Avoiding Responsibility (25 page)

Lexi took a big breath. "I love you too," she whispered against his hair.

He wrapped his arms all the way around her waist and hugged her close. "That's the best thing I've ever heard," he breathed into her.

He placed a faint kiss on her cheek before pulling back and striding into the bathroom. Lexi's heart was beating wildly, and not from the sex this time. Her mind was all over the place. With three small words he had forced her body and mind to kick into overdrive.

She couldn't remember loving anyone else but Jack in such a long time that it physically made her heart ache at the thought. Love to her always meant pain and disappointment. She couldn't even remember what it felt like to love someone completely…who also loved her completely. With Jack there had always been complications…other people, infidelity, lies, the list went on and on.

But what she was feeling right now, it was nothing like that. She had never been so scared in her life of what was to come. The possibilities were endless and she had just opened herself up to be in an incredibly vulnerable state. She wasn't sure how to react, and so she just lay still against the now rumpled sheets in a tiny state of panic.

How had she gotten here…to this moment? For years she had left herself guarded and out of reach to everyone around her. She couldn't bear the thought of having someone new in her life…someone to fill the hole in her where she had always thought Jack belonged. Yet, saying out loud that she loved Ramsey didn't feel like that.

He wasn't replacing Jack. That would somehow diminish what she was feeling at this moment to think that he was just a replacement. He was so much more than that to her. He had opened up a new part of her that she didn't even know existed. And though Jack still held up residence in her heart, the thought of him was dulled in comparison.

She sighed contentedly knowing that she had made the right decision in telling him her true feelings. She didn't want to hide from him, because she knew from experience that only made things worse.

"You look like you're thinking real hard," he muttered leaning against the bathroom door frame.

"Just thinking about you," she said rolling over to look at his gorgeous body. "And what you did to me."

"What did I do to you?" he asked striding back over to the bed.

She shivered all over as he came closer. "Made my whole body shake."

"Look what you're doing to me," he groaned hungrily as he pushed himself back against her.

"Again?" she asked her eyes bulging slightly.

He chuckled softly to himself. "I could if you could, but," he said cutting off her response, "I think we have places to be." His voice was wistful as if the last thing he wanted to do was meet up with his friends.

"Oh right," she said running her hands against the contours of his body. She didn't want to have to cover this up.

"You sound as thrilled as I do," he commented forlornly.

She smiled brightly at him. "I think it'll be good for me to spend some time with your friends. You know…get to know the people you spend a lot of time with," she murmured quickly.

"Not a lot of time," he said shrugging it off.

"Well you've known them a long time."

"Now that is a true statement," he said leaning forward to kiss her cheek.

"So where exactly are we going?" she asked hoping to use the weight of his affection as leverage.

"Don't think I'm going to ruin the surprise," he said leaning forward and planting a kiss on her lips. "Come on let's get you dressed again."

Lexi stuck her lip out. "Not something I like to hear from you."

Ramsey leaned back into her burying his face in her wild hair. "Only so I can tear them off of you later," he replied huskily.

Her body trembled all over at the thought of him stripping her clothes off piece by piece and reenacting their earlier escapades. "I…I'd like that."

Ramsey chuckled heartily before striding out to the balcony to pick up the rest of his discarded clothing. Lexi and Ramsey dressed as quickly as they could. After deciding they both looked as put together as they could muster after what had just happened, they headed out the door.

Lexi laced her hand in Ramsey's as they strode down the sidewalk to destination unknown. Expensive cars zoomed past them as they took their time to reach their locale. Lexi was glad that they had decided not to drive. After the events of the evening thus far she really needed some time with the cool breeze blowing in off of the ocean to calm her down. The smell of salt filled her mind and relaxed her body. She had always loved the beach nearly to a fault. She was sure she had missed out on a lot of alternative vacations by always opting for a beach locale. However, she couldn't care about that now since the beach felt so much like coming home.

"Did you want to walk along the beach?" Ramsey asked. "You're kind of staring at it like you do me."

Lexi giggled. "Sorry. I just love it here," she murmured.

"No need to apologize. I love it too. It's even better here with you."

Lexi's smile lit up the night as she stared up at him. "How much farther?"

"Well there's the pier," he said gesturing out to the beach just ahead of them. "So not much longer."

"Are we going to the pier?" she asked her mouth drying out and her stomach dropping. Going to the pier would not be a good idea. She didn't care how much distance was between her and
that
pier, it still brought back memories. Memories that she couldn't afford to have right now. She couldn't think about that…not when she was with Ramsey. Not after she had just told him that she loved it. There would be something intrinsically wrong about going there after that.

"Did you want to?" Ramsey asked eyeing her carefully.

"Uh…"

"I mean I wasn't planning on it, but if you'd rather we stop by…"

"No," she stated quickly. "The sidewalk is fine. Let's take a walk on the beach tomorrow night. I don't want to sidetrack your plans anymore than I already have."

Ramsey stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and pulled her into him. "Please feel free to sidetrack my plans anytime you want," he told her kissing her breathlessly.

Lexi leaned into him letting the rest of the world fall away from her. She didn't care that they were in the middle of the sidewalk in open view to whoever walked or drove by. She just wanted his lips on her. When he pulled away, her eyes lightly fluttered open. "Maybe we should go back to the bedroom," she murmured playfully dragging him back the direction they came.

Of course, she didn't budge him one inch. He towered over her tiny frame. He scooped her up in his muscled arms and began carrying her towards their destination. "Ramsey," she cried kicking her legs out. "Put me down. Oh my God, anyone could see."

"I don't care," he said twirling her around once.

She giggled. "Come on. Put me down," she crowed.

"Alright alright," he said placing her gently back down on her feet. "But look we move a lot faster without your tiny steps."

"Hey, don't be mean to my tiny steps," she pouted.

"Never," he said grabbing her hand once more. "But we're almost there." He pointed ahead to a beach side bar with a large sign overhead that ready Shades.

"You're bringing me to a bar?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

"Not just any bar," he told her nearly dragging her forward with excitement.

"Alright alright, slow down. Tiny steps remember," she said nearly jogging to catch up with his long strides.

Just as they drew near the bar, Lexi heard someone call Ramsey's name from beachside. The voice was quiet and hesitant, and if Lexi hadn't been walking right past it she was sure she would have missed it. Ramsey, however, seemed not to have heard it.

"Ramsey," Lexi said yanking on his hand. "Someone just called your name."

"Ramsey?" Lexi heard the voice again and turned to face the direction. This time Ramsey heard the voice, and dropped Lexi's hand reflexively. Lexi's eyes narrowed in on the person who emerged from the beach.

Standing in front of her was a girl who, at first glance, was so similar to Lexi in appearance they almost could have been related. Her brown hair was long and wavy, but clearly she put no time into the maintenance of the locks. Beautiful brown eyes stared back at her, but they were slightly tainted by the dark circles under her eyes. Her pouty lips had a light smear of lip gloss across them, and otherwise she was devoid of make-up. The major difference between the two was the contrast in complexion. Where Lexi had a perfectly bronzed tan, this woman had milky white skin with only slight olive undertones. She wore white linen pants and a brown bikini top, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

Lexi was eye level with the girl as she approached, and she couldn't keep her mouth from dropping. She had never met anyone so similar to her. As she drew closer, Lexi realized that her face was shaped a bit different – more round than heart-shaped. Her nose was turned up slightly at the end where Lexi's was just a little button. She had a slender figure, but she was clearly built different than Lexi. She didn't have the lean muscles cultivated from gymnastics, pilates, and dance. Rather, she had an athletic build of a swimmer or soccer player. Though her hair was just about the same length, it didn't have the body and volume Lexi was so accustomed to dealing with.

Despite these differences, the resemblance was uncanny.

"Ramsey, wow, I couldn't believe that was you. What are you doing here?" she asked smiling up into his shell-shocked face.

Lexi hadn't noticed at first that Ramsey looked so surprised, because in fact she had been just as surprised at the sight of this woman. Now as she tore her eyes from the woman, she noticed just how dumbfounded Ramsey appeared. His mouth was hanging slightly open. His eyes were completely focused on the woman in front of him and nothing else. His hands were clenched in fists at his side. She wasn't sure if he was more in shock or anger at the visage before him.

"I…um…I'm on vacation," he said tentatively.

"Oh! I'd almost forgotten that you love these beaches," she said her smile lighting up even further. "It must be nice to get away from the club for awhile and enjoy the sun."

Lexi's head snapped from Ramsey back to the woman in front of him. She knew about the clubs. She knew that he liked these beaches. Who was this woman?

"It is," he agreed gulping hard.

"Are Brad and Jason with you?" she asked still not taking her eyes from him. The ease of the conversation on her end was evident.

How did she know his roommates? Not that anyone couldn't know his roommates. But she had never seen this girl. She had never met this girl, for sure. She had never heard mention of her. She certainly would have remembered someone who looked like her.

"Yeah they're inside," he said jerking his head towards the bar.

"That's great. I was fortunate enough to get a stint of my residency down here. The hospital has been keeping me up all hours of the day, but I'm almost finished so it's been cutting back some. But soon I can move back home," she said dreamily.

"Your parents must be thrilled about that," Ramsey said wistfully.

Woah. Lexi's body kicked into overdrive once again. Did he just say her parents? Did he know her parents?

"They are," she agreed a cute smile creeping up onto her face. "Look about the wedding…I'm trying to get your dad to lay off."

Lexi's mouth dropped to the ground at that statement. What wedding? Was she talking about Jack's wedding or had Lexi just lost her mind? And how was she involved in this wedding? Clearly they were acquainted with each other's parents, but Lexi just couldn't bring herself to put pieces together. She had no recollection of a person in Ramsey's past who could have this much knowledge about him. Did she really know that little about him?

Ramsey had the good sense to cut off that line of conversation. "It's fine. I already told him off."

"Maybe we should talk about this," she said reaching her hand forward, then thinking better of it, and letting it drop to her side.

"No really, let's not," he said cutting her off.

The girl's mouth strained around the edges at the abrupt statement. "Well I'm going to be there regardless. So we should figure it out sometime. It's not like Bekah is just going to let this all slide."

There was Lexi's confirmation. She couldn't believe this. This girl was somehow involved in Bekah and Jack's wedding, and Lexi had no idea how. Not that she really had ever wanted to know the details of what was being planned. She hadn't. But she would have wanted to know who this woman was, and how she fit into the whole scheme of things.

Seemingly realizing for the first time, that Lexi was being ignored, she stuck her hand out in front of her. "I'm Lexi, Ramsey's girlfriend. And you are?"

The girl turned her head to the side and glanced at Lexi. She could tell that the woman was having the same wave of emotions flow through her body. The resemblance between them was uncanny. "You're Ramsey's…girlfriend?" the woman asked looking between Lexi and Ramsey in nearly a state of shock. "I didn't realize that he had a girlfriend."

Lexi tried to hide her embarrassment at having that statement repeated to her after the humiliating scene in Bridges Enterprise when dozens of other people had said the same thing. Whoever this woman was…Lexi was pretty sure she wasn't going to like her. "Uh…yeah. That would be me."

The woman slid her hand into Lexi's and seemed to examine her closely. "Well then, it's a pleasure to meet you Lexi. I'm Parker."

K.A. Linde

Memories can fade

But my heart has a place

For the smile on your face

And maybe someday

We can be more than friends,

Love will find us again.

-Britney Spears "Autumn Goodbye

Chapter 13: Present

Lexi couldn't hide the guilt that was written all over her face. She hadn't done anything, but just that fact that she was with Jack was bad enough. Sure she had resisted him this time around. She had told him off and kept him at a distance…well as much of a distance as she could with Jack. However, the knowledge that he still got to her after everything was infuriating. Of course, Ramsey was the last person she had wanted to witness them alone together, but she couldn't think of anyone else who would be happy about the situation either. She could just hear Chyna's disapproving tone if she knew what Lexi had gotten herself into.

She didn't even glance from Ramsey's stormy green eyes to look at Jack. She had known him long enough to understand what was going on in his head right now…to know his expression. It wasn't like this was the first time they had been caught together. The thought made her sick to her stomach.

The reason she had left Atlanta in the first place was so that this would stop happening. How could she let this keep happening? Her heart went out to Ramsey as she searched his face. He had to be in Jack's wedding and it was pretty obvious that if he hadn't despised him prior to this moment…he did now. He looked as if he could rip him to pieces…tear him limb from limb and feel no remorse for his actions.

He was usually so calm and controlled. Only a select few times had she seen him go off on anyone…she was unfortunate to have been one of those people. He had made up for it of course, but she didn't wish the experience on anyone else. Not even Jack someone who probably deserved a good telling-off.

Ramsey cleared his throat as if her and Jack jumping apart hadn't assured his introduction. "Bekah is looking for you." Ramsey could barely contain a growl as he pointedly made the statement. His free hand was clenched at his side. The muscles around his mouth were tight and strained. A deep furrow formed between his eyebrows the longer he stood before Jack and Lexi.

Jack nodded slumping his shoulders as he slunk forward toward Ramsey. He stopped just before reaching him and said, "Hey man, you mind not telli…"

Ramsey's threatening glare cut him off. He could have pierced straight through him in that moment, and Jack knew it. "I think my
sister
is still waiting for you," he spat at Jack clearly disgusted.

Jack snapped his mouth shut. Whatever he had been about to inquire of Ramsey died on his tongue. He nodded his head resolutely and scurried from the security of the weeping willow. Lexi watched him go with resignation that soon she would be alone with Ramsey, and she would have to account for her inexplicable actions.

Lexi didn't have to be a genius to know what Jack had been about to ask though. It was pretty clear that if she hadn't wanted Ramsey to know…Jack sure as hell didn't want Bekah to find out. Ramsey and her weren't even dating anymore, but he was supposed to marry that detestable woman by the end of the week. The last thing Jack would want Bekah to know about was that he had been alone with Lexi. Lexi had gone to such lengths to keep them apart for the past year, and here they were again making the same stupid mistakes. No matter her present relationship with Ramsey, she knew that she didn't want him to know that they had been together. And Jack, no matter how much he seemed to not care that he was getting married when he was with her, still didn't want his fiancé to know.

She couldn't blame him for having been about to ask Ramsey not to tell Bekah. It was a futile endeavor, but she couldn't blame him for it.

Their predicament didn't exactly make sense. She had left him behind. He had agreed to marry another woman. After everything they should know better than to be alone together for any period of time. Now not only had she made the stupid mistake of agreeing to come to this wedding because of Jack, but she had been caught alone with him.

She just wanted to hit herself for her own stupidity. She wouldn't blame anyone for being angry at her. All she wanted to do was call Chyna and get yelled at to avoid the reprimand she was certain was coming from Ramsey.

Lexi took a deep breath in the near silence that followed Jack's departure. She still hadn't broken eye contact with Ramsey, and she knew that his emotions were close to boiling over the surface. She wanted to speak first…to explain, but she was lost for words. What could she possibly say? How could she possibly begin?

Ramsey began for her. "Look I know we're not together," he said closing off their exit and walking forward towards her. He ran his hands back through his honey blonde hair and scratched the back of his head as if in thought.

"I know that we have a lot of things to work out. I know that you're pretty pissed off at me. I just…I can't…I just don't understand. I just can't begin to fathom your reasoning." His words came out rushed and babbling and Lexi was struck with her first meeting with him when he hadn't been able to shut up. It made her want to smile, but not at this moment.

"I just…look there's no other way around it…excuse my way of asking this, but what the fuck were you doing?" he asked unable to keep his ever-present cool.

Lexi's mouth popped open at the statement. "Nothing," she piped up after a second of hesitation, devastation evident in her features.

"Nothing? You're going to try and come back with nothing?" he asked his eyes narrowing dangerously. If he had looked angry before it was nothing in comparison to the fire in him at her plea of innocence.

"Really Ramsey, we weren't doing anything," she squeaked gulping down hard.

He took a deep breath clearly trying not to just snap at her. "You left the party. When I got back from helping my sister at my father's request…no, demand you were just gone. When I asked around the only response I got was that you had left with Jack. That they had seen you take a walk together. That you were…" he took another calming breath but couldn't keep the bite out of his voice, "with Jack…alone."

Lexi couldn't find a response. All of that was true. She could hardly deny the facts that she had been an idiot and left with him.

"I don't know why you came here," he said gesturing to the weeping willow. "I don't even know how he knows about this place."

It was evident that this locale had more significance than Ramsey was letting on. She didn't know nor, at this moment, did she want to know what was special about where she was standing. All she could think about was the anger that he was directing towards her.

"Regardless," he grumbled leaning in closer to her, "Then I find you two together, against each other…holding each other. I just…I don't understand why you would…for Christ's sake, you even look guilty," he rushed out.

Lexi took a healing breath in hopes of calming her heart which was slamming around in her chest. "I know. I know," she muttered quickly. "That's probably because I feel guilty for being alone with him."

She couldn't deny that. She hadn't wanted to go for a walk with him in the first place. She knew the dangers. Yet, she had agree in the end anyway. Whether her intentions were clear didn't matter, because she had gone ahead and followed him to this place. She had stayed despite his advances, despite the gnawing feeling that everything that was happening was a terrible mistake. Sure they had resisted each other, but to what extent. He still had enough power and control to get her to leave with him, walk with him, follow him to the ends of the earth. She wanted to hit herself for being so stupid.

"Then why did you do it? Why do you get suckered in by him?" he begged the question storming past her and sitting on the now empty bench.

"I don't know," she cried throwing her arms up in the air. It was a question she had always asked herself. A question anyone that knew her at all asked her. Jack was a douche, to put it plainly. He was the bane of her existence. He didn't deserve one second of her precious time.

She knew that.

Of course she knew that. If anyone knew what kind of pull Jack had on her, it was Lexi. She hated it more than anyone in this moment. It was the whole reason she had left Atlanta a year ago. She had to get away from him…to try and leave him behind. But that didn't just kill her affection for him. She didn't stop desiring him because of it. They had a connection, a chemistry that she had no idea how to explain to the outside world.

When they were apart she could feel all her thoughts of Jack slowly drain out of her. She didn't want him, not at all. She knew he was all wrong for her and that she would be better off focusing her attention elsewhere…preferably on the hunk of a man sitting in front of her. When they were apart, she could clearly delineate her desire and past love for the man from the hatred and sickening feeling she got when she thought about the fact that he was marrying another woman.

But when they were together, it wasn't so simple. Their train wreck of a relationship had been dysfunctional, but in a strange way it had worked for them. Not in a healthy, lovey-dovey relationship kind of way, but still…it had sort of worked.

Yet, she couldn't explain that to Ramsey. How could he possibly understand that? Even with knowing so much about her relationship with Jack, he couldn't ever really
understand
.

"I don't know how to explain," she finally muttered quietly.

"Well could you just try, because I'm at a loss."

"It's not as if you've been saintly," Lexi grumbled walking in a disgruntled circle. She hated going on the defensive in this situation, but she couldn't help it.

"I'm not saying I have been, and I'd apologize a thousand times over if you'd just let me, but that's neither here nor there." Lexi rolled her eyes but didn't deny his logic. "Please try to explain Jack to me."

"He's just…I don't know," she started again chewing on her bottom lip and forcefully pushing some hair behind her ear. "You don't want to hear me talk about him." She glanced back towards him briefly and saw that he was eyeing her very closely, but turned back away quickly.

"No really I do. I just can't fathom why you would be so stupid as to come out here with him," he stated the matter simply. "You know that only leads to things you'll regret." He didn't have to say that she knew better, but she heard it anyway.

Now, Lexi turned and openly stared at him. "You're the one who dragged me out here. You're the one who insisted I come to this wedding. I haven't seen Jack more than a handful of times in a year and certainly not long enough to have a conversation with him…" she began not able to keep her defensive nature down.

"Because you refused to see him," he cried interrupting her.

"Of course I did!" she shot back throwing her arms in the air. "Do you think I don't know what kind of effect he has on me?"

"If you know, then why go near him?" he questioned her. He sounded genuinely curious, but she could hear more. His breathing was shallow, and he was getting worked up.

"I had no plans of going near him. The last thing I wanted was to go to this wedding. You knew that and yet you asked me to go anyway," she said feeling like an idiot as soon as the words slipped out of her mouth.

"Are you trying to blame this on me?" he asked jumping down her throat at the first chance. "Because I'm pretty sure you refused to go to this wedding with me. Then Jack swoops in and invites you, and suddenly you change your story. There's really something fucked up about that Lexi."

Lexi mouth fell open. "So there it is," she grumbled. "Just laying it all out there for me."

"You can't seriously deny that it's messed up," he implored trying to reason with her. Lexi crossed her arms refusing to give a response. "Fine, refuse to deny it. That's fine. Just I don't know try and explain Jack to me. Even though I'm in the man's wedding, I don't see the appeal."

"Ramsey," she muttered sighing heavily. "You don't want to hear this." She turned away from him not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Please, just help me understand," he said grabbing her by the waist and swinging her back around to face him.

Lexi puffed out the breath she was holding unsure of how to proceed with the conversation. She couldn't actually believe that he wanted to know what she felt for Jack…or didn't feel. She could hardly explain it to herself let alone him. And anyway, all it would accomplish was to hurt him.

Staring up into his emerald green eyes, she tried to think about Jack in a way that she could possibly explain to the man standing before her. They both had avoided the subject on numerous occasions, but now it was all catching up with her.

"He just…I don't know Ramsey, you really want me to talk about this?" she asked glancing anxiously around the enclosure. She was desperately trying to get out of this conversation. She figured if she kept asking then maybe he would change his mind.

"Please," he begged. Maybe not.

"Jack and I…" Lexi began hating the way the words fell from her mouth, "we've been through this kind of tug of war for…God, seven years now," she said still amazed at the length of time they had been playing this game. "We had this instant connection. Electric chemistry," she murmured trying not tell too much, but unable to lie about her and Jack. Lying to Ramsey did no good in this situation. She wanted to spare his feelings, but really she had tried to warn him. "It was like the sun only shined when we were together.

"Like the world fell away and it was just the two of us," she murmured softly trying to keep the adoration out of her voice, but finding it increasingly difficult. She could remember the way Chyna claimed she looked when she talked about Jack…dreamy-eyed and seductive. She hoped she didn't look like that now… "We have such a long history that when I look into his eyes that's all I can see. I forget the stupidity of what we've done and who could get hurt. I just remember the man who loved me once," she muttered softly her heart hurting at the admission. "It's like a moth to a flame."