Away (23 page)

She heard a noise and looked around. Ms. Moore was still in the back of the greenhouse, where she had retreated once she saw Indigo wasn't in Jonathan's truck. Rachel knew Jonathan had come out to tell her what happened. Vivian had come to talk with her too, and then Daniel, while Rachel and Fisher and Pathik finished the packing. None of them could convince her to Cross.

Rachel walked back toward her. She was putting some orchid starts in clear plastic cubes. She looked up as Rachel approached.

“I want you to take these, Rachel. They're your crosses. If you let them have a little light each day, they should be fine until you get to camp.”

Rachel said nothing. She went to the bench and took a plant out of its pot. She watched what Ms. Moore was doing.

“Fill the reservoir with water, see?” Ms. Moore showed Rachel a tiny pocket inside the plastic cube she was holding. “They won't be in great shape, but they'll survive.”

Rachel put her orchid in a cube like Ms. Moore had done.

“You won't come with us?” She was careful not to look at Ms. Moore.

“No.” Ms. Moore spoke firmly. “I'll wait here. Just in case.”

“Jonathan is going to stay too.”

“Old fool.” Ms. Moore shook her head. “I told him to go, but he says he's too set in his ways. I suppose I should be grateful.”

“I'm so sorry.” Rachel couldn't hold back her emotions anymore. She had to speak the truth to somebody. “It's my fault about Indigo.”

“Rachel.” Ms. Moore waited until Rachel looked at her. “Indigo did what he had to do. It's no more your fault that he had to do it than it is your fault that man attacked you in town. Indigo may . . .” Ms. Moore's voice broke, and she had to stop. She took a breath and continued. “He may be fine. He might find a way out. He might not. But I'm not leaving here without him.” She reached up and smoothed her hair back into its steel-plated bun. “Now, dry your eyes and help me get these orchids cubed up. You're Crossing in less than an hour.” She looked back down at the orchid she was packing.

Rachel watched Ms. Moore's face. If she did believe that Indigo might be fine, it was not reflected there. Rachel bowed her head and got back to work.

 

 

LATER, ELIZABETH WATCHED the shadows encroach on the corners of the room. She had sent Jonathan home; better for things to be as normal as possible to any observers of their patterns. The house was silent. They had all gone, and were now on their way to places she would never see. She turned the ring that hung from a chain around her neck—turned it absently in her fingers. She was back to it being her only reminder of love.

She knew he was dead. Or if not, that he would be soon. Before he had gone into town, he had taken her aside. When he looked at her she knew what he had in mind; some sort of swap, him for their grandson. And she approved.

“You'll try, though, to come back?” She hadn't wanted him to just give up.

“Of course.” He had smiled at her tenderly. “Do you think I want to miss our chance?”

She sighed. Their chance. She was the one who had ruined that, all those years ago, with her indecision and fear. But she couldn't change it now. She couldn't do anything to change it now. So she sat in her chair, and thought about climbing the stairs to her bedroom.

CHAPTER 22

B
Y THE THIRD day they were all exhausted. Vivian had not done anything as physically demanding as trekking through the wilderness for many years, and the rest of them had had only one night's real rest from the trip to The Property before turning around and heading back.

They risked small fires at night, and kept two people on watch at once. Nobody mentioned the baern attack, but everyone was thinking about it. Pathik wasn't talking much to anyone, and that worried Rachel. He said only what was required, and whenever he saw her coming his way he found some reason to move. She saw Daniel take him aside and talk to him, but Pathik seemed unmoved by whatever he had said.

She missed him. And she knew he had to be hurting. She gave him some time, but finally, she waited until he had his back to her and approached him. He was busy with the fire, and he didn't see her until she was right behind him. He turned to face her as though she were something dangerous.

“You all right?” She took his hand in hers without thinking.

He pulled away roughly. “I'm fine.” For a moment it seemed like he would say more, but he just looked at her with eyes she couldn't read, and walked away into the dusk.

Rachel walked away too, numb. She kept thinking about how it was her fault. If she hadn't let Pathik go to town, if that man hadn't grabbed her. She kept seeing Indigo, driving away with Jonathan in the truck.

“Shall we see about gathering some more wood for the fire, Rachel?” Vivian was trying her best to be useful. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, and left a smudge of dirt on her temple.

“Sure.” Rachel answered listlessly, still thinking about Indigo.

“Oh, Rachel. You've got to snap out of this. It isn't good for you at all.”

Rachel shook her head. “How can I? How can I just snap out of it? It's my fault they got Indigo. It's my fault that we're all here in the middle of nowhere, going to who knows where. It's all my fault.”

Vivian pulled Rachel toward her and wrapped her arms around her. “It's your fault your father's here with us. It's your fault we are together. It's your fault that Elizabeth was able to see Indigo again, that they were able to know that their love for each other was still there, still strong. It's your fault she got to meet her grandson.” Vivian squeezed her, hard. She whispered in her ear. “If you want to blame yourself, Rachel, blame yourself for those things, those wonderful things. None of them would have happened without you.” She leaned back so she could see Rachel's eyes. “Life is filled with risk, Rachel. And you have to take it. You taught me that.” Vivian smiled and smoothed Rachel's hair. “Now let's go get some wood. I'm ready for dinner.”

On the last night before they got back to camp, Rachel found Pathik sitting by himself. He'd seemed to improve slowly over the last few days, talking more, seeming more like himself. But Rachel was still worried. She sat down next to him.

“Pathik,” Rachel stammered. She wasn't sure what to say.

He turned to her. “Rachel.” He watched to see what she might do, his eyes locked on hers.

She sat, silent, for the longest time. She looked back at him and thought about how he could choose to shrink from love, when he'd seen so much loss. She thought about how she had been shrinking from love, all of her life, how she'd been glad to live on The Property, isolated, with no temptation to make a friend her age, or fall in love. Finally she reached out and took his hand. This time, he let her. This time, he covered her hand with both of his, and when he looked at her, the message in his eyes was clear.

“I'm here,” she said. And they sat, close, until it was time to go to sleep.

CHAPTER 23

H
E'S ALIVE. SO we'll have to go get him.” Malgam sounded resolute.

Rachel had seen his face when their party straggled into camp. She had watched him as he realized that Indigo was not among them. Seeing the last shred of his hope fade had been a terrible thing.

Daniel shook his head. “How would we Cross, Malgam? Besides, they've taken him to Ganivar by now. There's no way to know where. But wherever he is, security will be beyond anything we could get through. All we would accomplish would be losing more people.”

Malgam bowed his head. Daniel was right.

Malgam knew his father was alive because he had looked, as soon as he saw them come into camp without Indigo. He didn't see the emptiness that represented a person's death; he saw darkness. He thought that Indigo must be drugged, and he felt almost worse about that than if he'd been dead.

AFTER HE SAW that Nandy was taking care of Pathik, and that everyone else seemed well enough, he walked back to the family hut. He wanted to be alone for a bit before the council meeting.

When he got there he looked again, he sought his father's eyes and saw the same darkness as before. He stretched out on the bed he usually shared with Nandy. Lately, since Rachel had been staying in their hut, the boys had all been bunking together and letting the girls have a bedroom to themselves. He missed the smell of Nandy's skin, next to him at night.

He drew the envelope out of his pocket; he'd carried it with him since Rachel gave it to him. Without looking at it he ripped it open. Inside was a single page. He lifted it up where he could see it.

Malgam smiled, despite himself. He'd never let Indigo tell him much about his mother; he'd always been more interested in harboring his resentment. He wondered, now, if he would ever know anything about her.

 

 

INDIGO OPENED HIS eyes. He was awake again. The room was the same: a bleak, gray cell with a bench inside and a table where his captors talked to him. Or tortured him. They wanted to know what his people could do; they wanted to know where they were, exactly; they wanted to know why the twins had no gifts. Didn't all the Others have powers? What was
his
power?

Indigo smiled. The twins; such a handful, those two boys. Such a wonderful celebration when they were born. The bounty of two healthy babies when even one was a rare miracle. And now they were dead. His captors hadn't said as much, but when he asked to see the twins they refused. When he asked how they knew the twins had no gifts, they didn't meet his eyes. They said they knew, and that was all.

They would break him, soon enough. He was an old man, and tired. He couldn't take much more of their pain. He knew what he had to do, and he knew he had to do it soon; much longer and he would be too weak to stop himself from striking out at his torturers. He'd decided long ago that killing wasn't something he would do, not if he had another choice. And it turned out there was
always
another choice. At least one.

He'd been waiting, hoping he could hold out long enough for Daniel and the rest to reach camp; long enough for his son to hear of his fate and seek his eyes. He wanted to tell him he loved him. One more time.

He took his trekker from his pocket. They hadn't taken it from him; they couldn't see the harm in a piece of string with some knots and beads on it. And there was no harm in it; it was just the way his people tracked the time when they were away from camp on a trek. One bead a day. Indigo remembered showing Pathik how to move a loose bead from one end of the string to the opposite end; how to tie it between two knots to signify the day had ended. He remembered telling him that as long as a bead was still free, anything could happen.