hospital. I looked over every burned body. I thought I’d go insane.”

“You didn’t get
…in trouble?”

“
You’d care?”

She’d given herself away, and he was smart enough to catch it
. Long moments passed as nothing save the tick of a clock could be heard echoing from somewhere in the house. Averill didn’t answer. Every answer was the wrong one. He finally spoke again.

“No, darling
. I didn’t get in trouble. It wouldn’t have mattered if I had. I resigned my commission the moment Mohammad was defeated. They wouldn’t let me go earlier, although I was useless. I had no interest in anything. I went mad with grief. I don’t even know how I got back to Tennison Hall. Thank God for Harvey. Do you know where I might have been without him?”

She was
sobbing somewhere on the inside, but outside, nothing showed. She was proud of that. She shook her head.

“Why didn’t you wait for me
? I’ve been asking myself that ever since I found out you’d survived. Was it fear? Was that it?”

Oh
. She was in trouble, especially since he knelt in front of her, directly in her line of sight. She quickly moved her view to the wall behind him.

“I promised I’d care for you
, Averill and I always keep my promises. Always.” 

He reached for her chin and pulled her down to face him
. She couldn’t keep looking into his eyes. She
couldn’t
! Her own darted away. The view blurred with unshed tears.

“Didn’t you believe me?”

“I...I have a new place now,” she whispered.

“How can you say that?”

“I...I paint portraits. I am a success.”

“And you party with little boys when you should be home knitting baby things.”

Tears slid onto her cheeks. “It’s…my life.”

“Oh, no it isn’t
. You’re mine. As is the babe you carry. Oh, Averill…how did you manage on your own and carrying my child? Don’t cry, darling. Please? I can’t stand that.” 

He reached for her
, took her, and held her to him, with arms that shuddered and then firmed. He stood next, holding her cradled against his chest. She knew she should fight it. She knew not to cling to him…but it felt so perfect. So right. Averill closed her eyes, tipped her head into the crook of his neck, and inhaled deeply.

“You belong with me, Averill
. You always have. That’s your place, remember?” 

The words touched her heart as
he started climbing stairs.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Averill guessed he was taking her to his bedchamber. There was an oil lamp sending a glow from one of the tables. It made the place look warm. Inviting. Wrong.
I shouldn’t be here.
She looked with trepidation at the shapes of large wooden bureaus and the shadowed enclosure that was his bed at the far side of the room.

He set her down
and moved toward the lamp. She watched the glow enlarge as he turned up the lamp. She looked quickly to the floor when he turned back to her.

“Oh, Averill
. I feel like I’m dreaming. You have to understand. I’ll blink wrong, and I’ll be right back at Tennison Hall, making a drunken fool out of myself. Even Harvey has given up lecturing me.”

“Harvey...isn’t here, is he?”

“Of course not. No one could’ve kept up. Didn’t you hear me earlier? I have been traveling for a fortnight. I didn’t even stop for a change of clothing. Why do you look away? I swear to you I didn’t know. Even after they dragged me back to the ship, I paid men to search for you. I refused to believe you had died. How could you have died…and I didn’t even feel it?”

His voice cracked
. Her heart pulsed painfully.

“I...I was taken to a medical station
. I was dressed...as a boy.”

“A boy
? So, that’s why they couldn’t find you. I never considered that, but I was incapable of thinking. I got reprimanded for my conduct. I didn’t care. I had lost you — wait. Did you say…medical station? You weren’t injured, were you?”

“Not badly.”  She smiled wryly
. It was true. The boy beside her had been much worse.

“Then, why didn’t you send for me
? I would’ve come to you anywhere. How could you doubt that?”

Because H
arvey opened my eyes and gave me a chance to change my fate. And I took it.

“Oh, Averill, I still can’t believe it
. I can’t. I’m here, actually talking to you...and waiting for you to — damn it! I’m tarnishing the Tennison standard, again.” 

His voice broke
. Averill peeked at him. He was so stirring, especially with both hands holding to the sides of his head as he spoke.

“They don’t allow
emotion of any sort. Ever. My demonstrations of grief were more than my uncle could fathom. Once he’s found out where I’ve gone, he’ll probably disown me completely.”

Oh no
!
She was harming him already.

“
But it’s his fault. He was the one who decided I needed to look over the newest mares at the Brighten estate. I arrived just as Lord Brighten was unwrapping his wife’s new portrait. ‘It’s a gift from my wife from Venice,’ he said to me. ‘She always stays there this time of year. I think she wants it for...’  I think he said the green salon, but I wasn’t listening. I was wondering when I could get to my next bottle of scotch so I could forget again. And then, he held up the most magnificent rendition of Evelyn I’ve ever seen.”

Evelyn
?
Averill stiffened. She hadn’t even known her patron’s first name. Maybe Lady Brighten and Tenny had been lovers. Averill chided herself for jealousy as she remembered Harvey’s words. Even married, Lady Brighten would make an acceptable mistress. She wasn’t the bastard daughter of an Egyptian painter.

Averill lowered her eyes
again. The floor beneath her was made of wood, just as the one in Istanbul had been.
And wood burns so easily…

“Then Lord Brighten tells me how Evelyn has found herself a painter, a young girl from Cairo
. A girl who goes by the name of Averill! Oh, darling! You have no idea what that felt like. No one does. I didn’t even return to the Hall. I booked passage from London, traveled as quickly as possible, and still it took two weeks. An eternity! Averill, look at me.”

She shook her head
. The wooden boards beneath her were polished until they gleamed. She kept her attention on that.

“Is it
Dilan-Fiorri? Are you his — oh, God help me! I can’t even say the word! I couldn’t believe my eyes tonight. Antonio Dilan-Fiorri has a reputation for acquiring the most beautiful women and discarding them just as quickly. Unless — you didn’t tell him the baby was his, did you? Oh, darling, I can’t bear it. I know it’s difficult for a young, unattached girl in this world, but I didn’t know! I swear it.”

“Antonio is
not
l’amour
, if that’s what you infer. No one is. I have a sponsor. I paint.”  Her voice was surprisingly hard.  

“Please don’t be angry with me
. Please? I’ve gone through so much to get here, and when I do, there’s Dilan-Fiorri holding onto you as if...as if he belongs there! I had to stop myself from ripping him from you. I didn’t know if you wanted it. I still don’t. I don’t know what I’ll do if you turn from me because of him, either. What am I saying? I already know what I’ll do. Please look at me. Please?”

She shook her head
.

“Why not?”

Because I love you! Because the moment I do, I’ll be snared and bagged as easily as the stupidest of game!
She refused to be any man’s mistress. Ever. Leaving him in Istanbul nearly tore her apart. She didn’t know if she was strong enough for a repeat. She was terrified at the possibility. Why couldn’t he see that?    

“Please, look at me, Averill
. Please? I love you. He doesn’t. I know the type. Dilan-Fiorri will never love anyone other than himself.”

Averill
tipped her head slightly. That much was probably true. “What if I love him?” she asked.

The sharp intake of breath was nearer a groan
. Averill felt the shivers climb her back, race her limbs, hit her eyes.

“Oh, God, no
! Please, no! I don’t know if I — what am I saying? I already know I can’t bear it! Oh, Averill...is this true? You no longer love me? You love him?”

She
looked up.

Tenny’s eyes were
luminous. She’d never seen anything like it. Her heart twinged, catching her by surprise with the pain. She took a step toward him, and then another. Another.

“No
. It’s not true.” She’d reached him and looked up. And fell right back into a purgatory of her own making. “I love you, Captain Andrew Tennison. I always will.”

He had her in his arms
before she finished. He was shuddering. Averill’s tremors weren’t far behind.

“Oh, darling...I can’t believe
you’re here! In my arms! With me. I love you, Averill. You’re mine. Mine! Do you hear me? Mine!”

“Yes
.”

His
lips found hers, sending sparks rioting through her. And she’d thought Antonio’s touch tingled? It was as nothing to the electricity pulsing through her in waves of sensation that heated. Elevated. They affected everything. The temperature. The lamp’s glow. The moan that resounded through the room.

“This is a very lovely dress
. I find myself wondering why you bought such a thing, and who you intended to wear it for.”

His lips moved to her
ear. His breath touched her neck, slithered over her shoulder. “Will you need help to unfasten it?” 

“Tenny
! We…can’t.”

He groaned in response
. It matched the lurch his entire frame made against her.

“
It…wouldn’t be right.”

“I love you, Averill
. And you love me. It’s right. I promise.”

“But, the b
-baby.” 

S
he stuttered it. He lifted his head and met her gaze. He trailed a finger down her arm and back up, sending longing and need in its wake. His eyes never left hers. They were such a warm brown. Deep. Soulful.

“So young.” 

He pulled her close with a hand at her back. The other hand molded about the swell that was the child. Averill felt him shudder again.

“
Oh, Averill. My baby makes you even more beautiful, if such a thing is possible. I love you. And I love the babe. I always will. I promise.”

“But
—?”

“
Do you still want me?”

The last words were barely audible
. Averill caught her breath. Tears pricked her eyelids. She blinked them away. She wasn’t cruel enough for such a lie. She finally nodded.

“
Oh, thank God.”

The
peacock-blue dress fell to the floor. Her lingerie quickly followed. He undressed her by feel. Never once did his eyes leave hers. And then he smiled. It had a wicked edge that reminded her of Kareem.

She returned it
. And then she was in his arms. Moving. He set her gingerly atop the covers as if fearful of hurting her. Averill hugged the thought close. This memory was going to torment her. She already knew it. She watched as he flung his shirt aside, kicked his feet free of his trousers and under-garment and then he looked down her body again. It was as if he touched her. His gaze caressed her belly and thighs. And then a look of horror crossed his features, while his eyes went wide.

“What is it?”

Tenny dropped to his knees beside the bed. The wooden floor thudded as he hit. Averill sat.

“Dear God, Averill
. What happened to your feet?”

She tried to pull her foot away
. He didn’t let go. She’d forgotten. The bottoms of her feet were a mass of scar tissue. She knew how ugly they were. His hand shook violently as he stared.

“These are burn scars!” 

“I...I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry
? Oh, Averill, my love…no. No. I’m the one who should be sorry! I should be on the ground, begging forgiveness!”

And then he
looked toward the ceiling, shaking so that her leg moved with it. His neck and shoulders turned red. She watched the flush spread. Tears filled her eyes. Overflowed. She wiped at them. She didn’t want to waste her last memory of him in sobs. It must be filled with joy.

She had
a lifetime to cry later.

“Tenny?” 

Averill pulled on her foot. He let it go. She scooted from the bed next, moving to sit atop his thighs, holding tightly to his neck. He smelled wonderful, better than her memories. She kissed his ear.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I promised to protect you…and you almost burned to death. That’s why you didn’t come to me. You couldn’t walk! Oh, Averill. I’ve envisioned such terrible things. Of you…with other men! With Dilan-Fiorri. And here’s the truth. You weren’t there because you couldn’t be.”

“It was
a fire, Tenny. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I failed you
, Averill. And with every horrid thought, I’ve failed you more.”

“I love you
, Tenny.”

He brought his head back down
. Her glance skittered away. She couldn’t meet his eyes. There might be too much in them for her to stand. Here, she was convincing him of her love, when she was already planning on leaving him. There wasn’t another option. She couldn’t change her lineage any more than he could.

“I love you,
too,” he replied finally.

“Then, prove it to me
. Show me.” 

She instigated the kiss
. And finally got his arms wrapped about her, lifting her with him as he stood. The linen warmed rapidly beneath her as she held tightly to him. They had tonight. Right now.

H
is mouth found the hollow of her throat. Warmth spread. She reached his ear, well-hidden by his hair, her touch causing little bumps to lift on his skin. It excited and emboldened her. Her fingers moved over him, recalling each ridge of muscle. She slid her fingers lower, touching his hip. Thigh.

“
Oh, Averill!”  His voice shook.

He rolled
them, lifting her above him. Tormented brown eyes glittered at her, and everywhere she looked was taut. Strong. Readied. He lifted her and brought her back, filling her with heat, threatening her ability to breathe. Averill gasped and her legs clasped even tighter, while his hands caressed. And then gripped. And then lifted. He hauled her back down. Lifted her again…

Dark mist stirred in her mind, surrounding them with a
blue shade. Averill narrowed her eyes to absorb it. Her body grew tense and urgent, filled with ache and need. And craving. All sorts of muscle got defined for her as he worked, moving beneath her to a rhythm only they heard. It was an amazing sight. Manly. Awe-inspiring. Oh. He was beautiful. But she already knew that.

Tears filled her eyes
. She ignored them. Tenny’s hands tightened as he lifted her from him, and brought her back down, continually thrusting. Constantly working. His eyes were open, his gaze locked with hers.

“I love you,” he mouthed.

She wondered if she could paint the look in those brown eyes, and knew it would be too devastating. Averill held her breath and watched.