Avoiding Commitment (53 page)

“Feels pretty cold to me,” Lexi said wrapping
her arms around her body.

“Whatever. Why didn’t you take your cell
phone with you?” she asked disapprovingly.

Lexi cringed realizing that she had forgotten
her cell. She knew when she was out in the city, especially when
she was alone, that she should have it with her, but she hated
carrying it with her when she was running. She felt weighed down by
technology. But Rachelle was looking at her expectantly. “Uh, yeah,
sorry. I guess I forgot it.”

“Yeah, I know. It has been ringing off the
hook all morning...on loud,” she grumbled crossing her arms over
her chest.

Lexi gulped, taking a sideways look towards
her room as if her phone was going to start ringing again at any
moment. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“You should call Jack back. I finally had to
answer and tell him I’d give you the message, but that you weren’t
home.”

“You told him I wasn’t home?” she
squeaked.

“What was I supposed to do? You weren’t in
your room. Your phone was still on your desk. Your purse was
missing. You had to be somewhere. I told him you were out. What’s
the big deal?” Rachelle asked.

Lexi groaned. “My purse is missing? Great,
just great. What a fantastic morning.”

“Just call him back,” she said slamming her
door angrily.

Lexi sighed and trudged into her room. All
she wanted to was shower. She did not want to have to deal with
this right now.

She glanced around noticing that her purse
was still exactly where she had left it safely tucked under her
desk. Rachelle must have missed it when she answered the phone.
Lexi breathed out a sigh of relief that nothing had happened to her
purse. She unplugged her phone from where she had left it charging
the night before and turned it on. Eight missed calls showed up on
the phone and she had four text messages, and that was before
Rachelle had gotten to her phone to turn it off.

Even though all she wanted to do was take a
shower and not think about anything, she reluctantly opened the
phone and dialed Jack’s number. As she waited, she peeled of her
running jacket and hung it on a hook on the back of her door. Her
t-shirt came off next followed by the black, long-sleeve, Under
Armour shirt. Her track pants hung low on her hips and her black
sports bra hugged tight against her chest.

“Lex,” Jack breathed into the phone, “where
have you been? I’ve been calling all morning.”

“Yeah, Rachelle told me. Sorry about
that.”

“What were you doing? Who were you with?” he
asked accusing her with every word.

“I was out for a run.”

“In this weather?”

She wanted to curse. Why was it so hard to
believe that she would go out for a run when it was nasty outside?
She needed to clear her head. It wasn’t the end of the world. That
didn’t give everyone the right to accuse her of anything.
“Yeah.”

“Right.”

“What? Do you not believe me?” she asked, her
earlier anxieties making her jumpy.

“Sure, I believe you. If you say so.”

“Why don’t you sound like you believe me?”
Her voice couldn’t hide the hint of annoyance at his tone. He was
the one who had dipped out of the party, and then left a sketchy
voicemail telling her not to come over to be with him. She should
be the one accusing him of not being around.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
He had a rough night with the job interview. He was probably just
irritated with that. There was no need for her to make it worse for
him. “I’m sorry. It was just a rough night.”

“I know what you mean,” he whispered.

“Sorry, I didn’t bring my phone. I’ll
remember to take it with me next time,” she apologized.

“Actually, we need to talk.”

Warning signals began blasting off in her
brain even worse than this morning. Those words were never a good
sign. Nothing good could come from saying that. “About what?” she
managed to get out.

She could hear him take a deep breath. “Can I
come over?”

“Of course you can come over. You’re here all
the time,” she mumbled knowing it had to be bad, if he had to ask
to come over.

“I have to take care of some...stuff here,
and then I’ll be over so we can talk. Alright?”

She nodded swallowing heavily. Then she
realized he couldn’t see her and said, “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Bye,” he said hanging up the phone
quickly.

Lexi shut her phone and tossed it back into
the mess on her desk. She yanked her hair out of the ponytail on
the back of her head and let her mass of curls fall around her
face. Brushing them out of her face with her fingers, she could
feel some of the tension release from her body.

The events from the past twelve hours were
replaying in her head. Where had things gone wrong? They had been
perfect at the party. God, they had been about to leave to have
sex...make love until they had been interrupted.

The interruption.

What had Claire said about him leaving? That
she had seen him exit the premises with some drunken blonde chick
on his arm. Lexi could remember the look of disbelief in Claire and
Chyna’s eyes when she had explained about the interview. They both
had the same expression.

She shook her head not wanting to think about
that. Her body hurt from running, lack of hydration, and chronic
worrying. All she needed was a long hot shower and to chill the
fuck out. No use worrying over something that she had no idea
about. Everything her imagination was conjuring up was only
successfully making her more worried about what had happened last
night, and why he now so desperately needed to talk to her.

Taking the time to thoroughly wash away any
lingering doubts, Lexi took extra long in the shower. She scrubbed
every crevice washing away the sweat and grime from her run twice
with her cranberry body wash. She lathered and rinsed her hair
until it was silky smooth. When she cut off the water, the bathroom
was thick with steam and the mirror completely obscured by fog.
Typically, Lexi wasn’t the type of girl who primped, but today was
not like other days.

After towel drying her hair, she blew it out
until every long strand was dry. Then she pulled a straightener
down until all the curls were gone and her hair hit her lower back.
Black eyeliner rimmed her eyes and a layer of mascara touched her
lashes. After adding a hint of rouge to her pale cheeks, she
figured she had spent enough time in the bathroom. She was amazed
that no one had bothered her already. With only one bathroom
between four people, it was usually only a matter of time before
someone came banging on the door.

As Lexi walked out of the bathroom, she did
hear a knock coming from the door. She wrapped her skimpy white
towel tightly around her body and scrambled towards the front door.
“Jack,” she cried as she opened the door. “I thought you had stuff
to do.”

He looked at her as if he were looking at her
for the first time. The way her silky hair shone as the hallway
light hit the strands. The way her side swept bangs fell neatly
into her enormous brown eyes, which only looked larger and more
beautiful from the make-up she had carefully applied. Her skin
contrasted with the bleach white towel giving her a sun-kissed
look. A smile broke out across his face as he took in the sight of
her partly exposed body.

“It’s been over an hour,” he commented.

“Oh, has it?” she asked embarrassed even
further. She couldn’t remember ever taking over an hour in the
shower. “Are you going to come in?” she asked stepping aside and
hugging her towel tight to her chest. She could feel it slipping
out of place.

Jack stepped through the doorway allowing
Lexi to close it behind him.

“I’ll just go change,” Lexi said walking
swiftly towards her bedroom. Jack followed behind taking a seat in
her desk chair. She turned to face him without moving to get
clothes out of her closet. “So, what uh...stuff did you have to
do?” she asked leaning back against her desk.

Jack averted his eyes to the floor. “I had to
get things taken care of. It’s no big deal.”

“Oh,” she said lamely. Lexi sucked her bottom
lip into her mouth biting down lightly. She could tell that it was
a big deal or he wouldn’t have to be so secretive about it. But she
was already afraid of what he might say. There was no need to bring
anything else up until he was ready.

Lexi sat back against the desk, scooting over
a few coffee mugs and class notes. “I thought you were going to
change,” he noted once he finally spoke up. His eyes roamed her
body.

“I was, but you wanted to talk to me.”

“I didn’t expect to speak to you naked,” he
murmured.

“I’m not naked,” she told him pointing
towards her tiny towel.

“Close enough.”

“No, it’s really not. You’ve seen me in
less.”

Jack cringed away at her words. Not a good
sign. “Just...change.”

“I’d rather we talk,” she told him standing
her ground.

“Fine,” he muttered standing swiftly from the
chair and knocking it back against the wall. Lexi jolted from where
she was sitting. “So, let’s talk.”

Lexi waited. “I don’t know what you want to
talk about,” she whispered her eyes cast to the floor in
anticipation.

“I don’t really know how to begin this.”

“Are you,” she choked on the words, “are you
breaking up with me?” She felt tears welling in her eyes at the
prospect. The way he was talking that was the only conclusion she
could come to. He had realized he didn’t want her after all and
they were not going to be working towards that relationship. It
didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense at all after what he had
said to Clark, but she couldn’t see an alternative. She had been
through break ups before and he was about hitting it on the
nose.

“What?” he asked. “No. Well, I couldn’t
anyway. We’re not in a relationship. I mean we’re together, but
we’re not...you know...
together
.”

Lexi really could not tell the difference
anymore. They had been doing everything together for over a month,
and they had been intimately involved emotionally for nearly four
years. How much more could he want?

“So, we’re not breaking up then?” she asked
feeling pitiful.

“No, well, I dunno,” he muttered.

Lexi coughed running her fingers through her
stick straight hair, and trying not to cry. “Why don’t you
know?”

“It all depends on you.”

“I don’t want us to break up.”

Jack smiled a true genuine smile reaching all
the way up to his beautiful blue eyes. “Yeah?” he asked his smile
beginning to wane. “You might change your mind.”

“I don’t think so. I’ve made up my mind.”

“Look, Lex, I don’t want to lie to you. I
told you I never would, and I want to stick by that.”

Lexi’s heart was beating out of her chest. It
was almost painful as the weight of it slammed forcefully back and
forth against her ribcage. He had lied to her as she had feared.
She didn’t know what it could be about. Was it the blonde girl? Did
he not go to the interview?

“Then don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t want to,” he said stuffing his hands
in his pockets. “I have to tell you something.”

“What do you have to tell me?” she asked
impatiently. “Is this about the girl Claire saw you leaving with
last night?”

“Girl?” he asked confused. “No, it has
nothing to do with that. She was just drunk and I was helping her
out of the party and into a cab.”

“Is this about the interview?” she couldn’t
help asking.

“No...well, yeah, sort of, but please Lexi
let me speak,” he finally commanded her. Lexi waited expectedly.
“I...I slept with someone else last night.”

It was Lexi’s turn to shoot up from her seat.
“What?” she screeched nearly dropping her towel. She grappled for
the loose material pulling it up to fully cover her body.

“I...yeah. I didn’t get the job. I wanted to
go home and crash, but then there was a huge party at my place. I
couldn’t get any rest so I got hammered instead. One thing led to
another and...”

“So you just
slept
with someone?” she
asked in horror.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I just fucked up. It didn’t
mean anything.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Oh,
I’m sorry, Lexi. It was just a meaningless fuck! How do you think
that could help me? What the fuck were you thinking?” she
questioned him pulling out a t-shirt and gym shorts from her
dresser and hastily yanking them on. She felt exposed in her towel
and realized now why he had wanted her to change.

“I wasn’t thinking. I was drunk, and it just
sort of happened,” he yelled back.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous!”

“Stop getting so riled up. I came here to
tell you because I couldn’t keep it from you. Isn’t that worth
something?”

Lexi’s eyes narrowed as they zeroed in on
him. “A very small something.”

“Oh come on.”

“Did you somehow think this would be okay? I
don’t understand your motives at all.”

“Lex, I didn’t have a motive. It just
happened. You of all people should know what that feels like.”

“No, I
don’t
know what that feels
like! I never slept with someone without forethought.”

“You’re such a liar. When we first slept
together you had no intention of sleeping with me and then we
did.”

“Whatever. That was us though, Jack.
We’re...different.” She so desperately wanted to make him
understand.

“You’re such a hypocrite,” he cried throwing
his hands up in the air. “What do you think we were doing the whole
time we were with other people? We were cheating on them. We were
the bad guys.”

“I know that,” she yelled back
forcefully.

“Then why the fuck are you getting so pissed
off about what happened? I fucked up alright. We’ve done that
before,” he said pushing away his feeling towards his actions.