Axel (Ride Series Book 3) (14 page)

It wasn’t the first time he’d pressed me about officially moving in. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I did. I just wanted to take my time getting there. Part of me worried that this was all too good to be true. I couldn’t really have it all…could I?

“He might,” I answered vaguely.

“What do you wanna watch?” he sighed, claiming the remote.

“Vikings?” I asked with a cocked brow, knowing that’s what he wanted. It was still the only show we could agree on.

“Sounds good,” he nodded.

“You okay?” I asked quietly.

He turned to look at me, seeming to consider his response for a minute. “Yeah,” he shrugged.

I continued to watch him out of the corner of my eye.

“What do you want to know?” he grumbled, running a hand over his beard.

“What do you mean?” I asked with my best innocent expression.

He snorted. “You’re practically in pain over there holding in your questions.”

I blushed at how well he could read me. “I do have a few,” I admitted cautiously. “Where’s your dad?”

“Getting right to it huh?” he chuckled darkly.

I shrugged, biting my lip.

“In jail,” Axel replied without emotion as he sipped his beer.

I tried to hide my surprise – that certainly wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting. “For what?” I asked carefully.

His eyes remained on the screen as I turned to face him, awaiting his answer. “Attempted murder,” he answered curtly.

I waited for him to elaborate but he didn’t, and I wasn’t sure how hard to push. It wasn’t just a lack of desire to share – no, this ran deeper, something akin to shame. I’d do anything to rid him of that baggage even if it meant sharing some of my own.

“My mother locked me in my room every night for a month,” I blurted before I could stop myself.

That got his attention. “What?” he demanded, muting the TV.

“She…wanted me to lose weight,” I stammered. “She started me on this insane diet. I was only in middle school.” I explained pensively, uncomfortable that he was eyeing me with such intensity. “I would creep down to the kitchen to try to sneak food after dinner. She caught me.” I shrugged, my cheeks heating. “So she locked me in my room every night after dinner until I lost the weight,” I murmured. “It was never about how smart I was or what I could make of myself.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “It was all about my looks. I needed to be beautiful to attract a high pedigree husband.” I snorted.

“And what did you want?” he asked, his deep voice cutting through my jumbled thoughts.

I turned to him in surprise. No one had ever asked me that. “No one’s ever asked me that,” I whispered my thought aloud.

“Well, I’m askin’,” he answered.

That right there that was why Axel was so life altering for me. From the moment I’d set eyes on him, it had been about what I wanted. He’d been the first choice I’d made that was for me alone.

“I want to teach,” I told him. “Always have. Growing up, my teachers they saved my life,” I shared as he pulled my legs into his lap.

His large hands moved up and down my legs in a rhythmic fashion that soothed me. “I’m sure you’d be great at that, babe,” his deep voice rumbled.

“Someday,” I agreed. “I graduated with a double major, economics to please my parents and education for me. It wouldn’t take long to get my credential. But now with Mad…” I trailed off. “I’m not sure when I’ll have time.”

“We’ll make time,” he assured me. “If it’s what you want,” he added.

My mouth opened and closed a few times as I struggled with what to say. It felt like my heart was full to bursting; his words meant so much to me. “Thanks, honey,” I managed, squeezing his hand.

Silence fell over us as we continued to watch the show on mute. The battle scene was reaching its climax, the drama no less intense despite the silence.

“It was my ma.” His deep voice cut through the air like a whip.

I turned to him in shock. “What?”

He nodded. “My pop, he was a bastard, the likes you’ve never seen. He drank like a fish, cheated on her with every woman who flashed her tits and gambled away every cent he earned.” He made a sound of disgust.

I sat enthralled and horrified as he finally began to share. I was afraid to even breathe too loudly for fear he’d stop.

“He hit her, hit me and Ry ‘til I got old enough to stop him.”

I nodded silently, so much coming together for me with his explanation. The violence juxtaposed with his fiercely protective nature. He’d been an enforcer all his life – protecting his brother and his mother.

“One night, I wasn’t home. Ry wasn’t big enough—” his voice was so hoarse with anger and emotion I could barely make out the words. “He knocked Ry out, nearly killed Ma.” He shook his head as though to rid himself of the nightmare. “So he’s rotting in jail. It’s the next best thing to six-feet under,” he murmured, the venom in his words louder than any sound could be.

I waited silently, wanting him to get it all out and knowing he wasn’t done.

“The thing that fuckin’ killed me,” he continued quietly as his eyes stared unseeing at the TV, “was that my ma seemed to miss the bastard.” He snorted. “She never recovered after he got locked up. She’d always been a drinker, but once he went away, it got ten times worse.” He shook his head. “Having us, having her fucking life, it wasn’t enough for her. So in the end, I lost them both, if I ever had them at all,” he admitted.

I tried hard to school my expression since I knew the last thing he wanted was my pity. Now empathy that was something I could give him – on some level at least.

“Ry was lucky to have you,” I offered quietly.

“I wish you woulda had someone to protect you,” he replied as I curled myself deeper into his body. “Did Sal know how bad things were for you?”

I shook my head. My brother had taken off as soon as he could have. I often wished he’d checked in with me more – tried to keep in better touch, but I knew he already felt horrible guilt about it.

“Why didn’t you tell him? You could have gotten out of that shit so much earlier,” he demanded, frustrated.

I put a hand to his chest, leaning away to look at him. “It was all I knew,” I defended. “I didn’t have the same ability as Sal to think bigger. He always seemed to know there was something else out there for him, something better. For me, it just took longer to realize. In the end, I’d like to think the timing was perfect since it gave me Maddox – and you.”

His expression softened as he reached a hand up to stroke my neck with his thumb. “You’re right, baby,” his deep voice rumbled.

“Mad won’t have grandparents on either side,” I whispered, the regret evident in my voice. “Does your mom even know about him?”

Axel snorted. “If she sobered up long enough to understand, I’d tell her. But no, she doesn’t. Mad won’t have grandparents.” He shrugged as though the thought didn’t faze him. “What he’ll have are two parents who love him and protect him. Far more than either of us had,” he continued as a familiar warmth spread in my belly. I’d never known the sensation until Axel came into my life.

“Yeah,” I agreed, smiling into his earnest eyes.

“We’ll give him everything he needs, plus a sibling or two,” he grinned.

My eyes widened in shock. “Uh, what?” I stammered.

“Fuck, yes,” he nodded with no hesitation. “Not only should Mad have a brother or sister, but I got robbed of seeing you pregnant the last time,” he explained, his large hand splayed on my flat belly. “I want to see you get round. I want to feel the baby kick.” His lips moved to my neck and my entire body melted. “I want to learn which parts of you are the most sensitive,” he continued, his lips moving over my skin. “I want all of it. You gonna give me that?” His tongue traced the outline of my jaw.

In that moment, I would have promised him just about anything.

“Y-yeah,” I breathed, my fingers finding purchase in his thick hair. “But not anytime soon,” I found the sanity to add.

He chuckled against my skin. “No, baby, we have our hands full. But you know what they say – practice makes perfect.”

I squealed as he hauled me up over his shoulder and strode to the bedroom.

I’d say we were pretty close to perfection already.

******

Maddox and I were at the club the following evening while Ax and the guys met. I assumed we’d be leaving soon since it was nearly bedtime for Mad. We’d been spending a lot of time there over the past few weeks since Axel refused to ever leave us home alone. I started keeping a few key baby items there rather than dragging everything around. The sight of the Pack‘ N Play against the wall in the main room still made me giggle. To their credit, none of the guys said anything about it but rather seemed to enjoy having the kids around. Gracie was another frequent visitor.

Maddox had changed in the time we’d been in Hawthorne. Aside from just getting bigger and learning new things every day, he was much more adaptable. He was now used to sleeping in all kinds of places. He was comfortable being passed around and being cared for by many different people. I loved the change. He had a huge extended family and he seemed to be embracing it as much as I was.

I heard the rumble of a bike and soon Mack walked in. “Hey, girl.” He gave me a chin lift as he ambled toward where the guys were meeting.

I smiled and gave him a little wave, turning my attention back to Mad. It wasn’t long after that I heard the roar of what sounded like several motorcycles. I didn’t think much of it until three men appeared in the doorway with Black Riders cuts on.

My eyes widened with panic. I had absolutely nothing good to associate with that insignia. Plus, I knew Axel would have told me if this was an expected visit.

I snatched Maddox up and pressed him close to my chest. My whole body began to shake as that night with Aron and Jeb came rushing back. I was afraid to move as the three men assessed me without emotion.

Cal strode out a moment later, no doubt having heard the bikes. His blue eyes gleamed as he took in the three men in his club. His gaze then shot to me and he didn’t hesitate. “Axel!” he barked loudly. Axel appeared not a moment later, his entire posture stiffening when he saw the men who’d crossed their door. “See to your woman,” Cal instructed.

Axel’s head swung toward me as he took in my shaking frame and huge eyes. His long legs ate up the space between us. “Babe,” he began, his tone low.

“T-take Mad,” I whispered, my teeth practically chattering.

He did as I asked, hoisting our son into his arms, his eyes never leaving mine. Mad grinned up at his daddy, oblivious to the tension.

“What’s wrong with her?” one of the Black Riders asked, his tone confused and almost accusatory.

Axel turned to him with fire in his eyes. “What’s wrong with her?” he growled. “What’s wrong with her is that fucker Aron helped kidnap her and terrorized her in a motel room until she escaped. That’s what the fuck is wrong with her!” he shouted.

The man held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Sorry, brother, I didn’t realize she was your woman. I didn’t know who she was,” he tried to explain.

“I’m not your brother,” Axel spat.

“Axel, take your family home,” Cal ordered brusquely. “Now.”

Axel wasn’t happy with the order. His chest heaved as he glared daggers at the three men filling the doorway.

The tension was palpable as my anxiety grew more pronounced.

“Ax, man,” Cole’s voice suddenly filled the space. I hadn’t even realized he was here. “If it were my woman, I’d feel the same fucking way and you’d tell me the same thing. You’ve got too much skin in this game. Take your girl home. Trust your brothers. We’ve got your back,” he assured him.

After a moment, Axel nodded reluctantly. “Yeah, man.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led us past the men and to the truck parked out front. He opened the door for me, guiding me with his large hand to crawl in while he still held our son. “Seatbelt,” he commanded, moving around the other side to get Maddox strapped in his seat.

He didn’t say a word the entire drive back home. His demeanor didn’t invite conversation and I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t press him. I did have the presence of mind to wish he’d offer some form of comfort, no matter how small. Tension poured off him in waves and I wondered what exactly had him so keyed up.

The air had a new chill when we pulled up and carried Mad inside. Fall was officially upon us. I looked up at the sky wistfully hoping we’d have the kind of holiday season I’d dreamed about since I was a child. The kind filled with laughter and love – not appearances and forced emotion.

“I’ll take him,” I murmured in our darkened entryway, reaching out for a sleepy Maddox. Axel handed him over without a word.

“Sweet boy,” I murmured into his soft hair that was coming in thicker every day. “You’re ready for bed, aren’t you?” I talked softly to him as I carried him into the office and got him changed. He had his last bottle at the club so he was ready to roll. I looked around the office wondering if it was time to convert it into a nursery. Axel had asked me several times, when was I ready to make it his room? When was I ready to call his place ours?

Maybe it was time to take the plunge.

I swayed back and forth, humming an unnamed melody to Mad as his eyes drooped. I knew I could put him down but holding him calmed my frazzled nerves. Seeing those men, those jackets, had brought back so many unwanted memories and emotions. Then there was Axel. He was seriously pissed and I wasn’t sure I had the capacity to deal with his emotion as well as mine. Not right then anyway.

“Night, sweetie,” I cooed softly, placing my sleeping baby in his crib. I smoothed his hair back from his beautiful face and slipped out of the room in search of my man.

I found him pacing the master bedroom like a caged beast. I eyed him warily as he pulled on his hair and looked ready to break down a wall or two.

“What’s the matter?” I asked quietly when it didn’t seem like he was going to stop any time soon.

He turned to glare at me, the venom in his expression taking me by surprise. Axel had never directed anger at me. Frustration? Irritation? Sure. But nothing like the feral rage I saw now.