Awaken (The Awaken Series Book 1) (5 page)

I agreed with him that the paddling was a bit extreme for someone that young, but everyone knew Outsiders were forbidden to talk about their old lives before Oportet.

I cleared my throat, suddenly unsure of myself. “Because it just is. We have order and peace and—I don’t know—protection, I guess. There is no fear of violence within our walls.”
 

Jasper assessed my words and opened his mouth to speak, then closed it and handed me back the prompt. He seemed to be searching for the right way to get a point across. “I think that your council has put a lot of effort into convincing—no, brainwashing—this city into believing that life is only worth living if it is within their parameters. And the beating that poor kid just took looked pretty violent to me.”

An uncomfortable silence hung between us. All I could do was stare at him with my mouth hanging open and my eyes too wide. Who the hell did Jasper think he was? If anyone had heard him say that, we would both be in a lot of trouble.

Jasper read my expression and shook his head like he regretted saying anything at all. “Sorry. Pretend I didn’t say any of that. It was stupid of me.” He let out a breath. “Let’s just get this over with,” he mumbled as he walked toward the physics exhibit, leaving me stiff and staring after him. He
was
wrong…wasn’t he?

~~~~~

We spent all afternoon finishing the essay and the accompanying questions while listening to the loud thumping of rain against the roof above us. After the awkward situation from earlier, we didn’t have much to talk about. Strangely enough, we returned to a comfortable silence, like the kind of silence between life-long friends. Or maybe it was that our thoughts were loud enough on their own.

I cursed my curiosity when I broke the quiet. “Where did you come from?” I blurted. The question had not come out exactly right, but Jasper seemed to understand perfectly.

His hand halted from where it was scribbling notes on a piece of lined paper, and he peered up at me with his head slightly cocked, his perfectly messy hair hanging down just above his eyes. “My mom and I lived near Oportet, in Portland.
 

 
“It was beautiful there. Most of the people who lived around us were friendly, and my mom—oops, I mean Mother—loved showing me the world. We did a lot of hiking and exploring…” Jasper shifted his eyes to behind me as he trailed off.
 

I thought that he must have been lost in his memories of Portland, but then I heard a deep voice erupt close to my ear.

“Well, what do we have here?” I spun my head around to meet the dark blue eyes of an unfamiliar face. The boy looked a bit older than Jasper and me, and I couldn’t help but stare at his perfectly angular face, with a prominent jawbone and light brown, curly hair. I glanced nervously to Jasper. With all of their similarities, they had to have come from the same family.

“Luna, this is Alex…my cousin.” And there it was.

I nodded—somehow losing the ability to speak. Alex radiated a kind of unsettling energy.

“Luna? That’s a weird-ass name.” Alex seemed far too amused by his breaking of a rule.
 

My immediate reaction was to scowl at his language. However, I bit back a smile as he made a show of looking around with eyes wide, as if he was making sure adults weren’t around to chastise him. When he turned back to us and flashed me a mischievous grin, my composure broke, and I burst into laughter.
 

Did I really just laugh? Breaking a rule shouldn’t be funny, right? But the more I thought about the guilt I was feeling, the more I started to question my guilt. What exactly was so bad about breaking this rule? Why did I keep having to suppress all of my thoughts that weren’t up to par with what everyone kept telling me was right? Jasper’s comment kept running through my mind: “I think that your council has put a lot of effort into convincing—no, brainwashing—this city that life is only worth living if it is within their parameters.”
 

I wasn’t brainwashed…was I?

“Well I’m glad you’re not hanging out with one of those uptight girls, little cousin, or this would be awkward….” Then Alex winked at me.

Jasper was not amused. “What are you doing here?” he snapped. He seemed more than annoyed, tapping his pencil erratically on his notebook.

“I guess I was just thinking about where I could find a beautiful girl, and then I closed my eyes, clicked my heels together, concentrated really hard. When I reopened my eyes, I saw you,” Alex answered, keeping his gaze on me.

I desperately hoped my face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Of course,” Jasper said as he rolled his eyes. “I would expect nothing less.”
 

Alex just smirked. “Give me a call if you ever need to discuss what a buzz-kill my little cousin is, Luna.” He emphasized the word little, like he was trying his best to irritate Jasper. And with that, he turned and left, taking his air of arrogance and superiority with him.

“What in the world just happened?” I asked, my face still burning.

“Alex doing what he does best, of course.” Jasper moved closer to me, his face inches from mine. “I need you to look into my eyes and listen very carefully, okay?”
 

I nodded, my eyebrows drawn together with curiosity.
 

“Stay far, far away from my cousin.”

For a moment, I could not recall where I was or how I got there. I felt carpet beneath my body, and could vaguely remember entering the house after the walk in the forest, going up the stairs and into my bedroom. I talked to Jenna…and then I was seeing something from the past as I lay on my soft, carpeted floor.
 

I squeezed my eyes tight. I wanted more than anything to stay in the land of my memories. I willed the gears in my brain to turn and reveal more of what I had lost from the accident, but all I saw was darkness behind my eyelids.
Why did this happen to me? Why did I have to lose so much?

My heart fluttered like a hummingbird, and my entire body was surging with excitement. I needed to see
more
. Now there were two people who I had encountered in my memories: Jasper and Alex. As I thought about Jasper’s cocky cousin, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something unpleasant happened with Alex, and I was desperate to know what it was.

I knew that talking to Jasper about what I was remembering was not an option; he had made that quite clear. Every part of me protested against talking to my parents or Jenna…but what about Megan? My little sister seemed like the best option. Surely she knew
something
about Jasper and my past. The only thing that worried me was how to convince Megan to keep her mouth shut.

I couldn’t help but feel like my parents and Jenna were hiding something, and Mother seemed bothered by the fact that I might regain my memories. I knew they all just feared that I would return to the me-of-last-year, but keeping any part of the truth from me was infuriating. It was hard enough that my brain had decided to completely erase an entire year’s worth of memories, but for my own friends and family to lie to me about it?

I just hoped that somehow my instincts were wrong. Maybe the science project was the end of the interesting memories no one had told me about. That would mean that Jenna never lied to me about my relationship with Jasper, and Mother and Father told me everything I needed to know from last year.
 

I wanted to believe that my senior year was just as everyone had painted it: I defied authority, got into trouble, wanted to leave Oportet, had my accident, and then was granted a clean slate. I wanted to believe that my accident was the blessing that my parents claimed, but the thing about wanting things to stay the same was that life really didn’t care what I wanted.
 

A voice in my head added:
The truth doesn’t change just because you want it to
.

~~~~~

“Hey psycho,” was the first thing Megan said to me when my family arrived home from the grocery store. I was making some soup in the microwave, prepared to eat in my room.

I glared at her. “Where are—”

“They’re scared of you,” she teased. When I shot her another look she continued. “They’re still in the car…talking about your little freak-attack,” Megan interrupted with a smirk. She was clearly enjoying this, and didn’t care enough to hide it. “So um…what the hell happened?”
 

A part of me almost corrected her language, but then I realized that I honestly didn’t care as much anymore. She seemed to think she was going to be chastised because her eyes widened for a split second, realizing she let a forbidden word slip in front of the Council’s very own Golden Girl.

Her face relaxed when I didn’t acknowledge her slip-up. Both of our heads turned as voices from outside gradually got louder and our parents approached the front door. I hurriedly grabbed the soup and a spoon, and gestured for Megan to follow me upstairs.

“Why?” She drew the word out in a long whine. “That’s too far of a walk,” she added, but I heard her footsteps behind me anyway.
 

“I need to talk to you for a minute,” I answered. “By the way, you are probably the laziest person I know.”
 

She giggled and closed the door when she entered my room.

“And you’re the craziest person I know. Seriously, what happened in the kitchen? Mother was crying when you ran away. It was really scary. I’ve only seen her cry a few times…” She trailed off as she appeared to recollect the instances Mother has cried. They probably all had to do with me.

“I really need you to keep this a secret.” I took a deep breath. “
Especially
from Mother and Father. If you can’t promise to do that, then I can’t tell you. Okay?” I studied her face as it moved from disbelief, to shock, to confusion, and then to curiosity.

“But that’s breaking a rule…and I thought you didn’t do that anymore.” Her forehead creased as she tried to rationalize what was happening.

“Well, cursing is against the rules, too,” I snapped. I knew that I should be more patient with her. After all, I’d given a speech against rule breaking at her school less than a week ago.
 

Megan looked at the ground, guilt written all over her face.
 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound harsh. That’s not what I need to talk with you about.” Well, it wasn’t exactly harsh considering what her teachers or parents would have done if they had heard her instead of me.

“Okay, fine. I promise I’ll keep your secret. This better be good.” She offered a small smile, her eyes bright with anticipation.

“You know how my head injury took away some of my memories? And that the doctors said that there was no way I would ever regain them?”
 

Megan’s face paled. Her eyes were wide and panicked, and the nervous habit of tapping her foot stopped.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to talk about this,” she finally said in a quiet voice.

“Why not?”
Why was this a touchy subject for everyone?
 

“Because Councilman Tomlinson told me not to!” she squealed.
 

Now I was
extremely
confused. Tomlinson was the head of the Council, which meant he was also this town’s leader. It would’ve been crazy go against anything he said.

“I don’t understand…what in the world does Tomlinson have to do with this?” I couldn’t understand how my amnesia was any of the Council’s business. Why would they forbid my family from talking about it? Unless they were trying to cover up something...

My head was spinning. I knew
exactly
why Tomlinson would care. After my accident, I had been thrust into the spotlight, convinced of my fresh new start, and received the promise of a high-paying and well-respected job—all so I could build up the validity of Oportet’s message. My captivating testimony of losing faith in the society and its rules, then rediscovering the gifts of protection and order that comes from within our gates was a hit. I was encouraged by the Council to give it to every form of media Oportet operates, to every school, and to every writer determined to publish the next Meaningful Novel. Tomlinson cares because whatever everyone is keeping from me is big enough to destroy his perfectly orchestrated show to his people, the show that reinforces society’s faith in the rules and way of Oportet.
 

“Everyone needs to stop keeping things from me!” I exploded, startling Megan. She just stared at me with her big, green eyes. Her helpless expression made me feel sorry for her. It wasn’t her fault, but I was far too angry to acknowledge that.

“I’m sorry, Luna,” she whimpered quietly. “I wish that…” she trailed off, either struggling for the right words or holding back what she really wanted to say. “I’m gonna go.” Megan gave me one last look of pity before she left the room.

I felt completely overwhelmed, and I was beyond irritated that I couldn’t discover my lost memories all at once. I also couldn’t control when they came, as shown by my near blackout in the middle of the day. All I knew was that I wasn’t supposed to be getting my memories back at all, and that there was no way in hell I would tell anyone about this miracle. It was obvious that my remembrance would be considered a miracle only to me. I feared everyone else would consider it to be more like a curse.

My memories held the answers to my burning questions. There was no one to help me. I was on my own. Somehow, this did not scare me. The fact that my mind held all of the secrets and truth that the Council feared gave me a sense of power and determination. I just needed to remember that what I now felt could very well be stolen again.

I finished eating my soup. When I stood up from my desk chair to sneak my dishes down to the kitchen, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and grow louder as they approached my room. I braced myself.