Avoiding Commitment (59 page)

“What am I trying to do besides get answers
from you?” she asked unable to keep the confusion out of her
voice.

“Don’t play all innocent with me. We both
know you’re not that,” Jack said standing and tossing some
paperwork into a basket.

“I never said I was innocent,” she said a bit
confused by the abrupt shift in the conversation.

“Yeah, but you sure try to act like you
are.”

“Jack, you’ve lost me,” Lexi told him her
brow scrunching together.

“I know what you’ve been up to this
week.”

“Um…what have I been up to this week? The
only thing I’ve been doing is exactly what you asked me to do. I
spoke to Bekah about our relationship. I played the perfect part in
your stupid charade. I went to the Country Club, Ramsey’s stupid
party, your birthday…what more did you want from me? I gave you
everything you could want from me. I tried to give you everything,
and it seemed like it was going to work out, but now,” she drifted
off, “I guess it doesn’t seem like enough.”

He laughed. He actually laughed at the last
statement. Lexi’s mouth popped open in surprise unable to fathom
why he was acting so impertinent. “You actually want me to believe
that you gave me everything?”

“Compared to you giving me nothing, yes, I’d
say I gave you everything,” she spat at him.

“You’re ridiculous, Lexi,” he said shaking
his head. “You think I don’t know what you’ve been up to?”

“Well, I don’t know what I’ve been up to so
why don’t you tell me,” she said completely baffled by this point.
She had no idea what he was talking about. She had come here from
New York at
his
request to convince his dumb girlfriend that
he could commit. She didn’t exactly believe it herself, but she had
tried. As far as she could tell, she had succeeded as well. Bekah
seemed to believe that they were going to be together. And up until
last night, when Jack had left her all alone feeling used and
violated, she had been certain that Jack was actually going to
leave Bekah for her.

“Go ahead, play coy with me. I know what you
and Ramsey have been up to.”

That really threw her off guard. “What does
Ramsey have to do with any of this?” she asked trying to follow his
line of reasoning but coming up blank.

He nodded his head a few times. “You don’t
have to try and play me like this, Lex. I know you, and I know
what’s been going on.”

“Then please fill me in, because I have
no
idea what you’re talking about,” she said walking to the
front of his desk and taking a seat in one of the client chairs.
She crossed her arms and legs simultaneously and waited for another
outrageous response from him.

“You think I don’t know that you guys met
before this?”

“Of course we met before this. I told you
that as soon as I saw him at the Country Club that we met there
when I came up here with Jennifer,” she told him still confused as
to where this was going.

“Right, that was a pretty good act. When did
you become such a good liar, Lexi?”

“If you tell me what I’m lying about, I might
know, because as far as I can tell
you
are the only good
liar in the room.”

“Come on, Lexi,” he cried. “Now, I didn’t
think you would ever play me like this, but I can tell that you are
now. How long have you guys been together? Has it been since New
York?” he asked placing his hands on the desk and leaning forward
towards her.

“We’re not together,” she stuttered in
disbelief.

“Oh, right. You don’t do the commitment
thing. Have you just been fucking?”

“Excuse me, I’m going to pass right over the
very ridiculous accusation that Ramsey and I have been fucking,”
Lexi said her face clouding over only slightly at the thought that
she had almost done just that last night. “And step right up to the
plate and take the hypocritical route, jackass.”

Jack stumbled a step as he walked around the
corner of her desk. He glanced up at her cheeky comment in
surprise. “Whatever, Lexi. I know that you know Ramsey from New
York. And whether you’re fucking or not, I know you guys have been
together. I saw you kiss at his party. I saw it again last night.
I’m not stupid, alright? I can tell that there is something going
on between you two.”

Lexi stared at him in awe. So that was why he
had been so angry and rough with her the night before. He had
somehow deluded himself into believing that she and Ramsey were
together. It didn’t make sense to her, but she figured if he looked
at it from only one side, it might look like that. However, that
didn’t explain why he thought she had met Ramsey in New York. “What
do you mean I know him from New York?”

“You don’t deny that you and Ramsey have
something going on?” he asked ignoring her question.

“We don’t have anything going on, Jesus. We
did kiss, but we’re not together. I don’t even understand how you
could think that.”

“I don’t think that. I know that something is
going on between ya’ll. You’ve been fucking with my mind since you
got here.”

“Excuse me? You’re the one who has been
flip-flopping the whole goddamned time I’ve been here. You come
home early to see me. Then you’re an asshole to me at Ramsey’s
party. Then you want to be with me again and you’re going to break
things off with Bekah. After that we have sex, and you’re just
another asshole all over again. What the fuck, Jack?” she asked
demanding his attention.

“It’s only because you’ve been playing me the
whole time that I keep changing,” he told her his blue eyes
stormy.

“I have
not
been playing you!” she
yelled at him. “And I don’t know Ramsey from anywhere.”

Jack laughed again. “You’re good. You know
that?” Lexi sighed exasperated. “You and Ramsey met in the club the
night we got back together in New York.”

Lexi glanced at him in surprise. Her heart
raced in her chest at the faint memory of a night long ago. She had
met someone in that club. In fact, she had almost gone home with
that guy. A series of flashbacks took over her mind.

A man in an Armani suit buying her drinks and
barely glancing at Chyna as he offered to take Lexi home. A faint
memory of Ramsey saying they had met somewhere previously before
they kissed on his balcony. The way he programmed her number into
his phone as if he already had it in there. Ramsey somehow knowing
she didn’t drink Jack Daniels or Sex on the Beach. How familiar his
lack of personal space felt. The way he had touched her last night,
as if he had been waiting to do that for much longer than the week
he had known her.

Her stomach plummeted, shock radiating out of
every pore. Could Ramsey be the elusive Armani Guy? She had lost
all the numbers programmed into her phone, so when Ramsey had given
her his number it wouldn’t have been in there. He must have known
all along, and he hadn’t mentioned it to her.

“See you can’t even deny it,” he said shaking
his head as if he hadn’t really believed it himself until her
confirmation.

“How did you find out that I’d met him?” she
asked.

“I remember Chyna talking to you about some
guy from Armani calling you when we were together. I knew you were
at the club where Ramsey was that night, because I was the one he
was supposed to interview.” Lexi’s heart jumped again. Jack had
been there that night. In fact, when she had seen a guy that looked
like him, that actually could have been him. She couldn’t believe
all of this. “I know you’ve been seeing each other since then. He
told me about this woman he met once in New York a couple weeks
ago. He didn’t even know he was talking about you, and, honestly,
until I saw the two of you together last night, I wasn’t entirely
sure myself.”

Lexi’s hand rushed to her mouth unable to
believe what he was telling her. “I knew Ramsey in New York,” she
murmured.

“So you admit it?”

“Yeah. I guess I do, but he never told me
that he knew me,” she said still in a state of shock. Why wouldn’t
he have told her? It wasn’t like she had given him some reason not
to trust her. Sure, she hadn’t exactly been up front with him about
her reasons for being in Atlanta, but she hadn’t considered that
something like this would happen.

“Right,” he said in disbelief resting back
against the corner of the desk and turning to face her.

Lexi stood brushing the cobwebs out of her
mind. She took a turn around the room trying to process what this
new information meant besides the fact that it seemed everyone was
lying to her in some way. What more could she find out to make
matters worse? She finally settled her mind, and walked back to
Jack. “I don’t know how we got onto this subject, but Ramsey is not
the reason I barged into your office to speak with you.”

Jack waited. “What’s the reason then?”

Lexi took a deep breath before starting. “I’m
leaving tonight for New York, and I need to know what’s going
on…with us,” she said the last part unsure if she really wanted the
answer. At the same time, she knew that she would never be able to
leave Atlanta happy without answers.

Jack sighed and buried his head in his hands.
“Always back to this conversation.”

“It’s the only one that seems to matter,” she
said standing her ground in front of him.

“Lexi, I have a whole life here. I have more
than a few loose ends to tie up.”

“What about everything you said?” Lexi asked
her voice quivering.

“What do you want me to say, Lex?”

“What about the goddamn truth?” she cried
throwing her hands in the air. “Do you want to be with me? You said
that you did. Was that all a lie too?”

“It wasn’t a lie. I just…I want to be with
you when I’m with you, but when you’re gone I doubt everything. We
have too much history, Lex. You know that. I don’t know what’s been
going on with us lately, and,” he took a deep breath, “I don’t know
if I can leave my life behind.”

“So, this is it then?” she asked, their
history the only thing keeping her from collapsing.

“I don’t know…”

“No, don’t fucking do that. Make up your mind
already,” she cried rushing forward and pressing herself against
his chest.

He instinctively wrapped his arms around her
body and held her against him. She breathed into him pushing her
hands up his chest and around his neck. “We have to figure this
stuff out.”

Jack pulled back from her holding her face
softly between his strong hands and staring into her confused brown
eyes. “I know we do.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she told him
closing her eyes as his thumb trailed down her cheek.

“Can’t do
what
anymore?” a voice asked
walking into the room behind them.

Lexi jumped back at the sound of the voice.
Jack immediately released Lexi’s face dropping his hands to his
sides. She tried to hide the expression on her face, but there was
no point. Bekah had to know something was up by now.

“Hey, babe. When did you get here?” Jack
asked hesitantly.

“Just a little while ago. Hey, Lexi,” Bekah
said cheerfully.

“Bekah,” Lexi said nodding her head in
greeting.

“Are you here about the news?” Bekah asked
smiling as politely as ever as she strolled into the room. Her
naturally blonde hair had recently been highlighted and fell down
to her chest as pin straight as ever. She wore a crisp white pencil
skirt with a baby pink silk blouse that tied up around her neck
making a bow. A white suit jacket was folded in half over her left
arm. She looked like a vision of perfection, and it made Lexi
sick.

“Uh…news?” Lexi asked glancing between Jack
and Bekah.

“Didn’t Jack tell you?”

“Apparently not,” she uttered anxiously.

Bekah held up left hand and squealed with
joy. “We’re getting married.”

Lexi gasped as she looked at the cut of the
ring in front of her. It seemed so familiar, but...it couldn’t be.
He wouldn’t.

CHAPTER 25

PRESENT

She was seeing spots.

Anger so fierce came over Lexi she couldn’t
even see properly. Every negative emotion that she had ever
conjured up combined seemed insignificant compared to this feeling.
She could remember a time when she thought things could be right
with her and Jack. Now it seemed like that was such a very long
time ago. How could she have ever told herself things were going to
be alright? She now knew with every ounce of her being that there
was absolutely nothing left of the man she had once loved.

Where had the fun, easy going guy that worked
in the coffee shop and brought her muffins after class gone? Where
was the guy who had taken her to the carnival and paid the guy to
stop them on the top? Where was the guy who got her on the
gymnastics team, who marveled in her every achievement, who
followed her to New York, who would have followed her to the
world’s end? Had that man left a long time ago, and she had just
missed it?

A part of her, and she wasn’t sure how large
that part was, realized that this was her fault. Her continual
desire for him had only pushed him to compensate for her
affections. They had been playing this game for six years now, and
it had changed him. He couldn’t hold back any longer. He lacked
self-control and his selfish and self-righteous behavior only
intensified his demeanor. Somewhere in their past, they had
mutually agreed that cheating was somehow alright. She didn’t know
where that began, if it was the first time he had asked her out,
the first time she had gone to see him knowing she wasn’t
available, or that moment on the pier, which changed everything,
but it had begun.

And that’s how she knew this moment in time
was partly her fault. The sex before the proposal was like old
times all over again. She had attempted to fight him, but she
couldn’t fight Jack. When he was persistent, and damn was he
persistent, he got what he wanted. That is how it had always been.
That is how she had let it become. Cheating was as much a part of
them as breathing, no matter how much Lexi tried to fight it.