Avoiding Commitment (37 page)

Engagement rings clouded her vision.
Perfectly cut, perfectly designed, flawless engagement rings on
display shining brilliantly in the light. Lexi’s hands were shaking
as she reached out to touch the glass for support. This was not
good. She could not be here with Bekah. It was all fine and dandy
when they were shopping for dresses, but this…this was entirely
different. She couldn’t imagine one of these beautiful stones on
Bekah’s finger securing her to the man she loved…to the man Lexi
loved. She swiped a thin layer of sweat from her brow.

“Aren’t they gorgeous?” Bekah cooed, her
extra thick blond hair framing her face as her eyes ballooned at
the prospect of owning such a rock.

“They’re…they’re something,” Lexi mumbled
coughing into her wrist.

“I’d love this one,” she said pointing to a
large princess cut diamond set on a gold band.

“Would you like to try it on?” the sales
associate asked materializing out of thin air with a set of keys.
He undid the lock and procured the ring from its home before she
even had an option of declining.

“Oh dear,” Bekah exclaimed taking the ring
and sliding it onto her ring finger. To Lexi’s pleasant surprise it
was much too large. It would have to be downsized considerably to
even look remotely good on her finger. Regardless, the diamond
still shone true and her French manicured hands only increased the
beauty and perfection that was now placed on her hand. “Well, that
won’t do quite yet,” Bekah conceded handing the ring back to the
associate. “Next time perhaps,” she added.

“I think…I should go,” Lexi said
retreating.

“Yes,” Bekah said glancing up at her, “we
should go. Are you alright? You don’t look well.”

“I’ll be fine,” Lexi said hurrying out of
Tiffany’s and back into the open air. She let out a long breath and
felt color return to her cheeks.

“Well, I’ll see you Friday, if not
beforehand,” Bekah said nodding her head at Lexi as she exited.
Lexi fell into the cool comforting town car and forced her mind to
wander in other directions. The last thing she needed to consider
was engagement rings and proposals.

*****

Ramsey had vaguely hinted that he would be
out when she returned from her shopping excursion. Something
related to work though he hadn’t given any details and had evaded
any further questioning on the subject. He had slipped a key into
her purse before letting her out of the house, and told her that
she was welcome back whenever she had completed her errands. After
depositing the hanger in the upstairs guest bedroom and letting any
remaining thoughts of engagements flutter from her mind, Lexi found
that she was surprisingly relaxed. She had a new fabulous dress.
She never had to speak to Jack’s snotty girlfriend again. And soon
enough, she would be spending some much needed time with her
family. Not much else could get her this excited. The only issue
that she had left to deal with was talking to Jack.

She needed to figure out what was going on
between them before she left for New York this weekend. She only
had a couple days left, and every time they had been together had
held sexual tension or outright anger. If she was ever going to let
him go, then she needed to get everything out of the way…out in the
air.

That is how she found herself hailing a taxi
to take her back to his place. It had only been three days since
she had last stepped foot into his apartment, but it felt like a
lifetime.

The late night attendant, she had passed
while entering the building only a couple days earlier, seemed to
remember her and buzzed her through to Jack’s floor. She knocked
once before twisting the knob, finding it open. The lights were dim
as she entered and a flickering of light was coming from down the
hall. No sounds could be heard from the apartment, and as she
walked past the kitchen, candlelight seemed to take over. A hundred
or more candles of varying shapes and sizes filled the living room
and more lit the dining room where two plates were set and a bottle
of wine sat chilled.

Lexi’s mind was whirling. This couldn’t be
for her. Why would he do something like this for her? Did he just
want to confuse her? Granted, it was beautiful. She could feel
tears welling to her eyes as they drifted from one romantic scene
to the next. Is this what it felt like to have Jack be only
yours?

Except he wasn’t.

He belonged to Bekah. So, what was he doing
making her feel like this now? After she had confessed nearly
everything to his girlfriend. After he had flown her down here to
convince the new girl that she was what he wanted. Was this a thank
you? Did he actually think he had to thank her for what she had
done? Because this wasn’t helping her ability to get closure.

“Do you like it?” Jack asked from behind her.
Lexi turned slowly and took in the beautiful man in front of her.
Thankfully, he wasn’t over dressed. He wore a pair of dark loose
fit jeans and a white linen button up rolled up to his elbows. His
blue eyes were momentarily hidden under his midnight hair. His
complexion was dark from the summer sun which only added to the
exotic effect he was exuding.

“I…well…yes, but why?” she asked her eyes
leaving his sexy body and falling on things that she was more
capable of discerning accurately with her heart racing like it
was.

“Because I needed to apologize,” he said
stepping towards her.

“Is this how you apologize to everyone?” she
asked attempting to keep her eyes averted. He was standing so close
she could almost feel the heat rising off of him.

She knew he was smirking without glancing at
him. “This is how I wanted to apologize to you.”

“You shouldn’t have,” she said weakly.

“I was out of line when I said all those
terrible things to you.”

“Jack, you shouldn’t apologize. You should
let it be,” she said turning away from him completely.

“I can’t apologize enough for what I’ve done
to you over the years, for what I did to you this week, for having
you come here and endure what I put you through. I can’t apologize
enough for overreacting when I saw you with Ramsey. I can’t
apologize enough for everything, but I thought I could start with
dinner,” he whispered sweetly into the ear she had left exposed to
him. His arms came up to encircle her miniscule waist and draw her
in to him. She tried not to breathe in his delicious smell as old
feelings threatened to overpower her senses. He placed a tiny kiss
on her shoulder before reaching down, tugging on her hand, and
pulling her into the dining room.

“Jack, you really shouldn’t have done all of
this,” she said as he tucked her into the dining room chair.

“I think that I should have, and who are you
to turn down a man begging for forgiveness?” he asked with another
smirk directed her way.

Lexi sighed and waited for him to be seated
before continuing, “We really need to talk.”

“I agree,” he said, “how is the chicken?”

Lexi glanced down at her food realizing for
the first time that there was, in fact, chicken on her plate. She
dug her fork into the meat and tasted the morsel. “Good. Did you
cook this?” she asked in surprise.

“For you.”

She nodded wondering when he had ever learned
how to cook. Last she had checked, macaroni and cheese had been too
difficult for him. Now he was creating delicious entrees? “Okay,
well, thank you, but we really do need to talk.”

“You’re right. I need to apologize. Would you
like me to begin?”

“Uh…”

“I should have never called you.” Lexi
glanced up from her plate to stare at him in surprise.

“I’m not sure what Bekah told you or what
ya’ll have spoken about, but I shouldn’t have dragged you into
this. What we…were shouldn’t have been put on display like I’ve
been making you do with Bekah. Does that make sense? What I’m
trying to say is that I know why I didn’t tell Bekah about you in
the first place.”

“You do?” Lexi asked finishing off her first
glass of wine as quickly as possible. The alcohol was working its
way through her system and leaving her with a buzz, which
helped.

“I couldn’t bear her knowing what I’d done to
you, how I’d broken you. And I see it now. I see that I broke you
into a million pieces and then left you there. I didn’t want her to
know I was capable of that. Did you tell her I was capable of
that?” he asked directing his question towards her for the first
time, expecting an answer.

“I…I didn’t tell her that,” she whispered
watching his face morph from despair to intrigue.

“But why didn’t you? You could have told her.
You could have told her everything.”

“I know, Jack,” Lexi admitted placing her
fork back down on the plate. The tiny appetite she had entered with
had now gone.

“Then why didn’t you tell her. She calls me
telling me she loves me, telling me that I’m everything to her. She
says that you’ve opened her eyes to who I really am, but does she
know who I really am, Lexi? Does anyone other than you know who I
am?” he asked standing and approaching her chair. Yanking the chair
from the table he rested his hands on either side of the arm rest
and bore down upon her.

She tilted her face up to his. “I don’t know,
Jack. Have you showed anyone else?” she asked staring up into his
giant baby blues.

He shook his head letting his eyes close and
his head drop forward. She couldn’t help but be amazed at his
beauty even in that moment. “I’ve never known how to talk to anyone
like I can with you, Lex. I’m not even sure if the woman I’ve been
with the past year and a half has a clue who I am,” he announced
licking his lips before continuing. “And when I’m with you, I just
know. You know?”

She did, but could she tell him that? Should
she tell him that? After everything she had told Bekah today and
what she had gone through for him every day since they had met, of
course she knew what he was talking about. She had been his
constant all along. What Bekah had been saying suddenly clicked in
Lexi’s mind.

She was the reason for all of this.

And that realization in itself pushed Lexi to
nod her head in agreement. “I know exactly what you mean.”

His head came up. Somewhere in the deep
recesses of his mind something had clicked inside of him as well.
He scooped her up out of the chair and crushed his lips to hers. He
kicked the chair out of his way and pushed her body back against
the wall. Tilting his head sideways, he kissed her deeper, feeling
around with his tongue for every vantage point. She moaned as his
hands grabbed at her waist and hips. His mouth moved away from her
lips to kiss her earlobe, neck, and collarbone, taking in as much
of her as he could. He returned to her mouth when she clawed at his
back begging to taste him again. It had been nearly two years since
they had last kissed, but the way they moved together made it seem
that like only yesterday. He could still remember every delicate
curve of her body from memory, and she continued to revel in the
feel of his skin against hers once again.

She wanted him so bad in that moment, but not
like this. She wanted him as hers. She wanted him to be her own. No
longer could she play the game of sharing him with another. If he
was to have her and all of her, she needed the same. She needed him
to only belong to her.

“I’m sorry,” he said pulling back softly as
he noticed her desire wane. “I’m sorry again and again. I couldn’t
control myself.” His hand came up softly to her face and cupped her
cheek. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m sorry, too. We shouldn’t be in this
position again. I want us to be…us,” she finally admitted to him.
“I want you to be mine.”

He nodded. “I know. I know what you
mean.”

“And I’m okay holding off until you are mine,
Jack.” He nodded again. “I need to know if that is a reality for us
one day or if I’m wasting my time on you.”

His thumb caressed her cheek affectionately
as the time stretched between them. “I don’t think you’re wasting
your time. When I’m with you, I know I’m not wasting my time.”

Lexi nodded letting a smile touch the edges
of her mouth. “Oh, Jack,” she sighed happily planting another kiss
on his mouth. She hadn’t felt this euphoric in nearly two years.
Something about him always brought out the best feelings in her.
And now it looked like things were actually going to work out for
them, and they were going to do it the right way.

They let the night recede into morning as
they stayed up together sharing stories and remembering what it was
like to be in love. The easy flirtatiousness that they had always
shared was dampened by the impending emotions that were sure to
come forth once they got everything worked out. Instead, they
enjoyed each other’s company along with the rest of the bottle of
wine until the candles died out, and they both fell asleep.

CHAPTER 16

NOVEMBER ONE AND A HALF YEARS EARLIER

“Are you sure we have to have this sleepover
at your place?” Chyna asked eyeing the dorm hallway reproachfully.
“You do know I own a penthouse overlooking Central Park,
right?”

Lexi rolled her eyes dramatically. “Yes, I’ve
been there before. It’s beautiful, but you can’t get the college
experience in a penthouse.”

“I take it back,” she said looking at a
particularly large brown stain on one wall, “I don’t want to know
what it’s like to be in college. That’s why I didn’t go. I’ve been
dating college guys since I was fifteen. If I’ve managed to avoid a
dorm room for five years, then I’m not meant to be in one. Really,
I’m peachy keen, chica.”

“You’re not getting out of this that easy,”
Lexi growled snatching a hold of one of Chyna’s delicate wrists and
yanking her further down the hallway. “And anyway, how did you get
away with that?”